Impractical Jokers: Demigod Edition
by DarkPaladin000
Summary: Warning: This fanfic consists of scenes of extreme stupidity among four lifelong friends (Leo, Percy, Jason, and Frank) who compete to embarrass each other. Inspired by the show, 'Impractical Jokers.' Basically, they all go around in various (ridiculous) contests and end up humiliating themselves.
1. Book Selling I

**A/N: For those of you who don't know,** _ **Impractical Jokers**_ **is a type of hidden camera show in which there are four people who are given very odd tasks to do in public while the others laugh at them. This is mainly based on it, but isn't really a crossover as there are no characters coming and only the concept is there. Also, you don't need to have seen the show to get any of this.**

 **The concept is that the four will be given a task to do individually (usually), which will be ridiculous in some way, while the others will watch them from somewhere else using a hidden camera. The person doing the job will have an earpiece so he can hear what the others are saying back where the entire thing is being filmed. Whoever fails, loses a point, and the biggest loser (or losers) at the end of a few rounds (usually four) are given a very ridiculous punishment game.**

 **Basically, the entire thing is being 'filmed' by the characters in Leo's hideout, and scenes from his hideout will be written in italics, in case you get confused.**

 **Also, I don't own the Percy Jackson franchise.**

 _Task 1:_

 _Leo, Percy, Jason, and Frank have decided to compete to embarrass themselves in front of everyone, and the first game is as follows:_

 _Each of them will be given a small bag, which includes a book. They have to try to sell the book to someone, and they get ONLY one try to do so. They have to say that the book that they're selling is for a certain charity. The catch of course, is that the book and the charity are extremely unappealing and have been made by the other contestants. And of course, no contestant is allowed to hint to someone outside the show that they're being recorded._

 _All contestants will have a small earpiece and a hidden camera with a microphone._

First up to go was Percy. He was clutching a small blue satchel which contained a book he didn't know about which he was going to have to try and sell.

Of course, the first thing that he did was salter up to the Athena Cabin. There, he thought, he'd be able to meet Annabeth, who, naturally, being the wise girl she was, would be the easiest person to try to sell the book to. Plus, he was her boyfriend and could always try his trusted seal-eyes tactic.

He found Annabeth scribbling something on some papers in the cabin. It seemed that she was alone for the moment, which made it a great time.

"Hey Wise Girl," Percy said. Annabeth barely glanced up from what she was doing.

"What is it Seaweed Brain?" she asked.

"I volunteered to sell some books for charity, want to see wha-"

"No," Annabeth said simply.

 _Leo, Frank, and Jason all snickered._

" _Come on Percy, at least open the satchel and show her what we made for you," Leo said._

Percy frowned but knew better than to try to adjust his earpiece. "At least look at what it is."

Annabeth stopped what she was doing for now and looked up at Percy. "What is it?"

Percy opened the book and showed it to Annabeth, not even bothering to look at it.

Percy noticed that Annabeth wasn't smiling and then took a good look at the book's title: 'How to Take Care of And Raise Spiders'. It then had a picture of a tarantula on it.

A cold bead of sweat dropped across Percy's face.

 _The three others high-fived._

" _We knew you were going to Annabeth, Percy," Jason said._

" _And so we were sure to give you a book you couldn't sell to her," Leo said. "And for that matter I don't think anyone else really would've wanted to buy it either."_

" _Percy, you've been given the most impossible sales task of all time: sell a book on raising spiders to a child of Athena," Frank said. "This is a true test of your selling ability."_

" _If you succeed at this, I swear on the River Styx I'll die my hair pink," Jason said._

Percy really wanted to reply to them, but he couldn't without Annabeth finding out they were on a show.

Instead, Percy took a good look at the book's jacket flap and began reading. "See? It sounds way more interesting than it looks. It says here, 'This is book is perfect for any spider lover. It contains information on breeding habitats, temperature control, and illustrated with many photos regarding helping your arachnid friends grow. In addition, each book comes with a free supply of spider eggs of over fifteen diverse species which can be mailed directly to your ho-'" Percy stopped as he noticed Annabeth's face.

 _Leo had nearly fallen off of his chair laughing. Franks said, "Just look at her face!"_

"Okay, so the book isn't that good," Percy admitted. "But, we're selling it for a good cause, and I think once you'll here about it you'll change your mind."

Percy took the card describing the alleged charity he was selling books for, and it went like this:

'The American Society Against Blonde People (or ASAB) is an organization that believes that blonde people are inherently dumber than other people (come on, Hollywood and television stereotypes say so and when have they ever been wrong?) and also a big strain on our country. We therefore believe that all blonde people should be euthanized and prevented from breeding. As that doesn't seem to be possible, we have decided to change our current goal to gathering all of them and quarantining them in a desolate, inhospitable place from which there is no return, like Antarctica. Or South Dakota.'

Percy knew there was no way he was going to read something like that out loud to Annabeth.

" _Just look at his expression… I think he read it guys," Jason said._

" _Percy, I'll have you know that I wrote that card by myself," Leo said._

 _"There are so many things messed up with that," Frank said. "I don't even know where to begin."_

Percy shook his head and walked away.

Result: Percy failed.

* * *

 _Percy headed back to Leo's lair where the others were._

" _So, how was it Percy?" Leo asked as he laughed._

 _Percy grinned. "Just wait until it is your turn… Leo."_

 _That honestly should have scared Leo, but he didn't really care. "So who's next?"_

" _I'll be going," Jason said._

Jason left with his own blue satchel. He knew that he couldn't ask Piper, or anyone he knew for that matter, because that would have been way too obvious. His best bet was someone he didn't know.

He found a Satyr who was playing reed pipes and didn't look too busy, so Jason decided to try him.

"Hey there," Jason said.

The Satyr stopped playing and looked at Jason with wide eyes. "You're… you're that son of Zeus, right? The guy who stopped Gaia?"

"Indeed I am," Jason said. "So, I've volunteered to sell some books for a charity, and I was wondering if you'd like to take a look at one."

"Sure," the Satyr replied.

" _This is gonna be good," Percy said._

Jason took out his book, which was: How To Cross-Dress.

It was then that Jason realized that there was pretty much no way to succeed.

The Satyr had also seen it and was like, "Uh, dude, like no. I'm not interested in that stuff… so just show me some other book."

"This is the only one I have," Jason said. "And it way more interesting than what it looks. See, it says here that, 'This book is a guide to all aspiring cross-dressers everywhere. In addition, along with your purchase, you will receive a set of costumes including a kimono, school uniform (girl and boy), maid outfit-'"

"I'm just going to have to stop you right there," the Satyr said with a very confused look on his face.

" _Remember, Jason, you're a salesperson," Percy said. "That means that you need to compliment the customer."_

" _Yeah, so tell the guy that he'd look great in a frilly maid outfit," Leo said. Percy and Leo guffawed and high-fived._

"But," Jason said. "I'll have you know that I'm doing this for a very good cause-"

"I kind of really don't care man," the Satyr said. "Look, regardless of what Jeremy said, I'm not interested in that sort of stuff."

" _Who's Jeremy supposed to be?" Leo asked with a quizzical grin._

The Satyr had walked away though, even before Jason had a chance to tell him about the charity.

Result: Jason lost.

 **A/N: That's it for now, thanks for reading, and do tell me how you liked it. Was it a problem following what was happening or anything? Also, I'd like to hear your ideas for problems that they should try, though it might take quite some time before I can turn them into reality.**


	2. Book Selling II

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews guys, CrazyBlueOwl, Calefe, Neutrino 2000, Suzubells (maybe the Hermes Cabin would be interested, but it'd still be a tough sell), and SkyTheGreat, I'll try changing the 'said' to other words but I'm not sure how well that will work out. Also, I know in the original show everything is done on strangers, and some of the pranks will be done on strangers, but I'm also going to invite in the other characters because I think it is great if they also join in.**

" _So I'm up next then," Frank mumbled as Jason returned, defeated._

Frank looked around, wondering just who he should go to.

" _You should try Hazel," Leo suggested. "I mean, she can make gemstones appear out of the ground and does care about you."_

But Frank wasn't stupid enough to try that.

Instead, he walked over to a guy who looked about fourteen and was watering some flowers. He looked about done, so Frank said, "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

The guy stopped working with the flowers and wiped his gloves on the ground, which meant that they were pretty much as covered with dirt as they had been before. "Sure. Hey, you're that new Praetor of New Rome, right?"

"Yes," Frank said. "And, I've volunteered to sell books for charity. Would you like to hear about one?"

"Sure," the guy replied.

" _Awww," Percy cooed. "That guy looks so helpful, like, 'Sure I'll help you with your charity and all.'"_

" _That will change once he sees the book," Leo declared._

Not knowing what to expect, Frank pulled the book out from his satchel. His book was titled: Watching Grass Grow As a Hobby.

"Yeah, so the book is 'Watching Grass Grow as A Hobby,'" Frank said. He opened the book flap and began reading, trying to keep a straight face. "'As we all know, watching grass grow is the oldest of human hobbies, and has been cultivated from times even when humankind leisurely spent its time in caves. This book contains a guide on watching grass grow as well as several blank spaces for the observer to record his obser-'"

"I'm going to stop you right there," the guy said. "First of all, I'm a child of Demeter, and watching grass grow is still not an acceptable hobby, for anyone for that matter. Also, when men where living in caves, I think they were more concerned about not dying than having leisure."

" _Whoa," Leo said. "This guy's actually using logic and reason against something so ridiculous."_

" _Hmm," Percy wondered. "He said 'men' while Frank said 'humankind.' Is there a hidden element of sexism here?"_

 _The others looked at Percy with confused looks._

"That's all true," Frank admitted. "However, this is all for a good cause." Frank took out the card explaining his charity:

'The American Society for Slapping People believes that we all get frustrated at each other at one point in our lives, and sometimes the best way to get all of that out is to slap someone. Therefore, we're raising funds in order to pass a law letting each person have a free slap a day, that's right, under this new law you'll be able to slap one person a day without fear of any retaliation.'

Frank read the card out loud, surprisingly again with a straight face.

"So, we can slap one person a day," the guy said. "How does that work exactly?"

" _I think that's pretty self-explanatory," Percy said. "You get to slap one person a day. How cool is that?"_

"You basically get to take out your frustration by slapping one person a day," Frank answered.

"So, everyone gets a free slap a day?" the guy asked. "So anyone can slap me if they wanted to?"

"Yes, but then you'd also be able to slap them in retaliation using your own free slap," Frank said.

The guy rubbed his hands. "I'll be honest, there are quite a few people I'd like to slap right across the face."

" _I think he's actually considering this," Jason said._

"But there's a problem," the guy said. "I mean, everyone is allowed one free slap a day, right? But there's no limit to how many times you could be slapped. So people like Octavian, you know, if he'd still been around, would be getting slapped like fifty times a day."

" _I'd have loved to see that," Leo said._

" _I can't believe this guy," Percy said. "I mean, it is pretty obvious by now that this whole thing is so ridiculous it has to be some sort of prank, but he's still trying to use well, reason with a perfectly straight face."_

"Yes, but they do kind of deserve it right," Frank replied. "And let's be honest, a system like that would prevent a lot of wrong from happening."

"Yeah, but that's kind of like mob rule, right? Because the people who would be slapped a lot would be people who society doesn't like that much, thereby placing punishment into the hands of the majority and out of our traditional judicial institutions and thereby facilitating mob rule and anarchy," the guy replied. "And that's something that our new civilized democratic societies can't possibly accept."

" _Come on man," Leo said, almost slapping the screen. "This is a joke! Stop taking everything so seriously!"_

"So, would you like to buy the book?" Frank asked.

The guy paused for a few minutes, scratching his chin. It was clear that he was at least, on some level, considering it. He then said, "Sorry man, I just don't think that any of that is something that could possibly work."

Result: Frank lost.

* * *

" _Good try though, Frank," Leo said. "You almost succeeded. Which reminds me, none of you have managed to sell a single book. That means that all of you are in the red."_

" _Let's see you try," Percy said. "I'll have you know that I made your satchel myself."_

 _Leo was slightly scared inside, but covered it all up with a huge smile. "Nothing the Leo can't handle."_

Leo left the base.

"See," Leo said, as no one was around, "I'm thinking about who to go to, but the things is that since all of you have lost, I'm probably going to lose too. So, like a real man, I'm going to go to the person for whom this is probably going to be the most funny."

Leo found Travis Stoll counting some coins, probably stolen, and said, "Hey Travis! Got a minute?"

" _Really?" Percy asked. "You're going to as a Stoll to buy a book?"_

"Sure," Travis said, quickly putting the coins into his pocket. "'Sup?"

"Everything's all right," Leo said. "Thing is, I volunteered to sell some books for charity. I think you'd like to hear about it."

Travis really didn't care too much about books, but Leo seemed to be eager on this one, so he said, "Sure."

Leo pulled out the book which was titled: Leo Valdez's Travel Journey: How I Twerked My Way Across the World.

"What?" Travis asked, a grin already on his face.

"This is a book, which is basically a travel journal of mine," Leo said. "It's about how I twerked my way across the world." He opened the book flap. "See here, 'This book is a collection of Leo Valdez's travels, as he decided to go around the world with nothing but his clothes, his twerking skills, a notepad and pen, and his charismatic smile.'"

Travis was laughing now. "Okay, tell me more."

Leo opened up the book. "See, the thing is that it occurred to me that you really wouldn't want a book with a lot of words, so this mainly has photos of me. See, there's me twerking in New York, in front of the White House, in Mexico, and in Canada."

Truth be told, all of those photos had been made using Photoshop, but they looked pretty real, which was something for which Leo had to give his hats off to Percy.

" _Okay Percy," Frank said in-between laughs. "You really have too much time on your hands if you did all of this. Plus, it looks like something that people will want to buy."_

"But," Leo said as Travis was guffawing, "I will have you know that my twerking abilities were not merely used for amusement. As you can see, this is me teaching Kim Jong Un of North Korea how to twerk, thereby improving relations between America and North Korea, so I basically twerked for world peace you know. And this is me twerking for several earthquake victims in South Africa and refugees, for which by the way, I managed to raise over three hundred million dollars for charity using just my twerking skills."

Travis had by now, collapsed to ground while laughing. He said, "Dude, if you're going to lie, do something that is at the very least somewhat believable."

 _The guys were in stiches laughing._

"Okay, that's great in all, but let's be honest, do you want to buy the book?" Leo asked.

"Sure, but I'm not really sure I have the money," Travis said.

"Come on now, I saw you put some Drachmas into your pocket," Leo said.

"Yeah, but those were hard-earned."

"You stole them and all of us know it."

"True."

" _Wait," Percy managed to get out. "You have to mention your charity as well."_

"But, I forgot to tell you why I'm selling this book," Leo said. "It is for a good cause." Leo took out his card and read:

"The Society Against Justin Bieber is a society which believes that Justin has completely destroyed all hope of music ever being good and so should be thrown out of this country. Being as that is impossible, we have instead decided to collect funds in order to buy the intellectual rights to his songs, so that we may get rid of his music forever."

Travis got up. "Yeah, this is all good and all, but I'm going to have to say no."

"Why?"

Travis took off his jacket to reveal the 'I Am A Belieber' shirt that he was wearing.

"So close," Leo cursed.

Result: Leo lost.

Current Overall Score: All four have a negative point against them.

 _Leo returned to the lair. "Hey, I was almost successful at selling my book."_

" _Yes, but 'almost' has never even gotten someone a bag of gummy worms," Percy said. The others stared at him oddly. "Okay, I forgot what the real quote was, but I tried."_

" _How did you know that Travis was going to bail when he heard I was against Justin Bieber?" Leo asked._

" _I didn't," Percy asked. "I just took a shot while writing it that whoever you got would either not want to see photos of you twerking around the globe, or not like you being against Justin Bieber."_

" _Too bad we all failed though," Jason said._

" _Yeah," Leo said. "Our next task should be something that at least some of us should be able to complete. We got all the footage, right?"_

" _Yup," Frank said._

 **A/N: And that ends our first task, with all of our contestants being equally in the red. The next one will be different, but before that, let's all admit it: Most of us want that law about slapping people to be passed.**

 **Thanks for reading, and do remember to leave a review if you liked it or not, and what you thought was the most funny part.**


	3. My Great Idea to Change the World

**A/N: Thanks for everything, and all your reviews. Lunarchroniclesandcockatiels, CrazyBlueOwl (great name by the way), Calefe, SuzuBells, Neutrino 2000, and Guest thanks for your reviews. As to answer your questions/reply:**

 **Guest: I don't know your name, unfortunately, but you mentioned that you almost didn't read the fanfic. Can I know why? Was it because there was something off about the title and summary, because I still feel like both of them could be improved somewhat.**

 _Task 2: Given how everyone failed the last task, this one will be made so that at least some people should be guaranteed to complete it._

 _Each of the four contestants will be given a certain innovative idea, which they will be presenting along with a Powerpoint presentation to a group of fifty strangers, with the ideas being completely ridiculous of course. At the end, the strangers will vote on whether they think it is a good idea or not, with the one (or ones) getting the least votes getting a negative point._

 _As always, there are hidden cameras, each contestant gets an earpiece, and the other rules as well are the same. Of course, none of the contestants know about their ideas or Powerpoints beforehand. Also, the Powerpoint slides will be in bold._

First person up this time was Frank. He was currently in a small room with just enough seats for fifty people, and it looked like a another boring business meeting place.

How looks can be very deceiving.

"I'll be honest, I'm kind of nervous about this," Frank said. "It would be odd even if this was a normal meeting and I was afraid I would make a fool of myself."

" _But in this, you're guaranteed to make a fool of yourself," Percy said._

"That makes it all better, Percy," Frank said sarcastically. One after the other, the audience came in.

The Powerpoint slide showed the title: My Innovative Idea.

"Good morning everyone," Frank said as there was dead silence from the crowd. "I'm here to describe an idea I had for solving various problems, and the thing is that at the end, I want you all to vote on whether or not I should go forward with this project."

Frank then pushed a button and the next slide came up. He began reading the points:

 **As we all know, a buttered slice of bread always land with the butter side up.**

Frank was confused on what this had to with anything, but continued pressing the button so another point came up.

 **We also know that cats always land on their feet.**

"Yeah, everyone basically knows this stuff," Frank said. He then pressed the button again.

 **So, I've decided to take a slice of bread with butter on it, and attach it to the belly of a cat with the butter side towards the ground, and then let go of them from some height. Therefore, according to the above two rules, the cat and the bread will just continue spinning in mid-air and be unable to land. As they're rotating, this can then be used to create energy.**

There were several laughs from the audience and Frank had to struggle to maintain a straight face.

He then pressed for the next slide, which showed a cartoon animation of his invention, with a cat rotating in mid-air with a piece of bread attached to its belly and this being used to move a handle which generated electricity. Frank pressed the button again and THE END appeared.

"So, any questions about my idea?" Frank asked.

Most of the people were laughing, but a lady raised her hand with a serious look.

"Yes," Frank said pointing to her.

"This would lead to the cat feeling dizzy," the lady said. "And then it won't be able to eat either. Isn't that animal cruelty?"

 _The guys were in stitches again. "Really?" Leo asked. "The thing that you find wrong with that whole thing is that it involves animal cruelty?"_

"No, we'll let the cat go after a few hours," Frank said.

"But it would still become dizzy," the lady protested.

Frank wasn't sure what to say, so he said, "Well, to be honest I'm not really a cat person. I prefer dogs." There were several chuckles from the audience at this. "I mean, let's be honest here, when you start giving cats stuff they're like, 'Oh, these people feed and shelter me, I must be a god,' but when you do the same to dogs they have a different outlook, you know, 'Oh, these people feed and shelter me, they must be gods.' So you know, it really isn't that bad."

" _Okay Frank, you're a dog person, we get it," Jason said._

"So, how many of you guys think I should move forward with this project?" Frank asked.

No one raised their hands initially, but at the end, seven people did raise their hands.

"Okay, thank you," Frank said.

" _Seven?" Leo asked. "You're telling me seven people approved of that? I can sort of get why Gaia wanted to destroy the world now."_

* * *

Next up was Jason. The title of his first slide was the same, and he introduced himself normally and everything and went to the next slide which had the real content.

 **As we all know, the world economy is currently recovering from a recession rivaling that of the Great Depression. Now, many economists have come up with various theories to help the economy, but I have my own which I believe can be helpful.**

Jason then pressed the button again to see the next point.

 **My idea is based on a simple everyday experiment. Say that you have two friends, A and B. Both A and B have twenty dollars each which they put into a box, so it now has forty dollars. Friend A sells the box to friend B for thirty dollars. So at the end of the event, both Friend A and Friend B have ten more dollars than they initially had.**

"I don't know what," someone said. "But there's something seriously wrong with that."

"Uh, I don't believe so," Jason said with a straight face and then turned to the next slide.

 **I intend to apply this ideology by modifying CDOs and mortgage-backed securities along with IPOs, which I will explain in detail now.**

"Uh, right, so CDOs and IPOs…" Jason trailed off.

" _He has no clue as to what those even mean!" Leo said. "Oh god, this is going to be hilarious!"_

"So, essentially the CDOs are like friend A," Jason said. "While the IPOs are like friend B, and mortgage-backed securities are like the box in the previous example." Jason tried making himself look more believable by putting on his pair of glasses.

"I don't get it," one person said. A lot of people seemed to agree.

" _Come on Jason, you've gotta explain it properly," Frank said._

"I don't entirely understand it either," Jason admitted. Several people, who probably understood economics, laughed.

" _Wrong thing to say Jason," Percy said._

Jason pressed another button to reach the THE END slide.

"So, how many of you think I should go forward with this idea?" Jason asked.

In total, there were only five hands that went up.

" _Yes!" Frank said. "I'm not going to be losing this one!"_

* * *

Percy was up next, and he went to the first slide with a bit of apprehension.

 **As you may all know, global warming has become a very big problem in recent years. Due to this, the glaciers have been melting and the sea level has been rising, which will eventually lead to flooding of various islands. Unfortunately, countries around the world have not been able to coordinate to tackle this problem and a drastic action must be taken in order to combat the rising sea level which threatens all of us.**

Percy went to the next slide.

 **My idea is quite simple. What we all need to do right now, is go to the ocean, take a bucket, and take out a bucket of water. We then take this bucket of water and dump it into our sink. Now, I know the ocean is large, but if everyone took out just one bucket of water, we could stop the sea level from rising.**

Percy had a real hard time trying to hide his face while he giggled inwardly at the insanity of it.

" _Come on Percy," Jason said. "You're a child of Poseidon. You should know that isn't how the sea works."_

 _"Yeah Percy," Frank said. "By that logic, why don't we combat Global Warming by leaving all of our refrigerators open?"_

 _"Or eating less beans," Leo said. When everyone got that joke, they high-fived._

Percy pressed a button to see a THE END slide.

"Well, people that's it," Percy said to the confused audience, most of whom were snickering as if they couldn't believe it. "I intend to present this before the United Nations assembly, and I'd just like a show of hands showing how many of you think that I should move forward with this."

In total, eleven hands came up.

" _I think we gave him an easy one," Leo said._

* * *

Leo was up next, and unlike the others, he had chosen not to come in a suit but in his usual outfit, as he thought it would make him look more like an inventor, and that was way more important than actually saying anything. At least according to him it was. He went to his first slide.

 **I have created an invention which, I believe is so utterly groundbreaking that it will cause tides to move through the technological world. Rather than write about it on a slide, I have a box under my podium with my invention, which I will show and then explain to you all.**

Leo looked under the podium, to see that indeed, there was a box there.

 _"Yeah, Leo," Percy said. "I went the extra mile for you in this one."_

Leo quickly realized that Percy was still mad about the Annabeth thing, and whatever was in this box... would complete his revenge.

Leo opened it and nearly collapsed when he saw what was inside.

He took it out gently and put it on the podium for the audience to see, who were all now spectacularly confused, with a few mild smiles among them.

You see, the box had a turtle with a six volt battery attached to its shell using tape. Mind you, this was a real, actual, living turtle, and it had a six volt battery taped to its shell.

That was literally all there was.

Leo pressed the button for the next slide to reach the THE END slide.

 _"No Leo," Percy said. "You're going to have to explain all of this by yourself."_

 _"Then again, this is a turtle with a battery taped to its shell," Jason said. "What is he supposed to explain it as?"_

 _"I know," Frank said. "Tell them that as the turtle walks, the battery gets recharged. You know, conversion of mechanical to electrical energy."_

 _"Then why would you tape it to a turtle?" Percy asked. "Wouldn't a horse make more sense?"_

 _"Or," Jason said, "you could tell them that the battery helps the turtle walk faster."_

 _All three of them then nearly collapsed while laughing their heads off._

Leo, however, was stoically looking at the turtle. To an outsider, it would seem as if he was like a grandmaster of chess, thinking of which move to play next, and just what to say about the turtle.

Internally though, he was going, 'AHHHHHHHHH! It's a turtle with a battery, what do I explain in that? ARGHHHHH!' Some expletives, were, of course, deleted from that.

"Actually," Leo said, "the battery isn't a real battery. It is an electromagnetic radiator giving off various kinds of EM waves."

 _"So, did that jargon mean something?" Percy asked._

"This is necessary," Leo said, "for what I'm trying to do."

 _Thing is, that Leo looked so dead serious that the three of them stopped laughing and edged closer to the video screen, wondering what he had thought of._

"I'm trying to mutate them," Leo said. "So that I can make the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

 _"Just look at his face!" Percy said. "I mean, he was so serious before that I actually thought he had come up with some idea that could cure cancer, or something, and that's the idea he comes up with?"_

"See, let's be honest here," Leo said. "So many Americans are dying in wars both here and abroad, what we clearly need is a group of mutant turtles who are also ninjas to take their places."

One person raised his hand. "I'm sorry, but didn't they also have a rat sensei?"

"Yes," Leo said. "But it turns out that rats can't be mutated. I have, however, managed to rent a rat costume from somewhere and I'm sort of kind of learning ninjutsu."

 _"You could've just said, 'Yes, I'll mutate a rat too,'" Jason said._

Another person raised her hand. "Why not just send in robots or drones instead of living creatures?"

"That would be robot abuse," Leo said, apparently with a straight face.

"And letting turtles fight is animal abuse?"

"Yes," Leo said. "So, that's all pretty much it. Who here thinks I should continue with this idea."

No one raised there hands. Not a single one.

"Drat," Leo said.

Result: Leo lost.

 _"To be honest though," Percy said as Leo returned, "I'm surprised that any of us managed to get any votes. Come on, our ideas were stupid."_

 _"True," Jason said._

 _"You do realize this means war, don't you Percy?" Leo asked._

 _"Bring it on," Percy said boldly._

 _"So what's our next task going to be?" Frank asked._

 _"We'll see," Leo answered._

 **A/N: And that ends this chapter and the second round. The current score is that Jason, Frank, and Percy have a negative point each, with Leo having two negative points, and so being the current losing one.**

 **Also, no animals were harmed during the making of this fanfic chapter. Thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked!**


	4. Impractical Oracles I

**A/N: Once again, guys, thanks for your reviews, SuzuBells (yes, Frank is supposedly an animal activist, being an animal most of the time), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels, CrazyBlueOwl (I just noticed your profile pic is a panda with a lightsaber on another panda, which is awesome), and NightOwl95 (turns out we have two owls here, and yes, that book should be a thing). Thanks to all you guys. Also, I've made slight changes to the title and the description, as I'm hoping to make the story seem more alluring.**

 _Task 3: This will be a different type of task, instead of involving a set goal; this is a 'Refuse, You Lose' sort of challenge._

 _Rachel Elizabeth Dare, the Camp Half-Blood Oracle, has gone on vacation for a while, so now the Camp Half-Blood demigods, and the Camp Jupiter demigods too, don't have anyone to go to for their ridiculous problems that no one really cares about._

 _Guess which four demigods have volunteered to take her place though?_

 _Essentially, each of the four contestants will be Oracles for a while, and each of them will be given an earpiece. All of them must do and/or say whatever the others are telling them. Of course, they can't tell anyone that this is a show, and as always, there are hidden cameras._

 _If any contestant does not do, or say, whatever he is told to do or say, that contestant loses this round and gets a negative point._

 _Everything, however, must be kept PG-13, no exceptions (I hear several people booing at this, but that is how it is.)_

First up this time was Jason.

However, before we get to the part where the actual show starts, it should be mentioned that Jason thought that it would be appropriate to dress up for the occasion.

" _Okay, this is already hilarious," Leo said. "Dude, you look like a… like a…."_

 _Jason was in a weird sort of headdress along with a turban, and had decided to add a monocle and a weird sort of ceremonial sword at the side._

 _None of the others said anything to Jason though, because they all collapsed from laughing too hard._

So, there Jason was, in his odd get-up, in a room that was filled with odd paraphernalia ranging from tarot cards to crystal balls, all ready to see into the future.

The first person to come in was a black teenager who looked to be about fourteen.

"Hey, my name's Mike," Mike said. "Where's Rachel?"

"She had to go," Jason said. "And I have volunteered in her place. Don't worry, I'm just as skilled as she is."

" _Liar," Percy said._

" _Ask him what his favorite color is," Frank said._

"So, to get started, what's your favorite color?" Jason asked.

"Green," Mike replied.

" _Say, 'Mine's African American,'" Leo said._

" _Leo, I'm beginning to think that you're covertly racist," Percy said._

" _Nah," Leo said._

"Do you know what my favorite color is?" Jason asked. "It's African American."

Mike snorted. "So it's black?"

"Yeah," Jason said, trying to look normal.

" _Okay, Jason," Percy said. "I want you to start taking out tarot cards and stuff, but start reading your own future."_

"I think we should start with the tarot cards," Jason said. He picked one pack up, shuffled it, and then laid out one card on the table. "This card… depicts two cherubs, flitting around joyfully. Hmmm, that means good fortune."

"For me?" Mike asked.

"No, good fortune for _me_ ," Jason said emphatically. He picked up another card. "I see, the Broadsword. That means that I'm probably going to have to start training for a war soon. And oh, that's the… well, I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but it looks like a Satyr is giving flowers to a Hellhound? Wait- no- I just had a vision- I see- I see- it means I'll have to make peace with my enemies soon."

"Uh, that's great and all," Mike said. "But I do sort of rather want to hear about my future."

Jason blinked. "You want to hear about your future?" he asked, as if this was some sort of alien concept, and that people who went to Oracles usually went to hear about the _Oracle's_ future.

"Yeah," Mike said, grinning weakly. "That's why I came here."

"I see," Jason said. "Yeah, that kind of makes sense."

" _Of course he wanted to hear his own fortune Jason," Frank said. "Seriously? You couldn't tell that?"_

" _And here's a tip," Leo said. "You need to work on your 'I'm having a vision face', it sort of looks like you need to go to the bathroom real bad rather than that you're having a vision."_

" _Okay," Frank said. "So, take the guy's hand and start palm-reading, and then tell him that he was supposed to die three months ago."_

"In that case," Jason said, "let's begin with palm-reading, shall we?" Jason took Mike's hand and said, after a pause of thirty seconds, "It says here that you were supposed to die three months ago."

Mike raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah," Jason said. "Apparently something went wrong."

" _Okay, Jason," Percy said. "Start using other things like the crystal ball and stuff, but do not let go of the guy's hand, no matter how awkward it gets."_

"Okay, we're going to do some crystal ball readings then," Jason said, and got up, went for the crystal ball, all the while still holding Mike's hand with one of his own.

Mike really wasn't sure whether or not to say anything.

"Okay," Jason said, looking into the crystal ball like it was some sort of bottomless pool.

" _Tell him you're getting a message from beyond the grave," Frank said._

"I'm getting a message… from beyond the grave," Jason said.

" _Tell him his great-grandfather says, ''Sup Dawg?'" Frank said._

"It's coming from- yes- your great-grandfather, and he wants to tell you something," Jason said. "He wants to tell you, ''Sup Dawg?'"

Mike actually burst out laughing now. "He wants to say what?"

"Yeah, that's the message that I'm getting, you know, the word 'sup and then the word 'dawg', you know, 'dawg', the misspelt version instead of the normal d-o-g," Jason said.

"What else did he say?" Mike asked.

"That's it," Jason said. "That's all he wants to say."

" _Now start reading his tarot card fortune," Percy said._

"Let's move onto the cards, now shall we," Jason said. He picked up the deck and shuffled it, which was a rather hard task to do seeing as he was doing it with one hand, the other one still holding Mike's hand.

"Uh, shouldn't you let go of my hand now?" Mike finally asked.

" _Yeah Jason, what's wrong with you?" Leo asked._

" _Don't let go Jason, don't let go," Percy warned him._

"No, this is absolutely necessary if I want to accurately predict your future," Jason said. He flipped over one card, which depicted a bunch of crows feasting on carrion.

" _Tell him it means he should order pizza tonight," Percy said._

"This can only mean one thing…." Jason said, trying to sound spooky. "You should order pizza tonight."

"How do you get that from crows feasting on meat?" Mike asked.

" _Yeah, Jason, how'd you get that?" Percy asked. "You should explain it to him."_

Jason thought for a moment and said, "You see, it is really easy if you think about it. The crows actually represent people, and they're feasting on their favorite food, which in short, in the case for you, means that you should throw a pizza party."

" _That was actually some good improvising," Frank said._

"I think it doesn't mean that," Mike said.

"Okay, but I'm the Oracle here, right, and I think I know what I'm talking about," Jason said.

"Uh, actually you really don't," Mike said. He got up. "I think that's enough for one day."

He went to leave, though Jason was still awkwardly holding his hand.

" _It's okay, Jason, you can let go now," Percy said._

" _Yeah, you still have Piper with you." Leo said._

The Result: Jason passed.

* * *

Next up was Percy, and in the spirit of Jason looking completely ridiculous, he decided to wear a costume too.

" _Evening, young Padawan," Leo said._

" _Like seriously though, why are you dressed up as a Jedi Knight?" Jason asked._

Percy had no good answer to these questions. He just tucked his toy lightsaber away.

A girl who was around fourteen walked in. The first thing she said was, "Where's Rachel?"

"Rachel had to go somewhere," Percy answered. "So, I've volunteered to take her place."

"But, isn't the Oracle always supposed to be a girl?" she asked, confused.

" _Tell her that you've always been a girl at heart, Percy," Leo said._

"Yes, but I've always been a girl at heart, you know, so I guess that's why they let me-you know, be here-" Percy trailed off.

The girl giggled. "Is that so?"

" _Tell her that your mom always wanted a girl, and wanted to name you Penelope," Leo said. "And that your dad also predicted that he was going to have a daughter, but something apparently messed up."_

" _You do realize that Percy is going to have a chance to take revenge for all this quite soon, don't you?" Frank asked._

" _I'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Leo said._

"Interestingly," Percy said. "My mom always wanted a daughter and to name her Penelope, and my dad, being Poseidon and all, predicted that she would give birth to a daughter, but, you know, something happened and I came out instead."

The girl laughed.

" _I think she actually believed you Percy," Frank said._

"Are you wearing a Jedi costume?" the girl asked.

"Yes," Percy said. "It helps me control my Wa." Percy decided to give an answer before the others could force him to give a more ridiculous one.

" _Percy, do you even have the slightest idea what Wa is?" Frank asked._

"Oh," she said and took a seat.

" _Before you start Percy," Leo said, "shouldn't you go and put on your hat, you know, which is beneath your desk, without which you don't do predictions?"_

Percy, amused, found that there was a hat beneath his desk, a large tin foil conical hat that had the word 'DUNCE' on it.

"This is my special hat," Percy said. "I always wear it before making predictions," he said while putting the hat on.

"Does it also help with your Wa?" the girl asked.

"No," Percy said, once again trying to explain things before he was asked to say something. "Actually, it helps channel my Chi."

" _You don't know the difference between the two, do you?" Frank asked._

" _Tell her it also prevents people from hacking into your brain," Leo said._

"Also, the fact that it is made out of aluminum foil prevents people from hacking into my brain," Percy said.

"Oh," the girl said.

" _What she's trying to say Percy," Leo said, "is that your brain for that matter doesn't have much, and so no one would really try to hack into it."_

"So, exactly why are you here?" Percy asked. People generally had specific questions when they came to a fortuneteller, or an Oracle.

"Oh, I sort of kind of forgot with all of this," she admitted, waving her hands around.

"No matter," Percy said. "Of course, with me being such an amazing Oracle, I'll probably be able to find out."

" _Percy, start by reading the cards for her future," Leo said._

Percy reached for the tarot cards, but they weren't there anymore. Instead of them was a pack of cards from the Pokemon Trading Card Game. Percy picked them up anyway, knowing that one of the others had probably replaced them.

"Are those from the Pokemon TCG?" she asked.

"Yes, these are way more accurate than the old ones," Percy said.

" _Percy, pick up the first three cards, and regardless of what's on them, say, 'Beware the Ides of March,'" Jason said._

Percy picked up the first card, which was a Grass Energy card. The next one was a Potion, and the third one was a Metal Energy card.

Percy frowned and closed his eyes, pretending to be deep in concentration.

"The cards- they're telling me- to tell you, to beware the Ides of March," Percy said.

"It's like August now, right?" she asked. "Isn't that kind of a long time away? And what am I supposed to be afraid of?"

" _Oh," Leo said. "I love it when people gullibly start believing everything we tell them on this show. Go on, tell her Percy."_

This meant that Percy had to think of something himself, so he said, "Let's look into the crystal ball for further answers."

The crystal ball, unlike the tarot cards, had been left untouched and unchanged, so Percy took it and began peering into it, basically hoping he'd get some sort of inspiration.

Oddly enough, instead of simply being misty and stuff, something did appear in the crystal ball. Percy peered at it closely, and so did his client.

"It looks like a monkey," she said.

"Yes, and it is riding a unicycle while playing the ukulele," Percy said.

" _Holographic technology, Percy," Leo said and pressed a button on his remote that made the hologram fade._

"You see, the monkey riding a unicycle and playing a ukulele is symbolic," Percy said, while desperately trying to come up with something on the spot for what it was supposed to be symbolic for. "Basically, as you may know, monkeys are not very smart creatures, but this one is trying to ride a unicycle and play a musical instrument. Why is it doing so? Essentially, essentially, that is, it symbolizes someone trying much too hard to impress someone and this is eventually going to end badly, because a monkey shouldn't be on a unicycle and playing a ukulele, but should be outside monkeying around."

That was all essentially stuff Percy had come up with at the top of his head and which really didn't mean much when you got right down to it, but the girl looked like she had just had an epiphany. "Oh, that means that I should stop curling my hair around Markus?"

"Uh, yeah, sure why not?' Percy said, with no clue to who Markus was.

"So this means, it all makes sense now!" the girl shouted. "Thanks Oracle! I was so worried, and you've made everything clear?"

"I have?" Percy asked, completely bewildered. More confidently, he said, "I mean, of course I have. After all, that's what we Oracles are here for, you know, I was just doing my job."

"Yeah thanks, I thought you weren't going to be as good as Rachel, y'know, with your DUNCE hat and Pokemon cards, but you were actually pretty great," she said. She glanced around, and whispered something into Percy's ear and rushed off.

"Another satisfied customer," Percy mumbled.

Result: Percy passed.

 _Back at the hideout, Percy glared at Leo. Leo could almost see a storm inside Percy's eyes, ready to sink any ship._

 _Leo tried looking calm, but internally he was thinking of something involving a lot of expletives._

 _Meanwhile, Jason was whispering to Frank, "Pssst, something, you know, Praetor to Praetor. You know what, if we can keep both of these guys fighting each other, it means that they'll keep fighting each other and they'll consistently lose, so we never have to be the ones punished at the end of each segment."_

 _Frank nodded. "By the way Percy, what did she whisper in your ear?"_

 _Percy blushed slightly. "That's none of your business. And for that matter, it was just something that arose out of a misunderstanding, mainly due to Leo, and the fact that she was a child of Aphrodite."_

 _The others still looked at him weirdly. "It's Leo's turn next, isn't it! Let's focus on him!" Percy said angrily._

 **A/N: And so that ends this part of our chapter, with Leo still behind. Thanks a lot for reading, do please review (or follow, or favorite) if you liked it, and tune in for the next part where Percy gets his revenge against Leo.**


	5. Impractical Oracles II

**A/N: So, we begin where we left all. Once again, thanks for all the reviews, theGLASSEDcamera, Khaos20 (explanation at the author's note at bottom), Calefe, SuzuBells (yes, if there's one thing that this fanfic teaches you, it is how to make up absolute nonsense off the top of your head and say it with a straight face), Jaspercabeth83 (I won't exactly tell you, but more info at the bottom author's note), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels, CrazyBlueOwl (if you stop 4 times at chapter 4, do you stop 5 times at chapter 5 and so on? Also, your profile pic combines pandas and lightsabers, two of my favorite things). I'm glad to know all of you laughed so hard, and I hope we can all continue to do so.**

Leo was rubbing his hands nervously, thinking just what Percy- and the others had in store for him. See, he knew he was currently behind, and he knew that the others probably wanted him to be the one punished at the end, so undoubtedly they would want to break him, who was currently already the weakest part of the chain.

" _Hey Leo," Percy said. "Shouldn't you be in uniform before we get started? It is right under your desk after all."_

Leo hesitatingly looked under his desk to see a small black box. He hesitatingly opened it to reveal what is inside.

"Percy… this is slightly overdoing it," Leo said as he saw a maid outfit inside.

" _No, this is revenge," Percy said. "For the DUNCE hat, and for what I was forced to say, and for what I was forced to hear…"_

" _Is this about what that Aphrodite girl said again?" Frank asked._

" _I'm trying to forget about that," Percy said. "So let us never talk of it again."_

Leo seriously considered hightailing it right then and there, but then decided it wouldn't be worth it to let Percy know that he had won.

And so. Leo, the new Oracle, was sitting in the room, wondering when this whole thing would be over.

" _By the way Percy," Frank asked, "where did you manage to get a maid outfit on such short notice?"_

 _Percy merely gripped Frank's shoulder, and very calmly said, "Don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to Frank. And for that matter, Leo, I'll have you know that I've invited someone very special here."_

"Who?" Leo dared to asked.

" _Oh, you know how we were going to record this all and then later put it on Hephaestus TV for everyone to see? Well, I managed to write a petition to the Olympian TV networks, and to Hephaestus, and guess what your dad said? He said it was great," Percy said._

"Where is this going?" Leo asked.

" _And guess what, Hephaestus was just so amazed he wanted to meet you, his favorite son and/or daughter, while you were filming the show," Percy said. "And then yours truly, of course, decided to invite him here so he could see just what we were doing. By the way, did I use 'yours truly' correctly in that sentence?"_

" _I'm not sure," Frank said. "But you can't just go and say and/or, Percy, that's just not right."_

Leo nearly fainted at that. "Wait-wait- are you telling me, that he's coming here right now?"

" _What else did you hear?" Percy asked and then high fived the others._

" _Oh, we're going to break you like a twig, Leo," Jason said._

Leo had started nearly hyperventilating. "Okay Percy, this is just not fair. You just cannot, and I seriously mean that, cannot just drag in people like that with-"

" _All's fair in love and war," Frank said. "And by the way, he's kidding, Hephaestus turned out to be too busy to come. Or to send a reply for that matter."_

Leo sighed out of relief before his actual client came in, Chiron.

" _Surprise!" Percy said._

"Um, I was told by Percy to come here for some reason," Chiron said. He then took a good look at Leo, and then blinked to make sure he was seeing straight. "Uh… if you don't mind me asking, why…"

" _Go on Leo, tell him," Percy prodded._

"Well, you see, I had to dress up like that for my last customer's reading for a very specific and sensible reason which if you heard you would not find me wearing a maid outfit to be strange at all," Leo said.

"Which was?" Chiron asked, very confused.

"I'm afraid I can't tell you," Leo said very slowly. "Oracle-client, privilege, you know?"

" _Right, Oracle-client privilege is a thing now?" Jason asked._

"I see," Chiron said. "So there isn't any thing overtly wrong here?"

Leo wanted to say 'Everything's wrong here' but instead said, "Nope. Nothing. Just an Oracle reading people's fortunes."

"I see," Chiron said. "Only thing is, there are some weird rumors going around camp, and Miss Dare asked me to check things as she had visions that you volunteers were not exactly doing stuff right."

" _This is bad," Jason said. "She's on to us."_

" _Eh," Percy said, not overly worried. "She'll probably forget about it once we show her the tapes we got, you know, and maybe collapse laughing."_

" _So," Frank said, "Leo, apparently your job has just gotten harder. You need to convince Chiron that everything is alright and we aren't up to any funny business, which given that you're currently in a maid outfit and forced to do everything that Percy says, who's about to rain cold, watery, vengeance on you, is somewhat of a Herculean task."_

Leo gulped. "Nothing's wrong here," he said weakly. Leo somehow knew that if they were all caught, most likely he would be the one to be blamed, because let's be honest, Leo is the Apollo of the group in the sense that if something goes wrong, people are most likely to blame him for it. Plus, it was his technology that made the whole thing possible.

"Is it normal for a child of Hephaestus to be an Oracle?" Chiron asked. "I don't believe so-"

"Of course it is normal," Leo said nervously. "I mean, who else builds those odd astrolabes and telescopes for people to look up at the stars and record them properly, we do!"

"Right," Chiron said. "But are you doing your job properly? I'm going to need you to make some predictions for me then. Let's start with something simple, who is going to win the 2016 Presidential Race?"

This was a bit of a problem, as Leo had spent most of his time on his Wii U, and knew just about as much about the 2016 Presidential Race as Spongebob Squarepants.

" _Leo," Percy said, "say that it will be Abraham Lincoln."_

"I will have you know the fact that indeed I do know who will win the next Presidential Race," Leo said. "It will be Abraham Lincoln."

"Abraham Lincoln," Chiron said. "The sixteenth president?"

"Yes," Leo said.

"Do you care to explain how that's going to happen?"

Leo was going to say 'I don't know, I don't know the how, I just know that it is going to happen,' but before he could, Percy decided to interrupt.

" _Go on Leo," Percy said. "Give him a good reason to explain yourself."_

Leo frowned and closed his eyes. "I need to concentrate."

" _Remember Leo," Percy said. "You need to say something so ridiculous that he'll have no choice but to accept it as the truth."_

"Okay," Leo said. "This is how it will occur. You see, next year, Frank and everyone will ask for Hades to bring Hazel back to life, and this will occur eventually, and Thanatos will go to his huge death machine or whatever it is called, but someone will have accidentally left a pepper shaker there, Thanatos will accidentally hit it, it will spray out, he'll sneeze, and select 'Bring Back Abraham Lincoln' instead of 'Bring Back Hazel Levesque' and then he'll come back to life. Furthermore, as he was assassinated during his presidency, it was technically never over, so with a couple of good lawyers and after exploiting several loopholes he'll end up back in the White House."

 _The other three paused for a moment, and then began clapping._

" _Okay, I have to admit, that was pretty awesome," Percy said. "That you completely thought of that off the top of your head."_

" _Agreed," both Frank and Jason said._

Chiron had a facial expression of intense disbelief, but then was interrupted from saying something as someone ran into the tent.

"Uh, Chiron, the Big House has been flooded, we need you there," the camper said, taking a full minute to look at Leo and rubbing his eyes to make sure he was seeing correctly.

"Alright then," Chiron said, leaving, and only sparing Leo a cursory glance.

" _Hmm, someone flooded the Big House," Percy said thoughtfully. "It's almost as if a certain child of Poseidon was behind it and broke the plumbing."_

"Wait, you're telling me you did that?" Leo asked. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

" _We don't want Chiron telling on Rachel before we've finished," Percy said. "And I think this sort of private war is somehow… uh, ridiculous."_

Result: Leo passed.

* * *

 _Leo returned to the hideout, oddly enough still in his maid outfit._

" _Why haven't you changed?" Jason asked._

" _Because it is a whole lot harder changing out of a maid outfit, or changing into one, than you think," Leo said (which is incidentally very true, but you know, in case you're wondering it's not like the author has extensive experience in that regard or anything like that ***_ _ **shifty eyes*****_ _)._

 _He then took a good look at Percy._

" _It's okay," Leo said. "I mean, this was a really great joke for that matter. Truce?"_

" _Truce," Percy said, and in one of their rare moments they hugged it out._

 _Meanwhile, Jason took a photo of Percy hugging Leo while he was wearing a maid outfit, and then filed it away in a folder labeled 'Blackmail Material' on his phone, knowing that sometime in the future, it would be useful._

 _Leo was done changing, and now it was time for Frank to step up for his turn at being Oracle._

" _Yeah, in the spirit of everyone wearing ridiculous costumes Frank," Leo said, "we have decided that you too, shall wear something ridiculous while being Oracle." Leo then took out a huge panda outfit._

" _You guys are racist, you realize that don't you?" Frank said as he put the panda costume on._

So, Frank was sitting, wearing his panda costume, waiting for a customer, when Travis Stoll walked in.

"Where's Rachel?" he asked, saying the cliché line that two others had before him.

"She's gone on vacation for a while," Frank said. "So I'm here instead of her."

"So you're volunteering?" Travis asked.

" _Frank, say, 'No, I have to pay back my student loan debt,'" Leo said._

"No, I have to pay my student loan debt," Frank said, though he didn't understand how that was funny.

"But you're a child of Mars, aren't you?" Travis asked. "Do you really have any powers as an Oracle?"

"Of course I do," Frank said. "Example, I for one, can tell you that you very recently met Leo Valdez, and he tried to sell you a book on twigging- no, on twerking, around the world."

"Whoa," Travis said, shocked. "How did you know that?"

"What can I say," Frank said, trying to sound mystical and spooky (thought that was hard while being dressed up like a giant panda), "I'm an Oracle. It is what I do with my amazing psychic powers."

" _Or using hidden cameras," Leo said._

"So, why are you here?" Frank asked.

"Uh, well, that's kind of a long story," Travis said.

" _Ask him if it has to do with Katie," Percy said._

"Does it have anything to do with someone named Katie?" Frank asked.

"No," Travis lied unconvincingly.

" _Okay, now you need to start with the whole seeing into the future thing," Leo said. "Thankfully though, we've decided to add an ancient form of Chinese fortunetelling beneath your desk."_

" _Uh, you do realize that just because Frank's Chinese, it doesn't mean that everything he does is from China somehow?" Percy asked._

" _No, but it is fun to see him squirm when we say that," Jason said._

" _True, true," Percy agreed._

"I have an ancient form of fortunetelling that I believe can help you," Frank said. "I will have you know that this is an ancient Zhang family secret, passed along initially by pandas, who, you may be surprised to know, were the first fortunetellers in nature."

" _Great job Frank!" Percy said. "You just took this whole thing to another level!"_

"Really?" Travis said, who was, for a moment, seriously believing everything that came out of Frank's mouth.

"Yes," Frank said. "It is all true. The pandas then passed it on to my family, as we can become pandas, and so, this ancient Chinese tradition passed through the Zhang family, of which I am now a practitioner."

" _Now go under your desk to find a box labeled, 'Frank's Special Treasure Box'" Leo said._

" _Is it just me," Percy said, "Or does 'Frank's Special Treasure Box' sound like a euphemism for something?"_

" _It's just you," Frank and Jason assured Percy._

" _By the way," Percy said. "What does 'euphemism' even mean?"_

Frank reached beneath his desk to indeed, find a small box labeled, 'Frank's Special Treasure Box' except 'Frank' had been misspelt as 'Franc', you know stuff happens when Frank's the only non-dyslexic demigod in your group.

"That sounds like a euphemism for something," Travis said. "Is it?"

"No," Frank said.

"By the way, what does 'euphemism' mean?" Travis asked.

Frank ignored this and opened the box.

It is at this point that the writer of this fanfic would like you to pause, and just take a guess as to what could possibly be in that box which supposedly contained a secret Chinese fortunetelling tool that had been passed on for generations.

Guess what, you probably guessed wrong, because it was a bag of Cool Ranch flavored Doritos.

"What?" Travis asked. "Are those Doritos?"

"Yes," Frank said. "Of course, I'm assuming that you probably know that Doritos originated in China."

" _Whoa," Percy said. "I thought we were imaginative liars, but Frank's really taking this to a whole new level."_

"But you said this all came from pandas?" Travis asked.

"Well duh," Frank said. "Everyone knows that the staple diet of pandas are bamboo, followed by a certain type of grain which they form into geometrical shapes, usually triangles, from which the Chinese later developed Doritos. Like seriously, don't you know anything? What did they teach you in school?"

Travis looked offended. "Hey man, I was dyslexic alright, unlike you, so you should stop trying to lord over us who have learning disabilities with your amazing knowledge of everything."

 _The others were quite literally rolling on the floor laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing._

"So how does this work?" Travis asked.

"Basically, what you have to do is munch on some Doritos," Frank said, rapidly thinking of something to say. "And based on how the crumbs fall on you and your clothes, I can divine your future."

The whole thing sounded crazy to Travis, but he took a Dorito anyway and started munching on it. When he was done with ten, and being Doritos, the crumbs went everywhere as they tend to do.

"Hmmm," Frank said, getting up to see where the crumbs had landed, scratching his chin and looking far off into the distance as if contemplating something important while he wondered just what he was going to say to Travis. Frank even took out a magnifying glass to observe the crumbs closely, because, you know, why not?

" _Okay, Frank," Leo said. "Make a really sad face."_

Frank's face drooped.

" _Now say," Jason said, "'I know what you did last summer, Travis, and it is going to come back to haunt you.'"_

"I know what you did last summer Travis," Frank said. "And it is going to come back to haunt you."

Travis' eyes widened, he was horrified, and he was like, "What do I do? What I do to stop it?"

" _Okay, I now really wanna know what he did last summer," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, but it isn't like Frank can just ask now," Jason pointed out._

"Uh, to stop it," Frank said, "all you need to do is run around a tree three times and then do the hokey-pokey."

"Got it!" Travis said and then ran out of the tent while screaming, "Thanks!"

" _Quick!" Jason shouted. "I want to see Travis run around a tree three times and do the hokey-pokey! Frank, run after him with one of the hidden cameras!"_

Result: Frank passed.

" _So, that ends this round," Frank said._

" _What was crazy was how you mainly just made up everything with us barely prompting you," Percy said._

" _Yeah, this was great," Leo said. "But the problem is it was probably too easy, considering the fact that all of us passed. Though I probably would've quit if you know, you had actually called Hephaestus. We need to make a rule that says no godly parents allowed."_

" _Which means Leo is still behind," Jason said. "Actually though, that means that there's no way he can't lose."_

" _But, next round, it'll all be over," Frank said. "Or at least, for this session."_

 **A/N: And that ends it for now. Overall result right now is Frank, Percy, and Jason all have a negative point while Leo has two, putting him in last for now.**

 **By the way, this was supposed to be a story about a few friends having some fun, but then it became a story of backstabbing, private war, feuds, forgiveness, and blackmail.**

 **That is also, incidentally, what happened to the Roman Empire. Or the Beatles for that matter. And I kind of like it better this way.**

 **Anyway, next will be the final round of this segment, and this means that Leo is definitely getting punished, but what remains to see if someone is going to get punished with him.**

 **And for that matter, quite a lot of you asked about the Aphrodite girl and what she said. Well, it had to do with the fact that Percy said that he was a girl on the inside, and well… that's all I'm telling you, the rest is really up to your imagination, and as Percy said, 'Let us never talk of it again.' And if you didn't get it at all, no problem.**

 **Thanks for reading, as always, and do leave a review, if you liked it or this made you laugh.**


	6. The Wheel of Doom

**A/N: First of all, there has been a rather big problem… I can't seem to see any of your reviews. I mean, it says that this story has 37 right now, but there are only 28 listed. And the number was 34 before, then 36, then 37, but the reviews I can see and count are only 28 on various browsers so I'm guessing that this is the site's fault. And yes, it is very frustrating knowing that so many of you wrote something and that I can't see it. I know it takes some time for reviews to show up, but it has been a few days and it usually takes less than ten minutes to an hour, so I have sent a message and we'll see how it ends up.**

 **Thanks for your reviews CrazyBlueOwl (I'm glad to include all your favorite things) and Khaos20 (no clues because I haven't thought of it completely) and anyone else who reviewed but the review didn't show up because of some reason, of which, I'm assuming the regulars like SuzuBells and lunarchroniclesandcockatiels as well as Jaspercabeth83 also did. If you had something important to say/ask you can PM me, and I'll answer your questions when your reviews show up.**

 _Task 4: This task involves spinning a wheel known as the Wheel of Doom. It consists of eight segments on which it can land, which are, in order, going clockwise:_

 _Take $20 from every other contestant._

 _Collect someone's toenail clippings._

 _Get someone to hug you (without directly asking them)._

 _Pick your poison._

 _Put someone's sock in your mouth._

 _Polish someone's shoes without them noticing._

 _Go around in a humiliating costume (picked by the others)._

 _Get someone to say, "You're the boss!" without ever actually asking them directly to do so._

 _Each contestant will spin the wheel once, and they have thirty minutes to complete the said task, and if they fail, they get a negative point._

 _And because some of you may have some questions in this regard, we're also going to be explaining the punishments. At the end of four rounds (or occasionally three rounds), the contestant(s) with the most negative points are punished and this punishment is meted out by the others (keep in mind everything has to be PG-13 people), and this means that in some situations, three of them might be punished by one person. Now, in the case that everyone has the same number of negative points (which to my knowledge never happened even on the original show), I'm guessing we'll probably due a quick segment, like 'My Great Idea To Change the World' where there is guaranteed to be one winner._

* * *

 _This time, Leo decided to go up first._

" _No matter what happens though Leo, you're definitely getting punished," Jason said. "The only question is if anyone is going to be sharing your punishment."_

" _Not if all of you fail in this," Leo said._

" _Unlikely," Frank said. "Just spin the wheel already."_

" _Right," Leo said, and nervously spun the wheel with bated breath. Finally, it landed on 'Pick your poison.'_

" _So, which one of the other segments are you choosing?" Percy asked._

" _I think I'll, uh-" Leo said, scratching his chin, when his eyes lit up. "I think I'll take twenty dollars from every other contestant."_

" _Wait, he's allowed to do that?" Frank asked._

" _I don't think so," Jason said. "I mean, it does say 'pick your poison,' and money doesn't really count as poison."_

 _Leo patted Jason's shoulder. "Actually, I will have you know, Jason, my friend, that the love of money is the root of all evil, and greed destroys people. Money breaks up families and leads to so many social evils. So come on, get twenty bucks out, each of you, and give it all to Uncle Valdez!"_

" _Shouldn't we have specified these things in the wheel?" Jason asked._

 _Leo frowned. "I could only make it so big, and I asked one of you to make an advanced rulebook."_

" _I did," Frank said. "But why didn't you just print the words smaller?"_

" _How much smaller did you want me to print it? It is barely visible as it is, and that's mainly Percy's fault for buying such a small wheel," Leo said._

" _It was the best I could do with the money you gave me," Percy said._

" _Yeah, well maybe I'd have more money if you'd all quit blabbering and give me twenty bucks each, and Frank finally pays me back for that incident on Thursday," Leo retorted._

 _Percy and Jason both asked, "What incident on Thursday?" while Frank made a face that said, 'Shut up, you'll get your money soon, just keep this between us Leo.'_

 _There was some bickering, but in the end it was decided that Leo couldn't pick that option, based on the 'Advanced Rules' that had been written by Frank (as he was the only one non-dyslexic) beforehand and it mentioned that 'pick your poison' did not include that specific segment._

 _And so, Leo decided to go with polishing someone's shoes without them noticing._

" _Now, just to be clear," Frank said, reading from the Advanced Rulebook, "the person has to be wearing the shoes at the time, and you must rub them with a cloth for at least two seconds each on each shoe, and they can't see you doing this. You've got thirty minutes starting now."_

 _Leo wasted ten minutes dressing up to the occasion in a weird sort of military camouflage uniform, with a helmet that had two twigs attached to it._

Outside, there was an unsuspecting demigod who was munching on a sandwich while glancing around, probably thinking about whatever nonsense teenagers at summer camp usually think about.

" _However, our unsuspecting demigod doesn't know, while he munches on his- okay, can you guys tell what kind of sandwich that is?" Percy asked._

" _Peanut butter and jelly," Jason said, while Frank answered, "Lettuce and mayonnaise," simultaneously._

" _Okay, so he's eating some time of sandwich," Percy said. "What he doesn't know, however, that he is currently being stalked by a predator known as Leo Valdez, who is currently peaking at him from a bush."_

"Stop making this sound weird," Leo said as quietly as possible. To avoid detection, he had taken a route that made him circumvent a good portion of camp, so that he had only four minutes left to get the job done.

" _Leo, there is almost literally no way this can't sound weird," Jason said._

Leo was crouched behind the bench where the guy was, but the thing was that he had an annoying habit of moving his feet while eating, and one time almost hit Leo in the face.

" _And so, Leo waits for an opening, when his prey will let his guard down," Percy said._

To Leo's relief, the guy finally stopped moving his legs, and so Leo took out a small white cloth (if you're wondering, no, it didn't have shoe polish on it, it was just a cloth) and began rubbing the guy's left shoe. He got through that for two seconds quite easy, but when he moved on to the right shoe, just as he was done, the guy moved his foot, meaning that he felt something latched onto his leg.

If you're wondering, the guy's name was Dave, and he was surprised to feel something tugging on his leg. He turned around to see nothing, but there was something moving behind the bush, and he could swear he had seen someone's shoe there….

Feeling that this was getting rather weird, he called out, "Who's there?"

Let it never be said that Leo Valdez never comes prepared with a gadget for any situation. He took out his voice modulator, something that was disguised neatly as a bowtie, and set it to a female voice, though getting an old woman's accent from North Carolina wasn't what he was expecting.

"Oh, I'm just a tree nymph," Leo said through his voice modulator.

"But, but, what was that about my shoe?" Dave asked. He had half a mind to peek behind the bush.

"Don't you dare look behind the bush," Leo said as he crawled away. "I'll have you know that I'm changing."

"Why are you doing it in public then?" Dave asked, confused.

"Because- THE COW GOES MOO!" Leo's voice modulator suddenly malfunctioned.

"Nymphs," Dave muttered and walked off.

Leo walked all the way back, trying not to notice that the guys back at headquarters were probably literally rolling on the floor laughing.

Result: Leo passed.

* * *

 _Next was Percy's turn. He spun the wheel, for it to land on 'Take $20 from every other contestant.'_

" _Lucky…" Leo muttered under his breath._

 _All of them did hand over Percy twenty dollars though._

Result: Percy passed.

* * *

 _Next up was Frank, and he actually landed on a segment that was purportedly difficult._

" _Okay, so you have to collect someone's toenail clippings," Percy said. "And the advanced rules say that they have to be a fresh sample."_

" _Wait, so I can't go and find toenail clippings from somewhere?" Frank asked, realizing that he shouldn't have written that in, and that this was going to be much harder than he had thought._

" _Where would you have found toenail clippings from?" Leo asked._

" _Probably the Hermes Cabin," Percy said. "If it is anything like the last time I visited there, you'll find lots of stuff in various places… including toenail clippings."_

" _But here, Frank," Jason said. "You can have these." Jason gave Frank a toenail clipper and a Ziploc bag._

The Roman Legion taught you a lot of things, but how to take some random stranger's toenail clippings was not one of them.

Frank spent five minutes scratching his head wondering just what he was going to do.

He then wandered off towards the Athena cabin.

" _The Athena cabin?" Jason asked. "What's he doing?"_

There, Frank managed to find Malcolm, who was doing reading something.

"Hi there Malcolm," Frank said.

"Oh, hi," Malcolm said, looking up from his book for a second.

"See, there's something I sort of need," Frank said. "I'm doing this kind of school project on the study of human nails."

"You're doing it on onycology?" Malcolm asked.

"Yeah…" Frank said.

" _He has no idea what that is," Percy said. "By the way, what is onyco-whatever Malcolm said?"_

" _Scientific study of nails," Leo said. The other two stared at him oddly. "What? I read sometimes too."_

"Thing is though, that I've already clipped all of mine, and I sort of needed another sample, so could I clip some of your toenails?" Frank asked.

"Uh, yeah, thing is though that I already clipped mine four days ago," Malcolm said. He took off his shoe and sock to show neatly trimmed toenails- way more neatly trimmed than should actually be humanly possible. It was still just barely possible to take clippings though

"It's alright," Franks said. "I think that's enough."

"Alright then," Malcolm said, scratching his head, and thinking that it would be really odd to for anyone to see Frank, Praetor of New Rome, clipping his toenails.

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

" _The Athena cabin is probably the only ones who would give someone their toenails for study," Percy said. "Great job Frank. Now, Leo's still the one who's most behind, so that means if Jason fails…"_

 _Jason ignored Percy and spun the wheel._

" _So Jason, you need to put someone's sock in your mouth," Percy said. He then flipped through the Advanced Rules. "And by the way, they need to have been wearing it at the time, so sneaking into the Camp laundry."_

Jason walked out of the place, feeling very confident. He then went up to the climbing wall, where there was a bulky son of Ares who had just finished climbing.

"What's up?" he asked when he saw Jason.

"To be honest, things are going pretty bad," Jason said.

"Why?"

"I was just told that I had weird feet," Jason said.

"Someone said…. that you have weird feet?" the guy asked.

"Yeah," Jason said and began taking off his shoe and sock. "See, do they look abnormal to you."

"No," the guy said. "Mine's are even weirder." The guy started taking off his shoe and sock as well.

" _Oh," Percy thought. "Clever."_

" _Wait a minute," Leo said. "Jason, you can't possibly be thinking of putting the sock of a child of Ares in your mouth? You do realize just how much they pay attention to hygiene, don't you? Not at all, I mean, even Frank's socks smell horrible and he's a clean freak compared to the rest of them."_

 _Frank was about to feel insulted, but instead said, "Leo, why have you been smelling my socks."_

" _Research purposes…" Leo muttered, though so softly no one could hear him._

Jason knew Leo was right, he could almost smell the stench immediately as the guy took off his shoe, and then his sock, and while he was showing Jason how weird his feet were, Jason put the sock in his mouth.

" _I'd honestly prefer losing to having to do that," Percy said._

Result: Jason passed… though it can be argued that he was the biggest loser, since, you know.

 **A/N: And that ends our chapter. The result is the same as last chapter, with Leo, Jason, and Percy having a negative point each, and Leo having two, making Leo this arc's loser, who will be punished in the next chapter before the next arc begins. Also, the Wheel of Doom will be making debuts again, though it will be changed slightly.**

 **As a note, the punishment chapters will generally be shorter than the others. Also, updates are going to be a whole lot slower now since I'll be busy, probably only an update once per week.**

 **Thanks for reading, and as always, do review if you liked.**


	7. The First Punishment

**A/N: So, I can finally see all your reviews now, and I'm going to reply to them in a single long, run-on sentence. Thanks Weirdmageddon (nice name), VexyMinion, Greenturtle2134 (then how did you post the review? Do they have wi-fi in Hades?), Guest/Supernova (Nice to know you enjoyed it so much, and I do plan to continue it, if my schedule allows), Ayano's Theory of Relativity (I'm answering both reviews, Frank couldn't do that because it would have been against the Advanced Rules, but I probably should've mentioned that, and great on the name change), Neutrino 2000 (keeping a straight face is the whole point of the game), SamTheKingOfHell (I kind of didn't understand your review), SkyTheGreat, sweetsons, Guest, lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (the Wheel of Doom will return, eventually), CrazyBlueOwl (maybe it will be one in a later chapter, and I would think the book or drawing would be hilarious, but I'm not really sure how to do that), Calefe (I do put a warning in the summary, maybe that isn't enough), Khaos20.**

 **Sorry that this chapter will be short, all the punishment ones will be essentially.**

Leo, was, for his punishment, being led blindfolded. Percy finally opened the blindfold.

Leo took in the fact that there were cars. A lot of cars. "Where are we?" he asked.

"Oh, we've just broken into a car rental place in New York," Percy said nonchalantly.

"Broken in?" Leo asked. The sun had barely come up.

"Don't worry, it will open up in about half an hour," Jason said.

"Which is more than enough time to stuff you in the trunk of one," Frank said.

"Wait- so that's what you're going to- _how did you manage to do all this_?" Leo asked.

"Well, the Hermes cabin is now apparently willing to do anything that Frank says," Percy said. "So long as he wears a panda costume."

"Yeah," Leo said. "But what will happen if someone rents the car?"

"That's a risk we're willing to take," Jason said.

"But what if they open the trunk?" Leo asked. "And I mean, what if they have something like a gun or something?"

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be able to talk your way out of it," Frank said.

"Actually, Frank, I think you mean that he'll be able to _twerk_ his way out if it," Percy said, and he and Frank high-fived.

"So that's a running joke now?" Leo asked.

"Apparently," Jason said. He then went to the trunk of a car, which someone had left open. "Now get in. We're nice, so we'll let you use the bathroom first."

Leo had to admit that it was good that they let him use it first.

"I will just have you know, this is cruel and unusual punishment," Leo said.

"Nah," Percy replied. "It would only be unusual if we also made you wear a maid outfit." He then tossed Leo an earpiece. "You know, so we'll be able to track your movements."

"How long will this last?" Leo asked, as he got in the trunk.

"Oh, if no one picks you up in the next three hours, we'll get you," Jason said, though Leo didn't quite really believe him.

Leo got into the car, and the others shut the lid. Thankfully, there were still small gaps so Leo could get some air, but it was creepily dark.

After what seemed like forever, but was actually half an hour, Leo said, "No one's come yet, guys."

" _Don't get impatient," Percy said._

Just then, Leo started hearing a voice, and the door to the car seemed to open. "Someone rented this!" Leo hissed, trying to remain calm so that his pants wouldn't catch fire like they usually did.

" _Keep calm," Jason said. "We can still track where you are."_

Leo tried remaining still as the car went through various bumps and the like. "Where are we?" he asked as the car had come to a stop and the door had opened again.

" _Don't worry," Percy said. "I think you're near a grocery store."_

"That's a perfect reason to worry!" Leo said. "A grocery store means groceries which means grocery bags which means they'll open the trunk!"

A while later, Leo heard someone approaching the trunk, and heard the sound as the lock clicked, and the trunk opened to show a woman in her twenties as she took a look at Leo for a second.

Some time passed, so Leo went inside his pouch, took out some breath mints, tried to smile and said, "Ma'am, can I interest you in purchasing some breath mints?"

It was then that the scream came, and shortly thereafter the purse. Leo got out of the trunk and started running around the parking lot, with the lady running behind him and getting in a whack or two while Leo said, "Please! I can explain! I was-"

Just then, he noticed laughter, and turned to see the three others with a video camera.

"Psych!" Percy shouted.

"Hey," Frank said, pointing to the woman. "Let me introduce you to Janice, an ex-centurion of Camp Jupiter, who decided to help us in this prank."

"You didn't seriously think we'd actually break into a car and put you into the trunk without knowing who was going to be driving it?" Frank asked.

"Okay, you got me there," Leo said, now chuckling himself. "So what's the next challenge?"

 **A/N: And that ends Leo's punishment, and this arc, but don't despair, because that only means that another one is going to start…. hopefully soon.**

 **Thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked!**


	8. Liar Liar, Stuff on Fire!

**A/N: Sometimes I get confused on who should be in the tasks. I know the show is originally meant to do for the most part entirely with strangers, but you guys do make requests for other canon characters and I want to put some of them too.**

 **Thanks for your reviews, Khaos20 (I think that was in some episode. A lot of this is borrowed from Impractical Jokers, though I usually modify it somewhat and some of it is new), Koolkat0207, CrazyBlueOwl (punishments are not meant to be suicidal. For that matter though, I've already thought of this round's punishment, but I'll see if I can schedule something for later), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (cute AND cruel), Vexy Minion, Artemis's hunter, Neutrino 2000 (I forgot to ask, is your name based of the Neutrino weapon from Artemis Fowl?), and Ayano's Theory of Relativity (that actually sounds cruel and nice at the same time. I remember a test like that and we all studied crazy hard for it, but in the end it was just a sort of game. I have mixed feelings about it. Percy would only be heartbroken if the cookies were blue).**

 _Task One: If a random person you found in the woods while jogging suddenly asked you to stop and help them? You possibly would, but maybe not if that person was one of our four contestants._

 _Essentially, the task will take place in a forest, where joggers are known to run at a few intervals, and each of the contestants will be trying to build a fire using a set of logs. They have to try and stop whoever is jogging along the way and ask them to help them build a fire, in order to burn something._

 _That 'something' will be covered with a tarp, and none of the contestants know what it is… but they better figure out what to say about it once they uncover it when they talk to the jogger. If they cannot get someone to help them build the fire, then they lose. As always, they can't tell anyone it is being recorded, and will be provided with an earpiece, with the others watching._

Frank stepped up to the plate first this time. His eyes started wandering around the trail, looking for someone to come.

A demigod came, Frank knew he was a child of Dionysus, but didn't know his name, because, come one, he was a child of Dionysus and not exactly who you want to ask for help while burning something, but Frank decided to try anyway.

"Hey!" Frank said.

The guy slowed down to a stop. "What's up?"

"Oh, I was just making a fire to burn something," Frank said. He then went to the tarp to remove it.

Lying under it was a teddy bear. Frank picked it up. "I wanted to burn this. Can you give me a hand?"

"Why?" the guy asked, who had started laughing.

Unknown to Frank, the others had also inserted a speaker into the teddy bear, and so they could speak into a handset and it would come out of the bear.

"Don't do it," a voice cracked out of the bear.

"Did that thing just talk?" the guy asked.

"Yeah," Frank said. "Which is why I need to bury it. It has been driving me nuts. It keeps singing Katy Perry songs while I try to sleep."

The guy started laughing uncontrollably at that, but he still took a log and tossed it in.

The teddy bear started saying more things. "Please! Help me! I don't want to be burnt! This man has done unspeakable things to me! Even Octavian would shudder at them and call them stuffed animal abuse!"

"Just what's your name, little man?" the guy asked.

"Our names are- Sheldon, Timothy, and Rudy," the bear said, with each of the names being said by a different member of the three in an attempt to sound creepy, and failing at it, because those are just not scary names.

"That's not true," Frank said. "I have done nothing to that bear."

They continued arranging the logs for the fire.

"Stop!" the teddy bear said. "I know where you live! I will come back to get you! I will find you when you're asleep, and then take your soul with me back to the depths of Tartarus from where I was sired by the darkness itself!" it said. It could've been creepy, but was actually hilarious because you could clearly tell there was some sort of speaker in it. The guy was still laughing, but they made the mound and everything.

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

" _Okay, thanks for making that insanely difficult," Frank said. "I'll be honest here, if I found a teddy bear that said all that, I would've left it and ran away."_

" _Are you being honest?" Leo asked. "Or are you being frank?"_

 _"So we're making bad puns now?" Percy asked._

" _Right," Jason said, giggling. "I'm up next, aren't I?"_

Jason only had to wait for a few minutes before someone came on the trail, a girl who from her slightly elfish features he guessed was from the Hermes cabin.

"Hey!" Jason said. "Can I ask you for some help?"

She stopped running, seemingly rather reluctantly, and said, "What do you need?"

"I'm just trying to put in some logs for a fire?"

"But it isn't even cold," she said, confused.

"Yeah, but I need to burn this," Jason said, and wondering what would be beneath it, took off the tarp.

It was a small shelf, all pocked with some small dolls, clearly meant for a girl around four or five.

Jason paused for a second, before a brainwave got to him, and he looked at the puzzled girl and said, "You see, these are my sister's."

" _I don't think Thalia is one to collect dolls," Percy said._

"Isn't your sister, Thalia, that huntress?" the girl asked. "I don't think she would've collected dolls. I thought she was a hardcore punk."

"She wouldn't," Jason said. "They're a gift from our aunt, but she never liked them, so she asked me to burn them in secret where no one would know."

" _Clever," Leo said._

"Oh," the girl said. "Don't worry- I won't tell anyone."

"Do you mind giving me a hand here?" Jason asked, which must have looked odd, with a son of Jupiter and ex-Praetor needing some help to arrange some logs from a girl who looked barely thirteen, but the girl obliged after saying, "Sure."

Result: Jason passed.

* * *

" _This isn't as fun as I thought it'd be," Leo moaned. "No one has lost yet!"_

" _Don't worry," Jason said. "I bet you'll lose again like last time."_

" _Just hope that girl never meets Thalia," Percy said. "Otherwise you might be in some trouble."_

Leo rubbed his hands, knowing that he would have a hard time trying to convince someone to help him build a fire, when everyone knew he could spark a flame up pretty easily with his hands.

But, it seemed to be Leo's lucky day, because the next person to show up was a young boy who was new to Camp, and so wouldn't ask that many questions.

"Hey there!" Leo said. "I just needed a hand with something. Do you want to help?"

"What is it?" the boy asked, slightly exhausted.

"I'm trying to build a fire," Leo said. "You see, I'm trying to burn something." He then pulled the tarp away.

First of all, there was a shirt which had something dark red on it, something that suspiciously looked like-

" _Hey Leo," Frank said. "Is that shirt your size?"_

" _And just what is it on it?" Percy asked. "Is it tomato juice? Or paint? Or could it be…"_

" _Blood?" Jason asked. "In that case, why are you trying to burn it?"_

"So, this shirt, you know, it has some tomato juice on it," Leo said. "And I always hated it, so I'm just trying to burn it in the middle of the woods where no one will see me and no one will know about it."

" _Or it is evidence for some heinous crime?" Percy asked._

Leo then went for the next thing, which was a small cutlery knife, which also had a similar crimson stain on it. Even Leo at this point was beginning to crack up.

"Um, and I also got some ketchup on this knife and I don't really need it anymore," Leo said.

" _So what better way to get rid of it than burning it in the middle of the woods?" Jason asked._

And the third and last item, was a pair of gloves, also with similar stains on them.

"These gloves just went out of fashion," Leo said. "And now no one wants them and I don't really get cold, so you know, I'm just burning them too."

The guy, who up till this point had been looking up stuff on Twitter on his phone, and not even really paying any attention shrugged and said, "Sure, I'll help. Why not?"

" _Are you kidding me?" Percy asked. "You've got to be kidding me!"_

" _Let me get this straight," Frank said to the guy on the screen. "You go into the middle of the woods, find a strange man whom you've never met before, who has what looks like a bloody shirt, knife, and gloves, and he asks you to help him make a fire to burn them, and you agree to help him?"_

" _You don't do that!" Jason complained. "You run away and go for the nearest police station, and not stand there scrolling on your phone!"_

Result: Leo passed.

* * *

" _I'll be honest," Leo said. "I'm actually kind of disappointed that I won this time. People should not find that okay, and now I've lost some of my faith in humanity."_

" _Uh-huh," Percy said._

Unlike the others, Percy had to wait for quite some time, a whole half an hour, before a hiker came, who Percy didn't know, but was panting.

"Hello!" Percy shouted. "Could you please come here for a second?"

"What's up?" the guy asked between deep breaths.

"Uh, I was just making a fire you see, and I'm almost done, so would you mind lending me a hand?"

The guy looked around him. "We're in the middle of a forest, dude. Starting a fire the size of what you're doing is pretty dangerous."

"Oh don't worry about the dangers," Percy said. "I'm a son of Poseidon, so I can get rid of any fire if it gets out of control."

"What are you burning?" he asked. "I mean, man, it is really hot outside today, and it is way too early to be making S'mores."

"I will have you know," Percy said, "that it is never too early to be making S'mores."

" _Truer words were never spoken," Frank said, munching on a S'more as he said them._

"And for that matter, I don't want to make a S'more, what I want is to burn this," Percy said, turning to the tarp, and then uncovering it. Percy picked it off the ground, and it was a maid outfit, even frillier than the one he had forced Leo to wear.

" _Checkmate!" Leo said. "I am not losing this round!"_

" _By the way Leo," Frank asked, "where did you manage to get a maid outfit on such short notice?"_

 _Leo merely gripped Frank's shoulder, and very calmly said, "Don't ask questions that you don't want the answer to, Frank."_

 _Jason frowned. "That seems strangely familiar. What do you call it when that happens?"_

" _I think you call it vertigo," Leo said, who by the way, also thinks that French Fries are actually related to France in some way, and who till the age of nine, believed that chocolate milk came from chocolate cows._

"Whose maid outfit is that?" the hiker asked.

Now, Percy could have possibly given several different answers to that, but he chose the worst choice, "It is mine."

 _The other three guffawed. "Percy, I didn't even make you wear it," Leo said. "You could have said you just found it. You could've said it was your sister's, or Annabeth's, or even just something you stole and can't retur- oh wait, that's even worse."_

"I'm not even gonna ask why you want to burn it," the hiker said. "I'll just say that if you want to get rid of something, burning it is actually a horrible way to do it. Why not just donate it or something?"

It should probably be noted here that the hiker is, indeed correct. As a word of advice, if you do happen to have a very frilly and/or suggestive maid outfit(s) which you would never want to show or wear in public and cannot keep anymore, burning it is a very bad way of getting rid of it as most of them do not burn satisfactorily, the ribbons remain, it gives out a rancid smell, and then your neighbors notice you and your mom starts asking questions, rumors start circulating where you study- and basically it is all just a nightmare. (Once again, it isn't as if the author is speaking from extensive personal experience in this matter ***** _shifty eyes_ *****.)

"Yes, but I have my reasons, you know," Percy said. "And truth be told, this really isn't mine, it belongs to a friend of mine who had a history of cross-dressing, but has changed and wanted me to get rid of it for him."

"That seems extremely detailed," the hiker said. "And I don't think there's actually a friend."

Percy nearly winced at how loud the others were laughing. "But, I mean, won't you help me just build this fire then?"

The hiker paused, looked at the logs and said, "They're not really that heavy man. And I really don't want to get involved with this, and if you managed to make it up till now, you should probably be able to complete it."

" _This guy's observant," Frank said. "Leo should've gotten him."_

Result: Percy failed.

 **A/N: That ends our chapter, and the current score is everyone is in the clear, except for Percy, who has a negative point (the scores reset after every arc, by the way), and as a public service announcement, in case you do find someone in the middle of the woods and they ask you for help in burning things that seem to be covered in blood, please decline and run away.**

 **Also, I will try updating once a week, but that might get difficult later on as I do have a large workload and I also want to update another fanfic about the Pokemon universe once a week too as I'm also excited about that and this, but we'll see.**

 **Thanks for reading, and as always, do review if you liked.**


	9. U No Me, Rite? I

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, favs, and follows guys! As always, in the spirit of this fanfic, I will answer your questions in an extremely long run-on sentence. Thanks lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (I have said what I wanted to say in that chapter. You can draw whatever inferences you want to from that), Calefe (yes, that was one of my favorite parts), CrazyBlueOwl (Annoying her isn't really that suicidal, just dangerous. As for the maid outfit... yeah, I get my incredibly detailed information from 'other sources'), sweetsons, Khaos20 (you should help Leo because he's Leo... not that that guy knew that though), SilverStreaksofStardust (a lot of these are from the original show, others I make up), Midnight349 (I'd like to do that sometime later, but only one arc's been complete and there really isn't enough footage... but I do want to do it sometime), bmftas101, HappyTheDragon, Ayano's Theory of Relativity (it will return again... probably), Koolkat0207 (I remember that from the original show, but it would be kind of difficult to do as it is hard to describe a picture through words, but I can try), Neutrino 2000, and Vexy Minion.**

 _Task Two: Have you ever met a stranger somewhere and thought, "I've seen that person before. Do I know him?"_

 _Well, none of our four contestants know any of the people on NYU Campus, but they're still there, and the target of this round is that they need to get a stranger to say that they know them. This will be made doubly difficulty by the fact that that the other three are on the roof of another building, and will be writing cues down on cards (kind of like whiteboards with a marker) and showing them to the contestant, and he has to act out on those cues. As always, no telling anyone this is a show and they will be getting an earpiece._

 _Unlike the other chapters, the other contestants are on the roof of that building, again, with microphones and all their equipment, and so scenes on the roof will be in italics for this task._

This time Percy decided to go up first. Now, he knew from his loss that the key was finding the right person, the one who looked just gullible enough.

After less than five minutes he saw someone walking around with headphones and decided that he would probably be a smart choice.

"Hey there," Percy said and the guy removed his headphones, trying to look as believable as possible. "Remember me?"

The guy frowned. "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

Leo held up a sign that said: We Went to the Same High School.

Thankfully Frank was writing everything down, so spelling mistakes could be avoided.

"We went to the same high school," Percy said. "Don't you remember me?"

The guy frowned. "I'm not too good with faces. What's my name then?"

Frank held up a sign that said: The Jelly Bean Man.

"I don't remember your real name, sorry," Percy said. "But we used to call you the Jelly Bean Man all the time behind your back. I mean, I wasn't the one that started it, but it caught on, and that's all we said, and I'm sorry man, but the name caught on and stuck in so much I don't remember your real name."

"The name's Brian," Brian said. "And I knew they were calling me something behind my back… I just wasn't sure what it was. Why the Jelly Bean Man though?"

"I don't know," Percy said. "I didn't make the name up."

The guy looked at Percy quizzically.

" _The thing is," Leo said, "you can tell from the guy's expression that deep down, he knows he's never seen Percy before, but at the same time he doesn't want to say that."_

Jason held up a sign that said: Show Me A Jedi Mind Trick.

Percy waved his hands. "These are not the droids you are looking for."

"What?"

"Don't you remember?" Percy asked. "I was the guy always doing the Star Wars impressions."

"Not really," Brian replied. "I always hated Star Wars anyway."

Jason held up a sing that said: I Was the Guy Who Threw Up in the Cafeteria on Tuesday.

"I was the guy who threw up in the cafeteria on Tuesday," Percy said.

"You're going to have to be more specific," Brian said. "At least three people threw up in our cafeteria every Tuesday. It was meatloaf day, though as far as I remember, I was sure the school Science Club verified it was not meatloaf in there."

 _Frank was snickering, with Leo tapping his shoulder so that he'd write the next card._

Leo held up a sign that said: I Was In the School Play, Romeo and Juliet.

"I was in the play, Romeo and Juliet," Percy said. "Don't you remember that?"

"What role did you play?"

Frank held up a sing that said: The Door, while Jason simultaneously put up one that said: Juliet.

 _Frank and Jason both looked at each other. "Sorry," Jason said. "I guess we should've coordinated these things. I knew how to spell Juliet so I went for it."_

" _And now Percy has to do something about it," Leo said._

"Uhh, Juliet. The door," Percy said, wondering what those two things were supposed to mean. "I mean, I was Juliet's Door."

Brian frowned. "Is that even a role?"

"Yes," Percy said. "Romeo's Door was played by Tim."

" _That's the only name you could think of?" Leo asked. "Tim?"_

"What did you do in the play?" Brian asked.

Percy shrugged. "I was a door, man. They generally don't do much, especially in plays by Shakespeare. I stood there with a sort of wooden costume and had a doorknob on my nose."

Percy was, of course, assuming, that Shakespeare's plays didn't have any magical talking doors in them.

"I don't actually remember a lot of the play," Brian said. "It was really boring initially, but was interrupted in the middle when the cops burst in and arrested our school principal. Again."

"Yeah, that's why I couldn't go on stage," Percy said. "So you might not remember me."

 _"Sure Percy," Jason said. "Everyone remembers the guy who dresses up as the door in a play of course... for the wrong reasons."_

" _Okay, did he just say 'again?'" Leo asked. "Percy, I want to know how many times he was arrested."_

"My memory's a bit fuzzy," Percy said. "Which time was that?"

"Oh, I remember those pretty well. I think the first time was five years before I joined, the second three years before, the third time during our orientation, the fourth time during the Halloween Party, and I think the play was the last one." He then added, "Well, I suppose there was that sixth time, but only if you count the time he was taken by the military on Valentine's Day, but he was released like fifteen minutes later when it was all settled out, so you know."

" _He says that so casually," Jason said._

Frank held up a sign that said: I Went to the Halloween Party As Frankenstein.

"I went to the Halloween Party as Frankenstein," Percy said. "Remember that?"

"I went as a taco," Brian said.

" _Okay, no wonder people called him names behind his back," Leo said. "Who goes dressed up as a taco?"_

Leo held up a sign that said: People Kept Asking Me Why I Wasn't Wearing a Costume.

"Yeah," Percy said. "People kept asking me why I wasn't wearing a costume."

Brian snorted. "Yeah, our high school wasn't the friendliest. What was your name?"

"Percy," Percy said.

Brian frowned. "I don't remember there being a Percy… but there were like over a thousand kids at high school. Did we have any classes together?"

Frank held up a board that said: Were You In the Nose Painting Class?

"Were you in the nose painting class?" Percy asked.

"No," Brian said. "I don't remember there being a class like that."

"Really?" Percy asked. "I don't see how you can't. I mean, we had to paint pictures using our paints but we couldn't use brushes, only our noses, and we couldn't even use our hands."

 _Jason had nearly collapsed laughing as he thought of how that class must have looked like._

"Well, then I guess we didn't have any classes together," Brian said.

Leo held up a sign that said: I Got Super Drunk At Charlie's Party.

"I got super drunk at Charlie's party," Percy said. "Remember that?"

"I think I was down with the flu then," Brian said.

Jason held up one that said: I Then Tried Asking Lisa Out But Threw Up on Her.

"I tried asking Lisa out, and then threw up on her instead," Percy said. "I mean, you must've heard about that?"

"Which Lisa?" Brian asked.

"The tall one," Percy muttered, unsure of what else to say.

"Oh," Brian said. "Not really." He then stared intently at Percy.

" _You can tell he still knows deep down that he's never seen Percy before," Jason said._

" _But now he has major doubts," Frank said. "Like, 'Could I be wrong? Certainly people don't do this unless you've met before?'"_

"Yeah, so I'm sorry I forgot about you man, I don't remember faces too well," Brian said. "I guess we should hang out sometime."

"Sure," Percy said.

Result: Percy passed.

* * *

Next up was Leo. He too, had learned from his experience, and was looking for someone who was so hooked to their electronic device that they would not care what he was saying.

He saw someone who was typing away on a laptop and decided that this was it.

"Hello there," Leo said. The guy looked up at him for a moment, and Leo pretended to look disappointed. "You don't remember me?"

"Huh?" the guy asked, confused. "We've met before?"

Percy held up a sign that said: I Was The President of the English Grammar Club.

"I was the president of the English Grammar Club," Leo said. "You forgot that?"

"I don't think I was ever a part of an English Grammar Club?" the guy said.

Percy held up a sign that said: Now Talk In Crazily Incorrect Grammar.

"You still doesn't remembers me?" Leo asked. "Okay, we be needing to talk about a few things. We need to get it did."

The guy looked at Leo funny.

Jason held up a sign that said: No, I'm Sure I've Seen You Before

"No, but seriously, I is sure that we've met before," Leo said. "If it wasn't at the English Club, where we used to thunk hard about word stuff, it must have been somewhere else."

The guy looked thoughtful, but unlike Brian didn't seem to be considering that he'd met Leo.

Percy held up a sign that said: Where You The Guy Who Helped Me Give That Kid A Swirly Back in High School?

" _And you can stop talking oddly," Jason said._

"Where you the guy who helped me give that kid a Swirly back in high school?"

"A Swirly?" the guy asked. "Isn't that when you take someone, put their head in a toilet, and then flush it?"

Leo was about to say, "No, I mean the Swirly that is a sweet cold treat that we gave to people on hot days," so he didn't look like a jerk, but then of course Frank had to hold up a sign before he could say it that said: Yes.

"Yes," Leo said.

"Okay, I have never given anyone one of those before."

Jason held up a sign that said: Then You Must Be From the Talent Show.

"Then you must've been from the talent show," Leo said. "Remember that?"

"I've been to a few talent shows," the guy replied. "Can you be more specific?"

Frank held up a sign that said: My Talent Was Blowing Snot Bubbles.

"My talent was blowing snot bubbles," Leo said, nearly cracking up himself and knowing that his chances for winning were dwindling very fast.

"Really?" the guy asked, looking disgusted and more than that like he was holding back a laugh.

Frank held up another sign that said: Yes. Huge ones.

"Yeah, really big ones," Leo said.

Percy held up a sign that said: I Even Got Seventh Place!

"It was really great, I got the seventh place trophy, remember that?" Leo asked.

" _Leo, this guy has been to tons of talent shows," Jason said. "Do you think that he's going to remember who came seventh in one of them?"_

Jason held up a sign that said: There Were Only Six Contestants Though.

"I should point out that there were only six contestants though," Leo said.

The guy shut off his computer and began laughing again.

Frank held up a sign that said: I May Have Lied About My Age to Get the Trophy Though.

"I may have lied about my age to get the trophy though, but that's really neither here nor there," Leo said.

Percy held up a sign that read: Were You in the Same Cell As Me When I Had Been Arrested for Taking that Girl's Teddy Bear?

"Were you in that same cell as me when I was arrested for taking that girl's teddy bear?" Leo asked.

"Dude, you gave people Swirlies, and you took a little girl's teddy bear," the guy said.

"Yes, but they were both asking for it in my own defense," Leo said. "So, you do know me, right?"

"No," the guy replied. "And let me tell you, this just all seems crazy and stuff, did someone put you up to this? This whole thing looks like I'm being pranked or something… is there a camera somewhere?"

" _Oh," Frank said, "Congratulations on becoming the first person in this show to notice that it is a prank and not falling for whatever we say gullibly."_

" _Get out Leo," Percy said. "You've nearly blown our cover."_

Result: Leo lost.

 **A/N: And that ends this segment. It always did seem rather improbable to me that on the original show, no one** **considered that there wasn't at least something wrong with the contestants, and they might be getting pranked... oh well.**


	10. U No Me, Rite? II

**A/N: Thanks for reviews and everything guys, CrazyBlueOwl (nice to know, and it would be crazy if they found someone they knew... though it would defeat the point of this being a challenge), Calefe, Neutrino 2000 (someone had to see it eventually), NightOwl95 (that is one of my favorite lines too), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels, VexyMinion, Ayano's Theory of Relativity (the show is good, but the thing is that isn't rated PG-13 like this so just be warned about that), sweetsons (I was going to have them all talk to guys, because they would probably all choose to talk to guys since it is already embarrassing enough to say these things to boys, but just because you asked, I decided to write Frank talking to a girl).**

Now it was Jason's turn to shine.

Jason, after watching both Percy and Leo, had developed a different theory for working on this. He assumed that the main difficulty with Percy and Leo was that they had tried to approach students, and students would have of course probably reacted negatively to seeing someone they had never seen before.

Instead, he thought, it was much better to go to a professor. It would be easy enough, Jason's line of thinking went, to get a professor to say that they had met you before, because, well, they probably had a lot of students to teach, and so wouldn't really take time to notice if one of them went up and said that they'd met before.

He eventually saw someone who looked like a professor… or rather sort of like a homeless person (come on, if you've been to college you know what I'm talking about, I mean, not all professors but at least some of them look like that) and decided that this would be his best shot.

The man had a tattoo of what looked like some sort of alien fish on his cheek, and was talking into a phone until his call apparently ended.

Once it looked like he was free for a while, Jason stepped up and said, "Hey, Professor. Do you remember me?"

The guy looked up, surprised. "Oh, hello. Have I taught you before?"

Frank held up a board that said: The Friendzone: How to Get Out of It.

"Yeah," Jason said. "I remember you from that lecture, The Friendzone: How to Get out of It."

The guy laughed. "I sure don't remember teaching a class like that."

"Uh yeah, you know," Jason said. "Anyway, I'm assuming that you're really busy and all, but-"

"Oh, no," the professor said. "My plane just got cancelled, so I'm free for the next two hours. And it is always refreshing to have some real interaction with my students- you know- you don't get to do much in a classroom."

Jason was inwardly face-palming. He thought that the guy would be super-busy, so he could just say that he knew him once and he'd say 'yes' to get rid of him easily, but this was clearly going to be a long, drawn-out battle.

"I usually do remember all of my students though," the professor said. "Or at least, I try to learn their names and things."

Percy held up a sign that said: Something's Been Bugging Me For a While.

"Something's been bugging me for a while," Jason said.

Frank held up a sign that said: You Said 'Oxymoron' In Class And I Swear You Looked Straight At Me.

"You said oxymoron in class and looked straight at me," Jason said. "What was that about?"

The professor was torn between laughing and wondering if Jason was serious. "Um, you do realize that that isn't an insult, right?"

Jason had to sit there and act surprised as the guy explained to him what 'oxymoron' meant.

"But I still don't seem to remember you," the professor said. "I somehow think that an upstanding young gentlemen as yourself would stand out in class, and I'd at least have an inkling who I was talking to…"

Jason tried hard not to fidget, all he needed was for him to say that he knew Jason, but luck didn't seem to be on his side.

" _Aww," Percy said. "The guy thinks that Jason is an upstanding young gentlemen. Isn't that just precious?"_

 _Leo took out a marker and did his best evil grin. "Let's change that, shall we?"_

Frank held up a sign that said: You Might Remember Me As the Leader of that Student Protest.

"You might remember me, I was the head of that student protest," Jason said.

"Which one?"

Percy held up a sign that said: Allow Whites in the Military.

Jason nearly cracked up before even saying it. "It was too allow Whites to enter the military."

The professor frowned and was sure something was wrong. "Okay, I get the jokes already, but I'd kind of like having a serious conversation now. Do you play any sports? You look athletic."

Leo held up a sign that said: No, I was Injured During a Match.

"I used to," Jason said. "But then I was injured during a match and I don't anymore."

"What happened?"

Percy held up a sign that said: I Got Tennis Elbow, Swimmer's Ear, and Athlete's Foot From A Game of Chess.

"I got tennis elbow, swimmer's ear, and athlete's foot," Jason said, "all while playing a game of chess."

"How do you get those from chess?"

" _Yeah, Jason, how do you?" Leo asked. "Do explain."_

"Um, it was a huge game of chess," Jason said. "We were all dressed up as chess pieces on a giant board, kind of like in the Harry Potter movie."

" _Clever," Frank commented._

"Huh," the professor said. "I didn't know you kids were doing that kind of stuff. What piece were you?"

Percy held up a sign that said: The Knight's Horse.

"I was the Knight's Horse," Jason said.

"Wait, so there was also someone riding on top of you?" the professor asked.

"Yeah," Jasons said. "I mean, we did stuff by drawing a lottery and I lucked out. Luckily I was the one who made the front part of the horse at least and not the back."

 _The other three were laughing so hard they couldn't even write something further._

"So, then what happened? How did you get injured?"

"Oh," Jason said. "A fight broke out."

"That explains the tennis elbow, and the athlete's foot, but how did you get swimmer's ear? Isn't that something you get when water enters your ear?"

"Uh," Jason said, pausing for an explanation, "this is kind of hard to believe, but someone else had a can of Coke and was spraying it around as a weapon, and some of it got in my ear."

"You kids these days get into the craziest of things," the professor said. "I really hadn't heard of it though, but I haven't been really catching up with news lately. But then again, have we really met before? Once again, I can't help but think that I would remember you if you were in one of my classes."

Frank had managed to stop laughing for a minute and managed to write another sign: I Accidentally Sent You an E-mail Meant For My Girlfriend.

Jason inwardly shook his head, these guys were not going to be easy on him. "Um, this is slightly embarrassing, but I once accidentally sent you an e-mail that was meant for my girlfriend."

The guy laughed. "I don't think a student has ever sent me something like that."

Percy held up a sign that said: It Had a Whole Lot of R-rated Content

"Uh, well, I don't really want to describe it exactly, but it did have a lot of R-rated content in it."

"No, that doesn't really ring a bell, and I'm sure it would have."

Leo held up a sign that said: There Were Also Certain Photos of Me.

"There were also photos of me," Jason said.

He almost gave up when he saw the next sign.

Percy held it up: I Wasn't Wearing Clothes in Most of Them.

"I wasn't wearing clothes in most of them," Jason admitted, now turning bright red and really straining not to laugh.

"Um, no, it must have been to another professor."

"Oh, yes," Jason said, understanding finally dawning on him. "It was someone else, sorry, but it was quite a deal trying to explain it to him what happened."

"Well, truth be told, I once wrote my mother a rather personal e-mail back in the day," the professor said. "And it wound up with my Calculus professor, and she was very confused as to why a student sent her an e-mail calling her- well, basically my mother and I called each other by nicknames- let's leave it at that, and it was quite a job explaining what had happened to her. Though it wasn't nearly as embarrassing as it must have been for you."

It should be noted here that it is indeed quite embarrassing to accidentally send a personal e-mail meant for someone else, and for no particular reason let us use the example of several photos of you in a rather frilly and/or suggestive maid outfit, and then it is a huge pain explaining to your Chemistry professor what happened, and then you try to burn it to get rid of it but that doesn't work, and then it escalates into something- well, okay, I'll just leave it at that. (Again, the author is not speaking from extensive personal experience in this regard **_***shifty eyes***_**.)

The professor, however, suddenly received a phone call.

"Um, this was great, but something just came up and I've gotta go," the professor said.

Jason groaned inwardly. All that embarrassment, and the guy had still not technically said that he had known Jason. "But before that professor, you know me right?"

The professor took one good look at Jason.

" _He knows he's never seen him before," Percy said._

" _Say no, say no, say no, say no, say no," Leo muttered under his breath._

"Yeah, sure, I know you," the professor said, with his attention now being on his phone. It didn't really sound like he meant it, rather he was just throwing it out there, but it was enough.

Result: Jason passed.

* * *

Next up was Frank's turn, but that posed two problems. The first, of course, was that Frank was the only non-dyslexic member of their group, and that placed the problem as to how they were going to make the signs. This was settled as Leo managed to wire things to make an electronic board that relied on a speech-to-text program.

The next was that Leo didn't want to be the only one who lost the round, so he dared Frank to go and choose a girl they saw hanging out near a lamp post who had been there for the last ten minutes. That was, if Frank wasn't chicken.

Frank responded by turning into a chicken and then flying around pecking Leo before Leo threatened to make fried chicken… and then long story short Frank finally agreed to do it.

"Hello," Frank said to the girl.

"Are you Archknight876?" she asked.

Frank had no clue what this was supposed to mean, but before he could say 'no', Leo had already held up a sign that said: Yes.

"Yes," Frank said reluctantly. You see, one of the important skills in this game, aside from making up absolute nonsense at the top of your head, is saying things before the others can get you to say crazier things.

"Oh, I'm Angelic783," she said, as if this explained everything. "You know, I knew you were Asian, but I thought you agreed to wear a black sweater, and not a red one. But anyway, I guess it isn't that important, I mean, we agreed on a time to meet and I'm here half an hour early. It's just that I'm nervous, you know- I've never been on a blind date before."

 _Leo snickered. "Oh… Frank, you still need to convince her that you've met before."_

" _Did she just say that Frank is Asian and stuff, and that's the only thing she knows about her date's features?" Percy asked. "Does that mean she's saying that all Asian people look the same? If that is true, that's racist."_

" _Of all the unexpected things that have happened up till now, this has got to be the funniest," Jason said._

Frank however, was almost beginning to sweat heavily. How was he ever going to do this?

"That's right and all, but the thing is that I'm sure that we've met before," Frank said.

"Really? You don't look familiar."

" _Didn't she just imply that all Asians look the same to her?" Percy asked._

Percy held up a sign, but at that moment Jason tripped over a wire and unplugged it, and so Percy was holding up a board that was completely blank. Leo hastened to fix it.

This made Frank wonder what he was supposed to say, so he went with, "I- I'm just drawing a blank here, but I'm sure we've met before. You know me, right?"

" _What is Frank going to do when the guy who's supposed to actually come here gets here?" Percy asked._

" _That's his problem," Jason said._

" _If you two are done gossiping, maybe you could help me repair these wires so we can get the board working again!" Leo shouted._

"I- I don't think so," she said.

Jason held up a board that said: THE COW GOES MOOO!

That was not what Jason had been saying, so Jason was confused as to why that message showed up.

" _Percy!" Leo said. "I told you to connect the green wire to the motherboard, not the blue one!"_

" _Blue's always better!" Percy said. "And why do all of your devices say that at some point or the other?"_

"Umm, the cow goes moo?" Frank said, which is quite the odd thing to say on a blind date- or any date for that matter, but Frank had to go with what was on the board. "Do those words ring a bell to you?"

"The cow goes moo?" she asked, looking at Frank like he was crazy. "Umm, no. When would that statement ever ring a bell?"

" _I think I got it right this time," Leo said._

" _Yeah, but this has already been steered in a direction that we don't want," Percy said. "I guess we'll just have to roll with it."_

Jason held up a sign that said: Didn't You Go Cow-Tipping With Me That One Time?

"I just remembered," Frank said, "um, did you perhaps go cow-tipping with me that once we went in that huge group?"

"Cow-tipping?" she asked, and laughed. "Isn't that when you sneak up to cows, and try to tip them over?"

"Yeah, but it is a lot harder than you think, because cows are quite heavy," Frank said, trying desperately to find something to say. "Uh, and it was a sort of dare and I remember a few people with me."

"I was not one of them then," she said.

Jason held up a sign that said: What About the Meeting of Ugly People?

"Well, I know I saw a lot of people at that Meeting of Ugly People I attended," Frank said. "What about that?"

"There's something called the Meeting of Ugly People?"

"Yeah," Frank said. "It's when the ugliest people in college gather to discuss our problems. I'm guessing you wouldn't know of it though."

" _Did you just indirectly imply that she just might be ugly?" Percy asked. "Again, wrong thing to say on a blind date."_

"Yeah, but you're not that ugly either. I can't believe that you'd be invited," she said.

" _So, she said that you're 'not that ugly,'" Leo said. "Wow, she burned you good Frank. Basically, you're ugly, but not that ugly."_

"Uh, I think I'm remembering something though," she said. "There was that pre-med meeting once that I attended before switching majors, and there was someone in my group…. are you Mark?"

"Yes," Frank said, before anyone could show him a sign telling him to say otherwise. "I'm Mark, you know me, right?"

"Yeah," she said. "I can't believe I forgot! This is so crazy, right, us meeting again on a blind date?"

"Yes, but do you know what's crazier?" Frank asked. "I think I forgot my phone back in the classroom. I'll be right back to get it." Frank knew that now that his objective was complete, he had to walk away before her real date showed up.

As Frank was nearly out of sight, someone in a black sweater walked over to the girl. Frank hurried up in trying to run away.

" _Frank! The girl's real date is here!" Leo shouted, almost making Frank deaf. "Someone get a camera over there! I want to see her reaction!"_

Result: Frank passed.

 **A/N: Sorry if you wanted a description of that girl's reaction, you'll just have to imagine it… which can't be hard. It is difficult to capture someone's reaction accurately on paper anyway.**

 **The current score is that Percy and Leo are behind with a negative point each, with both Frank and Jason ahead of them with clean slates. Thanks for reading guys, and for the reviews and favorites (a whole lot more than I expected) and do review if you liked.**


	11. A Picture Worth Zero Words

**A/N: This story has 86 reviews! Thanks guys, and we're almost creeping towards a hundred! So, thanks to lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (yeah, you've got to admit, you'd be pretty confused if something like that happened), CrazyBlueOwl (I assume that you got autocorrected again and wrote bikers instead of jokers? There are a lot of pranks from the original series that I'd like to do, so I'll see when to put them in), Khaos20 (actually, The Cow Goes Moo! is what Leo managed to get Coach Hedge's megaphone to say in the Lost Hero), HappyTheDragon, Neutrino 2000, Ayano's Theory of Relativity, VexyMinion, and** **maddingdiver.**

 **Koolkat0207, this chapter is inspired by your comment… though it is modified quite a bit from the original and doesn't involve just portraits or a carnival, it did however made me think that something along those lines would be possible. Also, this chapter of Impractical Jokers: Demigod Edition will be slightly different and also slightly shorter, but seeing as how a picture is worth a thousand words… and I mention four pictures, that makes this at least four thousand words long I guess? Does it work like that?**

 _Task Three: What could possibly be more romantic than having your paramour make a work of art for you? I mean think about it, we all wish it would happen, and it sounds so perfect…._

 _But, it will not be perfect in this round because our contestants will be the ones designing these works of art. They have half an hour to do so, and anything goes, crayons, markers, paint, pieces of macaroni, but it has to be on a canvas, so no sculptures or vases, and after they are done, the four works will be shuffled and each contestant will present one to his girlfriend, but they can only see it while presenting it. This means of course, that it is possible for all of them to end up with stuff that they created themselves. After that, they have to explain it to them and get them to say that they like it, or that it is good, or something along those lines. If they can't, they lose this round._

 _Everything else stands the same with the cameras and italics and the earpieces and things._

All four of the contestants were in the hideout, with each of them in front of a canvas. They were all busy frantically on their art pieces, and they knew what everyone else was thinking.

"See, the thing is that you want to make something insane," Leo said. "But you also know that it is possible that you'll be the one to get what you made."

"So you can't make it too insane," Percy said.

So, first up was Percy, and thankfully he found Annabeth alone in the Athena cabin when he visited her.

"Hey, Wise Girl," Percy said, trying to smile, knowing that things would probably go downhill from there. "I was in Art Class, and I decided to make this for you."

"Since when do you have Art Class?" Annabeth asked.

" _Oh dear," Jason said. "Annabeth has someone managed to find a flaw in our plan instantly. None of us go to Art Class."_

"Alright, I just had some free time and so I made you this," Percy said, and took out whatever his art piece was supposed to be.

 _Jason rubbed his eyes. He then put on his glasses. "What in Jupiter's name is that supposed to be?"_

" _I don't get it either," Frank said._

" _That's my painting," Leo said in a small voice._

It really isn't possible to describe Leo's painting, but let's just say that it looked like Leo had drunk all of the colors of paint, and then someone told him a really funny joke and then all of it came out of his nose and hit the canvas.

" _Of course it doesn't make sense," Leo said. "Percy's holding it upside-down."_

 _Leo then froze the picture and muted the microphone, and then flipped the painting upside-down using a program. "See, it is supposed to be a rainbow in a meadow."_

 _Jason scratched his chin. "I hate to tell you this Leo, but your painting made more sense upside-down than it does right now."_

Percy of course, was finding difficulty trying to explain what this was supposed to be. "This is… uh, well, abstract art."

Annabeth stared at it for several seconds. "Percy… thanks and all, but it looks like something Leo would draw as a prank."

" _I swear she can tell the future or something," Leo said._

"So do you like it?" Percy asked, trying to put on his usual baby seal eyes that make almost everyone melt.

"I hate to tell you this- but not really," Annabeth said.

Result: Percy failed.

* * *

" _That was harsh Percy," Jason said. "I mean, to be rejected like that…"_

" _What were you trying to draw anyway, Leo?" Percy asked._

" _A rainbow in a meadow," Leo said._

" _It looks like you randomly threw paint at the paper!"_

" _Well you were holding it upside-down!" Leo said defensively._

 _Percy held the thing the correct way and said, "It still doesn't make any sense!" while Frank and Jason sniggered._

Next up was Frank. Frank took his project and went to where Hazel was scribbling something down with Nico. After Nico had left, Frank said, "Hazel, I made this for you. How is it?"

Frank then unveiled his project: a pencil drawing of a rabbit and a flower and some grass next to it.

That was the unbelievable thing: that the rabbit was completely normal. The others couldn't believe that it was not a half-eaten carcass, an evil bunny eating humans, holding a sign that said, "For the World's Biggest Loser", or malformed in any way at all.

It was just a regular bunny, and for that matter even somewhat likeable.

" _I didn't draw that," Percy said, and Jason and Leo nodded. "So that means…"_

" _It means Frank got his own drawing," Leo said._

"Aw!" Hazel said. "I didn't know you drew stuff! It looks great!"

There was then some mushy stuff, but Leo decided to cut the tape because he thought it didn't belong in a comedy show, and was a sore loser that Frank still hadn't lost a single point!

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

" _What was that drawing about?" Leo asked._

" _Oh," Frank said, "see, I sort of realized that I was already in the lead and there wasn't much danger of me losing, so I just decided to make a normal so someone would get an easy time of it, mainly Percy or Leo."_

 _Frank could tell that this was some sort of alien concept from the way the others looked at him._

" _And you got so lucky that you got your own drawing?" Jason asked._

" _I guess so," Frank said._

" _Stupid karma," Leo muttered._

Leo probably shouldn't have insulted karma, because it was his turn next. And by a process of elimination, he knew that he was going to get either Percy's artwork, or Jason's. Neither of which was going to be good.

Leo found Calypso tending to some plants in the garden.

"Hey there Sunshine," Leo said. Calypso seemed to still be busy with whatever plant Calypso was working on (Leo was not good at differentiating plants- he kept messing up olive and lemon branches), "I made this for you."

Leo then unveiled his work of art, but Calypso was still working on her plant, so he got a look at it before she did.

It was a pencil drawing. Of a broken cracker on a plate.

Seriously, that was all there was on there. There was as simple dinner plate and on that was as single, broken cracker.

" _What is that?" Percy asked._

" _It is my masterpiece," Jason said. "It is a drawing of a broken cracker on a plate. I call it, 'Broken Cracker on a Plate.' It is, by the way, currently valued at thirty-eight million dollars."_

" _Yeah," Frank said. "Zimbabwe Dollars."_

 _Jason took out a plate with a broken cracker on it. "I will have you know that this is my inspiration for this work of art."_

Leo had to admit, the cracker and plate did look realistic… almost unnervingly so.

Calypso finished with her plant, ran her dirt-containing fingers through her hair and took a good look at the picture, and frowned. "I know I've returned after so much time, but is this what passes for art in modern times? And one for a lover?"

"Sure it is," Leo said, trying to smile, though unfortunately Calypso could tell he was lying.

"You spent a whole lot of time on this," Calypso noted. "To have drawn it so detailed… "

"Anything for you, Sunshine," Leo said, hoping he could get away with this.

Calypso kissed Leo on the forehead, and took a good look at the picture. "I'm unfamiliar with what people call 'modern art' but thank you for making this."

"So it is good right?" Leo said.

"You made it. OF course it is."

" _She's so sweet," Percy said. "Leo, how could you possibly lie like that to her?"_

" _Yeah Leo you're a real jerk manipulating someone like that," Jason said._

Result: Leo passed.

* * *

" _I think we need to make a deal," Leo said, "to never show anyone this footage. If we do manage to make a TV show or something, let's edit this part out."_

" _Agreed," everyone else said._

" _Well, I'm up now," Jason said. "And apparently this means that I'm going to get Percy's artwork. Any hints on what you made Percy?"_

" _Nope," Percy said. "You'll just have to find out yourself."_

Jason found Piper currently on rounds for Cabin Inspection.

"Hey!" Jason said. "Wait up!"

Piper paused from checking something on her clipboard and smiled when she saw Jason. "I was just finishing things up here."

"Yeah, well, I was working on something, and look what I made for you," Jason said, and then unveiled Percy's artwork.

" _Okay," Frank said. "I give up. Percy, tell us what that is."_

" _It isn't supposed to be anything," Percy said. "I just took a bunch of pieces of macaroni, dipped them in blue paint and some glue, and randomly threw them at the canvas. Whichever ones stuck stayed there."_

" _That's just lazy," Leo said._

" _You're one to talk!" Percy said. "Your thing didn't even vaguely look like anything!"_

"Well, what is it supposed to be?" Piper asked, confused.

Jason was trying very hard internally to think of a good explanation for what it was. What could he possibly tell her that this was?

" _What if this all goes horribly wrong?" Percy asked. "What if Jason messes up and Piper Charmspeaks him into telling everything about us?"_

 _Leo seemed to be just considering that at that very moment. "Well, Jason, do think of something good."_

"It is uh- how do I explain this- ah- it is a star chart," Jason said. "You know, based on astrology and all?" Jason turned the thing around, because it was really impossible to tell which side was which, and said, "See? I've made both of our star charts. I mean, normally, they're not made with macaroni, but I thought it'd be cool to see how it looked like. It is neat, isn't it?"

Piper looked at Jason like she was wondering he was sick and was even considering touching his forehead to take his temperature. "Since when have you ever been obsessed with star charts?"

Jason shrugged. "I just thought of making one…"

Piper glanced at her watch and said, "I'm kind of behind schedule anyway, but I'll catch up to you later. Unless you wanna come with me on the inspections?"

"Actually, I have to be somewhere too," Jason said awkwardly. "You do like the thing though, right?"

" _Jason," Percy said. "If you're trying to pass it off as something that you made, don't call it a thing."_

"Yeah, sure, it is great," Piper said.

Result: Jason passed.

 **A/N: So, the current score is Percy is the most behind with two negative points, then Leo with one negative point, and Frank and Jason both have clean slates.**

 **Thanks for reading. Also, do not try these actual things with your girlfriend and/or boyfriend (I kind of assume it is an 'or' instead of 'and', but I don't judge either way) because it will end badly.**

 **Also, tell me if you liked the sort of new thing that this presented, or if you thought it was meh and preferred the old way of writing the pranks. And leave a review anyway if you liked it.**


	12. A Case of Demigods Leading the Blind

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, Koolkat0207 (I regret nothing either!), CrazyBlueOwl (it is okay to want Percy to lose), VexyMinion, Ayano's Theory of Relativity (Jason is talented, and it might sell for that much as a historical artifact. As for portraits of their girlfriends, that's kind of hard to do in under half an hour and I kind of really didn't think of that), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (just don't tell her where you got the idea), Calefe (I kind of struggle a bit with giving Frank the right lines, but it is nice to know that I seem to be doing alright at it), HappyTheDragon (we might get there soon), DrakonOwl21195 (she must never discover it, which is why they've tried to keep it a secret), and percygeorgefourherondale.**

 _Task Four: In this task, the contestants will be wearing a special sort of glasses (because blindfolds are a bit too obvious) which very nearly prevent any sort of light going through them, thereby making them oblivious to the visual world._

 _After that, they have to do and/or say whatever the others ask them to. This is a 'refuse, you lose' round._

Though it was obvious that Percy was probably going to lose, he went up first.

"Okay, these glasses like make you like _blind_ blind," Percy said. "I can't see anything, even out of the corners."

" _Okay, Percy," Leo said, "walk ten paces to the right."_

Percy obliged.

" _Now hold out your right hand and point it at your side," Jason said._

Percy also did so.

" _Now say, 'Hey punk!'" Frank said._

Percy said, "Hey punk!" wondering who he was even talking to.

" _Say, 'I thought we agreed this was my turf'"" Jason said._

Percy said, "I thought we agreed that this was my turf!"

" _Say, 'I thought you knew the agreement! You get all the area up to the pool, and the rest of this is mine,'" Leo said._

Percy had the feeling that this was quickly moving into very uncomfortable territory, but he said, "I thought you knew the agreement! You get all the area up to the pool, and the rest of this is mine."

" _Say, 'Okay buddy, you're going to have to hand over fifty bucks if you want to stay here,'" Frank said._

"Okay buddy, you're going to have to hand over fifty bucks if you want to stay here," Percy said.

" _Now take off your glasses and see just who you've been saying all this to!" Frank said and all three of them guffawed._

Percy took off his glasses to see the person he had said all of that to: a small kid who couldn't have been older than five years old and was currently licking a lollipop, clearly wondering why this random stranger in the park was saying all this to him.

Despite everything, Percy began laughing. "Okay- I'm sorry kid, I didn't mean that. Go ahead and play like you want to."

" _Percy, this is a public park," Frank said. "You just can't go around dividing it up like some gangster."_

 _"Now put your glasses back on," Leo said._

Percy obliged.

" _So Percy, if you're done picking on small children," Jason said, "we found someone a whole lot tougher for you to pick a fight with."_

"Guys, I currently can't see," Percy protested. "I'm not going to be winning any fights."

" _Yeah, but this is refuse you lose, Percy," Frank said. "Now walk fifteen steps forward, then ten steps right, and then twelve steps left…"_

Percy did so.

" _Now say, 'What're you looking at?'" Jason said._

"What're you looking at?" Percy asked, wondering how he was going to fight blind.

" _Say, 'I know you've been lookin' at me funny, do you have a problem man?'" Leo said._

"I know you've been lookin' at me funny," Percy said, "do you have a problem man?"

" _Now make a 'yo mama' joke," Frank said._

Percy sighed. He knew he was lagging behind and was considering just saying that he'd had enough, but then remembered that it was still possible that Leo would mess up, and that would mean that at least Leo would share his punishment.

"Yo mama's so fat," Percy said, "that she thought Mt. Everest was candy corn."

" _Percy," Frank said, "I said to make a 'yo mama joke', not a 'bad yo mama joke.'"_

Percy was surprised the guy hadn't punched him already. And hadn't said anything either.

" _Now challenge him to a fight," Jason said._

"Okay," Percy said. "The gloves are off. I'm sick of you, and let's fight."

" _Now take off your glasses," Leo said._

Percy took off his glasses to look at a telephone pole. He had spent all that time talking to a telephone pole, and there was an old guy feeding the pigeons looking at him, clearly wondering what was wrong with kids these days.

" _Okay, another one," Leo said. "Take ten steps right, then five steps left, and then turn around and-"_

Percy tried to keep up with the directions, and was suddenly met with something squishy on his foot.

" _Surprise!" Leo said. "Did we tell you that this park is famous for housing a lot of dogs? And you've just stepped in one of their presents!"_

Percy took off his glasses and looked at what he had stepped in. "What's wrong with people! You're supposed to clean that up! And guys, seriously, was this the funniest thing that you could think of? Stepping in dog poop is one of the oldest, and seriously, grossest and not really funny things ever."

" _I must disagree with you on it not being funny," Frank said._

Once Percy washed his feet, he put on his glasses again and braced himself for what was going to happen.

" _Okay, Percy, point your finger to your right and ask the person to stop," Leo said._

"Please stop," Percy said.

"Is there something you need?" someone asked. The voice sounded like it was a man's, maybe around thirty.

" _Ask for his cell phone and tell him you need to make a call," Leo said._

"Can I borrow your cell phone for a minute?" Percy asked. "I really need to make a call."

"To who?"

" _Percy, correct him and say, 'to whom?'" Leo said._

"To _whom_ ," Percy said, feeling like an idiot.

"Okay, whatever, but who do you wanna call kid?"

" _Say that you need to call the police," Jason said._

"I need to call the police," Percy said.

"Why?"

" _Say that someone stole your vanilla ice cream," Jason said._

"Someone stole my vanilla ice cream," Percy said.

" _Say that it was stolen by a middle aged white guy wearing a blue leather jacket and black jeans," Jason said._

"It was stolen by a middle aged white guy wearing a blue leather jacket and black jeans," Percy said.

" _Now take off your glasses," Leo said._

And of course, the guy looked just like the person Percy had described.

"I didn't steal nobody's ice cream though," he said.

Result: Percy passed.

* * *

Next up was Leo's turn, and clearly this was going to be intense due to the fact that Leo's victory/defeat would decide if Leo would be punished along with Percy, or if Percy was going to be punished alone.

"Wow, these glasses are good," Leo said. "I mean, I made them, so they are good obviously, but anyway, still, I can't see a thing."

" _Leo, there's someone walking near you," Percy said. "Ask them to wait up."_

"Hey wait up!" Leo said, not sure which way to turn.

An elderly female voice said, "Yes?"

" _Tell the nice old lady that you need to ask for directions," Percy said._

"Um, could you give me some directions?" Leo asked.

"To where?"

" _Ask her how to get to second base," Frank said. Percy and Jason both sniggered._

"How do I get to second base?" Leo asked, trying hard not to crack up.

The lady adjusted her glasses, though obviously Leo couldn't see that. "I don't understand. There isn't a baseball field nearby."

" _And now we have another addition to make to our list of people on this show who can't tell when they're being messed with," Percy said._

"Oh, I'm sorry," Leo said. "I must be in the wrong park then. Thank you!" He wanted to say all that before the others could go ask him to do some more weird stuff.

" _Okay, Leo, take two steps left, then keep walking forward, and after that-" Percy said, giving Leo a long list of rather complex directions._

At the end, Leo had bumped into about three different things, one of which he was sure was a dog, and had subsequently ran once it started barking only to trip over a tree root.

The others, of course, found this to be hilarious.

" _Great, now just take ten paces forward," Percy said._

Leo did, but on the seventh step, he felt the ground disappear beneath him, and he was suddenly standing waist-deep in water.

" _Surprise!" Percy shouted. "You've just jumped into a creek!"_

"This is revenge for the dog doo-doo thing, right?" Leo asked as he took off his glasses. "In which case I have to say that you guys are all losing your class. I mean, this stuff really isn't funny, and isn't taking all the advantage of these glasses."

Leo dried himself off. Fire is rather good for that.

" _Then again, Leo does have a point," Jason said. "This hasn't been all up to mark."_

" _Don't worry guys," Percy said. "I got this."_

" _Okay, so Leo, just follow these directions carefully," Frank said._

The next fifteen minutes were spent as Leo tried navigating around the place.

" _Great, now you'll see- okay wait, you won't see it, but there's a rack on your right with a couple of T-shirts on it. Go put one on," Frank said._

Leo found one and awkwardly put it on while he heard the guys laughing. He was itching to take the glasses off and see what he was wearing.

" _Now walk ten steps to the left and point your finger to the right," Jason said._

Leo did so.

" _Raise your finger a little," Percy said. "And then say, 'Hey you!'"_

"Hey you!" Leo said.

" _Say, 'I've been standing here for the last three hours, and I've seen you sitting on that chair of yours like it's the Iron Throne,'" Percy said._

"I've been standing here for the last three hours, and I've seen you sitting on that chair of yours like it's the Iron Throne," Leo said.

"Oh really?" someone asked who was sitting above Leo. Leo wondered just what was going on.

"Yeah," Leo replied.

" _Tell the guy that he's been sitting there getting paid to do nothing, that he's lazy, and you're going to make him do something to earn those doughnuts that he's eating," Percy said._

This all sounded way too specific for Leo, but he did it anyway. "So, you've been sitting around getting paid to do nothing, you're lazy, but I'm going to make you do something to earn those doughnuts you're eating."

"Is that so?" the guy asked.

" _Leo, point at your shirt and run five steps forward!" Percy said._

Leo did so, and then stopped, because his feet suddenly felt wet. "Where am I?"

" _Take off your glasses and look," Percy said and laughed._

Leo did, and he noticed several things. First of all, he was at the edge of a swimming pool. Second of all, the guy he had been talking to was the lifeguard, who was eating a doughnut at the moment. Third, Leo was wearing a T-shirt that said: I CAN'T SWIM on it.

That's when Leo realized what had happened and began chuckling like crazy. "Okay, I've got to admit, well played guys, well played."

Result: Leo passed.

 _And so, Leo returned to the hideout. "So Jason and Frank are up next?"_

" _Nope," Jason said. "Even if both of us lose, Percy still gets punished and he's the only one that gets punished, so we've decided to both sit this one out and get straight to the punishment."_

" _How very unsportsmanlike of you," Percy said. "I mean, you might as well do it just so we can see you guys doing it."_

" _Nah," Jason said. "Let's get straight to the part where you get embarrassed Percy! We've thought up of something pretty good!"_

 _Percy gulped._

 **A/N: And that ends our chapter, and also this round. Percy is this round's biggest loser, and the next chapter will detail his punishment.**

 **Thanks a lot for reading, and do please review if you liked!**


	13. The Second Punishment

**A/N: First of all, I'd just like to say that we've finally hit 100 reviews! Thanks! You guys are awesome!**

 **So thanks to Koolkat0207 (just make sure the place has wi-fi so you can continue reading this), PrincessOfAtlantis, Vexy Minion (it was short, sadly, and this will be too sadly, being a punishment chapter, and other punishment chapters will be too unless I can think of more complex ones), Ayano's Theory of Relativity (it was a bit less in the unbelievably ridiculous stuff, I admit), Neutrino 2000, lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (that's a great idea, and maybe I'll do it some other time. Sadly I already thought of what the punishment was going to be. And it is rather hard to do ballet in a maid outfit, though that depends slightly on what type of fabric- okay I'll stop myself there before I embarrass myself), Calefe, CrazyBlueOwl (truth be told, that was a Yo Mamma joke that I told a classmate of mine, who told it to another classmate of mine, who laughed really hard at it but said she was laughing not because it was a funny joke but that she was laughing because it was a really terrible Yo Momma joke and was stupid. And it is still** **apparent how much autocorrect loves you), Star (Percy had to fall eventually and I do sort of agree with you on the Refuse You Lose challenges. In the original show, they were allowed to ask for some R-rated stuff so someone would eventually refuse, and I sort of wanted to have some people refuse but then always thought that they would do it anyway so they wouldn't lose. I'll see if I can change it or do something about it since it does take away the suspense of it), DrakonOwl21195, and Guest.**

Percy was understandably nervous. "What is it?"

"We're not telling you just yet, Seaweed Brain," Leo said.

Percy stared at his fingers for a few more minutes before asking, "Just tell me whether or not it involves a maid outfit."

Frank frowned. "Unfortunately, it doesn't."

They were all standing outside a seemingly normal bookstore/café in New York… though Percy knew that rarely anything would be normal after Leo's punishment.

"So, this is what you have to do," Jason said. He took out something that looked like a laptop but was much heavier. "Take this, find a table where you'll be alone, and then sit there."

Percy knew that couldn't be it. "What's the catch?"

"You'll find out soon enough," Frank said.

Percy walked in, and the bookstore/café wasn't much too different from a normal one in New York. There wasn't anything odd that Percy could see, just people browsing books and stuff on their phones or drinking coffee, though he was kept guessing as to how many people were in on the prank.

Percy found an empty table though and sat down, keeping the laptop-thingy on the table.

" _So Percy," Leo said. "Do you know what that thing is? I call it the Fart-o-Matic."_

A bead of sweat ran down Percy's forehead. "You can't be serious."

" _Watch what happens when I press this button," Jason said._

Immediately, one very clear and distinct fart noise emanated from the machine, and of course, pretty much everyone stopped whatever it was they were doing and stared in Percy's direction, wondering who had caused the noise.

Thankfully it was still vague enough that no one had pinpointed it out to be Percy, but they would if Jason pushed the dreaded button again.

"Really guys?" Percy asked, trying to keep his voice low, blood rushing to his face in embarrassment. "Fart noises? That's the best that you could come up with? First of all, like that dog poop thing, this is totally gross, and also registers as the lowest level of humor. I have to honestly say that I expected a bit more from you guys than this."

" _True Percy, fart jokes are old," Leos said. "But what can I say? I'm a fan of the classics. I even read that one old book where the main characters die."_

" _You literally described almost all Greek and Roman classics, and other classics for that matter," Jason aid._

" _It still is pretty funny," Frank said. "And so, your punishment is that you will continue to sit in that chair while we press the button. It ends only when we've managed to empty the store, or the manager kicks you out."_

" _Can you imagine how awkward that would be?" Jason asked. "I mean, for the manager. The guy, or girl, would have to go up to someone and say, 'I'm sorry sir, but your passing gas has taken away all of my customers and they're leaving. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'"_

 _Leo snorted. "Okay, that would be pretty awkward and no one wants to say that, but then again all your customers are leaving so…"_

" _Push the button!" Jason said._

The noise came out again, and this time it was pretty obvious it was from Percy. Percy wasn't sure what to do so he just tried hard not to look at anyone.

And then it happened again. Someone looked up this time and didn't stop staring. At least three people started giggling.

Percy felt so out of place a fountain ten feet outside the store suddenly exploded due to his nervousness.

Two sounds later, an old lady left the store.

 _Jason and Leo fist-pumped. "Yeah! We did it! We did it!" they began singing in an oddly_ Dora the Explorer _sort of way._

 _Frank put on a Darth Vader mask. "The Fart is strong in this one," he said._

And so it went on and on, with Percy's face getting redder until it looked like you could make toast on his cheeks. By now, the café was half empty.

" _No sign from the manager yet," Jason said._

" _I say we increase the frequency," Leo replied._

Now, there were less than six people left.

" _As always, this show really is an insight into human psychology," Frank said. "So many more people are leaving now that almost everyone has left. Clearly no one wants to be the only person who didn't leave."_

Quite surprisingly, the entire store emptied before anyone kicked Percy out.

" _Well Percy, you're free to go now." Jason said._

"I hate all of you," Percy said.

 **A/N: And that ends it. I added that maid outfit mention due to lunarchroncilesandcockatiels' recommendation. This ends the second arc of this story, and as always, the score will reset and we begin again with the next chapter, hopefully updated next week.**

 **Thanks for reading, as always, and here's to a hundred more! Do please review if you liked!**


	14. Impractical Professors I

**A/N: This now has the most reviews of any of my fanfics. Thanks Neutrino 2000, BookNerd101010101, CrazyBlueOwl, DrakonOwl21195 (yes, he can try), Koolkat0207, Ayano's Theory of Relativity, Star (we'll see who loses this round), theGirlster (well, I'm just going to answer your questions in this rather than by PM if that's fine. First off, if there is an analogy between the characters and the original ones from the show, I don't really intend it or plan it, so I guess that's just sort of accidental. I wouldn't want to do that thing with Joe as I ship Percabeth too hard and anyway the guys have an agreement not to do anything too serious like that), and Guest.**

 _Task One: The contestants will be acting as replacement professors for a special class in a community college. They will have no idea what they are supposed to be teaching, or how, as it will all be decided by the others._

 _As such, this will be a 'refuse you lose round', and also, at the end of the class, the students will be polled to rate their professor. At least two candidates will lose this round, so if no one refuses to do anything, the candidates with the two lowest scores will get a negative point, if one refuses, the one with the lowest score gets a negative point, and if two or more do so than the polling won't matter._

Percy was hungry for revenge, and so he decided to step up first.

The classroom wasn't that special and could've accommodated maybe a hundred students at most, but only about forty were going to come.

Before class could even start though, one student walked up to Percy. "Uh, Professor, this is kind of awkward for me to say, but I'm not getting a signal on my phone, and I need to make this really important call… so can I borrow your phone?"

" _Is that guy really asking the professor for his cell phone?" Frank asked. "I mean, at the very least I'd ask the other classmates first."_

" _But there aren't that many people here yet," Jason pointed out._

" _Okay Percy," Frank said. "Say that you'll give it to him, but you need to delete your Internet browser history first."_

"You can use it," Percy said. "But I need to delete my Internet browser history first."

The guy laughed way harder than he should have. "I don't want to use the Internet."

" _Say that you're not responsible for any mental scarring or psychological counseling he might need if he does see it," Leo said._

"I just want to say, as a disclaimer, that I'm not responsible for any mental scarring or psychological counseling you might need if you do look at it," Percy said.

The guy laughed harder this time. "It's alright, I understand what you mean."

 _Leo raised an eyebrow. "Understand what you mean? Just what does this guy's Internet history look like?"_

After that was over, about fifteen minutes later it looked like the entire class was there.

"So, I think we should begin," Percy said. "I'm Professor Percy Jackson, and I'm glad to welcome you all to this lecture." He then turned to the board, holding a piece of chalk in his hand.

" _Percy," Leo said, "the topic of your lecture is, 'How to Breathe.'"_

Percy snorted and wrote: How to Breathe on the chalkboard. There were several bemused looks from some people.

" _Now explain what the class is about," Jason said._

"So," Percy said. "Some of you may be wondering what this class is about."

" _Considering the fact that you wrote 'How to Breathe' on the blackboard, I'm guessing those people are the dumb ones," Franks said._

Percy turned to the board and said, "'How to Breathe.' It sounds so simple, doesn't it. But, is it?" He then turned to the class and tried to look like he was pausing dramatically instead of desperately thinking of something to say. "But, let's be honest, breathing is an important part of life. And, more importantly, we're here to talk about what goes wrong with breathing… uh…. In other words things including basic CPR, asthma, and if someone chokes on something."

" _Percy, you looked totally lost there,' Frank said._

" _Say that you're going to start with choking," Leo said._

"Let's start with a common thing you might have seen, choking," Percy said.

" _Now, say that when someone's choking, there are list of things you have to check," Jason said._

"When someone's choking, there are a list of things you have to check," Percy said.

" _First of all, make sure the person isn't being choked using the Force by a Sith Lord," Frank said._

"First of all, you need to make sure that the person in question isn't being choked using the Force by a Sith Lord," Percy said. Several people chuckled at that. "An easy way to check that is to see if they're floating. Once that's out of the way, as you probably already know, the next common cause is choking on a piece of food."

" _Now Percy," Leo said, "draw a diagram on the board showing the human throat, and then describe it by making up as many ridiculous medical terms as possible."_

Percy then tried drawing a human face and throat on the board, in which the word 'tried' should be given emphasis on.

" _Percy," Jason said, "you know that people's noses aren't that big, and just the whole overall shape of that seems wrong."_

"I know this isn't very accurate, but it is supposed to be a schematic diagram," Percy said. He then pointed to a section of the throat. "Now, the principle cause of choking is irritation to the Area of McDonald right here, named so because people generally choked here while eating at the famous restaurant." Percy paused here.

"Of course, one can't rule out the fact that Poseidon's Nerve, right here, could also be irritated, which is named such as it looks like a trident, or the fact that the Nissan Maximus might have been damaged."

One student raised up her hand and said, "Professor, I've taken human anatomy classes before, and I've never heard of the Nissan Maximus."

" _Go on, Percy, explain," Leo said._

"Uh, well, you know, the Nissan Maximus," Percy said. "It is just below the Foramen of Leo and above the Canal of Jason. You might not have been taught this and honestly it isn't really important."

" _Hey," Frank protested. "I want a mythical human anatomical part named after me too. And how come Leo gets one and I don't?"_

" _I'm worth two Franks, remember?" Leo asked. "And Percy, if this isn't important, why are you telling them this as a professor? It just sounds like you're trying to show off and not really teach."_

" _So tell them you need to move on to CPR because you're running short on time, which, frankly, you are," Jason said._

"But I think that's enough of choking for now, we need to move on to CPR because we're short on time," Percy said. He could also tell that several of the student's faces were saying, 'Dude, you just spent ten minutes describing apparently useless anatomical terms and didn't say anything useful.'

None of them spoke up though.

" _Now, tell them that there is one important thing that they must think about before they attempt to perform CPR," Jason said._

"There is one important thing to think about before you ever attempt CPR," Percy said.

" _And that is: 'Is this person worth saving?'" Leo said._

"And that is, and you have to ask yourself this: 'Is this person worth saving?'" Percy said.

There were several confused looks and chuckles from the audience.

" _And you really need to ask yourself this because you're going to be going mouth-to-mouth with that person," Leo said. "Which can be really gross."_

Percy almost didn't want to say that, but he didn't want to give up either. "And you really need to ask yourself this because you're going to be going mouth-to-mouth with that person, which can be really gross."

There were even more bemused looks from the class.

" _And tell them that it is even worse if you've never kissed someone before, because unfortunately, CPR counts, and you may not want that to be your first kiss," Frank said._

"It is even worse if you've never kissed someone before," Percy said. "Because unfortunately, CPR counts, and you may not want that to be your first kiss."

There were now blatantly defiant expressions and people saying "What?" when there was a ringing noise.

"Oh look, time's up," Percy said. "Before all of you leave though, I'd just like you to fill in these forms and rate how you thought my teaching was."

Percy's Average Score: 8.3/10.

* * *

" _I can't believe you managed to get over an eight," Leo said._

" _I just need to make sure that I rely on none of them in case I actually choke on something or need CPR," Jason said._

" _By the way, considering the fact that Percy gave them a lot of wrong knowledge, could we get sued if any of them does something wrong based on what we told them?" Frank asked._

" _We'll think of that later," Leo said. "Anyway, now the Valdez is up!"_

Leo, of course, was not going to let the opportunity of being a professor slide and was going to milk it for all it was worth. He decided to dress up in a tweed coat, what looked like a bib to Percy, a cane, and ridiculous socks that didn't even match. He looked like he was wearing something kind of like what would happen if Willy Wonka's costume was designed by Katy Perry.

On the blackboard, he had written down: DOCTOR PROFESSOR LEO VALDEZ THE THIRD.

" _Professor Leo Valdez the Third?" Percy asked._

"No, no," Leo said to the empty classroom, "you insult me by merely calling me 'professor.' You shall address me by full and proper title, 'Doctor Professor.'"

" _And why did you add, 'the Third' at the end?" Frank asked._

Leo shrugged. "I thought it'd sound cool."

The class came in, and it was about the same size as that of Percy's class.

"Good morning everyone," Leo said, in a very bad and obviously fake French (or it could be German, or Russian, honestly, it was too horrible to tell what he was going for) accent "My name is Doctor Professor Leo Valdez ze Third, and I am so delighted at seeing so many fresh faces gathered before me here today."

" _Great, now you sound exactly how you look like," Percy said. "And now it is time for your topic, which is 'The Effect of the Black Death on European Art and Culture.'"_

This was given to Leo because it was serious topic (which everyone knew was really going to tick Leo off) and also because he happened to know nothing about it.

So, Leo wrote the topic on the board.

" _Now say something about it," Percy said._

"Now, the first thing that I'd like to mention about this topic," Leo said, "is that I personally find it racist that it is called the 'Black Death,' and I think several of the African Americans gathered here will agree."

None of the African Americans there agreed, only looked confused.

" _That's the best that you can say?" Percy asked. "Something mildly racist?"_

"Now, you may know that the Black Death killed approximately forty-three percent of Europe's population," Leo said.

" _I think there's a seventy-nine percent chance that no one believed that," Percy said._

" _I think there's a twenty-four percent that Leo is going to lose this round," Jason said._

" _I should point out that forty-eight percent of statistics in this show are made up," Frank said._

"So, there was a lot of death and suffering, and with so many dead the whole incident obviously left a large impression on people's minds," Leo said.

" _By the way, Leo," Percy said, "you now have to discuss the first artwork. It is right under the desk."_

Leo opened the desk and saw what it was before he almost snorted and cursing the others.

" _Come on," Frank said. "Show it to everyone."_

It was a painting that Leo had made for 'A Picture Worth Zero Words' that had made no sense to anyone. Leo hung it up on the blackboard. "So, this is a work from an unknown artist somewhere."

A student raised her hand. "Professor! Professor!"

Leo turned around, tugged on his coat, and said, "Doctor Professor, please."

The student looked slightly confused, and said, "Doctor Professor, um, I think that you've hung up that painting upside-down."

"No, this is the correct way," Leo said.

"But it makes more sense the other way!" the student protested, tilting her head and saying the same thing again. Several students tried the same thing and agreed.

"I, for one, know for a fact that this is the right way the painting is supposed to be held," Leo said, turning red slightly.

" _Say that you know that they're wondering how it depicts pain and sorrow," Percy said._

"I bet you're wondering how this painting depicts pain and sorrow," Leo said.

" _Tell them that the author made it so that people would feel pain and sorrow trying to figure out what the painting was supposed to mean," Percy said._

"The author apparently made it so that people would feel pain and sorrow trying to figure out what the painting was supposed to mean," Leo said, gritting his teeth. It was quite some thing to get an artist to insult his own work.

" _Kind of like what we experienced," Frank said. "Now in the other drawer, there'll be your second piece of work to discuss."_

Leo opened the drawer and took one good look at what was inside. "Okay Jason, Frank, this is taking it way too far."

 _Percy frowned. "What, did you forget me?" He then frowned. "Wait, what was the second picture?"_

" _Something Frank and I put together," Jason said. "We didn't think that you'd like it. Come on Leo, unless you want to lose."_

Leo considered it. He seriously did, but he didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction that they had beaten him, and he didn't want to be punished this time.

Leo put the photo up. It was that picture, from way back in Impractical Oracles, in which Leo was wearing a maid outfit and hugging Percy. Jason had planned to use it as blackmail material later on in life, but then changed his mind and thought he could use it as blackmail material later on anyway since no one of importance was going to see it.

But even showing the photo to strangers was hard for Leo. Especially since Jason appeared to have edited it, and made Leo's hair neater, tidier, and apparently more feminine all together, and the photo frame showed cherubs and had little hearts on it. Both of them were smiling.

 _Percy was staring at it, speechless._

" _Oh, so Leo's hugging Percy wearing a maid outfit," Frank said. "That's strange. Still better than my fanfiction and my OTP though."_

 _Percy seemed to have found his voice and turned to Jason. "What were you thinking? And anyway, this is when you're supposed to get Leo, not me! Why do you even have that in your phone, what if Annabeth or Calypso or anyone else saw it? What would I say?"_

 _Jason smirked. "Thanks for giving a great punishment idea, Percy. I'll mail that photo to your mom and Annabeth, and watch you try to explain what it is to both of them."_

Leo turned away from the photo so the whole class could see it. "As you can see, this is not a piece of art from medieval Europe, since they didn't have paintings back then. Apparently my assistant thought it would be funny to put this up here. He's getting fired."

" _Making bad puns now, are we?" Jason asked._

The entire class, of course, enjoyed a good laugh at the picture while Leo's cheeks turned as red as a tomatoes, and his shoes caught fire though he quickly put that out before anyone could notice.

" _Now, say that artwork is all fine and good, but the Black Death inspired a whole lot of other things too, like poetry, music, and even dance," Frank said._

"Now, while it is fine seeing all this artwork-" Leo began.

"What artwork?" somebody asked. "All you've shown us is a picture which looks like an artist had a seizure while painting something and a photograph that isn't even real art."

'He has a point,' Leo thought, but instead said, "Yeah, but we're kind of running out of time here which I need for this last segment. So, as I was saying, the Black Death inspired a whole lot of other things, like poetry, music, and even dance."

" _Say that an example of dance is the Dance of the Dead, shown in many artworks as a bunch of skeletons," Percy said._

"An example is the Dance of the Dead, which you may have heard about, shown in many artworks as a bunch of skeletons," Leo said.

" _Tell them what they don't know is that it is actually based on a dance performed during those times," Jason said._

"But what you may not know is that it is based on a dance performed during those times," Leo said.

" _Now tell them you're going to do a live demonstration of the Dance of the Dead," Percy said._

Leo said, "I will know do a live demonstration of the Dance of the Dead." He knew what was coming next.

" _NOW DANCE!"_

Much like Leo's artwork, we have no words to describe his dancing, expect that it involved a lot of flailing and jumping around.

Seeing it, the student who had protested about there not being any real art in the class walked out.

" _We'll count that as getting a zero from her," Percy said._

Then, someone made a Youtube video on it and you could find it by Googling, 'Crazy Professor Looks Like He's Having a Seizure But Is Actually Dancing.'

A lawsuit would later be filed by Leo stating that no one was allowed to post their content online except them.

It took three years for the lawsuit to be settled.

Leo got a 7.34/10.

 **A/N: If anyone was complaining of less over-the-top humor, I think that should've satisfied anyone. Thanks for reading, and do review if you like. I know we can take the numbers higher!**


	15. Impractical Professors II

**A/N: Koolkat0207 (I originally meant for Jason to do something with that photo he took... and he did), Ayano's Theory of Relativity (if I do CPR that means I'm technically kissing you and I'm not sure how that would be. Instead, if your Canal of Jason is blocked, just try moving your Vocal Cords of Frank which should clear it up), CrazyBlueOwl ( I am to assume you mean snot. Autocorrect sure does love you), Neutrino 2000 (it kind of depends on what the audience wants and if you get some people who are very serious or something), Star, Vexy Minion, DrakonOwl21195, Calefe, and Will.**

" _Wow Leo, if it means anything, I'd give you a 10/10 for the funny class," Percy said._

" _Yeah, but that really doesn't make it up for your low score," Jason said._

Jason was up next.

" _Great Jason," Leo said. "We've decided to give you your topic before the class walks in so you have some time to prepare. Your topic is, 'How to Talk Like a Baby.'"_

Jason wrote the topic on the board.

" _So come on Jason," Percy said. "You need some practice. Try talking like a baby."_

"Good mowning, class," Jason said in a very high-pitched and oddly cute voice. "My name is Pwofessow Wason. Who's weady to wearn?"

 _The other guys were in stiches. "Great," Percy managed to get out. "Now keep talking like that for the rest of the class once it arrives."_

The class did arrive, and once almost everyone was there, Jason repeated his rather weird greeting to the chuckles of most of the class.

" _Now, when talking like a baby, what's the most important thing to remember?" Frank asked. "Oh yes. In order to talk like a baby, it is important to think and act like a baby. Now tell your class that."_

"Now," Jason said in the same voice. "The most impowtant thing about talking like a baby is that you have to think and act like won."

" _Great," Percy said. "And just for the occasion, we've prepared a nice costume for you under your desk. Go have a look at it."_

Jason took one look at it and made it a note to find out whoever thought of it and get them back.

Basically, it was huge baby costume, even with a huge bib and a pacifier Jason's size. Jason of course, put it on, because not even Leo had given up and he wasn't either.

The class, as well as the other contestants, laughed like there was no tomorrow.

" _I'll be honest here," Leo said. "I'd have preferred the maid outfit."_

" _Agreed," Percy said._

" _Great, you're doing great Jason," Frank said. "Now, what you need to tell the class is that as babies sleep up to sixteen hours a day, they need to as well."_

Jason took the pacifier out of his mouth and said, "As you all know, babies need to sweep at least sixtween hours a day, and you should all too."

One of the students said, "So we can all sleep sixteen hours a day? That's awesome, I can't wait to tell my parents when they try to wake me up."

Jason snorted.

" _Now, you should probably demonstrate how to sleep," Frank said._

At that moment of course, a lullaby began playing out of the speakers and the lights began dimming.

" _So Jason," Leo said. "You're doing great. There's a blanket next to where you found the costume. And do remind your students how a blanket is important, and then demonstrate how to sleep by going to sleep on that desk."_

Jason did in fact find a blanket covered with the phrase, 'World's Best Baby' and then he said, "Wemember class, to always take your blankie with you when going to seep."

He then lied down on the desk and put the blanket over him and began sleeping.

" _Jason! Jason!" Percy said. "Put your thumb in your mouth and start sucking it just to complete the picture."_

Jason began sucking his thumb.

Half of the class was in tears. Someone said, "Dude, this is a class on talking like a baby, and the professor just told us we should sleep sixteen hours a day, and now this is happening! This is the greatest class ever!"

" _I think we need to bring it down a notch," Percy said. "I think I'm going to collapse due to lack of oxygen if this continues being this funny."_

" _If you do," Leo said, "I am not going to be doing CPR on you. Because when I think about it, you're just not worth saving. And since it counts as a kiss, no way either."_

 _In response to this Frank showed Leo the maid outfit photo from earlier where he was hugging Percy._

After a minute the music stopped playing and Jason woke up as the lights came back on.

" _Great," Percy said. "Now say that another important aspect of being a baby is getting breast-fed and soiling your diaper."_

"Now," Jason said, "another vewy impowtant pawt of being a baby is getting bweast-fed and soiling your diawper."

Several students sat bolt upright; surely the professor wasn't going to….

" _But, tell them that we can skip those things and move on with the rest of the class," Leo said._

"But thankfully we can skip those things and move on to other things in this class," Jason said. There were several sighs of relief and more disappointed sighs.

" _Now tell them that the class is almost over, but you'd like to read them a poem," Percy said._

"Well, the class is over but befowe you all go, I want to read you a poem," Jason said.

" _Now make a bunch of noises that make no sense like a baby would," Leo said._

We're not really sure how to write down what Jason said, but it basically went along the lines of: "Boo-bah booh wah wah you wee boo –bah beeboo ehh oh babh ruu boo-bah."

That's the best we could do to translate the thing.

As Jason left, the entire class stood up and applauded.

Result: Jason scored 9.35/10.

* * *

" _Whoa," Percy said. "Highest score ever!"_

" _How did he not get a ten?" Frank asked. "You're trying to tell me some people didn't like that? Everyone's a critic."_

" _Okay, but Jason's just lucky he got people who liked to laugh," Leo said. "I got the serious people actually expecting a class."_

Frank was up next now, and the entire class had arrived, and the others hadn't told him his topic yet, claiming that it was necessary to keep it a secret.

" _So, now tell the students that you know that most college lectures are on things that they'll never use in real life," Leo said._

"Good morning students," Frank said. "I know that most college lectures are on things that you'll probably never use in real life."

" _Which is why you're going to tell them something that's going to be useful to them," Leo said._

"And so, I'm going to be teaching you something that will be useful to you," Frank said.

" _Now, your topic is, 'How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse' and now write it down on the board," Percy said._

"I will be teaching you on how to survive the zombie apocalypse," Frank said and wrote the topic down on the board. Several students looked amused, and the rest looked confused.

" _Now, tell them the first thing they need to do is form a group," Jason said._

"The first thing to remember is that you need to form a group, because you'll never survive alone, no matter what you think," Frank said.

" _Tell them that first of all, you need to recruit a fall guy who is there just to die first, because someone in the group is going to die so you might as well get one from before," Percy said._

"Now, of course, the first thing you need is a fall guy- you know, someone you keep just because they're useless and you know they're going to die first, because we all know that someone in the team is going to die," Frank said.

" _Point to someone randomly and say, 'You know, like that guy,'" Jason said._

"You know, like that guy," Frank said, pointing to someone who looked offended.

Someone raised their hand. "Uh, professor, I sort of kind of think I'd be that person. What do I do then?"

" _I think out of all of us, Frank would be that person," Leo said._

" _Tell him that he should find someone who's lamer than he is," Percy said. "And once again, point to a random person in the class."_

"Just find someone who's lamer than you are," Frank said. "You know, like that guy."

Another person looked slightly offended.

" _So, is this our new plan?" Leo asked. "We make Frank do stuff that'll offend the students so he'll get a low score?"_

" _Pretty much," Percy said._

" _Genius."_

" _Now, Frank remind them that most of them don't know what a real zombie looks like, despite the movies," Percy said._

"I'd just like to remind all of you that you don't know what a real zombie looks like, despite the movies," Frank said.

" _So now you're going to show them an accurate photo of a zombie," Leo said._

"That's why I'm going to show you an accurate photo of a zombie," Frank said.

" _Now look under the desk to see what we've kept there," Jason said._

Frank did, and sighed, holding the photo up.

You see, several weeks earlier Frank had to pull up an all-nighter for a Roman project, and while he had horrible hair he tripped and fell into a box of coal. The photo was of him afterwards.

There was of course, giggling, as they could all recognize that Frank was in the photo.

" _Tell them, that as you can see, it is hideous and not someone you'd like to be around or be taught a class," Leo said._

"As you can see, this is hideous and not someone you'd like to be around or be taught a class by," Frank said. Again, this seemed to be a great joke with the class.

" _I think they really hate you Frank," Leo said. "Do you wanna give up now?"_

" _If not, tell them that they need to start with information, and need to know when a zombie attack is going to happen. But before that, they need a plan," Percy said._

"Now, you need to start with information, and you need to know when a zombie attack is going to happen. But before that, you need to have a plan to default to when it does happen rather than making up things as you go along," Frank said.

" _Tell them they need to secure a water source first, and they shouldn't drink their own urine even if it is sterile because it is completely gross," Jason said._

"Do remember to first of all secure a water source, and do not drink your own urine. Just because it is sterile doesn't mean that it isn't completely gross," Frank said.

" _Also tell them that they should make sure to have a lot of bottled water with them in their homes," Jason said._

"So that is why you should make sure to have a lot of bottled water in your house," Frank said.

" _Tell them if that runs out they can always drink their own urine because it is perfectly sterile," Percy said._

"If that happens to run out you can always drink your own urine because it is perfectly sterile," Frank said.

" _Now you should move onto a talk about weapons and the right ones to use," Percy said._

"Of course, in the end, while you're going to try and make your priority to avoid the zombies, eventually you will end up fighting some of them. There are of course, your normal go-to weapons like guns, but the only downside is that they're expensive, and for that matter they'll run out and most of you probably don't have that much practice anyway. A lot of you will want to use a bow and arrow just because you've watched The Hunger Games one time too many but you'll run out of arrows. And knives really aren't ideal either," Frank said.

" _Wow, you basically just said that nothing works," Percy said._

" _But don't you have a better weapon?" Leo asked. "Just look under where you got that picture."_

There was indeed something there, a Nerf dart blaster.

" _Show the class what your favorite zombie-fighting weapon is, Frank," Jason said._

Frank held up the blaster for the whole class to see.

" _And now you're going to demonstrate how to use it," Percy said. "Open the drawer next to it."_

Frank opened it to see a small Winnie the Pooh Bear doll.

" _Great, now show the class how to use the blaster using the doll as your target," Jason said._

And so, the entire class was forced to watch their professor shoot a Winnie the Pooh Bear doll from across the room using a Nerf dart blaster all the while shouting, "Die zombie! Die!"

Result: Frank got a 5.8/10.

 **A/N: And so, Frank and Leo took a loss this round, making both of them have negative points and Percy and Jason are completely in the clear. I hope you liked it, and pleas review if you did.**

 **By the way, who do you think would die first if there was a zombie apocalypse? I would bet on Percy, not because he's weak, but rather because he'd probably let himself die trying to save the others.**

 **Also, I have some bad news. I wanted to update this fic once a week, and that's worked, but we'll be going on a hiatus which is unavoidable with things going on which shouldn't be longer than one week. See you guys in two weeks.**


	16. Accepted?

**A/N: Thanks for waiting everyone.**

 **Thanks to CrazyBlueOwl (maybe next time!), Ayano's Theory of Relativity (I think he hates the Dionysus Cabin more. They'd sadly probably be the first to go), Neutrino 2000 (perhaps... but then who wins?), DrakonOwl21195 (maybe, Percy has been show to be unkillable throughout the series), lunarchroniclesandcockatiels (it happens sometimes), xGred-Forgex, theGirlster (I guess Frank is the one I kind of think of the least too), Guest (thanks, and your welcome. I haven't seen all the episodes so the 'skoopsi potato' is unfortunately new to me, though I could try your other ideas), Vexy Minion, Calefe, ConnorPerson (an annoying thing called real life, unfortunately), Wonderlandian me (that was something I saw on Facebook), Star, cghe, and the second Guest.**

 _Task Two: People generally spend quite some time trying to make the perfect college application. They usually also ask someone else to look over it._

 _Each contestant here, however, will be showing someone else an application for a college, which has been written by the others. They need to get the other person to say that they should go ahead with sending their application. While it is not a 'Refuse you Lose' round, they contestants do need to go through the things that the other contestants mention._

 _To remove the luck factor from the round due to challenging random people, instead the people they will be showing their applications to will be those specializing in these services. Earpieces and hidden cameras are there as always._

Percy decided to go up first, mainly because he's Percy and he thought, 'Why not?'

Percy was just sitting in a rather plain room with a laptop with his application on it, though he wasn't allowed to look at it till the Counselor came.

The Counselor was a young man who came in and shook Percy's hand.

"So, I'm just here to look over what you've made," he said while taking a chair next to Percy. "Let me just see what you've got."

Percy opened the application, and the first thing that the Counselor noticed was, of course, the GPA. "How do you have a negative point five out of four as a GPA?"

 _Frank snickered. "Go on Percy, explain it to him."_

"Uh well, I sort of failed all my classes," Percy said. "I left all the answers blank, except for my Literature class. The teacher hated it so much she gave me a negative grade."

"What did you write that she hated so much?" the guy asked.

"Well, I decided to compare Shakespeare's work to Sesame Street in my final essay," Percy said. "She said that it was very imaginative, and completely wrong and that I had clearly not read a single one of them."

The guy laughed. "I have trouble believing any of that. And for that matter, I haven't seen anyone with a negative GPA before. You might want to write to your school asking for something along the lines of a change. But, I guess if it is true, there's not much we can really do to change it, though I have to say that most colleges wouldn't really give you a look with that."

" _Yeah," Leo said. "But there's so much more to you than grades, Percy. Like your charitable contributions. Why not talk about them?"_

"Yeah, but I've done other things too," Percy said. "Like all the things I've volunteered for."

The Counselor frowned. "Yes, that tends to help, but the first item in your list is 'Reading Coloring Books to Blind Children.' What is that supposed to be?"

"Uh-well," Percy said, scratching his head, "um, well you know, blind kids don't have the ability to draw in coloring books, and that's such an integral part of childhood, so I went there and decided to read some to them."

"How do you read a coloring book?"

" _Go on Percy," Frank said. "Tell him."_

"Um, I just described what the pictures were and told them what I was coloring," Percy said.

The Counselor raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't really make any sense. And it says here that you only did this for a total of five minutes?"

"Yeah, they kicked me out after that time because they thought it was insulting," Percy said.

"Well, sorry to break this to you, but that doesn't really count," the Counselor said. "Not to mention only five minutes doesn't count as something you can list."

"Well, I'm sure there's more," Percy said, sincerely hoping that the other items on the list would be better. Unfortunately, the second item was, 'singing lullabies to deaf children' so that didn't pan out well either.

The Counselor frowned and squinted at the third item on the list. "It says here that you put thumbtacks on your Maths teacher's chair. How is that charitable?"

"Uh, let me just explain," Percy said while thinking up of something as fast as he could. "See, she got injured on school grounds, and so she could take a vacation on the district's dime, and it was great since she was always talking about how she hated all of us."

The Counselor didn't even bother commenting on that.

" _Isn't he going to tell Percy that he shouldn't mention things that might lead to him having a criminal record?" Leo asked._

" _I honestly think that he's already give up on Percy at this point," Jason answered._

"I'd also work on your essay," he said. "I mean, all it is is the word 'pudding' spelt over and over five hundred times."

" _It is actually five hundred and seven times," Frank muttered._

"Well, 'pudding' is a very funny word, don't ya think?" Percy asked. "I mean, it consists of 'poo' and then 'ding'- what could be more hilarious?" He then realized that it was probably not going to get any better if the guy kept reading his application. "So, do you think that it is ready for me to send it in?"

"No way," the Counselor said.

Result: Percy failed.

* * *

Next up was Frank, and the counselor this time was a woman. There were the usual formalities, and they got started.

There was nothing unusual about Frank's GPA so they mostly skipped that portion, though it began to get interesting when she saw what classes Frank was taking.

Just so you know, his report card for the fifth semester looked like this:

Subject Grade

 _1\. How to Get Out of the Friendzone B+_

 _2\. How to Take Naps F_

 _3\. Talking to Squirrels B-_

 _4\. Stuff that Looks Round A_

 _5\. Why? C_

"I have so many questions," the Counselor said. "First of all, how did you fail a class on how to take naps?"

"It wasn't really my fault," Frank replied. "I just drank too much coffee before the final exam."

"And what was the class about stuff looking round about?" she asked.

"We learned what looks round," Frank answered simply. "See, I know for a fact that there's the moon, a ball, a wheel, you know. That's why I got an A in that one."

"Okay, I'll just accept it for what it is," she said. "Anyway, at least you don't have all Maths and Science classes."

" _That sounded racist somehow," Leo said._

"Can you really talk to squirrels by the way?" she asked.

"Yes, but you don't want to," Frank said. "They say some really mean things."

 _That got a couple of laughs._

"Okay, now, I generally advise people to go for one school, you know, or at least custom-make your applications for a few of them," the Counselor said.

" _Good thing we did custom-make an essay," Jason said. "Go on, show her."_

"I did custom-make an essay for a specific school," Frank said. "See?"

"Which school is it?" she asked.

Frank read the name out loud: 'Seymour Butts University'

 _The guys were all cracking up. "That sounds like a college that Leo would open," Jason said._

The Counselor though didn't seem to get it and began reading the essay which went like this:

'Seymour Butts U. what can I say; you're just the best university downtown. I mean, you guys were the ones who had discovered the planet Uranus, and you were also where some scenes in _Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon_ were shot. Not to mention that you have an entire building dedicated to studying donkeys.'

"I need to write the rest," Frank said, trying not to fall out of his chair laughing. "Apparently, I also began something for Yolo McSwaggins U. as well."

"Well, this all seems alright," the Counselor said, oblivious to the jokes that had flown right above her head. "I think that it is almost good enough to send in once you finish the essays."

" _Does that count?" Leo asked. "Please tell me it doesn't count."_

" _I think it does," Percy said._

Result: Frank passed.

Frank didn't cheer or say anything though. He didn't trust himself to speak, he was sure his sternum had already cracked from trying not to laugh.

* * *

Next up was Jason, and the Counselor was a guy this time. After the formalities had been done, they went to his GPA which was fine, but the problem came when Jason began listing his hobbies.

The first one wasn't that bad. It said that Jason enjoyed adopting abandoned puppies.

The second one though, mentioned that he enjoyed kicking abandoned puppies.

"Uh, that really doesn't count as a hobby," the guy said. "And, like seriously man? I'm a dog lover."

" _Ohhhh," Leo said. "Jason, so you're so losing this."_

"Another thing," the Counselor said. "I think we should go to the essay since it is usually the most important thing."

Jason's essay went like this:

'This essay was supposed to be about how I won something important, and that thing, for me, is my Laziest Person of the Year Award. It was a hard thing to get. For one, I always knew I was lazy. How lazy you ask? Well, I once had one of those lights that you could turn off by clapping your hands. I got tired of clapping my hands so I recorded the noise and put it as something on my computer, so I only needed to press a key. And before that, when I had a light in my bedroom that used a switch, I didn't want to get up and turn it off, so I used a Nerf gun and tried to shoot it so it would turn off. I missed and I finally went to sleep with the lights on. Another example that I can give you is the time I was sitting on the sofa, and I was really comfy holding a bowl of cereal and everything, and so I didn't want to get up and get the TV remote, so I tried using the Force to move it for a whole fifteen minutes before my dad came and gave it to me.

But, to win that award, I needed to do something extra lazy, and take my laziness to a frontier that it had never visited before. This happened during on one of my piano recitals (no I don't play the piano, but I had to because of losing a bet that involved Gummy Bears, the movie _Frozen_ , and twelve pounds of Swiss Cheese which is a really long story that I don't want to get into right now) so I just went there and instead of practicing or anything I just opened the lid of the piano and sat there for four minutes and said that the music was 'the sounds of the audience.' And I have never backed down from being lazy after that. As a matter of fact this essay is supposed to be at least a thousand words long, but I haven't even done half of that, but I'm stopping now.'

"You should let colleges get to know the real you," the Counselor said. "But this is a bit too real."

 _The others couldn't stop laughing at the essay._

"Too bad that's all we got Jason for you," Frank said.

The rest of Jason's application was either blank or normal, except for the part where he had listed his birth date as 1074.

"You were born in 1074?" the guy asked. "How old are you?"

"Seventeen," Jason said.

"How long have you been seventeen?"

"A while…" Jason said.

" _Do you also sparkle in the sunlight?" Frank asked._

"So, should I send it in?" Jason asked.

"I honestly think you need to make some major changes," the guy said.

" _Aww, you were rejected," Frank said._

" _Still a better love story than Twilight," Percy said._

Result: Jason failed.

* * *

And last was Leo. Leo was nervous, because he knew that even if he wrote his own application it would be hilarious. Thankfully the Counselor looked like a friendly enough old guy.

Initially, there were no alarms or anything out of the ordinary, except for the fact that Leo's SAT score was 'so low the College Board didn't even want to publish it' to which the Counselor had said, "It is a useless test anyway, don't get your hopes down about it."

" _Oh Leo," Percy said. "I made some things special just for you. Did you know that you can also submit some works of art with your application? We've compiled a special collection just for you!"_

"Well, you're also allowed to send in artwork with the application, and I've made some things," Leo said, wondering just how badly this was going to go.

Leo opened it to see there were two attached files.

The first one opened up to show a photo album entitled, "Leo Valdez: My Journey In Cross-Dressing In a Maid Outfit"

And so, Leo Valdez looked at all the maid outfit photos that they had, except that Jason seemed to have done a lot of work on these two.

"Oh, is that your boyfriend?" the Counselor asked when he saw the one where Leo was hugging Percy.

 _Tears were nearly streaming out of Jason's eyes._

" _Say yes! I dare you!" Frank said._

"No," Leo said.

"Oh, so he friendzoned you?" the Counselor said. "Shame I guess."

" _Ohhh," Jason said. "Someone thought that you got friendzoned by Percy of all people."_

 _Percy frowned. "You say that like it's some sort of an insult."_

" _Rachel Elizabeth Dare," Jason said. "Need I say more?"_

" _Okay- that doesn't even begin to count-" Percy began to say._

"What's the other one?" the Counselor asked. "By the way, that cross-dressing thing is a way to stand out as unique, and maid outfit is sort of different, so I think that was a great idea." (The Author would like to note here that it is not, actually, a good idea to make an album of yourself in various poses in a maid outfit and then submit it as a work of art as a part of your college application. Princeton will not be impressed. The Author may or may not have some actual experience in this matter.)

The other one, was a montage from that book that Leo had tried to sell about him twerking around the world.

"See, I know these are photoshopped," Leo said. "But basically, they show where I want to be in the future years."

"You want to twerk in North Korea?" the Counselor asked.

"It's for world peace!" Leo protested.

Thankfully, that was all there was, so Leo asked, "Do you think I'm ready?"

"Sure," the Counselor said.

Result: Leo passed.

 **A/N: Frank, Percy, Jason, and Leo have one negative point each.**

 **Thanks for reading, sadly I have to inform you that there's more bad news. We're going on hiatus for a few months, and that doesn't meant that there won't be any updates, just that they'll come when I have the time to write them instead of on a weekly basis. My work load has really increased and I'll tell you when I'll be able to do this once a week again later on.**

 **If any of you are surprised that the maid outfit returned, let it be known that the maid outfit is immortal!**

 **Again, if you liked, do please review!**


	17. Impractical Demigods: Judgement Day I

**A/N: It's been three thousand years since we last met (well not really, but if feels like that) and now we're back!**

 **So, I'd just like to first of all thank CrazyBlueOwl, Ayano's Theory of Relativity (yes, I did mix them up and I've fixed that), DrakonOwl21995, cghe (Book Selling is kind of original, but is based on the selling games that they've had, My Great Idea to Change the World is taken from their presentation challenges, Impractical Oracles is based off them, The Wheel of Doom; Liar, Liar, Stuff on Fire!; U No Me, Rite?; A Case of Demigods Leading the Blind; are all mostly based off the show. The others are sort of ideas taken and moulded in a different way), LegitMistress123 (I don't doubt you at all), Guest (safety first!), Neutrino 2000, the Girlster (yes, there are mistakes, I've fixed them. Actually I wrote Percy's challenge as Leo's first and then interchanged them. Guess I forgot some things), juanitolarocca, ConnorPerson, Guest, Someone the World Forgot, Anne Trent, and update.**

 _Military professionals are usually exempt from the normal laws of civilians, or at least for a while. As such, in Camp Jupiter this is almost partly true…. and this means that it is even harder for them to find people willing to oversee military tribunals. As such, Camp Jupiter sent out a notice looking for upstanding citizens willing to preside over small disputes._

 _Unfortunately, all they got was Percy, Leo, Frank, and Jason and were therefore forced, with no choice, to use them. As you can imagine, they have no intention of doing things properly._

 _Each candidate has been assigned a case (given by the others) and so will have to be the judge and hand down the decision. As such, this is a 'Refuse You Lose' contest as well, but in addition to that, they must make sure that the decision is not later appealed to a higher court, and that no one finds out that it is a television show, and in addition that no one complains to Reyna._

Our first candidate up was Frank. Now, this posed certain problems considering that fact that he was Praetor now and all, so they circumvented all the issues it would cause by having Frank's case between two Greek demigods who were just visiting.

Both of them were boys, one was about fourteen and had black hair and the other looked about the same age with blonde hair. They were both wearing baseball league uniforms for some reason.

The guard outside introduced the two. He pointed to the one with black hair and said, "This is Marco. He has a complaint against Matt, who he says stole his, um, Pokewalker?"

"What's a Pokewalker?" Frank asked.

" _Tsk, tsk, tsk," Leo said. "Seriously Frank? A Pokewalker is something that you use in the games Pokemon Heartgold and Soulsilver. And what is this guy doing? Those games were released ages ago. He should be done with Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire by now."_

" _You have waaay too much time on your hands, Leo," Percy said._

" _Considering the fact that we've spent so much time filming all of this, I think we can safely say that we all have too much time on our hands," Jason said._

After the guy was done repeating what Leo had explained, the guard says, "Matt says that he didn't steal it."

"Shouldn't this normally be done in a civilian court?" Frank asked. "I mean, these two aren't even citizens of Rome, or soldiers."

"Yes, but there really isn't any civilian court here," the guard muttered sheepishly. "We've never needed them."

"So, what makes you think, Marco, that Matt was the one who did it?" Frank asked.

" _Okay, Frank, while this guy's talking, I want you to look at your phone and change the ringtone on it to a setting that I added," Leo said._

" _Wait- you took Frank's phone without him knowing?" Percy asked._

" _No, I was going for Jason's phone to delete some photographs," Leo said, "but then I found out that it was Frank's phone and thought, 'why not?'"_

" _Because it's stealing Leo and invasion of privacy," Jason said. "That's why not."_

 _"Tell that to the NSA," Leo muttered._

Marco began speaking. "So, we were playing a friendly game of baseball, when Matt was pitching." He frowned as he noticed that Frank was looking at his phone while he was talking, but because no one had given him any indication to stop, he continued talking. "And then, something slipped out of his pocket, and it turned out it was a Pokewalker. Some of the other guys noticed, and then I heard him tell them that he had stolen it from some kid. Mine went missing about a week ago, so then I thought, that that must be it."

 _At this very moment, Leo called Frank's number on his phone._

Suddenly, music began playing as Frank's phone rang. It went, 'I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie World, Life's so-"

" _Don't pick it up!" Percy said. "Let it ring, and then ask which idiot left their phone on in a courtroom. Then, wait a while before realizing that was your own phone."_

"Okay, who's phone is that?" Frank asked angrily. "This is a courtroom! You people should have the basic decency to switch off their phones when you're in a court room. I'm going to have whoever's phone is ringing held in contempt of court."

Scared, the other people began checking their pockets to see if they had accidentally left their phones on. About fifteen seconds of ringing later, Frank suddenly said, "Oh wait, my bad, that's my phone that's ringing."

If Marco and Mark had any doubts about the Roman justice system, they had probably cemented into certainties.

"So, what does the defendant have to say?" Frank asked.

"I'm not guilty!" Mark said. "I swear, this is my Pokewalker! I can explain. See, I don't usually carry it around with me but I forgot to take it off today and then it fell out when we were playing baseball. So, then one of the guys saw it and they began laughing and started singing the Pokemon theme song. So you know, I started getting embarrassed and said that it wasn't mine. To explain it, I did what any rational person would do: I said that I had stolen it from some kid on the bus. But then this guy came and started shouting at me and then we got into a fight and all."

Mark ended with that.

" _Wait, he did what now?" Leo asked, grinning. "It seems that Frank isn't going to be the funniest thing in this segment."_

Frank looked at Mark for a second. "How is anyone going to believe that? Can you prove that this Pokewalker is indeed, yours?"

" _The guy was embarrassed to be playing Pokemon?" Percy asked. "He should've just said, nah man, that's nothing, the judge here in Rome has the Barbie theme song set as his ringtone."_

"Yeah, I mean all the Pokemon in there are mine," Mark said.

"I lost mine a week ago!" Marco said. "He could've just erased the data and then started a new game on it!"

"Why would I even steal one then?" Mark asked.

"I don't know, maybe you lost yours!" Marco said.

Frank sighed and put his head in his hands. Of course, this meant that the whole thing could probably never be resolved now. Once again, his phone began ringing because Leo had called it, but Frank shut it off before he could be told to do otherwise.

"Okay, this is what I've decided," Frank said. "Since neither of you seem to be able to prove your points, the case is dismissed and all charges against Mark are dropped."

That was done, but the case was eventually appealed for in a higher court, though in the end it turned out that Marco found his Pokewalker with someone else and Mark had been telling the truth. Bad luck then.

Result: Frank gets a negative point.

* * *

Next up was Jason.

As he was simply an ex-Praetor, he was going to be dealing with some Romans this time.

As it turned out, Jason was dealing with yet another case involving theft. This one, however, involved actual Roman soldiers finding someone stealing.

"So, in essence, this is what happened," a legionnaire said. "This man," she said, pointing to a young son of Mercury, "was caught red-handed stealing the legion's prized golden eggwich."

"What's an eggwich?" Jason asked.

"A sandwich made using an egg as one of the things you put in between the slices," the other guard explained.

"And why is this so special?" Jason asked.

"Well, it is _the_ special golden eggwich," the guard said. "Legend has it that there is a special golden rooster which lives at the top of an insurmountable mountain that lies at the place where the sun sets in the east. Once every thousand years, the rooster lays an egg and a legendary golden eggwich is made."

 _Frank scratched his head. "How come I've never heard of something like that? Leo, did you hire some guys for this?"_

" _What, you guys think that I'd do something like that? Go behind all of your backs and hire some people to mess with you during a contest?" Leo asked innocently. "Well, I have to admit that it is really a great idea, but this isn't on me."_

" _Jason, there are a lot of contradictions in that statement," Percy said. "Give them a Phoenix Wright pose and scream 'Hold it!' and tell them all the contradictions, and say that you're going to have to give them a penalty."_

Jason made a Phoenix Wright pose, which is basically just dramatically pointing your finger at someone and said, "Hold it! There's a contradiction in your statement!"

Jason then said, "First of all, roosters don't lay eggs. Second of all, the sun doesn't set in the east anywhere. Then, if the mountain is insurmountable, where did someone get the egg from?"

The guard shrugged. "Look, we don't know the details exactly, but it is supposed to be a special sandwich."

"Well then, just for that I'm going to have to give you a penalty," Jason said.

"What's that?"

" _Jason, explain it like it is in the video games," Leo said._

"Okay, basically both of you have a sort of health bar, and every time you mess up I'll take some points away by giving you a penalty, and when your health runs to zero you'll lose the case," Jason said. "Any questions?"

The defendant raised his hands. "Do we get health potions? Or healers?"

 _This was enough to set all the others guffawing. "Is nothing going to be taken seriously today?" Leo asked._

 _"Why are we even here when these things are so hilarious by themselves?" Percy asked._

"No," Jason replied. "Now let's start with…. how does the defendant plead?"

"Not guilty, Your Honor," the defendant said. "Just hear me out for a moment and I'll tell you the truth."

" _Jason, scream, 'You can't handle the truth!'" Frank said._

"You can't handle the truth!" Jason shouted.

There was an awkward silence.

And then there was more awkward silence.

"I felt like I needed to say that," Jason said. "So, let's start then. If the defendant is pleading not guilty, I'll hear the report of the legionnaires first."

One of them stood up, saluted and began. "We were on patrol outside the kitchens where the sandwich was being kept. We heard a commotion and saw this thief, and he had already taken a bite out of the golden eggwich for himself. As such, we present our first exhibit."

A guard marched up holding a plate with a sandwich which had a bite taken out of it, and it was reverently placed on a table with importance.

"Now, he denied having stolen the sandwich," the guard continued, "so we frisked him, and eventually a key fell out of the bottom of his trousers, which means he had hidden it, uh… well… you know."

The key was also brought forward in a tray and placed on the table.

"The key is the one to the cabinet where the special golden eggwich was kept," the guard continued. "And it could only be opened with that key, not with one of a child of Mercury's gifts. So, I believe that more than enough points to his guilt."

The defendant was brought next and said, "But I'm innocent! See, it totally went like this. I was just hanging around, you know, like a totally innocent bystander. Then, I heard something going around in the kitchen. So, I went near the window to investigate, and I saw a thief taking the golden eggwich from the stand! Then, the thief, discovering that he had been discovered, left, but before running off, realized that he was going to be caught, stuffed the eggwich in my mouth, after taking a bite-"

" _Dude, that's just gross," Frank said._

"-and then, he forced the key down my pants and ran off. I was then caught and brought before you right here," the guy finished.

"So, essentially what you're saying is that someone stole the golden eggwich, stuffed it in your mouth, and then put the key in your underwear and left before being seen by anyone else?" Jason asked.

"Well, when you say it like that it sounds ridiculous," the guy said.

" _How do you say something like that and not have it sound ridiculous?" Percy asked._

"It is ridiculous," the guard said. "I say that you should pronounce a verdict of guilty, Your Honor, as quickly as possible."

The defendant began protesting, and a bedlam of argument erupted in the courtroom.

" _Jason, open your phone, turn the volume up as loud as possible, and start playing Candy Crush Saga on it," Percy said._

Even over the noise, the sound of the oh-too recognizable game was heard loud and clear and everyone stopped shouting for a second as they turned to Jason, who closed the game.

" _No matter what they say, deny that you were playing the game for as long as possible," Leo said._

"Were you just playing Candy Crush?" one of the guards asked.

"Nope," Jason said.

"But we just heard it!" someone else protested.

"No I wasn't," Jason said unflinchingly.

"Okay man, even I heard the music," the defendant said.

"You keep quiet," Jason muttered. "You've done nothing but lie since you've got here."

"Okay, so I was lying about all of that stuff about not stealing the golden eggwich, but I'm not lying now," the defendant said.

"Ah ha!" Jason said. "And now, you have confessed, which I knew you would all along if I did that! And so, another case has been solved and closed by Judge Jason, using my ability to manipulate that ficklest of creatures, human nature."

" _Stop trying to sound cool, Judge Judy," Leo said._

As such, the case was solved, and not appealed higher up.

Result: Jason passed.

 **A/N: And that ends our chapter for now. Good news is we're back, and we'll be back on schedule with weekly updates, for now. I hope I was able to bring back some of the old magic in this one.**

 **Thanks for reading, and as always, do review if you liked!**


	18. Impractical Demigods: Judgement Day II

**A/N: Thanks for reading, DrakonOwl21195 (revenge on this show is called the punishment games), Ayano's Theory of Relativity (no one doesn't have enough time for Pokemon!), cghe, Vexy Minion, StyxHuntress, thedauntlessamity, WinterWind14 (I'll think about it. I have a lot of suggestions), ConnorPerson, Anne Trent, and Neutrino 2000 (it is good to be back).**

The next person up was Percy. Leo wanted Percy to wear a funny costume, but they had all agreed against that because they were trying to be discreet, they had to dress up normally.

The people comprising Percy's case walked in.

" _Okay, Percy," Leo said. "Now, regardless of what they say, I want you to say, 'I'll be the judge of that,' with real attitude at the end of every sentence."_

"Well, these are some people waiting for a case," a sentry said.

Percy dramatically flipped over a lock of hair, put on a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, and pointed his gavel at the sentry. He then said, "I'll be the judge of that."

"Uh… okay," the sentry said. "So, basically what happened was that the Senate approved a new tax on vegetables, and so what happened was that these merchants here, who sell tomatoes, pointed out that technically speaking tomatoes are not vegetables and therefore cannot possibly fall into the category of taxation. The Senate however, will point out that though botanically speaking the tomato is a fruit, socially and legally as it is consumed as a vegetable and so is technically speaking liable to taxation."

" _And I thought the last two cases were ridiculous," Frank said._

Percy spun his gavel in his hand and pretending he was like Thor, slammed it on the desk like it was Mjolnir and said, "I'll be the judge of that!"

"Um… I don't get it," the sentry said. "That was the case summary… I mean that's pretty straightforward. You're supposed to judge on the actual case, Your Honor."

This time Percy flipped his hammer in the air and caught it before saying, "I'll be the judge of that!"

Everyone else glanced at each other uneasily, wondering what was wrong with the judge.

" _Okay Percy, you can stop now," Leo said._

The guy representing the Senate decided to speak up. "Well, you see, in accordance with decree 243.32.125 recently voted on by the Roman Senate which says that, 'All vegetables currently being exported out of New Rome will have a tax place on them of five percent of their gross price, with no exceptions.' Now, though the word 'vegetables' has not been defined strictly by the senate, I would like to draw your attention to an older decree." The guy then began rummaging through some scrolls.

" _Percy, this guy's going to put us all to sleep," Jason said. "Next time, when he talks, blow a raspberry in between."_

"So, there is a case from around 147 BC-" the guy began when Percy made a loud raspberry.

Everyone stared at him but no one bothered asking what was wrong with him or saying something else, so the guy tried to continue.

"A case from around 147 BC of the Roman Republic-" here Percy blew another one- "wherein the question of the definition of gold artifacts was called into place-" and yet another one- "and it was stated that no certain legal definition was required-" and another one- "and that the common man's interpretation of what constituted one was enough."

By this point, everyone was looking at Percy, not the speaker, except for the speaker, who was trying as hard as he could to keep his face straight and to continue reading.

"And so, I'd like to point out-" another one from Percy- "that since everyone uses tomatoes as vegetables, we should consider them as vegetable and tax them as such, regardless of however they are classified-" yet another one, at this point the speaker was trying to move as fast as possible to finish "-in terms of botany, they are still considered vegetables by common definition and so by law they should be taxed."

" _Now give us a really big one Percy, one that lasts for like half a minute," Leo said. "And tell him that's what you think of his speech."_

"Well, this is what I, the judge thinks of that," Percy said. He then, in a customary fashion, stuck his tongue out and made the loudest noises for as long as he could.

There was an awkward silence then.

And after that, there was even more awkward silence.

 _The others though, characteristically, were laughing like they didn't have a care in the world._

" _Okay, this is almost as ridiculous as the argument you two guys had about apricots or stuff," Leo said._

" _It wasn't about apricots," Jason said. "It was about grapes and watermelons."_

" _Yeah," Frank said. 'I told Frank that I thought grapes were like tiny watermelons, and he said that watermelons were more like big grapes."_

" _And you two argued for two hours over that," Leo said._

The lawyer for the opposing side finally cleared his throat. He was unsure how to proceed, and also not sure if the case was proceeding in a way that was good for him. After all, how did one interpret it if the judge was giving raspberries whenever your opponent was making a speech? Was it good, bad, or did it just mean the judge was crazy.

"Um, right, I'd just like to counter that by pointing out that most people," the other speaker said, "do know for a fact that tomatoes are fruit and not vegetables. And that court ruling that my opponent has mentioned is from a very long time ago, and isn't even from Rome, but one of the provinces and so really doesn't count."

" _Legal definitions are tricky," Jason said. "Did you know that in New Rome, they define a dog as anything which has four legs and a tail? So by that definition, a mouse, a deer, and a lion are all dogs according to New Rome Law."_

" _Deer don't have tails," Leo said._

" _Yes they do," Frank said. "It's that little cottoney thing or whatever they have."_

 _And so, the three of them forgot about the show and entered a very detailed and dramatic discussion on whether deer have tails or not._

Meanwhile, Percy was trying to listen to the case as best as he could. There wasn't much more, so it was finally time for his judgement.

"Yes… I've decided that," Percy said, unsure of what to say. "I've decided that we should take a survey of all New Rome citizens and then ask them whether they think tomatoes are fruits or vegetables, and based on that we'll make the decision."

The survey was made, and vegetables won out by a small margin. However, the tax gains that the Roman Senate made from this were a third of the cost of doing the survey. Reyna later on passed the excess bills to Camp Half-Blood (Dionysus received these, who then pawned them off to Chiron) that then passed to Percy, who then threw the bills in the trash.

Result: Percy passed.

* * *

And finally, last up was Leo. Leo managed to get to his courtroom late, so he had to rush in while everyone else was already waiting there.

As Leo sat down on his seat, there was a large noise.

"Okay, who put a whoopee cushion under my chair?" Leo asked the gathered crowd.

" _We did!" the others shouted at once._

Leo put the cushion away and sat down. "So, what's the case this time?"

"This is currently a case of civil forfeiture, Your Honor," the sentry said.

Leo sighed inwardly. Once again, it appeared, that the others had decided to give him a serious case while they took all the funny ones for themselves.

"So, just so everyone in the courtroom understands this, please do explain once what civil forfeiture is," Leo said with a straight face.

"Uh, sure," the sentry said, confused, because no judge had every asked for something like that before. "Civil forfeiture is a process by which a certain amount of goods, rather than a person, are being accused of a crime. In this case, we have the Senate and People of New Rome VS Roughly Three Hundred and Twenty Bottles of Mountain Dew."

" _What?" Percy asked. "What is this?"_

"Um, what is the crime these bottles have been accused of doing?" Leo asked.

"Well, you see, this young person was just walking alongside the road one fine evening, when he noticed a large crate of goods sitting in the 'No Trespassing' zone," the sentry said. "On further inspection, he noticed that the crate was full of bottles of Mountain Dew, and could so therefore only surmise that someone had put them there."

" _Thank you, Captain Obvious," Percy muttered._

" _Actually, what you're supposed to say is, 'Thank you, Captain Obvious,'" Jason said. "And I thought we agreed not to give Leo a case that was ridiculous."_

" _We did," Frank said. "But Percy picked Leo's case, and apparently once he saw the words 'Civil Forfeiture' he just assumed it was boring before reading the rest."_

" _Hey, I have dyslexia," Percy muttered. "I don't do well with reading."_

"As such, Your Honor," the sentry said, " we would like to first of all call the citizen responsible for seeing the crate."

After the witness had sworn the oath and everything, he began. "So, I was just walking down, minding my own business when I noticed that there was something in the 'No Trespassing' are. So, there was a crate, and it was partially open and I took a peek at what was inside, and there were a bunch of bottles of Mountain Dew inside."

"Now tell me," the sentry said in a dramatic voice. "Do you see those bottles inside this very courtroom right now?"

"Yes! Yes!" the witness shouted, pointing to approximately three hundred and twenty bottles of Mountain Dew kept there in the courtroom.

"The defense would like to cross-examine the witness," the lawyer for the defense said.

" _Wait, the bottle of soft drink get a lawyer?" Percy asked. "Who paid for that? And who assigned a lawyer to them anyway?"_

"So, tell me," the defense attorney said, "is it not true that all bottles of Mountain Dew look the very same?"

"Uh, yeah…." the witness said. "I don't know where you're going with this."

"If they all look the same, how do you know that these are the very ones that you saw?"

"Uh… I guess because they're saying that they're the ones that they found in the crate?" the witness said meekly.

"Let it be noted that the witness cannot be sure that these are the very same bottles found," the defense attorney said.

" _Leo, say, 'Let the record also reflect that all of you are morons,'" Jason said._

"Let the record also reflect that all of you are morons," Leo said. This left most everyone speechless.

"Uh, in that case," Leo said, "I'd like to here from the defendants themselves."

"The bottles of soft drink?" the sentry asked. "You want us… to put them on the witness stand? But they're inanimate objects?"

"Uh… yeah, but I want them to be questioned," Leo said, knowing the had to say something to divert the attention from himself.

And so, one by one, the bottles were place before the stand. And of course, they didn't answer, no matter how much Leo threatened them.

" _Leo, pretend to get really angry at them," Percy said._

"I hereby demand that the witnesses speak, else they will be put in contempt of court!" Leo shouted, trying to sound as dangerous as possible.

" _Now say that we have only one option left with us, torture," Jason said._

"It appears that we must now stoop to something I had hoped not to use, torture," Leo said.

" _Now torture them," Percy giggled, hoping to see what Leo would come up with._

Leo had one of the bottles placed on his table and picked up another one.

"So," Leo said to one of them. "I'm going to need some answers and I'm tired of playing good cop around here. So, let me show you what happens to those who don't talk."

In a dramatic motion, Leo opened the cap to one bottle.

There were several disbelieving gasps. "Surely he wouldn't!" someone cried out.

And then, Leo took a sip.

"Murderer!"

"Bloodsucker!"

 _"Leo! Now say, 'Bring in the dancing lobsters!'" Percy said._

Leo was sure that he had misheard something, but still, he said, "Bring in the dancing lobsters."

All at once, a large group of people dressed up as lobsters whom the other three had hired walked in and began dancing to _Everybody Dance Now!_

The entire court went crazy, not least because of what Leo had done.

And so, Leo was charged for murdering a defendant, the thing was brought to Reyna, and long story short, he was fired from his job and given a fine, which like Percy, he also threw in the trash can. The others decided that this meant a penalty.

Result: Leo lost.

 **A/N: And that ends this. Frank and Leo have two negative points each, while Jason and Percy have only one. The next one will be the last before the third punishment.**

 **Again, thanks a bunch for reading, and do review if you liked!**


	19. An Impractical Buffet

**A/N: As always, thanks to jarhardar290, DrakonOwl21195, Calefe, stormystorm123ziggy, ConnorPerson (that was borrowed from the Amanda Show, heard about it from raveclawjedi's 150 things I'm not allowed to do in the Underworld), thedauntlessamity, Guest, Wonderlandian Me, and Vexy Minion.**

 **The following is an idea I had for a long time, but wasn't sure how to implement it. But, here goes.**

 _For this task, the contestants will be visiting the Roman dining halls. The only twist is that while they will be given plates, all the food that they are to get must be from other people's plates. They have a time limit of fifteen minutes._

 _At the end of the game, they will have to weigh whatever they have gotten. The one with the least weight in pilfered food loses. Also, they must not get caught, otherwise that as well is an automatic loss._

Leo looked at the people buzzing around him and the empty plate he was holding. Well, it was now or never.

Unfortunately, he spent five minutes standing around and staring, not sure who to go to.

" _Come on Leo," Frank said. "Don't worry too much that the Roman punishment for stealing is to be crucified."_

" _Then again, you know what the Hermes cabin says," Percy said. "'Food tastes better when it is stolen,' though they usually say that right after you discover the food they're selling is stolen."_

" _The Hermes cabin also says that food tastes better when it is near its expiry date," Jason pointed out. "Though strangely, that's usually when the food they sell is near the expiry date."_

At long last, an opportunity seemed to present itself to Leo. A legionnaire was going for some croutons, so Leo slowly moved his hand towards a brownie he was carrying in his plate.

As Leo was about to touch it, the legionnaire said, without looking at him, "Touch one of my brownies and your hand comes off."

Leo slowly withdrew his hand.

He did manage to get lucky though, and swiped a can of Coke from someone. That person looked around when they realized that it was gone, but Leo was far away by then.

Next, Leo had an eye on a rather weighty steak that someone was taking. Leo was looking for an opening for a long time, when the girl suddenly turned around and said, "You've been staring at me for the past five minutes. Is there something you want?"

" _Ohh! Busted!" the others all said at once._

"Yes, there is something that I want," Leo said. "I need mission report, December 16, 1991."

"What?" the girl asked.

" _Leo, that's not how you ask a girl that," Frank said. "You have to first say longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen-"_

" _Yes, we get it Frank," Percy said._

"Hey look everyone, there's Zeus!" Leo shouted, quickly changing tactics and pointed somewhere. While everyone was distracted, he managed to get as much food as possible from their plates.

He kept looking for another opening, but by then his time had run out.

Result: Leo managed to get 1.45 pounds of food.

* * *

Next up was Percy. Percy had learned from Leo that he couldn't just stand around waiting and needed to not look at other people's plates for a long time.

As such, while stealth was not Percy's main suit, using water was. As such, whenever a poor, unsuspecting soul walked near the water fountain, a burst of water suddenly entered their eyes. While they were drying themselves out and couldn't see, they were usually too busy to notice that someone had taken something from their trays.

" _Hey that's cheating!" Leo complained. He turned to the others. "That's cheating, though, right?"_

" _I don't think so," Jason said. "You're just mad it is kind of obvious that you're losing."_

While Percy was careful enough to not take too much from a single tray at a time, it became all too apparent to various people that their trays were strangely empty of a carton of juice or a cookie.

As such, several of them had now realized (or at least suspected) that Percy had taken these food items. To hide from them, Percy had to leave his criminal headquarters near the water fountain and take refuge away from prying eyes.

" _It looks like you're cover's blown, Percy," Jason said. "What're you gonna do now?"_

Percy took a good look at his plate. It was obvious by now that he wasn't going to lose, so he considered just ending it right then and there. Plus, there was the fact that if he got caught, he would have lost.

But, he did realize he was on a comedy show, and as such, being funny was more important than making sense. As such, he decided to risk it just so that he could rub it all in Leo's face.

Percy tried several tactics to get people to willingly part with the food they had on their trays. One of his involved literally just going up to people and saying, "Hey, that looks good. Mind if I take some?"

As you can imagine, this was not something that normal people every said to each other or something normal to do, and while most people just said 'no' straight away, a few of them seemed to think 'why not' and gave Percy something.

" _He's not even stealing stuff anymore," Leo said._

" _The rules don't say we have to steal, Leo," Jason said. "They just say that the food has to come from other people's plates!"_

One of these new demigods by the name of Bryan was so polite that he decided to say, "Sure, why not? You can take as much as you want, mister."

Clearly, Bryan wasn't like some other rude or selfish demigods. No, Bryan thought that if a weird guy wearing a t-shirt that said 'Keep Calm and Look for Nemo', well, he might as well hand it to him.

What Bryan wasn't expecting was for Percy to take his entire tray and dump it on his own.

" _Look at that kid's face!" Leo said. The others were too busy guffawing to say anything._

Percy later decided to try and top this off by saying that he was collecting food for the homeless, but the end result of this was that his time ran out before he could.

Result: Percy managed to collect 9.56 pounds of food.

* * *

Next up was Jason.

Jason kept trying to think of things to say, and the problem was that he couldn't copy what Percy had done because obviously people would notice if two people had come in successfully and said almost the very exact same things.

Now, a rather large problem with the dining halls of both Camp Jupiter and Camp Half-Blood was that as the kids were free to choose whatever foods they wanted, they were all carrying pizzas, sandwiches, cokes, and other things without a brussel sprout in sight.

One person in particular who caught Jason's eye was a kid who was carrying a plate full of M&Ms.

"Don't you think that's a little too much M&Ms for one person?" Jason asked.

"Yeah," the kid shrugged. "I got all of 'em. My favorites."

Jason realized that meant that the snooty kid wasn't going to care, and so therefore he would have to rely on some other strategy. Thankfully, he was able to make up one on the spot pretty fast.

"You see, I need some M&Ms for training," Jason said.

" _What?" Percy asked._

"What?" the guy asked.

"Well see, what I do is that I, uh, take two M&Ms in my fingers and I squeeze them against each other until one of them breaks. Then… well, the broken one is eaten and the other one is the champion. I keep doing this over and over until I've eaten all the M&Ms and only one of them remains. I name this one to be the 'champion', and um, I send it to the M&Ms headquarters with a note that says: 'This M&M was the strongest. Please use it for breeding purposes.'" Jason said.

The kid had to put his tray down so he didn't drop it while laughing.

 _At the very same time, Jason's ears nearly got damaged as only blank laughter came into the ears._

"Okay, that was really funny man, but you're still not going to get any of my M&Ms," the kid said and walked off finally.

With this amazing plan out of the picture, Jason was now forced to instead go the 'stealing-while-no-one-looks' route of approaching this problem and so was making some success. However, he couldn't stop people from noticing, and they did. And so, he decided to take up another plan.

He yelled loudly for everyone to stop what they were doing for a second.

"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. So, as you all know, I'm Jason, son of Zeus, and former Praetor here. As such, I need to inform you that the eagles around our camp have been unable to hunt because um, mobile phones ringing have scared off all the prey. As such, they have appealed to me to gather as much food as possible in order to feed them and to fend off disaster that will obviously come if they're not fed well," Jason said.

" _Is no one going to point out that Jason can't hear what birds are thinking?" Leo asked._

" _Nah, they'll probably believe anything that he says," Frank said. "By the way, how come Percy can hear what fish are saying but Jason can't hear what birds think?"_

" _That's just because I'm awesomer that Jason is," Percy said._

" _Awesomer isn't a word," Frank pointed out._

" _Nerd," Leo said._

By the time Jason's time was up, he had already had a tiny feast collected before him.

Result: Jason managed to collect 39.56 pounds of food.

* * *

Last up was Frank. Now, Frank, by this point, had realized that he only needed to beat Leo and not get caught in order to be spared the negative point.

As such, as he was a bit too bulk to try and steal anything successfully, he decided to rely on another weapon: deceit.

He suddenly pulled out his weapon and screamed, "Okay everyone! Lock the doors down! No one gets out or gets in until I say so! This is a surprise food inspection, and you all have the right to remain silent! Anything you do or do not say can and will be used against you in a court of law!"

Following this proclamation, a large amount of pandemonium ensued, far more than that which should be expected following a normal food inspection.

" _How is it possible to use something that someone hasn't said against them?" Jason asked._

" _Oh, that's easy," Leo said. "See, imagine that I'm going to arrest you and I say that. What do you say?"_

" _Nothing," Jason replied._

" _Okay, Leo, Frank said nothing, which means that he isn't protesting his innocence like an innocent person would," Percy said. "We should write that down to use against him."_

" _And if I say that I'm innocent?" Jason asked._

" _Only someone who's guilty would say that," Percy said. "We should write that down to use against him."_

" _Okay, I get it, you guys are terrible judges," Jason said._

And so, with Frank waving his sword around, he managed to collect a large bundle of food.

" _Hmm," Percy said. "Frank was asked to collect food, and he does so by forcing everyone to hand it over to him at sword point."_

" _Do you know what that means?" Leo asked._

" _What?"_

" _Frank's the only true Roman here," Jason said._

While Frank was congratulating himself internally for his victory, the door suddenly opened up and Reyna walked in. "What's going on in here?"

 _Leo nearly had a heart attack. "Oh no! Reyna's on to us! If she founds out…"  
_

" _She'll tell Annabeth!" Percy said. "Quick! Frank! Abort mission! Abort mission!"_

This was unfortunately very difficult for Frank now that he had his sword out and there were lots of witnesses. "Nothing," Frank said, trying to sound normal. "Uh, this is just a food inspection."

Reyna raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't told about anything like that."

"I uh, you must have missed the memo," Frank said.

"Anyway, I was here about some weird food mess ups here," Reyna said. "Some people are saying their food has been mysteriously vanishing."

"And hence the food inspection," Frank said. "We have reports that um, a certain bacterium called um, _Seamoure butts_ is responsible for the rapidly dissolving food. I'll just have to send some samples to the lab and get back to those people."

There was a very long awkward moment in which Frank wasn't sure his story would hold, until a fire had conveniently broken out somewhere and Reyna was called to check.

" _Well, that was close," Percy said._

" _You're telling me," Jason said. He looked around. "Hey, where's Leo?"_

Result: Frank managed to collect 24.5 pounds of food.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! As such, Leo has three negative points, Jason and Percy have one, and Frank has two. So, Leo will be getting punished next chapter.**

 **Thank you for reading, and do please review if you liked.**


	20. The Third Punishment

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone!**

 **Thanks to Vexy Minion, Guest (yes, demigods don't have phones, but this is fanfiction and I think some license is allowed here), The purple hippocampus (I'll think about it), DrakonOwl21195 (Team Leo takes a big bullet in this one), cghe (he'll have his revenge soon enough), CrazyBlueOwl (I get it), thedauntlessamity (glad to know you felt better), theinvisiblerose, ConnorPerson, and ChrystalineCD.**

Leo wasn't sure what to expect when the others had said that the time for his punishment had come. He was led blindfolded to a room and suddenly felt something grab his foot.

The next instant, he knew he was being suspended above the ground. "Hey! What happened?"

The blindfold was removed. Leo looked around. He was in a cabin, currently suspended upside-down by a rope that went over a small pulley, the other end was being held by Percy.

Beneath his head, Leo could just make out there was a bowl of something filled with something pink.

"So, what is this?" Leo asked.

"This is the punishment," Percy said. "We're going to ask you a total of ten questions. If you get four wrong, your head gets dipped in the hair dye… and you'll be wandering around with hair that's dyed pink for the next few weeks!"

"Wait- my punishment is a test?" Leo asked. "You fiends!"

"Okay, so this is the first question, Leo," Frank said. "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?"

"Are all the questions like this?" Leo asked.

"No, you'll be able to answer some of them," Jason said. "Now come one, you only get a minute for each."

"All right," Leo said. "It takes three hundred and fifty-seven."

"Wrong," Percy said and let the rope fall a bit.

"Then what's the right answer?" Leo said.

Percy shrugged. "I don't know. Feel free to try it later on."

"Gah!" Leo said.

"Okay, next question: What is Percy's favorite species of Pillow Pet?" Jason asked.

Leo frowned and thought for a second, "Wait- I think Percy told me this once. Is it… Panda?"

Percy sighed. "He got that one right."

"Okay, next question," Percy said. "How many Romans does it take to change a light bulb?"

Leo frowned again and said, "Wait- I've heard this one. Right, the answer is none, the Romans would enslave someone else to do it."

"Right," Frank said. "Next question, how many times has Percy broken the Camp's plumbing system?"

"Oh," Leo said. "I don't count well over twenty." He did try though. "Um… forty-six?"

"Thirty-nine," Percy said and let go of the rope a little bit more.

"Now, Jason said, true or false: Frank took a leprechaun costume with him when we visited Annabeth during Easter."

Leo frowned. "So, a fifty-fifty chance, I'll go with false."

Frank shook his head. "Right again."

"Now," Percy said. "Throughout our series, how many times have I accused someone of being racist."

Leo tried counting all the times. "Uh… a grand total of three times."

"Right again," Percy said.

"Okay, which one of us once tried to eat a stapler?" Frank asked.

"Easy, Jason," Leo answered.

"Make the questions harder," Percy said.

"How many planets are there?" Jason asked, hoping he'd say 'nine.'

"Eight, Pluto was taken off the list," Leo said. "Man, I'm on fire tonight!"

"I see, then…" Percy said. "Okay, what is Calypso's shoe size?"

Everyone smirked as Leo tried to guess the answer. "Aww, you don't know that, do you?" Jason asked.

"Leo doesn't know his own shoe size," Percy pointed out.

"Umm, six and a half?" Leo said.

"Close, we asked, it's six," Percy said and let the rope fall down some more.

"Last question Leo, if you get this wrong, your hair will be the talk of camp for several weeks," Jason said.

"What is round?" Percy asked.

Now, the stuff going through Leo's head was this: 'What is round? That's simple, that's a ball, or the moon, or… wait, the question can't be that easy! It must be a trick, doe I have to count the letters or something? What exactly did Percy say?'

"Time's almost up," Percy said.

"A ball!" Leo finally blurted out.

"He's right you know," Frank said.

"Yeah!" Leo said. "That's what you get when you mess with the VALDEZ!"

Right then, Percy let go of the rope and Leo fell, his hair now dyed pink.

"Whoops," Percy said. "My hand slipped."

"You were going to do that anyway, no matter what I answered, weren't you?" Leo asked.

"Yup," Frank said.

"Then what was the point of the questions?" Leo asked.

"It was funnier to give you some false hope first," Jason said.

"I am going to get all of you back for this," Leo said.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! Do please review if you liked. I bet a lot of you expected a maid outfit, didn't you?**

 **Also, this is our twentieth chapter!**


	21. Revenge of the Wheel of Doom I

**A/N: We finally reached 200 reviews! Yes! And additionally, 75 favs and 100 follows! Thanks guys!**

 **Thanks to ChrystalineCD, thatinvisiblerose (fanart would be nice, but I'm not good with it. I always wondered about that tapestry depicting Leo twerking around the world), ConnorPerson (Leo will get his revenge. Eventually. Maybe), CrazyBlueOwl (yellow hair might not be that funny though, hmm), DrakonOwl21195 (and what better way to punish Leo than by something he'd do to others?), thedauntlessamity, Ayano's Theory of Relativity (maybe. I mean, they removed Pluto from being a planet a while back, but the books never mentioned it. I don't think Hades would react so well), Vexy Minion, DaughterOfPan14 (I think the quote was rather funny because Jason was talking to real Romans and it sounded like something he wouldn't do), cghe (thanks for the 200th review!), and Neutrino 2000.**

 _Task One: The Wheel of Doom returns, and as usual our contestants have to do whatever it is the wheel lands on, and this time, it has returned, the tasks are scarier than ever and there's no simple one involving taking money this time. The items on the wheel are:_

 _Shave someone's mustache_

 _Get someone to sniff your shoes_

 _Convince someone that you're an alien_

 _Brush someone else's teeth in public_

 _Automatic Negative Point_

 _Literally Steal the Food Out of Someone's Mouth_

 _Give Mrs. O'Leary a Bath_

 _Dress Up As A Spider and Remain in the Athena Cabin (for twelve minutes)_

 _And so, let the games begin! The time limit is forty-five minutes for a task._

* * *

 _The camera turns on to reveal a dark room, lit only by candles and the occasional static across a television screen. In the center is a large purple curtain covering something massive._

 _Out of the shadows in the corner, a group of four cloaked people come in, chanting what seem to be the lyrics to the title song to_ My Little Pony _malevolently._

 _One of them asks, "Why are we dressed like this?"_

" _Because it helps set the mood, Frank," Leo said, pulling off his cloak while the others did the same._

 _It had been several weeks since the last punishment game, and the pink dye had all but vanished from Leo's hair, save for a small streak that was all but invisible._

 _I know what you're thinking: "Leo's hair was dyed pink! That must have been hilarious for everyone!"_

 _Well guess what? It was even more hilarious than you could possibly imagine. So much so that the game had been abandoned, and instead the others started recording moments entirely about Leo over the past few weeks._

 _Leo dramatically pulled away the curtain to reveal a large wheel that was attached with spikes and which Leo had made look menacing with everything that he could buy from his local Staples._

" _I must say Leo," Frank said, "the scariest thing about the Wheel of Doom is all the spelling mistakes you've made in writing everything."_

 _Leo instead said, "Hey- this would be cooler if he had an animal to sacrifice. You know what Frank? You should turn into one and then let us sacrifice you!"_

 _Frank replied by unleashing several week's worth of photos of reactions of people to seeing Leo's hair._

" _Doesn't some of this stuff seem kind of… dangerous?" Percy asked. "I mean, giving my hellhound a bath? Or trying to dress up like a spider in the Athena cabin? Do you guys have a death wish?"_

" _Not to mention the automatic penalty option," Leo said, grinning. "Trust me, the games are going to be much harder this time around."_

" _I say we add another rule," Jason said. "Obviously, someone can just quit if they want out of a task and take a penalty point usually, but I say that we change the rules this time. You have to do whatever the wheel lands on, and can't back out."_

" _Deal," Leo said._

" _No deal," Percy and Frank said. "I mean come on, the Athena guys are smart. What if they find out what we're up to? We've been laying low for the past few weeks but I'm sure that a lot of people in both camps remember what we're doing."_

 _And so, all of them deliberated and compromised in a way fitting mature understanding adults who respect each other's viewpoints although they might differ._

 _Ha, ha, no. This is what really happened: Leo called Percy and Frank chickens and then began making embarrassing 'bok-bok' noises until the two of them finally caved into accepting those terms._

 _Percy decided to go first. With apprehension, he spun the wheel, and it landed on 'Brush Someone's Teeth in Public' (spelling errors removed). Percy sighed._

" _Okay, where's the toothbrush?" Percy asked._

 _Leo shrugged. "What, do you think toothbrushes grow on trees? Go use your own."_

" _That's just gross," Frank said. "Go buy him a toothbrush, Leo!"_

 _Leo sighed. "Fine."_

Percy walked out, armed with only a toothbrush and some toothpaste. What was he going to do?

" _I bet five Drachmas that Percy's just going to start going around asking people if he can brush their teeth," Jason said so lowly that Percy couldn't hear it._

" _Come on," Frank said. "He isn't that stupid. You're on."_

And then, Percy went around asking random people if he could brush their teeth.

" _Okay, you win," Frank said, handing Jason a few coins over. "Don't spend it all in one place."_

As you can imagine, no one let Percy do so. After all, Camp Half-Blood was a place where kids were allowed to eat whatever they want, consequently, there was hardly anything that wasn't loaded with sugar miles around. And as for brushing your teeth… well, a lot of these kids hadn't brushed for the past few weeks so….

Percy realized he was going to have to try a different approach. So, instead, he got on a sort of pedestal and saw that Travis Stoll was walking somewhere nearby. Percy said, "Hey- Travis! I um, am doing something for charity! Want to pitch in?"

" _Asking a Stoll for charity?" Frank asked. "You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel, here, aren't you Percy?"_

"What for?" Travis asked.

"Uh, well, um, you know that charity that makes old people… less annoying?" Percy said.

"So what're you doing? Signing autographs or something?" Travis asked.

"Nah- I'm brushing people's teeth for charity," Percy said.

" _It somehow sounds reasonable when Percy says it," Frank said. "How?"_

"I brushed my teeth last week," Travis said. "I won't need it again for a while and I don't have any spare change."

"But wait!" Percy said, desperately changing tactics again. "I overheard Katie talking about you. She said… that um, your breath stank."

"What?" Travis said, now nervously sweating. "Why would I care about that? I don't care. I um, see you later Percy!"

"No wait!" Percy cried out.

" _Only fifteen minutes left Percy," Leo said._

Percy's situation was instantly made worse when Clarisse of all people suddenly appeared out of nowhere looking very, very angry.

Now, Clarisse and Percy may have been on better terms after all that had happened, but it didn't change the fact that they were rivals. And that Percy had slipped salsa all over her last week.

"Time for payback, punk!" Clarisse said, pounding her fists.

Percy backed up and tried whispering into the hidden microphone. "Hey guys, I can't do these two things at once. Time out?"

" _Aww, how cute," Leo said. "Percy thinks we're going to be nice to him and give him time to settle things. Not."_

"I'm serious guys! I don't have a lot of time left! You need to do something to help," Percy said.

 _Leo responded by turning on the battle music to_ Mortal Kombat _on._

Clarisse pulled out a switchblade knife.

Percy took out the thing that he was clinging to closest at the time: the toothbrush.

"That's your problem right there Prissy," Clarisse said. "You brought a toothbrush to a knife fight. I'm going to do to you what the Green Lantern movie did to the Green Lantern franchise!"

"Back off- or I'll, um, brush your teeth?" Percy said lamely.

Clarisse charged. Percy responded by shooting a huge blast of water out of the ground and knocking Clarisse off her feet, following which he disarmed her and opened her mouth, nearly fainting at the smell that came out. "When was the last time you visited a dentist?"

"What's a dentist?" Clarisse asked.

"I seriously hope that was a joke," Percy said and began the arduous task of brushing Clarisse's teeth while she was immobilized in the mud, making for one of the strangest pieces of footage in history.

" _Well done, Percy," Jason said. "Flawless Victory."_

Result: Percy passed.

* * *

" _Percy passed," Leo said, sounding disappointed. "Uncool, man."_

" _I'll be up next then," Jason said. He spun the Wheel of Doom, only to have it land on the much dreaded task of dressing up like a spider in the Athena cabin._

" _Nice knowing you bud," Percy said._

" _Don't worry, I have a spider costume around here somewhere," Leo said, rummaging around the hideout._

" _I don't know what I find more disturbing," Frank said. "That Leo happens to own a spider costume on hand, or that he keeps one here in the hideout."_

" _At least I didn't dress up as a giant waffle on Halloween," Leo pointed out._

The camera shifted to a scene inside the Athena cabin.

" _When did you put a hidden camera in the Athena cabin?" Frank asked. "More importantly, why did you put a hidden camera in the Athena cabin?"_

" _I thought it might be necessary if someone landed on that spot," Leo said._

" _How many secret cameras do you have?" Percy asked._

" _Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to," Leo said._

The camera shifted to Jason who was trying to stealthily sneak around camp in his costume. And this was turning out to be quite impossible as the costume made it hard to move.

And so, Jason decided to formulate a different plan, took off the costume, and then walked into the Athena cabin to see that Malcolm was the only one there.

"Hey Malcolm!" Jason said off the top of his head. "Um, Annabeth wanted to see you, near the Big House."

"Really?" Malcolm asked. "Okay."

He left, meaning the cabin was empty, meaning that Jason could now put on the costume and sneak inside the empty place and wait for the fifteen minutes to be up.

" _He's in! He's in!" Leo said. "Start the timer!"_

This was all going pretty well for Jason.

" _It would be such a shame," Leo said. "If someone were to call the entire Athena cabin back right now."_

"Shut up Leo," Jason said. "Stop being a crybaby because you lost last time."

Just then, someone began approaching the cabin. It was Malcolm.

" _Quick!" Percy said. "Jason, hide!"_

Jason awkwardly stuffed himself beneath the rows of beds pushed into the corner and heard footsteps.

" _Why did he come back? I didn't call him." Leo said._

" _I think he might be looking for something," Percy said. "He's rummaging through those textbooks."_

Malcolm was about to leave when he turned around and began glancing around the room suspiciously.

" _What happened?" Leo asked._

" _I think Malcolm's thinking that there's something suspicious going around in the cabin," Frank said. "Maybe he thinks there's something weird going on?"_

" _Or," Percy said, "I guess you could say… that his 'spider senses' are tingling!"_

" _Bad joke," Leo said._

" _Yeah Percy you can do way better than that," Frank said._

Malcolm didn't leave, and began creeping towards the beds. It was a tense moment for everyone, with Leo almost bursting into flames several times.

For a moment, it seemed that Malcolm would leave the room.

But then, Malcolm peeked under the bed.

"Is that… a spider costume?" Malcolm asked, confused. Malcolm apprehensively poked it with a ruler and then Jason twitched.

It seemed like Malcolm would scream, or perhaps he was so scared no sound would come out.

Jason got up and got off the bed. Malcolm backed away slowly and began jogging outside the cabin. Soon, there was a scream from outside saying, "Giant spider thing! Giant spider thing in the Athena cabin!"

" _Well Jason, you've still got two minutes left," Leo said. "What are you going to do?"_

" _There's no backing out, remember?" Frank said._

Jason then decided to hide near the window, holding his breath with apprehension. There was a sound of people outside and what sounded like weapons being drawn.

" _Okay Jason!" Percy said. "You're in the clear! You're in the clear! You can get out now!"_

Jason hurriedly tried stuffing himself through the window, though it was slightly hard with the costume on, but still managed to get through somehow.

Result: Jason passed.

 **A/N: And that's that for now. As usual, thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked. Until next time!**


	22. Revenge of the Wheel of Doom II

**A/N: Thanks, and in the spirit of tradition, here is me answering all of you in a huge run-on sentence. Thanks CrazyBlueOwl (but you have to laugh on Sunday. It rhymes with Funday!), Awesome, DrakonOwl21195 (nah, Percy's luck isn't that bad), thatinvisiblerose (Impractical Jokers: Lifting Spirits All Around), thedauntlessamity (even he can't believe it), ConnorPerson (don't let Annabeth hear you say that, Percy's in enough trouble already), Neutrino 2000, ChrystalineCD, GoldenRacehorse, Hispanicin, VexyMinion, and Sausage Dog (the chapter was started before you posted, so sorry).  
**

 _Frank was the one up next, and he ended up with a spin that landed on 'Shave someone's mustache' (once again, Leo's spelling is corrected here)._

 _"Okay, Frank, here's a razor," Leo said._

 _"Leo, this razor's blades are way too sharp. And they're made up of Imperial Gold," Frank said._

 _Leo shrugged. "No one said that it had to be safe."_

 _"Who gave you this anyway?" Frank asked._

 _"It was from Ares, I think," Percy said. "I think he gave it to me hoping I'd cut my neck with it."_

Once the razor had been replaced with a normal, less deadly one, Frank set out. Unfortunately, Frank didn't have a mustache of his own that he could shave, so he would need to find someone else.

Now, the problem as that they were in Camp Half-Blood and not Camp Jupiter, and so finding someone who was even old enough to have a mustache was a huge problem, let alone finding someone willing to get it shaved by a total stranger. The Satyrs didn't really have mustaches, only beards, only making his problem even harder.

As such, he realized that it was probably only the Ares cabin which would probably have someone who had something that could be called a mustache, he set out for it.

Now, in normal circumstances Frank would've just appealed to them as fellow children of Mars to let him shave someone's mustache, but the thing was that he wasn't allowed to tell anyone about the contest.

And so, that left only one option. And no, it wasn't the Percy Default Route of asking random people if they had a mustache they wanted shaved.

No, he was going to have to force someone to get their mustache shaved, much like Percy had done with Clarisse.

Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Frank is going to try and forcibly shave an Ares' kid's mustache? That can't possibly go well.'

Well guess what?

You.

Are.

Right.

While Frank would have, in this scenario, gone for laying a trap, a forty-five minute time limit meant that he would instead have to go fast and use the element of surprise.

Luckily, he found an Ares camper just outside the cabin, perhaps going for some errand. The guy was only a few inches shorter than Frank, and his facial hair was thick enough to qualify as a mustache.

Frank sneaked up on the guy, took his weapon, and then slammed him on the ground. He then pointed his own spear at him and said, "Your mustache or your life!"

 _"Choose the mustache!" Leo said. "Choose the mustache!"_

 _"Oh come on now," Percy said. "Frank, everyone knows you're not going to kill off the guy."_

Instead of whimpering though, the guy immediately attempted to kick Frank, which bounced off his knee. It hurt, but Frank then caught the guy's leg and put his spear away and took out his razor instead.

Just then, he heard the swish of something coming towards him and instinctively rolled away from the incoming javelin. In the process he had to let the guy go and saw that what looked like the entire Ares cabin were pointing weapons at him.

 _"Run Frank! Run!" Jason said._

Frank whirled around and began running away as fast as he could as the Ares cabin followed in pursuit.

 _Leo, Percy, and Jason watched as Frank just barely dodged the weapons that were hurled at him._

 _"So," Leo said, turning to the others. "Do you wanna catch a movie later?"_

 _"Which one?" Jason asked._

 _"Regardless of which movie we see, let's all agree that we are not getting tacos from the Hermes cabin shack this time," Percy said._

 _"Yeah," Jason said. "We'll go for slushies instead."_

 _"I don't want a slushie," Leo whined. "What happened to good ol' fashioned ice cream?"_

 _"Dude, if we go for ice cream too we'll have to walk around the lake again to the opposite side," Percy said._

 _"They have ice cream at the slushie shop," Jason said._

 _"Yeah, but they only have vanilla. Who eats vanilla flavored ice cream?" Percy asked._

 _"So we'll walk," Leo said. "What's the big deal?"_

 _"We might miss the movie then," Percy said._

 _"We'll leave early," Leo said, as if this should have been obvious._

 _"Yeah, but I have stuff to do before that," Percy protested._

While the others were busy in this super-duper important argument, in a sort of unimportant sideshow, Frank was evading his pursuers.

As they came near the Demeter cabin, Frank hid behind a bush and turned into a mouse. The Ares cabin members thundered on past him.

 _"I have a question," Leo said. "If Frank turns into an animal, and then turns back, why does he still have his clothes?"_

 _Percy and Jason both stared at Leo funnily. "I think wearing a maid outfit has gone to your head, Leo," Jason said._

 _"That's not what I mean!" Leo said. "I mean, I just think that it's weird, that's all. It doesn't happen in_ Animorphs _."_

Frank waited. The guy whose mustache he had been trying to shave was the last one to thunder on past him, probably because he had been disoriented, and just then, Frank turned back and knocked the guy out cold.

And then, his mustache was shaved. The Ares cabin would swear vengeance, and that they would cut off a thousand heads for every strand of mustache hair lost.

Good thing they can't count.

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

 _And last was the Valdez himself, who had the misfortune to get 'Convince someone you're an alien' as his task._

 _"Well, that shouldn't be too hard," Frank said. "I'm sure half of Camp already thinks that you're an alien, Leo."_

 _"What?" Percy said, drawing an exaggerated breath and widening his eyes dramatically. "Leo, you're not an alien? My whole life has been a lie!"_

 _Jason pinched Leo's cheek. "All you have to do is take this mask off!"_

 _While the others laughed, Leo said, "Okay, what counts as convincing someone that I'm an alien? Do they just have to say that they believe me?"_

 _"No," Percy said, grinning as he resolved to make this harder for Leo, "It can't be in a joking or sarcastic way. It should be at least slightly serious."_

 _Leo was then left completely panicking out. This wasn't a task that was suicidal- but it was one that was impossible! How was he going to convince someone that he was an alien? He didn't even know where to start or who he should try. Should he wear a costume? Or a tin foil hat?_

Leo left the hideout equally confused and without any semblance of a plan whatsoever. The clock was ticking, and whatever he was going to do, he was going to have to do it fast.

But the question that came up and up again was, who was gullible enough to fall for it? Leo didn't think that even Travis Stoll would believe him…

And just then Travis Stoll walked on past him, and that was when Leo realized that he might as well try, all the while racking his brains for an idea that would work.

"So, the pink-haired mechanic returns! What up, homie?" Travis asked.

 _"You know, there was a time when I was sure that making fun of Leo for his pink hair was going to get old," Percy said. "Never have I been so wrong."_

Just then, Leo got a sort of idea and decided to go ahead with it.

"Hey, just a bit of secret, between you and me, did you know that pink is my natural hair color?" Leo asked. "I just dye my hair yellow."

 _"Where's he going with this?"_

Travis looked at Leo with disbelief. "Wait… no one's natural hair color is pink. So if your hair is pink normally…. then there can only be one logical explanation…"

 _Frank blinked. "I don't believe it guys. I think Leo just pulled this off."_

"It can only mean that you're an anime character!" Travis said.

Leo was weeping internally.

 _Meanwhile, the others were laughing so hard they had all collapsed._

"No Travis," Leo said, going for a direct approach this time, "the truth is that I'm an alien."

"Pfft," Travis said. "Yeah right."

 _"You're doing really well, Leo," Percy managed to get out._

"No, it's totally true," Leo said. "I'm from a planet called um, Norwegia."

Travis looked at Leo funnily. "Okay Leo, I'm ready to believe a lot of things, but if you were an alien, what about the rest of the Hephaestus cabin?"

"All the Hephaestus kids are aliens," Leo said.

"Uh-huh," Travis said, not convinced at all.

"It's where all of our gadgets come from!" Leo said. "Think about it! The Earth doesn't have this kind of technology!"

"Last I checked, aliens don't exist," Travis said. "I mean, everyone knows that crop circles are just Demter kid's playing pranks and UFOs are what mortals see when the god's chariots pass over them."

 _"I'm sorry, but didn't Mars have life on it once?" Percy said. "I mean, before Zeus decided to host his sixteen hundredth birthday party there, and then they got into a huge argument and froze all the water?"_

 _"I don't know what you're talking about, Percy," Jason said, eyeing him strangely._

"But-but," Leo began.

An alarm began beeping from Travis' watch. "Oh look! I need to go get those breath mints now. See ya later buddy!" He then patted Leo on the back and took off.

"Oh no," Leo said.

It took him ten minutes to realize that Travis had stolen his wallet.

With Leo's time running out, he realized that he was going to have to do something drastic, something extraordinary, if he was to stand a chance of winning. Sure, he might be laughed at, but it was his only hope for victory that he saw.

As so, he burst into the Hades cabin and saw that Nico was there.

"NicoIneedtoborrowyourclothesforawhilesopleasepleasejustgivethemwouldya?" Leo said in a single word without pausing, he didn't have much time left.

"What?" Nico asked.

"I need to borrow your clothes and some other things," Leo said.

"Uh, no," Nico said, getting up. "Dude, you can't just barge in and-"

"No time!" Leo said and pushed Nico aside, took everything he needed, and then ran out.

Once he was done tinkering with some spare parts he was going to use as an addition to Festus, he decided to set his plan into motion.

As evening was dawning on Camp Half-Blood, and a good portion of the campers were gathered making preparations for dinner. Suddenly though, there was a weird robotic noise coming out from somewhere and odd lights began flashing.

Out of a clearing, Leo walked out, dressed in what was either a super-cool outfit, or something more hilarious and humiliating than a maid costume depending on who you were. That is to say, Leo thought it was cool while almost everyone else thought it was hilarious.

"Greetings, Earthlings," Leo said in a super fake robotic voice. "I am… uh, Valdazor, come from the planet Pluto."

"Pluto isn't a planet anymore," a kid of Athena said.

"Nerd," Leo said. "And it is due to this grave injustice that I have come from my plane to tell you all that Hades is seriously… well, angry about this and demands that all of you immediately reinstate Pluto as a planet, or suffer the wrath of Hades."

 _"So that's why he took Nico's stuff and dressed up like that," Percy said._

 _"I don't think this will work though," Frank said._

 _"He just needs to get one person to say that they believe him," Jason pointed out._

Everyone started to laugh, but then there were screams. Leo turned around to see a bunch of very menacing looking skeletons.

 _"Well, that should get people's attentions," Percy said._

 _"I don't think he summoned them though," Frank said._

The skeletons surrounded Leo as Nico walked up to him to take revenge for the stolen stuff.

In the end, no one did admit that Leo was an alien.

Result: Leo failed.

 **A/N: Everyone's in the clear, except Leo who has a negative point.**

 **Thanks for reading, and do please review, but I have bad news again. We'll be going on hiatus, for about a month or two because my sort of break is already over and I can't update constantly now. I might update a piece or two, but I can't make any promises. Yeah, I know it is like we were just back, but I can't help it really.**


	23. Impractical Exorcists I

**A/N: So I know it has been very long... so long that even I didn't fully remember what happened in the last chapter. But you guys did shower it with a lot of love, so thanks!  
**

 **Thanks go to CrazyBlueOwl (don't die- there's more craziness where that came from!), Loving-fire, Hispanicin (don't worry, Leo will have his day), DrakonOwl21195, ConnorPerson, Guest, GoldenRacehorse (killer rabbits _are_ great, right?), Vexy Minion, Guest (don't worry, we've returned), DecemberRome (cool username, thanks, and lets not do that to anyone in real life), thedauntlessamity (thanks for understanding), WinterWind14, imkawaiipikachu, thatinvisiblerose, (I'll see about the hair dying thing. As for your OTPs, I would like to insert them in somehow, and have thought of doing a segment where all of them watch the videos together, but I wanted to get a few more chapters done before that. Maybe after this round), LEPrecon elf holly short (I've always loved Artemis Fowl!), and WritingWithLibby (Percy gets his maid costume from... *ahem* let's just leave that undisclosed... and what made you think Annabeth was the one wearing it?). **

_Task Two: Each of the contestants will have to visit a Camp cabin and convince someone inside that the cabin is currently haunted by ghosts and will then have to perform an exorcism in there to get rid of it._

 _This is of course, a 'refuse you lose' round as well. Italics refer to the people back at the recording headquarters._

* * *

 _"Okay, so explain to me again how this works," Percy said. "No wait, first of all, tell me how you managed to rig the cabins."_

 _"Oh that," Leo said. "You see, someone needed to fix a few things in the Camp's wiring, and of course, being the concerned citizen I am I volunteered and agreed to do it, and at the same time I bugged all the cabins. No- stop looking at me like that, I didn't bug the bathrooms okay, what is wrong with you people? Okay, so then, I put in a bunch of traps that I can remotely activate from here so they might think that the cabin is haunted. Of course, 'convince someone' here has the same guidelines from my last round where I was trying to convince people I was an alien."_

 _"Good times, good times," Frank muttered under his breath._

 _Jason held up a hat with slips that detailed which cabin they would get. Only cabins with more than three current residents were chosen, so that limited the choices of course. "So who's up first?"_

 _Percy decided to go first._

Percy sighed. He had been forced to dress up like a Christian bishop and was straddling along towards the Apollo Cabin. Not many of its members were there today, but Will Solace was there.

"So… Percy, did you lose a bet or is that a new fashion on Olympus?" Will Solace asked.

"Neither," Percy said, trying to sound as convincing as he could. "I was told that this cabin was haunted and needed someone to exorcise it."

"What?" Will asked. "You serious?"

"Yes," Percy said.

"Since when do you catch ghosts?" Will asked.

 _"Answer him Percy," Jason said. "Be as creative as you can be."_

"Because Will, you know what they say," Percy said, "some people are borne exorcists, while others have exorcisthood thrust upon them."

 _"No one says that Percy," Frank said. "And exorcisthood is not a word."_

 _"And that was very unoriginal, Percy, but C minus for the effort," Jason said._

"That isn't a saying Percy," Will said. "And exorcisthood is not actually a word."

 _"Percy, say that Will is wrong and you can hear crying from inside the cabin," Leo said._

"I will let you know that you're wrong," Percy said. "I put a petition to to have it added half an hour ago, and that saying was used in _Half-Life 3_. Also, I can hear mysterious crying coming from your cabin."

 _Leo punched in a few buttons on his control board. A faucet in the Apollo cabin, normally kept for washing bandages and such began dripping ever so slightly._

 _"Wow," Frank said sarcastically._

 _"Yeah, Leo, you managed to make a faucet leak a little," Jason said. "That is like literally the absolute opposite of spectacular."_

 _"Just watch and learn," Leo said._

Will frowned. Not that he strained his ears, he could hear water dripping from the cabin, though oddly no sobbing. He entered inside and so did Percy.

 _"Percy, see that faucet over there that's leaking? Go over to it and ask it why it's crying," Leo said._

Percy walked over to the faucet, and, struggling to maintain a straight face, stroked it gently and asked, "Why are you crying?"

"Percy… are you actually talking to the leaky faucet?"

 _"Don't stop Percy," Frank said. "Kiss the faucet and say that you'll make everything better."_

 _Jason snickered. "I take back what I said. A leaky faucet isn't that much, but this is gold."_

Percy ignored Will and gently kissed the faucet. "There, there, now, Percy'll make it all better. No need to be so sad."

"Is- is this a Child of Poseidon thing?" Will asked. "You can manage to talk to leaky faucets and make them feel better? Because that's the opposite of a useful power."

 _"Turn around to him slowly, put a finger to your lip and tell Will to keep quiet or he'll hurt the tap's feelings," Frank said._

Percy turned to Will and put a finger to his lip and said, "Shh! You'll hurt the faucet's feelings if you keep talking like that."

Will had a serious 'what-in-Hades-is-going-on' look on his face. The rest of the Apollo cabin had now joined him in watching what Percy was doing.

 _Leo flipped a switch and the faucet stopped leaking._

"See! I made it all better and it's stopped leaking," Percy said. "And, as we all know, leaky faucets are a hallmark that a place is haunted."

"No it isn't…." Will Solace said weakly.

 _"Okay, now Percy, you're going to be looking for secret messages," Leo said. "There's a UV light in your pocket. Ask them to turn the lights off."_

"Okay, you might not believe that," Percy said. He took out a pretty small UV light torch from his pocket. "But ghosts, as you know, leave messages hidden for us to find. I'm gonna need you guys to turn off all the lights."

Percy spent five minutes combing the room until he found a word: SAVE. The UV light was pretty small so it could only light up one word of the message at a time. "See?" Percy said. "This is obviously a super-duper important message left to us by the ghosts."

When the message was pieced together, it read: SAVE 15% OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO.

There were small marks of what looked like gecko footprints leading away from it.

"Who wrote that there?" Will asked.

"Who knows Will? Who knows?" Percy tried to say mysteriously.

 _"Okay, enough with the jokes," Jason said. "Here's something that should be really scary. Go over to the third bunk from the left saying that you sense the core of the problem there."_

"Wait, wait," Percy said in his weirdest voice. "I can sense… the source of all these problems right over…" He then closed his eyes and wandered around towards the third bunk. "Yes! Right here! But what is it?"

 _Jason flipped a switch._

A compartment in the roof opened up, and from it fell something that cracked on its way down.

And the thing turned out to be a cat carcass.

As you can imagine, everyone screamed.

 _"Where did you get that?" Jason asked, amazed._

 _"Uh, there was an accident with someone's cat in the Roman Camp," Leo said. "Said I'd get rid of the body, and I hid it there with some incense so it wouldn't smell too bad."_

The screaming had still continued and finally the body was taken care of by burying it outside.

"That won't solve the problem though," Percy said. "The cabin is now haunted by that cat's ghost, and we need to perform an exorcism."

"O-okay," Will said. He still didn't believe it but thought that just maybe Percy knew what he was doing.

 _"Now this is how you're going to perform it Percy," Frank said. "Ask everyone to gather inside and turn off the lights."_

"Okay, to do this," Percy said. "You'll have to gather in the cabin and close your eyes."

While the members of the Apollo cabin complied, albeit reluctantly, Percy turned off the lights.

 _"Okay, now Percy," Jason said. "Take some paint, and write 'The Apollo Cabin Sux' on the wall, with 'Sucks' spelt with an 'x' and then just run away before they can notice."_

"Are you kidding?" Percy said as loudly as he dared so the others wouldn't hear him. "They'd definitely get back at me at some point."

 _"Well, you can always lose, Percy," Leo said with a grin. "Your choice."_

"Uh, guys, don't open your eyes until I say so," Percy said. He then painted the message on the wall as best as he could, and then snuck out.

Result: Percy passed.

* * *

Frank sighed. He had decided to go next, and had gotten the Nike Cabin.

Unlike Percy, who had dressed up like a bishop, because the others were racist, Frank was made to wear some sort of weird Chinese (at least it said Chinese on eBay, but Frank wasn't sure) robe that Leo had ordered.

He walked over to the Nike cabin, where for now, there were only Holly and Laurel Victor where there for now.

"So, what happened Frank? You lost a bet?" Holly asked.

"Holly- that's not cool. He could be wearing it, for you know, one of those ah…" Laurel trailed off, apparently uncomfortable with whatever she was going to say.

"Uh, no, I was told that the Nike cabin was haunted," Frank said. "And I've come to chase away the spirits using this, uh, whatever." Frank pulled out something that looked like a long staff with some bits of paper attached to it. He had no clue what it was, but was sure the whole thing was racist somehow.

"Haunted?" Holly asked. "Who told you that? I mean there was a Gastly here in Pokemon Go, but that was two hours ago."

"I- uh, have my sources," Frank said. "And I usually keep a look out for this kind of stuff."

"Huh-" Laurel said. "Yeah see, I was telling Holly that you were probably into those kinds of things, but she said it wasn't politically correct to say so."

 _"It isn't," Percy said._

"So, you think the cabin is haunted?" Holly asked. "What made you think that?"

 _Percy flipped a switch._

A loud scream echoed from inside the cabin.

"That's new!" Holly said, surprised.

They all rushed inside to find no one there.

 _"Your sound effects have gotten better," Jason said. "I mean, that time with the teddy bear it was clear that it was something robotic."_

"Ah yeah, so like I was saying this cabin is probably haunted," Frank said. "I'll have to check around a few things first before I do the exorcism."

 _"Try opening one of their faucets here," Leo said._

 _"What is it with you and faucets?" Percy asked._

"I think an easy way to see would be to open a tap," Frank said. He walked over to a sink and opened the tap to see a dark red liquid flowing out of it.

"Blood!" one of the twins said.

 _"Stick your finger in it and drink some," Leo said._

Frank rolled his eyes when the two co-counselors couldn't see. It was quite obvious that the red liquid wasn't blood- where would Leo have gotten it from?

Frank took some on his finger and put it in his mouth. "It's Mountain Dew Red," he said. "Though to be honest having that come out of your sink isn't much better than blood… I think I'll need to check some more things."

They turned around to see that something was blocking the doorway.

Right there, in front of the door, was single teddy bear.

And not just any teddy bear.

No. Frank recognized this one. It was that one, from waaaay back when they were burning stuff as a challenge and he had gotten a teddy bear to burn.

"Who's bear is that?" Holly asked.

"No one in your cabin has a teddy bear, by any chance, right?" Frank asked.

"No…" Laurel said.

The teddy bear then creepily somehow turned its head to look at Frank.

And suddenly the lights went off. It was still daytime, but the windows weren't exactly fully open but it was bright enough to see most things.

 _"Uh, Frank, we have a problem," Leo said. "I didn't put that bear there. And I can't get the lights back on either."_

"What? Stop messing with me Leo!" Frank whispered, hoping the other two were too busy staring at the bear to notice.

 _"I'm not! I don't know where the teddy bear came from!" Leo said._

Frank rolled his eyes. He was ninety-nine percent sure that Leo was doing this… okay, ninety-five percent sure.

The teddy bear began talking- well its mouth didn't move but a voice did come out, though not from it but from the roof.

"Frank Zhang… do you remember us?" it asked. It sounded nothing like the obviously fake sound that had come out last time, no, Leo had obviously taken a huge upgrade with the sound system.

"Uh… I think it's talking to you, Frank," Laurel said.

"Nah, it's probably just-" Frank stopped himself as he realized he couldn't give his friends away.

"Frank, Frank," the voice came as the teddy bear fixed its dark, beady eyes on Frank. "You tried to kill us. You tried to burn us. And so, we have come back, back from the very depths of Tartarus to exact our revenge."

"Our?" Holly asked.

"Yes, girl, _our_. Hear our names and quake at them, for they are: Sheldon, Rudy, and Timothy!"

Sounds of creaking wood and incoherent whispering now came.

"Those aren't really scary names," Laurel said.

"Yeah, if you want to frighten people you should change them," Holly said.

"Quiet!" the voice said. The teddy bear tilted its head to focus on Holly and then Laurel. "Our names are our names! I mean, there's also a guy named Bob living with us, but he's just Sheldon's school friend and here until he finally gets a job."

"These guys are weird…" Holly said.

"Tell me about it…" Frank said, referring to the others.

"So, Frank, are you ready to finish your punishment?" the teddy bear asked. "You will pay for burning me in a fire… and all those unspeakable things you've done to me!"

Holly and Laurel both looked at Frank quizzically.

"What-no, I haven't done anything 'unspeakable' to that teddy bear!" Frank said.

"Don't lie!" the teddy answered. "I was living a happy, normal life with my family, until this man came along. He sold my wife and child to Octavian in exchange for a few Oreos, and then Octavian butchered them with his own hands! I then was so traumatized I started drinking and lost my job, and to cap it all off Frank stopped feeding my pet plushy gerbil and it died."

"If you don't feed a plushy gerbil, how does it die?" Holly asked.

"Okay- so Frank, I think you were right about us being haunted," Laurel said, though the twins seemed more bemused than scared. "How do we get rid of it?"

 _"Tell them to perform the exorcism you have to burn it," Percy said._

'Oh, so _now_ you guys are talking like you're controlling things,' Frank thought. "Okay, we just need to burn it outside."

"Cool. I've got a lot of my sister's trophies and medals that have wood in them," Holly and Laurel said at the same time and glared at each other.

 _"Also, you all have to do the hokey-pokey around the fire while he burns," Jason said._

"And we have to dance the hokey-pokey around the fire while it burns," Frank said. The twins looked at him like he was crazy so Frank resorted to his last resort, desperate, line: "It's an ancient Chinese thing."

And so, they made a fire and threw the teddy bear, who was still protesting and making death threats, into it while Frank say 'Do the Hokey-Pokey' and they did, to the other's enjoyment, actually do it.

 _"I'm saving that dancing video," Percy said._

Result: Frank passed.

 **A/N: And that's that. Thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked!**

 **And... some good news. Our hiatus isn't completely over, and we won't update next week, but in the week after that we should be back to our regular, weekly updating schedule.**

 **Also, yes, the idea for this was from the Conjuring, though I haven't seen the sequel.**


	24. Impractical Exorcists II

**A/N: So, in the usual vein, thank you, thedauntlessamity, thatinvisiblerose (It is kind of creepy if you don't know it is comedy), DrakonOwl21195, abcathena, ConnorPerson, ChrystalineCD, thegloopmonster, SlytherinDemigod13, MrAppocolypse (I'll see if I can do it), WhyNotWriteFanfiction (yes, they did), Hispanicin, and wow.**

 _With the video of the Nike cabin counselors doing the hokey-pokey safely stored, Jason was now free to chose his own slip._

Jason walked over towards the Hermes Cabin dressed in a huge beaver costume.

Why was Jason dressed like a huge beaver? Because apparently Leo thought it would be funny and hard to explain.

Jason trudged over to the Hermes cabin where there was Travis Stoll and about half a dozen other demigods.

"Okay guys, I heard a call that there was a ghost here," Jason said.

Travis Stoll looked at Jason. "Why are you dressed like a beaver?"

 _"Because I didn't have another baby costume," Leo muttered._

 _"Oh, that explains it," Percy said._

 _"You somehow have a myriad of maid outfits available in various degrees of frilliness, but not a single extra baby costume?" Frank asked._

"Oh, that's because I belong to the Sacred Beaver School of Exorcism," Jason said.

"The wha?" Travis asked.

 _"The wha?" Percy asked._

"Oh a method of exorcism handed down by the great Sacred Beaver," Jason said. "You should read about it."

"I don't read," Travis said.

 _"I somehow don't doubt that," Frank said._

"Anyway, are you saying that there's a ghost in here?" Travis asked. "Because I'm pretty sure there isn't. I mean, there are weird sounds but we just assumed those are because Larry's got a stomachache and won't admit it."

"I don't have a stomachache!" a voice came from inside, followed by a noise that sounded like a zebra screaming after someone gave it a Heimlich maneuver.

"See," Travis said.

"No, I'm sure there is something wrong," Jason said. "Let's take a look inside."

 _"Now, Jason, as you walk into the room, I want you to take out those toys in your costume and set them up," Percy said._

Jason began taking out small toys which looked like beavers wearing robes and he set them all over the place. "These are special holy symbols of the Sacred Beaver. Ghosts don't like them being here."

 _"The Sacred Beaver is a false deity!" Percy said. "Praise the helix!"_

 _"You're telling me that you could find small toys that look like beavers wearing robes but couldn't get another giant baby costume?" Frank asked._

 _"They're harder to get than they look," Leo said._

All of a sudden, as Jason was placing the small toys around the cabin, the temperature suddenly dropped.

"That's clearly indicative of paranormal activity," Jason said.

"Nah, someone just turned the air conditioning on," someone said. "Though that's weird…. Who turned it on?"

"Weird?" Travis asked. "Since when do we have an air conditioner in the first place? Now that's the real question."

 _"I installed it," Leo said. "And he better not be complaining or he'll see something really scary! I had to pay for it myself!"_

 _"Leo, we all know you stole those parts," Percy said. He then flicked a switch._

The lights in the Hermes cabin went off. A strange breeze rattled through the cabin and some things fell down.

When the lights came back up, all the small beaver figurines had been knocked over. And to cap it off, there was a small red box with a handle on the floor which had most definitely not been there before. It was a jack-in-the-box.

Hesitantly, Jason picked it up.

"Uh, I've seen enough horror movies to know what happens next…" Travis said.

"Don't worry, I'm a professional," Jason said.

 _"A professional what? Beaver?" Percy said._

 _"Go on Jason! Go on! Try opening it!" Frank said._

 _"We can guarantee you'll love what's going to happen," Leo said._

Hesitantly, Jason began turning the handle and rather creepy music began coming out. And another thing, it wasn't easy turning the handle either, as if there was some sort of spring resisting its motion.

Jason was sweating, but he told himself that was because the giant beaver costume was uncomfortable.

After what seemed like way longer than five minutes of turning the handle and malevolent music, everyone paused to see what would happen.

And what happened was a fat load of nothing.

"Isn't that clown or whatever supposed to pop out at the end?" Travis asked.

"It isn't opening," Jason said. "And I can't turn it anymore."

He tried prying it open forcefully, but it seemed to be jammed.

"It's probably broken," Travis said.

 _Just then Frank pushed a button._

And so, out of the roof of the cabin a huge clown popped out and began dangling _right in front_ of Jason as the words 'Pop goes the weasel!' played out from somewhere.

 _"Oh man, did you get Jason's expression right there!" Percy said._

 _"It looks almost like his heart froze for an instant," Frank said. "Hey, if Jason's heart did stop, would a defibrillator work on him?"_

 _"I don't know," Leo said. He then paused the video and went back while zooming in on Jason's face. "Okay, that's going to be my new screensaver. I mean, Travis and the others look terrified as well, but Jason knows that it's a show, right?"_

Jason calmed down as the clown stopped oscillating.

It was true that he was expecting something scary to happen, but nothing of this magnitude had happened to the others and he had been unprepared for it.

"Shut up, Frank," Jason whispered. "We all saw how scared you were with the teddy bear."

 _"I didn't nearly electrocute myself like you did," Frank retorted._

"Okay, so I think we can agree that this place is haunted," Jason said. "And now we just need to call upon the power of the Sacred Beaver in order to cleanse it."

 _"Right, Jason, so you just need to tell them that-" Percy began._

"Wait, I don't think this place is haunted," Travis said. He stepped forward and punched the clown. "This is just something someone put up there. I mean, there's a whole compartment and everything, there's nothing really spooky about it. And the air conditioner is weird, but someone could've just put it there."

"The whole things seems more like a prank than something haunting the place," someone else added. "Jason, who called you and brought you here?"

"Uh… I didn't catch his name," Jason said.

"So it was enenimious," Travis said.

"You're thinking of anonymous," Jason said.

"Right, that," Travis said. "That probably means that someone set this all up. But who…"

 _"What? Seriously?" Leo asked. "The Hermes cabin of all people have somehow seen through all of this?"_

"Anyway, I don't know," Travis said. He then looked at the air conditioner. "I haven't noticed that, but I think that was here a few days earlier… did it come back after maintenance?"

 _"Abort! Abort!" Leo said. "They can't possibly get to know who did that!"_

"Yeah, now that I think about it, it might have just been a prank," Jason said. He then closed his eyes and pretended to focus. "Yes, the Sacred Beaver agrees with me. Well, I'll be going then."

Result: Jason failed.

* * *

 _"Well, Jason, that was funny," Leo said. "But too bad they almost figured us out. I'm gonna have to dismantle the stuff around the Hermes cabin before they catch on further onto our trail."_

 _"Before that though, this is your turn now," Percy said._

 _The problem of course arose that Leo knew everything about the traps, so the rest of them spent six hours modifying them before handing Leo his piece of paper instead of choosing it by lots since they only had enough time to rig one cabin._

Leo trudged towards the Demeter cabin looking quite pleased. The others had tried to find a weird costume for him, but he had anticipated all of that and gotten rid of the maid outfits (actually that's what he had said, but they were still there. He had just hidden them away. It is notoriously difficult to get rid of maid outfits once you have them, because there's too much to throw away discreetly, you begin to get attached to them, etc. Not like the author has any experience regarding that though…) and they couldn't find something ridiculous enough so they let him go in his normal clothes.

Katie Gardener and another Demeter camper were there inside as Leo walked in.

"Hello ladies," Leo said. "I heard a call that there was a ghost problem here- and you needed an exorcist so I came here as fast as I could."

"Uh… there are no ghosts here," Katie said. "And who told you there were, by the way?"

 _"Wow, we really needed to think of an answer to that before this whole thing," Frank said. "I mean, we nearly got busted because we didn't have an answer last time."_

Leo however could already say give one that he had thought of. "See, I'm a child of Hephaestus. You know how ghosts always possess machinery and stuff? Well, the machinery in your cabin's been behaving oddly and sent a message down to me that there's something wrong."

Katie frowned. "That sounds… completely fake and made up."

 _"If it's any consolation Leo, I though that was good," Percy said._

"But it _is_ true," Leo said. "So if you'll just step aside for a minute I'll check out the cabin and show you what's wrong."

Katie seemed to not think much of this idea but let Leo in anyway.

 _"Leo, say that you need to know what the machines are saying and start talking to that light bulb over there," Percy said._

Leo made his way towards the light bulb and then started whispering to it.

"Are you… are you seriously talking to a light bulb?" Katie asked incredulously. The other campers looked at Leo like he was crazy.

"Yes I am, and I'd appreciate if you'd stopped butting in," Leo said. "So, Mr. Light Bulb, what's your problem?"

 _"Mr. Light Bulb?" Percy said. "Leo, that is clearly a female light bulb that you're talking to. Apologize!"_

"Wha- you're a girl?" Leo asked. "Oh, well I'm sorry than Miss Light Bulb."

 _"Miss? Miss?" Percy asked. "She's clearly married, Leo. Stop giving her the wrong ideas, or do I need to have a word with Calypso?"_

 _"That would be a conversation," Jason said. "Oh hey Calypso, I'm sorry to say this, but your boyfriend was flithing with a light bulb."_

"Oh, wait, you're married?" Leo asked, knowing full well that Percy was punishing him for the water tap. "Well, then _Mrs._ Light Bulb, do you want to say something?"

Katie and the other campers were pretty sure that Leo was crazy now.

 _"By the way, Percy, there's no other light bulb in that cabin. How is she married?" Frank asked._

 _"Ever heard of long-distance relationships, Frank?" Percy asked."Come one, just because they're living apart doesn't mean that their relationship is over, they're just going through a rough phase, okay?"_

"Hey look, the ghost is saying something through Mrs. Light Bulb," Leo said. It had begun blinking off and on.

 _"That's Morse Code. Start translating it," Frank said._

"It's Morse Code," Leo said. "Let me try translating it… It says: LEO. LEO VALDEZ. I AM THE GHOST OF TWERKING'S PAST. YOU HAVE FAILED ME AND DISGRACED YOURSELF BY ABANDONING YOUR WAYS."

"The Ghost of… Twerking's Past?" Katie asked. "Is that even a thing?"

"Sure is," Leo said.

 _"Well, Leo, do we have to spell it out for you, or do you know what you have to do to exorcise that ghost?" Percy asked._

Leo sighed. "There's only one way to get rid of the ghost," he said. "I'm going to have to twerk it out."

Right out on cue, music started blaring out of nowhere.

Leo sighed and began twerking as best as he could.

We could tell you it wasn't hilarious.

But we'd be lying.

The Demeter campers were laughing too hard to say that they didn't believe that the cabin was haunted, and so this was considered a default win by Leo.

Result: Leo passed.

 **A/N: The overall result is that Leo and Jason both have one negative point each and Percy and Frank are completely in the clear.**

 **Thanks for reading. Hopefully we'll on our weekly update for some time. Do please review if you liked!**


	25. Pokemon Go I

**A/N: So thanks to everyone who reviewed, and as usual, a long run-on sentence:  
**

 **Thanks to Someone (no, they aren't, that was a mistake, sorry, no matter how much the Tratie shippers would've liked it), MrAppocolypse, ChrystalineCD (thanks), ConnorPerson (absolutely nothing. There is no relationship between the author and maid outfits at all, as has been repeatedly stated in this fanfic), Zunifex (nice to see you again, CrazyBlueOwl), thedauntlessamity (nice to know you cheered up), Guest (it can't possibly be _that_ strange, right?), and HetaHakaiTea (nice to know you like it. The maid cafe thing might be a little over the top but I'll maybe see about it).**

 _Task Three: This task will involve each participant walking over to someone while playing the game Pokemon Go. They will then say that they saw a Pokemon there but that it is gone now, but that it looked a whole like the person whom they're talking to. They will then give them additional clues prompted by the others. If they can't get the other person to take a guess, they lose. If they refuse to say or do what they're told they also lose._

Leo decided to head on out first. To keep up with the whole disguise thing while walking he had his eyes glued to his phone's screen and randomly bumped into people.

Finally, he saw Travis Stoll and decided that with Travis acting like an idiot most of the time, this was probably going to be the easiest way to win.

"Hey Travis!" Leo said. "You see, I was playing Pokemon Go, and there was a cool Pokemon here, but it just vanished."

Travis guffawed. "Oh come on, Pokemon Go? What are you, like five years old? What a loser."

Leo found this to be quite too much from someone who spent most of his time staring at Katie and had ran around a tree doing the hokey-pokey, but the thing was that he needed him to make a guess so he didn't say anything.

"Yeah, I'm level five right now-"

"Five? I'm level eighteen!" Travis said proudly.

 _"Didn't he just say-" Frank began while Percy nodded._

Leo made a note that Travis would later wake up in the middle of the night to find that all his account data was deleted and that Katie had received some very odd text messages from him, but for now he was going to ignore that.

"Yeah, I was looking for this great Pokemon that was going to appear here, but it's gone now," Leo said.

"Really? Which one?"

"I can't remember the name…" Leo said. "But it did kind of look like you."

"What? I don't look like a Pokemon," Travis said.

 _"Tell him that it's name started with an X," Percy said._

"It's name started with an X, I think," Leo said, at once hating Percy because as far as he remembered, no Pokemon's name started with an X.

"But none of their names start with an X, right?" Travis asked.

 _"Say that it looked like it had a Mohawk," Jason said._

"Here's another hint, it, um, looked like it had a Mohawk," Leo said.

"Again," Travis said. "None of them look like they have a Mohawk, and even I don't have a Mohawk, so what gives?"

 _"Tell him it looked like something that was really pathetic," Frank said. "And probably wet itself in bed."_

"It looked pretty pathetic," Leo said. "Plus, I think that it would probably be something that wet itself in bed."

"Okay, so now you're just being insulting," Travis said. "Oh, by the way, did you ever wet yourself in bed when you were little? Or did you burn it in flames instead?"

 _"Now that is a good question," Percy said._

 _"Tell him that it was one of the Pokemon that Ash didn't have," Jason said._

"Yeah, Ash didn't have one of them," Leo said.

"Oh, well that's just great," Travis said. "That only narrows it down to almost all of them. How many are there now anyway? It must be like a million now."

 _"Apparently the Ares cabin isn't the only cabin which doesn't know how to count," Frank said._

 _"Okay, tell him that it looked like a cross between a squirrel, a T-Rex, and an octopus," Jason said._

"It looked like a cross between a squirrel, a T-Rex, and an octopus," Leo said.

"Leo, are you drugs or something? Because that just sounds really ridiculous," Travis replied.

"Okay, yeah, I'm totally lost here, but what do you think it could be?" Leo asked.

"Literally nothing," Travis said.

"Come on now," Leo said, knowing that he would lose if Travis did not make a single guess.

"Well, I suppose if you thought it was me, it was probably a Gyarados," Travis said.

"Oh yeah," Leo said, quite relieved. "Yeah, I think it was a Gyarados."

"That doesn't start with an X though you moron," Travis said. "And it doesn't fit any of the other descriptions either."

"Katie is not going to be happy with you tomorrow," Leo said quietly and walked off, leaving Travis to wonder what he meant by that.

Result: Leo passed.

* * *

 _"But Travis' guess didn't match up with anything we said," Jason said._

 _"Yeah, but he just has to make a guess, even if it is completely wrong," Frank said._

 _"And seriously, he goes for Gyarados?" Percy asked. "He's hardly a Magikarp."_

 _"Yeah, well, Percy, it's your turn now," Leo said. "And do you know what? I dare you to go to Chiron this time."_

 _"Challenge accepted," Percy said._

Percy had little problem finding Chiron, who was at the Big House as usual. Mr. D wasn't there, which was a good thing, since they had all agreed that involving the gods in this whole thing would be way too much.

"Oh hey, Chiron," Percy said. He held out his phone. "I was playing Pokemon Go and there was a Pokemon here, but it vanished."

Chiron frowned. "What's Pokemon Go?"

 _"Okay, this is going to be even harder for Percy than I imagined," Leo said. "Simply put, Chiron doesn't know any Pokemon I guess, so Percy loses this by default."_

"Um, it's a game in which you go around catching Pokemon?" Percy said.

Chiron frowned. "Oh wait- yes, Pokemon. I remember that thing a few years ago. I caught quite a few students playing it secretly when I was taking class."

Percy honestly couldn't blame them.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Chiron said. "But I never really got those morally dubious games. Was that not a game in which you found and enslaved animal-like creatures, forced them to fight against each other, then enslaved their wild cousins, and then did the same with them?"

"Yeah, but that was just in Generation One," Percy said.

 _"It's not like it really gets any better when you put it that way," Jason said. "I mean, in Generation Two they introduce breeding so you can take said creatures, force them to mate, and then subsequently enslave their children as if they're your property."_

 _"Yeah, and in Generation Four they introduce the Global Trade Station," Frank said. "So that you can take them and then sell them on the Internet for each other."_

 _"And then in Pokemon Go you basically catch them and grind them into candy and feed them to each other so that they get stronger," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, it is really messed up if you think about it," Jason said._

"Yeah, but it was just a fun-filled game like this one," Percy said.

"I will have you know that at least five people have run into me, I believe, thanks to that game," Chiron said. "And with that out of the way, what exactly have you and your friends been up to? I've heard the weirdest complaints."

 _"He isn't on to us, is he?" Leo asked. "Percy! Try to avoid suspicion as much as possible! Try to act like you don't know anything!"_

 _"For Percy that's not really a step up from what he normally does," Jason said._

"Uh… what weird?" Percy asked.

"Well, apparently you've become an exorcist?" Chiron asked. "And the Apollo cabin as well as the Ares cabin have filed complaints against you and Mr. Zhang respectively."

"Uh, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding," Percy said. "More to the point though, I had just seen a Pokemon that looked like you but I just don't remember the name…"

"Was it in a wheelchair or was it a centaur, Percy? Because I know your kind and you always put centaurs in everything," Chiron said.

 _"No, say it looked kind of like a unicorn," Leo said._

"It actually kind of looked like a unicorn," Percy said.

"And how does this remind you of me?" Chiron asked.

 _"I don't know how I know," Leo said. "But I'm sure Chiron just used three question marks in a row at the end of that sentence."_

 _"He said it and didn't write it," Frank said. "How could you possibly know that?"_

 _"I just know!" Leo said. "Do not question the Valdez!"_

 _"Percy, say that it looked kind of like a lollipop too," Jason said._

"It kind of also looked like a lollipop," Percy said.

"Okay, so I'm trying to picture lollipop here as well as unicorn," Chiron said. "Percy, I've got nothing. Nothing I remember is anything close to it." He then sighed. "Anyway, Percy, I have work to do, so if you won't mind you can ask someone else."

Despite Percy's protests and near-begging, Chiron left without giving an answer.

Result: Percy failed.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading, and do review if you liked!**


	26. Pokemon Go II

**A/N: Sorry for being a bit late, stuff got in the way.  
**

 **So, thank you to Zunifex (Travis likes to think of himself as scary. Connor would disagree), ChyrstalineCD, Guest, thedauntlessamity, bobandsmallbob (do you mean Bob the Titan and Small Bob the cat?), shannonlouisehoughton2003, Guest, Angel Valdez (nice to know that you rediscovered it), thatinvisiblerose, and Shdw.**

 _"Well, it's too bad you lost Percy," Leo said, not sounding too sorry at all._

 _"Whatever," Percy said. "Who's going up next?"_

 _"I'll go," Frank said._

Frank pulled out his phone and began wandering around. He was looking for the right person to talk to and simultaneously trying to avoid the Ares cabin.

He saw Nico di Angelo somewhere off in the distance struggling with something, so he decided to give it a shot.

Nico was picking up what looked like huge stacks of leather jackets (did he really have only those as clothes?) and so Frank decided to be nice and help him… so that Nico might cooperate later on.

"Hey Nico," Frank said. "Let me help you with those."

"Thanks I guess…" Nico muttered.

"Hey, I was here because I was playing Pokemon Go," Frank said.

"I've heard of Pokemon," Nico said. "It wasn't as good as Mythomagic. But I did have a few of their cards too."

 _"Take that back!" Leo said. "Pokemon is better than Mythomagic!"_

"Yeah, so I was looking for a Pokemon," Frank said. "But it isn't here anymore."

"Is there a reason you're telling me this?"

"Yeah, see the thing is that I don't remember what the Pokemon was called," Frank said. "But I think it kind of looked a lot like you."

"I don't really know much about them-" Nico began, clearly trying to attempt to leave.

 _"Okay, so Frank, tell him that you at least remember what color it was: pink," Percy said._

"I do remember what color it looked like, at the very least," Frank said. "It was pink."

"It was pink?"

"Yeah."

"And you're saying that this… reminded you of me? How?"

"Um… it just did," Frank said.

 _"Now tell him that whatever it was liked to sing," Jason said._

"And it seemed to like to sing," Frank said.

Nico turned angry really fast. "What? When did Will tell you that I sing? I'm going to go-"

He didn't say anything more and stormed off towards the Apollo cabin, leaving Frank with no choice but to follow him.

 _"You still haven't gotten a guess yet, so you better keep running," Percy said._

Will Solace was hanging out near the Apollo cabin as usual, and Nico stopped right in front of him, his face very red.

Nico said, "You idiot! Why did you tell half of Camp Jupiter that I-I- sang that one time?" the last few lines were said so softly that even Will with his musically-toned ears couldn't hear them.

"What?" Will asked again.

"That time during truth or dare when you made me sing, why did you tell everyone about it?" Nico said, now a bit louder.

 _"There's a story behind this, isn't there?" Leo asked._

 _"Maybe we'll be able to hear it," Jason said. "Frank, try to get more out of them?"_

"Um, what was this truth or dare thing?" Frank asked.

"Just a bit of a game," Apollo said, looking flustered as well.

 _"Then how come we weren't invited?" Percy asked._

"Yeah, we don't like to go into the details," Nico said. "But why did you tell him?"

"I didn't," Will said.

"Then how does he know that I sing?" Nico asked.

"Why don't you ask him?" Will asked.

 _"They need to go to couple's therapy."_

"Uh, I just guessed that Nico would have a really soothing voice, you know," Frank said lamely.

Both Nico and Will looked at Frank as if he was a total idiot.

 _"Hey! That's the look Annabeth usually gives Percy! And Annabeth's mom usually gives Percy! And that Hades gives Percy!" Leo said._

 _"It's also the look you give yourself when you look into the mirror, right?" Percy asked._

"Like seriously… what man?" Will asked.

"Uh… it just looked like that…" Frank trailed off.

 _"Not even Frank can believe the lies he's telling right now," Jason said. "That's a first."_

"Anyway, the thing was that I was looking for a Pokemon on Pokemon Go," Frank said.

"You mean that new video game?" Will asked. "Dude, at least thirteen campers have came with Pokemon Go-related injuries from walking into stuff. There are more Pokemon Go-related injuries than the usual most common cause of demigod injuries."

"What's that?" Frank asked.

"Tripping over your own shoelaces, duh," both Nico and Will said at the same time.

 _"This is getting off topic," Percy said. "Get back on topic, Frank!"_

"So, I was playing it and I saw a Pokemon, but it was gone," Frank said. "And I couldn't remember its name, so I was asking Nico if he knew what I was talking about. It was pink and could sing, and for some reason reminded me of Nico."

"And I told Frank that I had no clue, since I haven't played Pokemon in ages," Nico said.

"Really?" Will sneered. "Because I heard that some people found a corpse while playing Pokemon Go. I assumed that was you, or something you'd be into."

"If you want to see some corpses, I'd be happy to oblige," Nico said with a growl.

"Guys, stop fighting," Frank said. "You guys can't let something small like quips ruin your relationship."

 _Leo started playing sad music._

"See, ups and downs come in life," Frank said. "But you can't let that get in the way of your true feelings for each other, and you can't let it stop you from seeing what's important in life… which is helping me figure out which Pokemon I'm thinking of."

"Don't… don't you mean that we care about each other?" Will asked.

"Yeah that too, but first, what Pokemon am I thinking of?"

"Well, if it is pink and sings, could it be Jigglypuff?" Will asked.

"Was it Jigglypuff?" Nico asked.

Frank sighed with relief because this technically counted as a guess, and he said, "Yeah sure guys, that's what I saw. Well, gotta go now!"

"Wait- but don't you want to-" Nico trailed off as Frank ran off into the distance.

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

 _"So, Nico looks like a Jigglypuff?" Percy asked. "Wouldn't have seen that coming."_

 _"I can't believe that Frank succeeded," Leo muttered. "Whatever. Jason, you're up next."_

Jason, as part of the usual routine, kept his gaze fixed on his phone and went around tripping over things. He was looking around for someone who would potentially be easy to talk to and might like Pokemon.

And so spent half an hour wandering around with no one yet in sight.

Eventually though he got tired of just walking around and approached someone who looked like an Athena camper who wasn't doing something very important.

Jason had felt weird around the Athena campers after the whole spider incident, and while he knew that they didn't know that it had been him, well, it was the Athena cabin, the smartest one, and who knew what they could know if they tried to know, you know?

"So, hey," Jason said, eyes still glued to his phone as part of the act. "I was just playing Pokemon Go and-"

"I don't really have time for that," the kid said. "I'm trying to fill up my forms for university."

"Really? What're you majoring in?" Jason asked.

"Child psychology," the kid said.

 _"That sounds nice," Percy said._

 _"Yeah," Frank said. "Maybe he'll finally be able to understand you."_

 _"Hey Jason," Leo said. "Tell the kid you know what it's like to be a kid since you dressed up as a baby once."_

"I know a bit about child psychology," Jason said. "I dressed up as a giant baby once."

The kid looked at Jason oddly. "Uh… great."

"So, I was playing Pokemon Go and I saw a Pokemon, but it's gone now," Jason said. "But I remember what it looks like, and I just can't remember its name."

"Cool story bro," the kid said and returned to what he was doing.

"Now that I think about it, it kind of reminded me of you," Jason said.

"Did it want you gone?" the kid asked.

 _"No, but it did run away," Percy said._

"No, but it did run away," Jason said.

"Go 'way," the kid said.

"Come one, just one guess…" Jason muttered.

 _"This is getting really sad really quick," Leo said._

"This is getting really sad really quick," the kid said. "Let me guess… if you couldn't figure out what it was, it was a Pikachu?"

 _"Burn," Leo said._

"Yup, that's what it was," Jason said and walked away.

Result: Jason passed.

 **A/N: And that ends it. No, I don't hate Pokemon by the way, really like it on the contrary.**

 **Thanks for reading, and do review if you liked!**

 **Currently, Leo, Percy, Jason all have a negative point each and only Frank is in the clear.**


	27. Impractical Musicians I

**A/N: Thanks ChyrstalineCD, SockBreeder, Limeime, Annabeth Chase, Luna Lovegood, thedauntlessamity, Guest, Angel Valdez, and Samhildanach.  
**

 _Task Four: As we all know, our four contestants have various talents. Music though, is hardly one of them._

 _Each of them have an instrument waiting for them. A person will walk into the room, and they have to pretend like they know how to play it, all the while doing whatever the others tell them to do. At the end, they have to ask the person whether or not they would like to take another class with them. If the person says no, or they don't do what they're told, they lose._

 _"So, this is the big deal, right," Leo said. "The last game. Only Frank's in the clear this time."_

 _"So any of the rest of us could lose," Percy said. "But what happens if only Frank gets a penalty? Then there's no one to think of the punishment."_

 _"I don't know," Frank said. "I don't think we need to bother though, as that's pretty unlikely."_

 _"I'll go first though," Leo said. "And sadly, I have an advantage in this since I actually made an instrument and sold it to the very god of music himself!"_

Leo opened his box to see a tuba. And not just any tuba, but a huge one.

 _"Wow, that thing is almost as big as Leo," Percy said. "There's no way he could lift it."_

"Judge me by my size, do you?" Leo said as he picked it up. He almost collapsed going to the other end of the room with it.

 _"I don't think he can do it," Frank said. "He clearly doesn't have the lung capacity to play that thing."_

 _"I think you're forgetting that time we all dressed up as aliens and scared him on Halloween," Jason said. "I remember he screamed way past how long he should have been able to afterwards. I'm sure he'll be fine."_

"Remember guys, no matter what instrument I'm playing," Leo said and then paused for dramatic effect, "…I can always set the stage on fire!"

He smiled like he was expecting laughter or applause, but what came was this:

 _"You're doing bad puns again?" Percy asked. "La-me!" while the others chorused 'Boo!' simultaneously._

So then the guy Leo was supposed to be talking to came in. He was a whole lot larger than Leo.

"Hey," the guy said.

"Hey," Leo said, and put his tuba on the table. There were the usual pleasantries. "So, let's begin your tuba lesson."

 _"Now, remember," Percy. "Before you begin, you need to warm up."_

"Okay, now the tuba is a pretty hard instrument to play, you know, you need a pretty large lung capacity, so I like to warm up before I start playing," Leo said.

 _"First you should start with some push-ups," Jason said. "Go ahead, Leo."_

"Alright, so let's start with some push-ups," Leo said.

The guy dropped to the floor and began doing them mechanically and perfectly. Leo on the other hand, struggled to do one properly and almost fell over after three.

 _The others were laughing hard._

 _"You know, I kind of feel bad," Frank said. "This is just us making fun of Leo for being un-athletic and short."_

 _"I don't think it's very nice to call someone short," Percy said. "I think the politically correct term is 'vertically challenged.'"_

 _"Say what now?" Jason asked._

"So, I think that's enough," Leo said. He had done maybe five push-ups compared to the guy's twenty. "You see, push-ups are necessary to build up your upper body strength, you know, to help in your lung capacity."

"Makes sense," the guy said.

"Yeah, you can really build up your Pectoralis Major and, uh, Nissan Maximus like that," Leo said.

 _"Since when is there a muscle called the Nissan Maximus?" Frank asked._

 _"You need to spend less time around cars, Leo," Jason said._

 _"So, now, you next exercise is singing," Frank said._

"This is a bit unorthodox, but I also like to sing a bit, you know, get the lungs working," Leo said.

"Yeah, you look kind of small for a tuba player- no offence," the guy said.

 _"Don't worry," Percy said. "We've already insulted Leo for that. And we're sure he took offence for that!"_

 _"Great, now sing," Frank said and burst into giggles._

There was a good reason they were laughing.

You see, Leo couldn't sing. Not for his life. He tried singing in the Camp Half-Blood shower once and Percy had immediately burst in, certain there was a dying whale crying out for help in there.

"Okay," Leo said, wondering which song he should choose.

 _"Sing something by Katy Perry," Jason said._

Leo sighed, wishing he had chosen something before the guys got an idea to ask for something specifically, and just went for 'Roar.'

"Okay, so let's start," Leo said, and began singing. The other guy was honestly too busy laughing to join in.

 _"Now try actually playing the tuba," Jason said._

To Leo's credit, he managed to hold a note for a whole fifteen seconds before his face turned red, making him look like a really angry Christmas Elf, and then collapsed and dropped the tuba on his foot.

The guy rushed to help him.

 _Meanwhile, the others were quite literally rolling on the floor laughing at Leo. Once they could actually speak, Frank said, "You know, if he keeps raising his thoracic pressure like that, he could develop a hernia."_

 _"Good thing we're not legally responsible for any injuries incurred to the workers during this filming," Percy said._

 _"We're not?" Jason asked._

"So," Leo said, once he got his breath back, "would you like to take another class with me?"

"You mean on this same topic?" the guy asked.

"Yup," Leo said.

"Well, alright then. But don't faint that time too," the guy said.

Result: Leo passed.

* * *

Next up was Percy.

He walked into the room to see what his instrument was.

"Oh wow, I'm so overwhelmed," Percy muttered sarcastically.

The others had apparently deemed it appropriate to give him a triangle of all things.

"Like seriously, how do you even play one of these things? What does it do?" Percy asked.

 _"Silly Percy, you have to put in the batteries first," Leo said._

"But where do I put the batte- I almost fell for that," Percy said.

 _"Now, Percy, listen, when whoever we send comes in, only answer yes or no questions for the starting," Jason said._

"I only answer yes or no questions? Why?" Percy asked.

 _"No, you only answer 'yes' or 'no' to questions, depending on what we say," Jason said._

A kid only about a year younger than Percy walked in. "Hey- my name's Jacob."

 _"Now say no," Jason said._

"No," Percy said.

"Uh… no? Like no to what? Am I in the wrong room or something?" the kid asked.

 _"Say no."_

"No," Percy said.

"So, what's your name?" the kid asked.

 _"Say yes."_

"Yes," Percy said.

"Uh, I asked what your name was," the kid said.

 _"Say yes again," Jason said._

"Yes," Percy said.

"Your name is yes?" the kid asked.

 _"Now say no."_

"No," Percy answered.

"What?" the kid asked. "So, you name is not yes?"

 _"Say yes."_

"Yes," Percy said.

"Could you just repeat what you said? It wasn't really clear, like I mean, more detailed," Jacob asked.

 _"Say no."_

"No," Percy said.

"Do you also think that this conversation is getting really weird?" Jacob asked.

 _"Say yes."_

"Yes," Percy said.

"Really? So, should we start?" Jacob asked.

 _"Now say that you're going to teach him how to play an instrument, bake muffins, learn how to become a public notary, and bring balance back to the Force," Frank said._

"Okay, so if we're over with that, I'm going to teach you how to play an instrument, bake muffins, learn how to become a public notary, and bring balance back to the Force," Percy said.

"And… we only have twenty-four hours to do that?" Jacob asked.

 _"Percy, show him the instrument and call it a hexagon," Frank said._

"So, first off let's learn how play this hexagon," Percy said, holding the triangle up.

"I'm pretty sure that it's called a triangle- you know based on the fact that it looks like a triangle," Jacob said.

 _"Tell him if you were that good at math you wouldn't be here," Leo said._

"If I was that good at math I wouldn't be here," Percy said.

"So, how do you play it?" Jacob asked. "I mean, it's just a metal triangle."

 _"Now, Percy, wow us with your originally composed song- the Hanging Wind Chime," Jason said._

"Now, let's start off by something that I wrote myself, the Hanging Wind Chime," Percy said.

"Sounds cool. What'd you do?"

 _"Take the triangle, and using the stick hang it using some string from something," Jason said._

"So, all you need to do first is hand it from something," Percy said, and took the coat rack and hung the triangle from there.

 _"And now all you have to do is wait for the wind to come and blow it around," Frank said._

"And now all you have to do is wait for the wind to come and blow it around," Percy said.

"So, it's exactly like a wind chime?"

"Yeah. That's why there's that name."

"But-but you don't even play it yourself!"

"That's the beauty of it," Percy said. "You can always hear another song every time you play it. That's why it is my masterpiece."

"…There's not even any wind in here. It isn't even making any noise," Jacob said.

"Well you know what they say," Percy said. "Silence is golden. Plus, it is how it would sound like to someone who can't hear."

"Can you actually play anything with it using the stick and stuff?" Jacob asked.

 _"Percy, make one note using the triangle and say that the kid's demo period is over," Jason said._

Percy took the triangle, and said, "Watch carefully, 'cause I'm about to do something awesome." He then hit the thing once. "Well, that's all over for your demo period. So, wanna take another class with me?"

"Nah," Jacob said.

Result: Percy failed.


	28. Impractical Musicians II

**A/N: Thanks ChrystalineCD, thedauntlessamity (you're welcome), Guest, Guest (again?), The Book Fiend ( I haven't heard of Throne of Fire. I got the vertically impaired joke from somewhere, I don't remember where though), and Emoprincess30.**

Jason was up next. He found a rather large suitcase waiting for him, and other things as well.

"What's in this?" Jason asked. There was a spittoon, a guitar, and a complete cowboy costume.

 _"Get ready little hillbilly," Leo said. "Our deal is that you've gotta tackle this whole things while dressed up and acting like cowboy. Yeehaw!"_

 _"I'm not even going to say anything anymore…" Percy said._

Jason dressed up and took his ukulele in his hands awkwardly.

Someone walked in, a teenage girl.

"Well howdy, darlin'" Jason said in a very bad accent. He then spat into the spittoon, or at the very least, tried to, but he missed.

 _"Jason, you just got the floor dirty," Percy said. "You do know you'll have to clean it up, right? It's part of our contract."_

 _"And we don't have a mop," Frank said. "So you'll have to use your shirt."_

"Um, hi," the girl said, eyeing the door as if she was about to run away.

"So, I gather you're 'ere to learn the ukulele?" Jason asked.

"What's with the cowboy costume?" the girl asked.

"Which costume?" Jason asked.

"Uh… you know, forget about it," the girl said. "So… you know how to play the ukulele?"

"Yup," Jason said.

 _"Jason, tell her that the ukulele is an instrument that has lots of practical uses," Frank said._

"Now, the ukulele has a lot of important uses in the real world," Jason said. He then tried spitting into the spittoon again. He missed. Again.

 _"You had one job, Jason," Percy said. "One job. To spit. And you couldn't do that right."_

 _"Now say that one practical application is if you wake up in the middle of the night and you hear someone playing a ukulele somewhere in your house. When you're supposed to be alone," Leo said._

"Jus' for example, think if ya wake up in the middle of the night and hear someone playing a ukulele when you're alone in the house," Jason said. "What'd you do?"

"…. Call the cops?" the girl said.

 _"It's so annoying when people are reasonable on this show," Percy said._

 _"So, Jason, tell us what a real cowboy would do," Frank said._

"No," Jason said. "You burst open the door and challenge whoever's inside to a ukulele duel"

"What if it's a ghost?" the girl asked.

"Don't be silly darlin- everybody knows that the best way to exorcise a ghost is by beating it in a duel involvin' a musical instrument," Jason said.

 _"Should've though of that several challenges ago," Leo said._

"Are you going to play something though?" the girl asked.

 _"Oh yeah, you're going to try and play something," Percy said. "But before that, mention that there's another good use for the ukulele."_

"But hold you're horses, 'cuz I was just getttin' started on the practical applications of this here instrument," Jason said.

 _"It can also help you take over the world and take over people's minds," Leo said._

"You can also use it to take over the world by taking over people's minds," Jason said.

 _"Now start singing 'Yodel Odel Obey Me,'" Leo said._

"Now let me start singing," Jason said.

Now, he started singing, but the thing was that he didn't know how to play the instrument at all so it came out pretty wrong.

"Let me tell you my evil scheme," Jason said, completely out of tune with what he was playing, "I'm gonna enslave your minds with a predictable melody. And uncomplicated rhymes, and if I'd ask you to you'd even change your name to Amy, because you're gonna yodel-odel-odel obey me. You'll be my obedient, mindless slaves and nobody will blame me, because you're going to yodel-odel-odel obey me. Yodel-odel-odel-odel obey me…"

"That was terrible," the girl. "And my name's already Amy."

"See? It clearly worked!" Jason said.

"No- my name really was Amy already," she said. "You don't even know how to play that thing correctly."

 _"Burn!"_

 _"Okay Jason, you only have one play left here. Square dancing!"_

"Well alrighty then," Jason said and took another shot at the spittoon. He missed. Again.

 _"Three strikes- you're out!"_

 _"And we weren't kidding about having to clean it up with your shirt later on."_

"There's only one thing left to do- square dancing," Jason said.

 _"I know several people who would pay lots of money to see this," Leo said. "You think we can get the commercial rights to this footage?"_

 _"Are you sure he isn't having a seizure or something?" Percy asked._

 _"Jason doesn't know what square dancing is, does he?" Frank asked._

"I'll be going now," the girl said.

Result: Jason failed.

* * *

The next person up was Frank, and he just knew that he as going to be given some obscure ancient Chinese instrument and a weird costume.

He was wrong.

"What is this?" Frank asked. He picked up an actual saw and a bow normally used for violins.

 _"It's a saw," Percy said. "We want you to play it."_

"Is that even possible?" Frank asked.

 _"It should be," Leo said. "I think I saw it on America's Got Talent once."_

Just then, the door opened to show a young boy, who took one look at Frank with a saw in his hands and left.

 _"Uh… did Frank like lose already?" Jason asked. "Because that has to be a new record."_

Two minutes later, they heard voices from the other side of the door.

"Well what's wrong young man?"

"Well, I wanted to learn an instrument, but the instructor isn't here. The only one there is a creepy guy holding a saw."

 _"Why are you so creepy Frank?" Percy asked. "You always go and have to scare away the kids."_

"That's because you gave me a saw, you guys!" Frank said.

The door opened.

"Yeah, I am your instructor," Frank said.

"Oh," the kid said.

"I play the musical saw," Frank said.

"Oh, that's okay then," the kid relaxed and the manager walked away.

 _"Frank, hold up the saw and say, 'I want to play a game,'" Percy said._

"I want to play a game," Frank said, holding the saw.

"Oh, I get it," the kid said. "It isn't funny though."

 _"You people have no sense of humor!" Leo shouted at the TV screen._

"I don't think my mom would let me play a saw though," the kid said. "She doesn't even let me play violent video games. She says they're bad for you."

 _"That's ridiculous," Leo said. "I played violent video games too, and I turned out just fine."_

 _"Leo, you're currently in a dark room watching a television while doing random ridiculous things in front of a camera," Percy said._

 _"So are you guys!" Leo said._

 _"Actually, you started this," Jason said._

 _Right then, Percy left the room._

 _"Where's he going?" Jason asked._

 _"You'll see," Leo said with a grin._

"Uh, right, but maybe you can at least see what the saw is about," Frank said, and tried holding the saw like you would a violin and nearly cutting himself in the process.

 _"You know, on retrospect, this seems to be the only real instrument that a child of Ares would play," Jason said._

 _"Percy isn't here, so I'll say it for him: that's racist," Leo said._

"Uh, so let's just start," Frank said.

Just then there was a knock on the door. The door opened to reveal someone in a hockey goalie mask wearing a brown jacket who walked in. He was also holding a chainsaw in his hand.

 _"Is that Jason?" Jason asked._

 _"Silly Jason, you're Jason," Leo said. "That's Percy."_

 _"No, I mean that that's Jason from the Friday the Thirteenth series," Jason said._

The kid as you can imagine, looked pretty freaked out.

"Hey there," Percy said. "I just wanted to visit Frank here and talk about the band we're opening up. I play the musical chainsaw."

 _"Is that also something you picked up from America's Got Talent?" Jason asked._

 _"Nah, but I wouldn't be surprised if someone showed up who did that," Leo said._

"See, look how I play," Percy said and turned the chainsaw on. He tried pausing it on and off to make a musical but it didn't sound like anything that made sense.

 **A/N: Please do remember that a chainsaw is a very dangerous thing. None of you or anyone you love (or anyone you hate for that matter) should ever try to use one unless you're supervised or experienced with one. It can be dangerous. Also, maid outfits are really cool. That last sentence has nothing to do whatsoever with this chapter or challenge, but I'd just thought I'd throw it in there.**

"That was terrible," Frank said. "We're going to need some extra practice."

 _"But if Percy's Jason, how could he have drowned as a child?" Jason asked._

 _"Because he's you, silly, and you can drown," Leo said._

 _"Leo, you're making even less sense than you usually do," Jason said._

"Yeah, Chucky's been working on his axe routine," Percy said.

"Uh-huh," Frank said. "So, check this out!"

He began trying to play the saw, with a large emphasis on the word 'trying' as it was terrible and it would have honestly been more musical if he had used it to try and hack a tree down.

"Needs work," Percy said.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to leave now," the boy said nervously. "See ya later!"

"Wait!" Frank shouted. "Don't you want another lesson!"

Result: Frank failed.

 **A/N: And so Percy and Jason are going to be the next victims. Thanks for reading, and do review if you liked!**


	29. The Fourth Punishment

**A/N: Thanks to all you guys, I now have over 300 reviews and not only that, over 30,000 views! *throws confetti***

 **So thanks go out to TheBookFiend (I just remembered that. I haven't read the books really though), Guest, ISB, GoldenRacehorse (Frank's been the only one not to get a penalty, so understandably the others don't like him that much), ChrystalineCD, Guest, thedauntlessamity (nice to hear it), Samhildanach, Team Leo for eva, Guest, NotTheChainsaw (PJOmetronics legal team made me do it), and Phoebe Artemis (thanks!).**

Understandably, Percy had been pretty nervous lately. He knew the punishment was coming, but a week had passed by with neither Frank nor Leo giving a hint as to what it was.

But, one evening, Frank found him. "It's time," Frank said with an evil smile.

Percy could almost swear he could see horns coming out of his head and the flames from the Fields of Punishment dancing behind him.

Percy was blindfolded. After what seemed like an hour the blindfold was removed and Percy found himself in a dark room.

"Wear this," Frank said.

"This is some sort of frilly pink princess dress," Percy protested.

"Percy, you lost. Now be a man and wear this pink dress," Frank said. "And wear the hat too."

Percy wore it, and then Frank presented him with what looked like a donkey with pink frills and stuff. "Here's your weapon," Frank said, handing him a giant lollipop. "And that's your steed."

"Wait, who am I fighting?" Percy asked.

"Jason," Frank said. "Leo and I always wondered who the strongest among the two of you was, and we're going to find out today!"

Percy sighed and got on the donkey and rode out. He heard a large crowd somewhere and then his heart skipped a beat- Frank hadn't told him the fight was in front of a crowd.

Percy stepped out into the light to see a wrestling ring in front of him, and all surrounding the place were several hundred people who looked ready to see an all-out professional wrestling brawl.

Leo and Frank seemed to be the announcers.

"So good evening everyone," Leo said. "First off, to start this evening, we have our first contestant- Pretty in Pink Pony Princess Percy!"

The spotlights overhead focused on Percy, who more than anything wanted to melt into a puddle. He awkwardly motioned the donkey to go forward, while a song played out from the speakers: 'I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world. Life's so plastic- so fantastic…"

The people all looked confused or ready to laugh out loud. They had been expecting large muscular, scary-looking people to fight. What was this?

"And the person fighting him, will be Baby Jason!" Frank said.

Jason appeared on stage and Percy watched as he was dressed in a baby costume (apparently they found a new one?) and was armed with a giant rattle.

As he walked, the Rugrats theme song played out from the speakers.

Now, the crowd looked really confused. There was no blood lust, no fans wanting someone to be pounded, just people who didn't know what was going on. Percy could swear someone who looked suspiciously similar to Ares shouted, "Boo! You stink!" from the crowd.

"And so, Frankosaurus Rex, what do you think about this fight here?" Leo asked.

"Well, Leopersicon, I think that this is a historic fight right here that we're witnessing," Frank said.

"You bet, Frankosaur," Leo said. "So, ladies and gentleman of the audience, are you ready to see a fight?"

There was stunned silence and someone coughing.

"Well then, get ready for the match between Pretty Princess Pony Pink Percy and Baby Jason and see them fight to the death," Leo said. "You all already know the rules- BECAUSE THERE ARE NO RULES!"

"Leo, have you been sniffing motor oil again?" Frank asked. "Sorry folks, of course there are rules- anyone who gets tossed off the ring loses. Fight lasts for five minutes. Anyone who's thrown out of the ring loses. And you completely messed up Percy's name."

"Hey Frank- don't you think that it's a bit unfair that Percy gets a mount for this while Jason fights on foot?" Leo asked.

"Perhaps Leo, perhaps," Frank said. "But then it just threw off Percy and it's- IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US! LEO, RUN!"

The donkey ran its way out to freedom, while Percy and Jason were busy smacking each other with a giant lollipop and a giant plastic rattle. Eventually, Percy's lollipop became so sticky it got stuck in Jason's hair and Percy couldn't pull it out no matter how hard he tried and Jason groaned as it tugged on his hair.

This was all captured by the cameras around, and cameras of the people sitting there as they wondered why they had paid to see this stuff.

Finally, Jason took advantage of the fact that Percy had lost his weapon and used his huge rattle to smack Percy, and then proceeded to kick Percy off the ring.

"And so we finally have our winner!" Leo said.

"Trust me, I don't think anyone's a winner here, but I do know who the two losers are," Frank said.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and review please! And boy, phew, this has been a long thing and I've only done four total episodes!**

 **Also, I'd like some input in as what I should do next. I was thinking of having the four visit the gods and other people and watching some of the stuff they did, or I could do a fifth arc and have them discuss later.**


	30. Let's Show Everyone I

**A/N: We've reached thirty chapters now!**

 **Thanks to TheBookFiend, Phoebe Artemis (I'm not on Instagram or G. You're free to tell everyone you want about this fanfic though!), Bellatricus (But then you wouldn't get any studying done!), Guest (that time is now), thedauntlessamity, Emoprincess30 (you can see right now!), WinterWind14, ISB, Someone the World Forgot (I didn't forget you though), and WhyNotWriteFanfiction (that's a fight we can all agree on that we'd like to see).**

 **So, I've made this fanfic where others will watch what the guys have done. Everything that's in bold except for Author's Notes are things on the presentations, and what's bold and underlined is them talking back at the hideout. Now, I thought about writing how they would look like to the people watching, but I was too lazy too. I've instead posted text from the earlier challenges as I'm not assuming that everyone remembers them. This means that there is some awkwardness as to what they see on the screen since I write down some things that can't actually be shown on a TV screen, but I mean, you guys get the idea, right?**

The unthinkable had happened.

Percy Jackson, while editing a few videos had been caught by Chiron. Leo had gone to try and bail him out. Jason and Frank were waiting at their hideout.

"What's going to happen?" Jason asked, nervously swinging his sword around.

"I don't know," Frank said.

"What if Percy talks about the whole thing?" Jason asked.

"He won't, they only had one tape." Frank said.

"Yeah, but what if they torture him or something?" Jason asked.

"Hmm, yeah that might happen," Frank said. "And people can say anything when they're under torture. If you give Leo a wet willy for ten seconds he'll even say that the Star Wars: Episode One was the best Star Wars movie."

"Oh," Jason said, and then frowned. "Wait, how would you possibly know that?"

Frank looked uncomfortable. "Uh- nothing. It's not like I've done that once. Hey, Leo and I are friends now, and we don't bully each other!"

Jason frowned. "Okay, Frank, that is pretty messed up. And why would you want him to say that? Just figuring out his favorite movie choices?"

At that moment, Leo walked in and said, "O-kay, so do you guys normally talk about my favorite movies behind my back? The Valdez is great and all, but he just doesn't swing that way…"

"What happened?" Frank asked.

"Oh, Chiron was sort of cool with the whole thing but just then Mr. D had to walk in. And he's making us show it on Olympus," Leo said.

"What!?"

"Yeah, apparently the gods have hosted a sort of comedy night and Mr. D wants us to represent him or he'll turn us all into dolphins," Leo said. "And I do not look good with a blowhole in my back."

"We can't show all of it!"

"But we don't," Leo said. "It's only going to last half an hour, so help me choose out the clips we're gonna play."

* * *

About a week later at around seven p.m., the grand theater hall in Olympus was packed full with people, both residents of Olympus and some of them normal demigods.

The major gods occupied the top box while the numerous minor ones occupied the other rows.

"I think I'm going to throw up," Leo said. "Do you think it would be bad if I literally set the stage on fire?"

"Yes," Percy said. "Now calm down and go talk."

Leo walked up to the front of the stage. The chattering in the crowd stopped and was replaced by silence except for Hermes trying to pickpocket Artemis and having his hand's anatomy replaced when he put in back in his own pocket.

For one of the first times in his life, Leo Valdez found himself with stage fright. "Uh… yeah guys, me and my friends did pranks and taped it. Watch it. Very funny. Bye."

To spare Leo from further embarrassment and perhaps wetting himself, Percy played the clips.

 ** _Arc One- Task 1:_**

 ** _Leo, Percy, Jason, and Frank have decided to compete to embarrass themselves in front of everyone, and the first game is as follows:_**

 ** _Each of them will be given a small bag, which includes a book. They have to try to sell the book to someone, and they get ONLY one try to do so. They have to say that the book that they're selling is for a certain charity. The catch of course, is that the book and the charity are extremely unappealing and have been made by the other contestants. And of course, no contestant is allowed to hint to someone outside the show that they're being recorded._**

 ** _All contestants will have a small earpiece and a hidden camera with a microphone._**

The words remained long enough for a good portion of the audience to start taking an interest in the thing. And then the screen moved

 **First up to go was Percy. He was clutching a small blue satchel which contained a book he didn't know about which he was going to have to try and sell.**

 **Of course, the first thing that he did was salter up to the Athena Cabin. There, he thought, he'd be able to meet Annabeth, who, naturally, being the wise girl she was, would be the easiest person to try to sell the book to. Plus, he was her boyfriend and could always try his trusted seal-eyes tactic.**

 **He found Annabeth scribbling something on some papers in the cabin. It seemed that she was alone for the moment, which made it a great time.**

 **"Hey Wise Girl," Percy said. Annabeth barely glanced up from what she was doing.**

"Wait," Annabeth said. "I remember this."

 **"What is it Seaweed Brain?" she asked.**

 **"I volunteered to sell some books for charity, want to see wha-"**

 **"No," Annabeth said simply.**

 ** _Leo, Frank, and Jason all snickered._**

"Ohh! Burrrn!" several people in the audience said.

Aphrodite gasped. "But oh Annabeth, how could you be so cruel?"

Athena shook her head. "My daughter doesn't have all the time in the world."

Further away, Piper said, "No seriously Annabeth, what gives? How could you be so mean?"

"Hey! I was busy!" Annabeth said sheepishly, blushing. "And just wait till you see what happens next."

 **"** ** _Come on Percy, at least open the satchel and show her what we made for you," Leo said._**

 **Percy frowned but knew better than to try to adjust his earpiece. "At least look at what it is."**

 **Annabeth stopped what she was doing for now and looked up at Percy. "What is it?"**

 **Percy opened the book and showed it to Annabeth, not even bothering to look at it.**

 **Percy noticed that Annabeth wasn't smiling and then took a good look at the book's title: 'How to Take Care of And Raise Spiders'. It then had a picture of a tarantula on it.**

 **A cold bead of sweat dropped across Percy's face.**

 ** _The three others high-fived._**

A huge roar of laughter echoed throughout the hall.

"At least this explains this," Annabeth said. "But I never knew they were doing a show."

"Percy, did you seriously just do that?" Hazel asked, giggling.

Athena, on the other hand, was dumbstruck. "What were these kids thinking?"

"Well, that backfired on him pretty quickly," Poseidon said with a smile.

"Hmm, I think I might be interested in buying one of those," Hades said.

The other gods looked at him weirdly.

"Hey! I want them for the Fields of Punishment!"

 **"** ** _We knew you were going to Annabeth, Percy," Jason said._**

"That's what happens when you're in love," Artemis said. "You get far too predictable."

Aphrodite glared at her, but the Huntress didn't seem to notice or care.

 **"** ** _And so we were sure to give you a book you couldn't sell to her," Leo said. "And for that matter I don't think anyone else really would've wanted to buy it either."_**

 **"** ** _Percy, you've been given the most impossible sales task of all time: sell a book on raising spiders to a child of Athena," Frank said. "This is a true test of your selling ability."_**

 **"** ** _If you succeed at this, I swear on the River Styx I'll die my hair pink," Jason said._**

"Now _that_ I would love to see!" Poseidon said.

Several people started swapping photos of Leo back when his hair was dyed pink.

"I'm getting a feeling that that pink hair had something to do with this too," Hazel said.

"And this means since Jason never got pink hair that Percy failed?" Piper asked. "Hey Annabeth, you could've bought the book just to cheer him up!"

"Hey! It was just a prank anyway," Annabeth said. "Though I didn't know that then…"

 **Percy really wanted to reply to them, but he couldn't without Annabeth finding out they were on a show.**

 **Instead, Percy took a good look at the book's jacket flap and began reading. "See? It sounds way more interesting than it looks. It says here, 'This is book is perfect for any spider lover. It contains information on breeding habitats, temperature control, and illustrated with many photos regarding helping your arachnid friends grow. In addition, each book comes with a free supply of spider eggs of over fifteen diverse species which can be mailed directly to your ho-'" Percy stopped as he noticed Annabeth's face.**

 ** _Leo had nearly fallen off of his chair laughing. Franks said, "Just look at her face!"_**

"Just look at her face!" Ares echoed. "Oh man, punk, if I didn't know better I'd say that you were gonnna die!"

"Well they really gave Percy something that he just couldn't do, didn't they?" Hazel said. "It seems kind of unfair…"

"Well, I think that was the point," Annabeth said.

 **"Okay, so the book isn't that good," Percy admitted. "But, we're selling it for a good cause, and I think once you'll here about it you'll change your mind."**

"I don't think any good cause could possibly get one of my children to buy a book like that," Athena said.

"What if it's a charity to send my brother to poetry school?" Artemis asked.

"I think we can all agree that that's fine," Athena said as Apollo snorted, but he was honestly too busy laughing to get angry.

 **Percy took the card describing the alleged charity he was selling books for, and it went like this:**

 **'The American Society Against Blonde People (or ASAB) is an organization that believes that blonde people are inherently dumber than other people (come on, Hollywood and television stereotypes say so and when have they ever been wrong?) and also a big strain on our country. We therefore believe that all blonde people should be euthanized and prevented from breeding. As that doesn't seem to be possible, we have decided to change our current goal to gathering all of them and quarantining them in a desolate, inhospitable place from which there is no return, like Antarctica. Or South Dakota.'**

In addition to the usual round of laughter, there were some people saying, "Racist!"

Athena seemed particularly offended. "What? All of my children are blonde!"

"That makes me wonder," Demeter said. "Something I've been thinking about for a long time. How come all your children are blonde when you aren't?"

"Do not question the goddess!"

 **Percy knew there was no way he was going to read something like that out loud to Annabeth.**

 **"** ** _Just look at his expression… I think he read it guys," Jason said._**

 **"** ** _Percy, I'll have you know that I wrote that card by myself," Leo said._**

"Really Leo?" Hazel said. "I get it was supposed to be a joke, but that was messed up!"

 ** _"There are so many things messed up with that," Frank said. "I don't even know where to begin."_**

 **Percy shook his head and walked away.**

 **Result: Percy failed.**

"I'm sure you all enjoyed that!" Frank said to the cheers of the audience. "And next up is another segment from the same challenge, but we're going to see what Leo did instead!"

 **Leo left the base.**

 **"See," Leo said, as no one was around, "I'm thinking about who to go to, but the things is that since all of you have lost, I'm probably going to lose too. So, like a real man, I'm going to go to the person for whom this is probably going to be the most funny."**

"Did he go to you?" Annabeth asked Calypso.

"No," Calypso said.

 **Leo found Travis Stoll counting some coins, probably stolen, and said, "Hey Travis! Got a minute?"**

 **"** ** _Really?" Percy asked. "You're going to as a Stoll to buy a book?"_**

"I can tell you that's a terrible idea," Annabeth said.

"Hey!" Travis shouted from the back. "I will have you know that I do read books. I've read a total of sixteen in my entire life!"

"Sixty is not a lot of books," Annabeth said, and then frowned. "Wait a minute- did you just say _sixteen_?"

"And Travis," Clarisse said. "'Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?' and 'The Little Engine That Could' don't really count as books at this stage along with other nursery rhymes they force you to read."

Travis blushed. "Three…" he muttered weakly.

 **"Sure," Travis said, quickly putting the coins into his pocket. "'Sup?"**

 **"Everything's all right," Leo said. "Thing is, I volunteered to sell some books for charity. I think you'd like to hear about it."**

 **Travis really didn't care too much about books, but Leo seemed to be eager on this one, so he said, "Sure."**

 **Leo pulled out the book which was titled: Leo Valdez's Travel Journey: How I Twerked My Way Across the World.**

 **"What?" Travis asked, a grin already on his face.**

That was enough to cause quite literally the entire hall to explode into laughter.

Apollo chuckled so loudly that the lights shattered and had to be replaced (instantly though, with godly power of course) and the movie was paused for a whole two minutes to let people catch their breath.

 **"This is a book, which is basically a travel journal of mine," Leo said. "It's about how I twerked my way across the world."**

 **He opened the book flap. "See here, 'This book is a collection of Leo Valdez's travels, as he decided to go around the world with nothing but his clothes, his twerking skills, a notepad and pen, and his charismatic smile.'"**

"I…. I can't believe this stupidity," Athena said. "I think I'm actually going to get an aneurysm at it."

Apollo began silently humming twerking music. Artemis looked like she wanted to slap him.

"That's a movie that honestly speaking, I'd watch," Zeus said.

 **Travis was laughing now. "Okay, tell me more."**

 **Leo opened up the book. "See, the thing is that it occurred to me that you really wouldn't want a book with a lot of words, so this mainly has photos of me. See, there's me twerking in New York, in front of the White House, in Mexico, and in Canada."**

 **Truth be told, all of those photos had been made using Photoshop, but they looked pretty real, which was something for which Leo had to give his hats off to Percy.**

 **"** ** _Okay Percy," Frank said in-between laughs. "You really have too much time on your hands if you did all of this. Plus, it looks like something that people will want to buy."_**

"Percy made all of that!?" Calypso said. "What was he thinking…?"

"He really does have too much time on his hands," Annabeth said. "And he still never gets the homework I give him done!"

"You… give your boyfriend homework?" Hazel asked.

"On his Greek lessons," Annabeth said.

 **"But," Leo said as Travis was guffawing, "I will have you know that my twerking abilities were not merely used for amusement. As you can see, this is me teaching Kim Jong Un of North Korea how to twerk, thereby improving relations between America and North Korea, so I basically twerked for world peace you know. And this is me twerking for several earthquake victims in South Africa and refugees, for which by the way, I managed to raise over three hundred million dollars for charity using just my twerking skills."**

"Really? You did _all_ of that?" Apollo said while wiping a tear from his eye. "Son, I am proud."

"He's _my_ son," Hephaestus said. "And I am certainly not proud. But, if anything, this makes me feel less embarrassed about my appearance and not having all my limbs fully functional, because I now have something else to feel embarrassed about."

 **Travis had by now, collapsed to ground while laughing. He said, "Dude, if you're going to lie, do something that is at the very least somewhat believable."**

 ** _The guys were in stiches laughing._**

"I'm actually willing to believe that happened," Reyna said. "Based on what I know of Leo."

"Yeah, on second thought it does seem kind of possible," Hazel said.

 **"Okay, that's great in all, but let's be honest, do you want to buy the book?" Leo asked.**

 **"Sure, but I'm not really sure I have the money," Travis said.**

 **"Come on now, I saw you put some Drachmas into your pocket," Leo said.**

 **"Yeah, but those were hard-earned."**

 **"You stole them and all of us know it."**

 **"True."**

Hermes nodded in approval. "That's my boy!"

"Why does that fill you with pride?" Artemis asked.

 **"** ** _Wait," Percy managed to get out. "You have to mention your charity as well."_**

 **"But, I forgot to tell you why I'm selling this book," Leo said. "It is for a good cause." Leo took out his card and read:**

 **"The Society Against Justin Bieber is a society which believes that Justin has completely destroyed all hope of music ever being good and so should be thrown out of this country. Being as that is impossible, we have instead decided to collect funds in order to buy the intellectual rights to his songs, so that we may get rid of his music forever."**

"I would like to make a donation," Hades muttered. "But we do happen to use his music in the Fields of Punishment."

 **Travis got up. "Yeah, this is all good and all, but I'm going to have to say no."**

 **"Why?"**

 **Travis took off his jacket to reveal the 'I Am A Belieber' shirt that he was wearing.**

 **"So close," Leo cursed.**

 **Result: Leo lost.**

 ** _Leo returned to the lair. "Hey, I was almost successful at selling my book."_**

 **"** ** _Yes, but 'almost' has never even gotten someone a bag of gummy worms," Percy said. The others stared at him oddly._**

 ** _"Okay, I forgot what the real quote was, but I tried."_**

"That's his story every single time," Annabeth said to herself. The others didn't bother asking what this meant.

 **"** ** _How did you know that Travis was going to bail when he heard I was against Justin Bieber?" Leo asked._**

 **"** ** _I didn't," Percy asked. "I just took a shot while writing it that whoever you got would either not want to see photos of you twerking around the globe, or not like you being against Justin Bieber."_**

"And that ends that, folks!" Percy said. Leo had decided to hide behind a curtain in shame. "Uh, I think the next one is also one of Leo's."

 _ **Arc One -**_ ** _Task 2: Given how everyone failed the last task, this one will be made so that at least some people should be guaranteed to complete it._**

 ** _Each of the four contestants will be given a certain innovative idea, which they will be presenting along with a Powerpoint presentation to a group of fifty strangers, with the ideas being completely ridiculous of course. At the end, the strangers will vote on whether they think it is a good idea or not, with the one (or ones) getting the least votes getting a negative point._**

 ** _As always, there are hidden cameras, each contestant gets an earpiece, and the other rules as well are the same. Of course, none of the contestants know about their ideas or Powerpoints beforehand. Also, the Powerpoint slides will be in bold._**

 **Leo was up next, and unlike the others, he had chosen not to come in a suit but in his usual outfit, as he thought it would make him look more like an inventor, and that was way more important than actually saying anything. At least according to him it was. He went to his first slide.**

 **'** **I have created an invention which, I believe is so utterly groundbreaking that it will cause tides to move through the technological world. Rather than write about it on a slide, I have a box under my podium with my invention, which I will show and then explain to you all.'**

 **Leo looked under the podium, to see that indeed, there was a box there.**

 ** _"Yeah, Leo," Percy said. "I went the extra mile for you in this one."_**

"Percy's smiling like one of my Furies," Hades said.

"Ha ha!" Nemesis said, gleefully rubbing her hands. "This is time for revenge!"

 **Leo quickly realized that Percy was still mad about the Annabeth thing, and whatever was in this box... would complete his revenge.**

 **Leo opened it and nearly collapsed when he saw what was inside.**

 **He took it out gently and put it on the podium for the audience to see, who were all now spectacularly confused, with a few mild smiles among them.**

 **You see, the box had a turtle with a six volt battery attached to its shell using tape. Mind you, this was a real, actual, living turtle, and it had a six volt battery taped to its shell.**

 **That was literally all there was.**

"I don't get it," Hazel said.

 **Leo pressed the button for the next slide to reach the THE END slide.**

 ** _"No Leo," Percy said. "You're going to have to explain all of this by yourself."_**

"Oh wait, so that's the joke," Hazel said as nearly everyone in the room burst into laughter.

 ** _"Then again, this is a turtle with a battery taped to its shell," Jason said. "What is he supposed to explain it as?"_**

 ** _"I know," Frank said. "Tell them that as the turtle walks, the battery gets recharged. You know, conversion of mechanical to electrical energy."_**

 ** _"Then why would you tape it to a turtle?" Percy asked. "Wouldn't a horse make more sense?"_**

 ** _"Or," Jason said, "you could tell them that the battery helps the turtle walk faster."_**

 ** _All three of them then nearly collapsed while laughing their heads off._**

"Man, these tasks are almost impossible," Travis said. "How come we never thought of doing this?"

"No copyright infringement!" Leo shouted from behind the stage.

 **Leo, however, was stoically looking at the turtle. To an outsider, it would seem as if he was like a grandmaster of chess, thinking of which move to play next, and just what to say about the turtle.**

 **Internally though, he was going, 'AHHHHHHHHH! It's a turtle with a battery, what do I explain in that? ARGHHHHH!' Some expletives, were, of course, deleted from that.**

"Just look at his face," Calypso said. "You can tell he's screaming like a maiden who's just seen a slug internally."

 **"Actually," Leo said, "the battery isn't a real battery. It is an electromagnetic radiator giving off various kinds of EM waves."**

 ** _"So, did that jargon mean something?" Percy asked._**

"You'd know, Percy, if you'd study and do your homework!" Annabeth said.

 **"This is necessary," Leo said, "for what I'm trying to do."**

 ** _Thing is, that Leo looked so dead serious that the three of them stopped laughing and edged closer to the video screen, wondering what he had thought of._**

"Wow, it looks like he's thought of something amazing," Annabeth said. "He looks so serious."

Much like the three in the video, the hall had suddenly gotten very silent.

 **"I'm trying to mutate them," Leo said. "So that I can make the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."**

 ** _"Just look at his face!" Percy said. "I mean, he was so serious before that I actually thought he had come up with some idea that could cure cancer, or something, and that's the idea he comes up with?"_**

"…And I was wrong," Annabeth said as she was nearly deafened by the claps and cheers that echoed throughout the hall.

 **"See, let's be honest here," Leo said. "So many Americans are dying in wars both here and abroad, what we clearly need is a group of mutant turtles who are also ninjas to take their places."**

 **One person raised his hand. "I'm sorry, but didn't they also have a rat sensei?"**

 **"Yes," Leo said. "But it turns out that rats can't be mutated. I have, however, managed to rent a rat costume from somewhere and I'm sort of kind of learning ninjutsu."**

Ares face-palmed.

"Oh no," Athena said. "This is getting too stupid even for Ares."

 ** _"You could've just said, 'Yes, I'll mutate a rat too,'" Jason said._**

 **Another person raised her hand. "Why not just send in robots or drones instead of living creatures?"**

 **"That would be robot abuse," Leo said, apparently with a straight face.**

 **"And letting turtles fight is animal abuse?"**

 **"Yes," Leo said. "So, that's all pretty much it. Who here thinks I should continue with this idea."**

 **No one raised there hands. Not a single one.**

 **"Drat," Leo said.**

"BURNNNN!" came the voices from the audience.

 **A/N: And that ends it. Thanks for reading, and do review if you liked!**


	31. Let's Show Everyone II

**A/N: As always, thanks for your reviews and for the huge response this time around!**

 **Thanks TheBookFiend (glad to know that reading it is still as funny. I think if it weren't for the fact that there was such a gap so that people could forget what had happened, it would seem like repetition), ChrystalineCD, Guest, Mikaza1498, abcathena (there'll be one more chapter after this), TakeBackTheFalls, MrAppocolypse, thedauntlessamity, Emoorincess (it might become a thing), Annabeth and Percy Jackson (I just kind of assumed that Jason was also dyslexic, but true, I guess it has never been mentioned. Also, I haven't seen all the episodes of Impractical Jokers, especially the later ones), phoebe artemis, Hi, Sally Stevens (I've wanted to do something like that, perhaps for the fifth arc?), ISB, WhyNotWriteFanFiction, WinterWind14, Elm guest (out of pure curiosity, what do blankets taste like?)**

"So I hope all of you enjoyed that," Percy said to the roars of approval from the crowd. "The next one though, showcases me. Again."

Poseidon sighed.

"What about Frank and Jason?" someone shouted from the audience.

"We'll get to them!" Percy shouted back.

 ** _Arc One- Task 3: This will be a different type of task, instead of involving a set goal; this is a 'Refuse, You Lose' sort of challenge._**

 ** _Rachel Elizabeth Dare, the Camp Half-Blood Oracle, has gone on vacation for a while, so now the Camp Half-Blood demigods, and the Camp Jupiter demigods too, don't have anyone to go to for their ridiculous problems that no one really cares about._**

"Hey!" Rachel said. "I will have you know that I am an important part of Camp half-Blood!"

"Of course you are," Travis said. Rachel held up a plastic hair brush and Travis shut up. Travis knew that even Kronos feared those things.

 ** _Guess which four demigods have volunteered to take her place though?_**

 ** _Essentially, each of the four contestants will be Oracles for a while, and each of them will be given an earpiece. All of them must do and/or say whatever the others are telling them. Of course, they can't tell anyone that this is a show, and as always, there are hidden cameras._**

 ** _If any contestant does not do, or say, whatever he is told to do or say, that contestant loses this round and gets a negative point._**

 ** _Everything, however, must be kept PG-13, no exceptions (I hear several people booing at this, but that is how it is.)_**

Several people in the audience, had, as a matter of fact, started booing.

"What is this nonsense?" Mars asked. "PG-13? Have you read the original myths? What part of them do you think is in any way PG-13?"

 **"** ** _Evening, young Padawan," Leo said._**

 **"** ** _Like seriously though, why are you dressed up as a Jedi Knight?" Jason asked._**

"How… how did I fall for that guy?" Annabeth asked.

"I think it was his personality," Piper said.

 **Percy had no good answer to these questions. He just tucked his toy lightsaber away.**

"Toy lightsaber?" Reyna asked.

"NERD!" Ares screamed at the top of his voice.

 **A girl who was around fourteen walked in. The first thing she said was, "Where's Rachel?"**

 **"Rachel had to go somewhere," Percy answered. "So, I've volunteered to take her place."**

 **"But, isn't the Oracle always supposed to be a girl?" she asked, confused.**

 **"** ** _Tell her that you've always been a girl at heart, Percy," Leo said._**

"Ooh! Right in the manhood!" several people screamed at the top of their voices.

"Is he seriously going to say that?" Hazel asked.

 **"Yes, but I've always been a girl at heart, you know, so I guess that's why they let me-you know, be here-" Percy trailed off.**

"He actually said it."

 **The girl giggled. "Is that so?"**

 **"** ** _Tell her that your mom always wanted a girl, and wanted to name you Penelope," Leo said. "And that your dad also predicted that he was going to have a daughter, but something apparently messed up."_**

"Sad thing is it's true," Poseidon said. "But don't tell him that. He's pretty cool anyway."

"Huh. I have a son _and_ a daughter," Zeus said as if this whole thing was some sort of contest.

"I had a son and a daughter," Hades said. "But then she died."

"Cereal is healthy and nutritious," Demeter said. The Big Three stared at her. "That has nothing to do with what you guys were saying. I just wanted to get it out there."

 **"** ** _You do realize that Percy is going to have a chance to take revenge for all this quite soon, don't you?" Frank asked._**

Nemesis rubbed her hands. "Ah, revenge. I will have you know that revenge is the purest emotion."

Several people stared at her oddly, but no one said anything.

 **"** ** _I'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Leo said._**

 **"Interestingly," Percy said. "My mom always wanted a daughter and to name her Penelope, and my dad, being Poseidon and all, predicted that she would give birth to a daughter, but, you know, something happened and I came out instead."**

 **The girl laughed.**

 **"** ** _I think she actually believed you Percy," Frank said._**

"I think so too," Reyna said. "That's sad."

 **"Are you wearing a Jedi costume?" the girl asked.**

 **"Yes," Percy said. "It helps me control my Wa." Percy decided to give an answer before the others could force him to give a more ridiculous one.**

 **"** ** _Percy, do you even have the slightest idea what Wa is?" Frank asked._**

"The Wa is the way," Iris said. "And the Wa is life."

 **"Oh," she said and took a seat.**

 **"** ** _Before you start Percy," Leo said, "shouldn't you go and put on your hat, you know, which is beneath your desk, without which you don't do predictions?"_**

 **Percy, amused, found that there was a hat beneath his desk, a large tin foil conical hat that had the word 'DUNCE' on it.**

 **"This is my special hat," Percy said. "I always wear it before making predictions," he said while putting the hat on.**

"How… how did you fall for that guy?" Piper asked.

"I think it was his personality," Annabeth said.

The rest of the audience was laughing.

"Most accurate hat ever!" Zeus said.

Rachel was looking at the screen in horror. "Guys! I told you to take care of the business while I was gone! You ruined it! Can you imagine how angry Apollo is?"

Apollo, meanwhile, had laughed so hard the milk he had been drinking had come out of his nose and fell on Artemis, who had then proceeded to sock him in the stomach.

 **"Does it also help with your Wa?" the girl asked.**

 **"No," Percy said, once again trying to explain things before he was asked to say something. "Actually, it helps channel my Chi."**

 **"** ** _You don't know the difference between the two, do you?" Frank asked._**

 **"** ** _Tell her it also prevents people from hacking into your brain," Leo said._**

 **"Also, the fact that it is made out of aluminum foil prevents people from hacking into my brain," Percy said.**

 **"Oh," the girl said.**

"I hacked into Percy's brain once," Clarisse said. "All the files were empty!"

"Ooooh!" several people said and high-fived her.

 **"** ** _What she's trying to say Percy," Leo said, "is that your brain for that matter doesn't have much, and so no one would really try to hack into it."_**

"I thought Leo and Percy were friends."

 **"So, exactly why are you here?" Percy asked. People generally had specific questions when they came to a fortuneteller, or an Oracle.**

 **"Oh, I sort of kind of forgot with all of this," she admitted, waving her hands around.**

 **"No matter," Percy said. "Of course, with me being such an amazing Oracle, I'll probably be able to find out."**

 **"** ** _Percy, start by reading the cards for her future," Leo said._**

 **Percy reached for the tarot cards, but they weren't there anymore. Instead of them was a pack of cards from the Pokemon Trading Card Game. Percy picked them up anyway, knowing that one of the others had probably replaced them.**

 **"Are those from the Pokemon TCG?" she asked.**

 **"Yes, these are way more accurate than the old ones," Percy said.**

"Really? I should get a pair then," Apollo said, having barely recovered from his wounds.

 **"** ** _Percy, pick up the first three cards, and regardless of what's on them, say, 'Beware the Ides of March,'" Jason said._**

"The sad part is that most of the people here won't get that reference," Annabeth said.

 **Percy picked up the first card, which was a Grass Energy card. The next one was a Potion, and the third one was a Metal Energy card.**

 **Percy frowned and closed his eyes, pretending to be deep in concentration.**

 **"The cards- they're telling me- to tell you, to beware the Ides of March," Percy said.**

 **"It's like August now, right?" she asked. "Isn't that kind of a long time away? And what am I supposed to be afraid of?"**

 **"** ** _Oh," Leo said. "I love it when people gullibly start believing everything we tell them on this show. Go on, tell her Percy."_**

 **This meant that Percy had to think of something himself, so he said, "Let's look into the crystal ball for further answers."**

 **The crystal ball, unlike the tarot cards, had been left untouched and unchanged, so Percy took it and began peering into it, basically hoping he'd get some sort of inspiration.**

 **Oddly enough, instead of simply being misty and stuff, something did appear in the crystal ball. Percy peered at it closely, and so did his client.**

 **"It looks like a monkey," she said.**

 **"Yes, and it is riding a unicycle while playing the ukulele," Percy said.**

 **"** ** _Holographic technology, Percy," Leo said and pressed a button on his remote that made the hologram fade._**

"This is what you put technology to use for?" Hephaestus asked.

 **"You see, the monkey riding a unicycle and playing a ukulele is symbolic," Percy said, while desperately trying to come up with something on the spot for what it was supposed to be symbolic for. "Basically, as you may know, monkeys are not very smart creatures, but this one is trying to ride a unicycle and play a musical instrument. Why is it doing so? Essentially, essentially, that is, it symbolizes someone trying much too hard to impress someone and this is eventually going to end badly, because a monkey shouldn't be on a unicycle and playing a ukulele, but should be outside monkeying around."**

 **That was all essentially stuff Percy had come up with at the top of his head and which really didn't mean much when you got right down to it, but the girl looked like she had just had an epiphany. "Oh, that means that I should stop curling my hair around Markus?"**

 **"Uh, yeah, sure why not?' Percy said, with no clue to who Markus was.**

 **"So this means, it all makes sense now!" the girl shouted. "Thanks Oracle! I was so worried, and you've made everything clear?"**

 **"I have?" Percy asked, completely bewildered. More confidently, he said, "I mean, of course I have. After all, that's what we Oracles are here for, you know, I was just doing my job."**

 **"Yeah thanks, I thought you weren't going to be as good as Rachel, y'know, with your DUNCE hat and Pokemon cards, but you were actually pretty great," she said. She glanced around, and whispered something into Percy's ear and rushed off.**

 **"Another satisfied customer," Percy mumbled.**

"What'd she whisper into Percy's ear?" Hermes asked.

No one noticed though as they all pointed out that Percy was, in fact, a terrible person at being an Oracle.

"Well, I think you've had enough of Percy and I," Leo said. "So let's see one of what Frank does. Same type of contest."

The flames behind Mars' eyes flared up.

 **"** ** _Yeah, in the spirit of everyone wearing ridiculous costumes Frank," Leo said, "we have decided that you too, shall wear something ridiculous while being Oracle." Leo then took out a huge panda outfit._**

 **"** ** _You guys are racist, you realize that don't you?" Frank said as he put the panda costume on._**

"Aww!" Annabeth said. "He actually looks cute like a panda."

Several people in the audience nodded.

 **So, Frank was sitting, wearing his panda costume, waiting for a customer, when Travis Stoll walked in.**

"Hey, it's you!" Conner said.

Travis' eyes widened. "Wait! I didn't know I was there! You can't do this!"

"Well, we did. Who you gonna call, Ghostbusters?" Leo shouted back at Travis from the stage.

 **"Where's Rachel?" he asked, saying the cliché line that two others had before him.**

 **"She's gone on vacation for a while," Frank said. "So I'm here instead of her."**

 **"So you're volunteering?" Travis asked.**

 **"** ** _Frank, say, 'No, I have to pay back my student loan debt,'" Leo said._**

 **"No, I have to pay my student loan debt," Frank said, though he didn't understand how that was funny.**

"But he hasn't started college yet," Hazel said.

 **"But you're a child of Mars, aren't you?" Travis asked. "Do you really have any powers as an Oracle?"**

 **"Of course I do," Frank said. "Example, I for one, can tell you that you very recently met Leo Valdez, and he tried to sell you a book on twigging- no, on twerking, around the world."**

 **"Whoa," Travis said, shocked. "How did you know that?"**

 **"What can I say," Frank said, trying to sound mystical and spooky (thought that was hard while being dressed up like a giant panda), "I'm an Oracle. It is what I do with my amazing psychic powers."**

"I'm amazed you people were this good at this," Rachel said.

 **"** ** _Or using hidden cameras," Leo said._**

 **"So, why are you here?" Frank asked.**

 **"Uh, well, that's kind of a long story," Travis said.**

 **"** ** _Ask him if it has to do with Katie," Percy said._**

"Percy… you ship Tratie too don't you?" Aphrodite asked.

Travis had turned as red as a tomato as everyone stared at him and then Katie.

 **"Does it have anything to do with someone named Katie?" Frank asked.**

 **"No," Travis lied unconvincingly.**

"Yeah right!" most people screamed.

"I don't believe you," Hades said.

Katie had also turned a deep shade of red and was wishing she could turn into a plant.

 **"** ** _Okay, now you need to start with the whole seeing into the future thing," Leo said. "Thankfully though, we've decided to add an ancient form of Chinese fortunetelling beneath your desk."_**

 **"** ** _Uh, you do realize that just because Frank's Chinese, it doesn't mean that everything he does is from China somehow?" Percy asked._**

 **"** ** _No, but it is fun to see him squirm when we say that," Jason said._**

 **"** ** _True, true," Percy agreed._**

"Well, this is racist," Reyna said.

 **"I have an ancient form of fortunetelling that I believe can help you," Frank said. "I will have you know that this is an ancient Zhang family secret, passed along initially by pandas, who, you may be surprised to know, were the first fortunetellers in nature."**

 **"** ** _Great job Frank!" Percy said. "You just took this whole thing to another level!"_**

"Travis, bro, did you actually believe all that?" Conner asked.

"What!" Travis said. "It sounded super logical when he said it! It was all Frank's fault!"

 **"Really?" Travis said, who was, for a moment, seriously believing everything that came out of Frank's mouth.**

 **"Yes," Frank said. "It is all true. The pandas then passed it on to my family, as we can become pandas, and so, this ancient Chinese tradition passed through the Zhang family, of which I am now a practitioner."**

Hermes held up a black piece of paper.

"What is that?" Athena asked.

"It's a CT scan of Travis' head," Hermes said. "I want to confirm if he has a brain or not."

 **"** ** _Now go under your desk to find a box labeled, 'Frank's Special Treasure Box'" Leo said._**

 **"** ** _Is it just me," Percy said, "Or does 'Frank's Special Treasure Box' sound like a euphemism for something?"_**

 **"** ** _It's just you," Frank and Jason assured Percy._**

 **"** ** _By the way," Percy said. "What does 'euphemism' even mean?"_**

"It's a mild or indirect word for something that is too embarrassing or too blunt to be said directly," Annabeth said.

"Nerd!" Clarisse shouted from behind.

"It _does_ sound like a euphemism for something though," Hades said.

 **Frank reached beneath his desk to indeed, find a small box labeled, 'Frank's Special Treasure Box' except 'Frank' had been misspelt as 'Franc', you know stuff happens when Frank's the only non-dyslexic demigod in your group.**

Athena shook her head. "No respect for learning nowadays."

"Spelling doesn't count!" Hermes protested.

"You didn't fell that way when someone wrote your name as Herpes, did you?" Athena asked.

 **"That sounds like a euphemism for something," Travis said. "Is it?"**

 **"No," Frank said.**

 **"By the way, what does 'euphemism' mean?" Travis asked.**

 **Frank ignored this and opened the box.**

 **It is at this point that the writer of this fanfic would like you to pause, and just take a guess as to what could possibly be in that box which supposedly contained a secret Chinese fortunetelling tool that had been passed on for generations.**

 **Guess what, you probably guessed wrong, because it was a bag of Cool Ranch flavored Doritos.**

 **"What?" Travis asked. "Are those Doritos?"**

 **"Yes," Frank said. "Of course, I'm assuming that you probably know that Doritos originated in China."**

"Even Travis couldn't believe _that_ ," Demeter said with confidence.

 **"** ** _Whoa," Percy said. "I thought we were imaginative liars, but Frank's really taking this to a whole new level."_**

 **"But you said this all came from pandas?" Travis asked.**

 **"Well duh," Frank said. "Everyone knows that the staple diet of pandas are bamboo, followed by a certain type of grain which they form into geometrical shapes, usually triangles, from which the Chinese later developed Doritos. Like seriously, don't you know anything? What did they teach you in school?"**

 **Travis looked offended. "Hey man, I was dyslexic alright, unlike you, so you should stop trying to lord over us who have learning disabilities with your amazing knowledge of everything."**

 ** _The others were quite literally rolling on the floor laughing at the absurdity of the whole thing._**

"Can you show me that CT scan?" Demeter asked now. "I was wrong apparently."

"Sorry Katie," someone said. "You boyfriend's an idiot."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Katie protested.

"Harsh, Katie, harsh," Conner said while patting Travis on the shoulder.

 **"So how does this work?" Travis asked.**

 **"Basically, what you have to do is munch on some Doritos," Frank said, rapidly thinking of something to say. "And based on how the crumbs fall on you and your clothes, I can divine your future."**

"I should try that once," Apollo said.

 **The whole thing sounded crazy to Travis, but he took a Dorito anyway and started munching on it. When he was done with ten, and being Doritos, the crumbs went everywhere as they tend to do.**

 **"Hmmm," Frank said, getting up to see where the crumbs had landed, scratching his chin and looking far off into the distance as if contemplating something important while he wondered just what he was going to say to Travis. Frank even took out a magnifying glass to observe the crumbs closely, because, you know, why not?**

"Just look at him," Mars said. "He looks like he can really see something there."

 **"** ** _Okay, Frank," Leo said. "Make a really sad face."_**

 **Frank's face drooped.**

 **"** ** _Now say," Jason said, "'I know what you did last summer, Travis, and it is going to come back to haunt you.'"_**

 **"I know what you did last summer Travis," Frank said. "And it is going to come back to haunt you."**

 **Travis' eyes widened, he was horrified, and he was like, "What do I do? What I do to stop it?"**

 **"** ** _Okay, I now really wanna know what he did last summer," Leo said._**

 ** _"Yeah, but it isn't like Frank can just ask now," Jason pointed out._**

 **"Uh, to stop it," Frank said, "all you need to do is run around a tree three times and then do the hokey-pokey."**

 **"Got it!" Travis said and then ran out of the tent while screaming, "Thanks!"**

 **"** ** _Quick!" Jason shouted. "I want to see Travis run around a tree three times and do the hokey-pokey! Frank, run after him with one of the hidden cameras!"_**

Unfortunately, there was no footage of Travis doing the hokey-pokey, leaving everyone sorely disappointed.

"And Travis, what did you do last summer?" people asked.

Both Travis and Conner seemed to look around suspiciously.

"Uh, nothing," Travis said. "Nothing at all."

"Yeah, we're just two innocent kids who don't cause any trouble," Conner said. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"YES!" the entire stadium resonated.

"Well, with that over, let's see what Leo's doing again," Percy said.

 **Arc One- T** ** _ask 4: This task involves spinning a wheel known as the Wheel of Doom. It consists of eight segments on which it can land, which are, in order, going clockwise:_**

 ** _Take $20 from every other contestant._**

 ** _Collect someone's toenail clippings._**

 ** _Get someone to hug you (without directly asking them)._**

 ** _Pick your poison._**

 ** _Put someone's sock in your mouth._**

 ** _Polish someone's shoes without them noticing._**

 ** _Go around in a humiliating costume (picked by the others)._**

 ** _Get someone to say, "You're the boss!" without ever actually asking them directly to do so._**

 ** _Each contestant will spin the wheel once, and they have thirty minutes to complete the said task, and if they fail, they get a negative point._**

 **"** ** _Right," Leo said, and nervously spun the wheel with bated breath. Finally, it landed on 'Pick your poison.'_**

 **"** ** _So, which one of the other segments are you choosing?" Percy asked._**

 **"** ** _I think I'll, uh-" Leo said, scratching his chin, when his eyes lit up. "I think I'll take twenty dollars from every other contestant."_**

"He can do that?" Hermes asked.

 **"** ** _Wait, he's allowed to do that?" Frank asked._**

 **"** ** _I don't think so," Jason said. "I mean, it does say 'pick your poison,' and money doesn't really count as poison."_**

 ** _Leo patted Jason's shoulder. "Actually, I will have you know, Jason, my friend, that the love of money is the root of all evil, and greed destroys people. Money breaks up families and leads to so many social evils. So come on, get twenty bucks out, each of you, and give it all to Uncle Valdez!"_**

"Exactly," Hermes said and turned to the other gods. "You all too, should hand over what money you have to me."

"And that's why we go around stealing things," Travis said. "And people think that we're the villains somehow."

 **"** ** _Shouldn't we have specified these things in the wheel?" Jason asked._**

 ** _Leo frowned. "I could only make it so big, and I asked one of you to make an advanced rulebook."_**

 **"** ** _I did," Frank said. "But why didn't you just print the words smaller?"_**

 **"** ** _How much smaller did you want me to print it? It is barely visible as it is, and that's mainly Percy's fault for buying such a small wheel," Leo said._**

 **"** ** _It was the best I could do with the money you gave me," Percy said._**

 **"** ** _Yeah, well maybe I'd have more money if you'd all quit blabbering and give me twenty bucks each, and Frank finally pays me back for that incident on Thursday," Leo retorted._**

"LOL!" came a huge reply.

"Did… did they just actually shout 'LOL?'" Athena asked.

"What did Frank do on Thursday?" Annabeth asked.

 ** _Percy and Jason both asked, "What incident on Thursday?" while Frank made a face that said, 'Shut up, you'll get your money soon, just keep this between us Leo.'_**

 ** _There was some bickering, but in the end it was decided that Leo couldn't pick that option, based on the 'Advanced Rules' that had been written by Frank (as he was the only one non-dyslexic) beforehand and it mentioned that 'pick your poison' did not include that specific segment._**

 ** _And so, Leo decided to go with polishing someone's shoes without them noticing._**

 **"** ** _Now, just to be clear," Frank said, reading from the Advanced Rulebook, "the person has to be wearing the shoes at the time, and you must rub them with a cloth for at least two seconds each on each shoe, and they can't see you doing this. You've got thirty minutes starting now."_**

 ** _Leo wasted ten minutes dressing up to the occasion in a weird sort of military camouflage uniform, with a helmet that had two twigs attached to it._**

"Let's be honest here," Reyna said. "Leo wouldn't survive two minutes in the military. He can barely do a push-up!"

Leo would've normally gotten offended and start doing push-ups just to prove her wrong, but the thing was that she was right.

 **Outside, there was an unsuspecting demigod who was munching on a sandwich while glancing around, probably thinking about whatever nonsense teenagers at summer camp usually think about.**

 **"** ** _However, our unsuspecting demigod doesn't know, while he munches on his- okay, can you guys tell what kind of sandwich that is?" Percy asked._**

 **"** ** _Peanut butter and jelly," Jason said, while Frank answered, "Lettuce and mayonnaise," simultaneously._**

"I think it's tuna," Poseidon said.

"Nah, I'm with Frank, that's lettuce and mayonnaise," Athena said.

"Just butter," Zeus said.

"Who has a sandwich with just butter?" Hades asked. "That's clearly guacamole."

"Nope, that is definitely PB&J," Hermes said.

"Melted cheese," Apollo said.

"Cereal!" Demeter said, but no one really believed her.

"I think it's ham," Artemis said.

"Wait no, it's turkey!" Zeus said.

And so, the Olympian gods went into one of their worst and most dividing fights ever: figuring out what kind of sandwich that was.

"That's actually Cheetos between two pieces of bread," Hestia said so quietly no one noticed her, even though she was the one who was right.

 **"** ** _Okay, so he's eating some time of sandwich," Percy said. "What he doesn't know, however, that he is currently being stalked by a predator known as Leo Valdez, who is currently peaking at him from a bush."_**

"Stalker!" people shouted.

"Funny thing is, he's actually pretty well hidden," Travis said.

 **"Stop making this sound weird," Leo said as quietly as possible. To avoid detection, he had taken a route that made him circumvent a good portion of camp, so that he had only four minutes left to get the job done.**

 **"** ** _Leo, there is almost literally no way this can't sound weird," Jason said._**

"Yes you can, child," Hera said. "You just have to say that Leo is done sneaking up on the other boy."

 **Leo was crouched behind the bench where the guy was, but the thing was that he had an annoying habit of moving his feet while eating, and one time almost hit Leo in the face.**

 **"** ** _And so, Leo waits for an opening, when his prey will let his guard down," Percy said._**

"Really Percy," Calypso said. "You're making him look bad."

 **To Leo's relief, the guy finally stopped moving his legs, and so Leo took out a small white cloth (if you're wondering, no, it didn't have shoe polish on it, it was just a cloth) and began rubbing the guy's left shoe. He got through that for two seconds quite easy, but when he moved on to the right shoe, just as he was done, the guy moved his foot, meaning that he felt something latched onto his leg.**

 **If you're wondering, the guy's name was Dave, and he was surprised to feel something tugging on his leg. He turned around to see nothing, but there was something moving behind the bush, and he could swear he had seen someone's shoe there….**

 **Feeling that this was getting rather weird, he called out, "Who's there?"**

 **Let it never be said that Leo Valdez never comes prepared with a gadget for any situation. He took out his voice modulator, something that was disguised neatly as a bowtie, and set it to a female voice, though getting an old woman's accent from North Carolina wasn't what he was expecting.**

 **"Oh, I'm just a tree nymph," Leo said through his voice modulator.**

"Hey- that voice modulator is a bowtie!" Apollo said. "Just like in Detective Conan."

"What's Detective Conan?" Zeus asked.

"Anime show," Hades answered. "What- I need something to do in the Underworld!"

 **"But, but, what was that about my shoe?" Dave asked. He had half a mind to peek behind the bush.**

 **"Don't you dare look behind the bush," Leo said as he crawled away. "I'll have you know that I'm changing."**

 **"Why are you doing it in public then?" Dave asked, confused.**

"Good question."

 **"Because- THE COW GOES MOO!" Leo's voice modulator suddenly malfunctioned.**

There was a roar of laughter.

Coach Hedge glared at the screen. "So you were the one doin' that back in the bus, were ya, cupcake?" He began swinging his giant club around.

Leo gulped. He needed to stay clear of Coach Hedge for a while.

 **"Nymphs," Dave muttered and walked off.**

 **Leo walked all the way back, trying not to notice that the guys back at headquarters were probably literally rolling on the floor laughing.**

They weren't the only ones. The crowd had gone wild.

 **A/N: And that ends this chapter. Thank you for reading, and do please review.**

 **Funny thing was that I was wondering whether or not I'd have enough material to write these things, when in all honesty I could probably go on for another ten chapters, but won't, I'll do one more before we get to the fifth arc.**

 **For those of you wondering what that girl had said to Percy during the Oracle challenge, I'm afraid I still can't divulge it. I did however, reveal an even more sought-out piece of information in this chapter- the kind of sandwich the guy was eating during Leo's challenge (granted no one asked in the reviews or through mail, but I'm guessing you guys wanted to know).**


	32. Let's Show Everyone III

**A/N: Thanks to Cinder Luna, thedauntlessamity, WinterWind14, jarharder290 (I don't think a lot of them got it the first time, so I put it in again), Hispanicin (I knew people were curious about the sandwich! I just did!), Home4MentallyUnstable, Lady of the Court of Dreams (all of your requests have been done in this chapter), Annabeth and Percy Jackson (I'm not sure which of your reviews to answer directly, but thanks for all of them!), and Hi for all the reviews.**

 **I know this is a few weeks late, and I'd like to be able to say that this was because this was such a large chapter, but I really just got lazy.**

 **And for all of you wondering what that girl told to Percy in _Impractical Oracles_ , well, I can't tell you because, um... well, it's protected by Oracle-client privilege. Yeah, that's it.**

"So, I'm sure you all enjoyed all that," Jason said. He was greeted by a huge roar of applause.

"What about one with you Jason?" someone asked.

"Don't worry, we're getting to one right now," Jason said.

 ** _For this task, the contestants will be visiting the Roman dining halls. The only twist is that while they will be given plates, all the food that they are to get must be from other people's plates. They have a time limit of fifteen minutes._**

 ** _At the end of the game, they will have to weigh whatever they have gotten. The one with the least weight in pilfered food loses. Also, they must not get caught, otherwise that as well is an automatic loss._**

"Stealing?" Mars asked. "Now that is not what a Roman would do."

"Actually, it pretty much how the empire expanded," Athena said.

On the stands, Reyna was having a minor fit. "Wait a minute… this all sounds familiar…"

 **Now, a rather large problem with the dining halls of both Camp Jupiter and Camp Half-Blood was that as the kids were free to choose whatever foods they wanted, they were all carrying pizzas, sandwiches, cokes, and other things without a brussel sprout in sight.**

 **One person in particular who caught Jason's eye was a kid who was carrying a plate full of M &Ms.**

"A plate full of M&Ms?" Demeter asked. "You kids don't know how to eat healthy do you? And why do I _only_ see junk food on all of your plates?"

"Mother, that's a camp run by teenagers," Persephone said. "What did you expect? Brussel sprouts?"

"Cereal!" Demeter said loudly.

 **"Don't you think that's a little too much M &Ms for one person?" Jason asked.**

 **"Yeah," the kid shrugged. "I got all of 'em. My favorites."**

 **Jason realized that meant that the snooty kid wasn't going to care, and so therefore he would have to rely on some other strategy. Thankfully, he was able to make up one on the spot pretty fast.**

 **"You see, I need some M &Ms for training," Jason said.**

 **"** ** _What?" Percy asked._**

 **"What?" the guy asked.**

"What?" Mars said.

Seeing this, the entire audience started saying 'What?' together as they thought it would be funny.

 **"Well see, what I do is that I, uh, take two M &Ms in my fingers and I squeeze them against each other until one of them breaks. Then… well, the broken one is eaten and the other one is the champion. I keep doing this over and over until I've eaten all the M&Ms and only one of them remains. I name this one to be the 'champion', and um, I send it to the M&Ms headquarters with a note that says: 'This M&M was the strongest. Please use it for breeding purposes.'" Jason said.**

Zeus glared at the TV screen, speechless.

" _Breeding purposes_?" Piper said, giggling like crazy. "Here I thought that Jason wasn't funny!"

"Wait- is that why my teeth hurt when I try to eat M&Ms now? Is it because they keep getting harder after breeding?" Travis asked.

"No, that's because you haven't been to the dentist!" Katie said.

 **The kid had to put his tray down so he didn't drop it while laughing.**

 ** _At the very same time, Jason's ears nearly got damaged as only blank laughter came into the ears._**

 **"Okay, that was really funny man, but you're still not going to get any of my M &Ms," the kid said and walked off finally.**

 **With this amazing plan out of the picture, Jason was now forced to instead go the 'stealing-while-no-one-looks' route of approaching this problem and so was making some success.**

"So now this is blatant pick-pocketing?" Hermes asked. "Zeus, I'm disappointed in your son."

Hermes got a ten thousand volt shock for his troubles.

 **However, he couldn't stop people from noticing, and they did. And so, he decided to take up another plan.**

 **He yelled loudly for everyone to stop what they were doing for a second.**

 **"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. So, as you all know, I'm Jason, son of Zeus, and former Praetor here. As such, I need to inform you that the eagles around our camp have been unable to hunt because um, mobile phones ringing have scared off all the prey. As such, they have appealed to me to gather as much food as possible in order to feed them and to fend off disaster that will obviously come if they're not fed well," Jason said.**

 **"** ** _Is no one going to point out that Jason can't hear what birds are thinking?" Leo asked._**

 **"** ** _Nah, they'll probably believe anything that he says," Frank said. "By the way, how come Percy can hear what fish are saying but Jason can't hear what birds think?"_**

"Huh yeah, that's a good question," Poseidon said. "How come only my kids are AWESOME and COOL, huh bro?"

"My children are equally just as impressive as yours!" Zeus said.

"Actually, I think Poseidon wins that one," Athena said. "I mean, look at Percy's ability to manipulate water and talk to horses and get healed by water. Can your children be healed by lightning or air?"

Zeus pouted. Overhead, lightning streaked across the sky. "Yeah, well, you wanted a girl and you got a boy. Hah."

 **"** ** _That's just because I'm awesomer that Jason is," Percy said._**

"See?" Poseidon said. "Even my son knows it!"

"You just indirectly implied that you think that your son is stupid," Athena said.

"Oooooh!" people echoed. "Fight! Fight! Fight!" They were not obliged.

"Apparently, Annabeth, the English lessons you gave Percy didn't have much effect," Piper said.

 **"** ** _Awesomer isn't a word," Frank pointed out._**

 **"** ** _Nerd," Leo said._**

 **By the time Jason's time was up, he had already had a tiny feast collected before him.**

 **Result: Jason managed to collect 39.56 pounds of food.**

"That was fine," Percy said. "But we should see what Frank did!"

Reyna started rubbing her knuckles frantically. "I do remember this…"

 **Last up was Frank. Now, Frank, by this point, had realized that he only needed to beat Leo and not get caught in order to be spared the negative point.**

 **As such, as he was a bit too bulkly to try and steal anything successfully, he decided to rely on another weapon: deceit.**

 **He suddenly pulled out his weapon and screamed, "Okay everyone! Lock the doors down! No one gets out or gets in until I say so! This is a surprise food inspection, and you all have the right to remain silent! Anything you do or do not say can and will be used against you in a court of law!"**

"How can something you don't say be used against you in a court of law?" Athena asked.

"Oh that's simple," Hermes said. "Let's say that I arrested you and made that statement. What would you say then?"

"That I was innocent," Athena said.

"And then I would say that only a thief would say that."

"But what if I didn't say anything!"

"Then you clearly haven't protested your innocence, and therefore, I'd write about your silence for it to be used against you in a court of law," Hermes said. "Now give me five bucks."

Hermes got an Aegis to the knee for his efforts.

 **Following this proclamation, a large amount of pandemonium ensued, far more than that which should be expected following a normal food inspection.**

 **"** ** _How is it possible to use something that someone hasn't said against them?" Jason asked._**

 **"** ** _Oh, that's easy," Leo said. "See, imagine that I'm going to arrest you and I say that. What do you say?"_**

 **"** ** _Nothing," Jason replied._**

 **"** ** _Okay, Leo, Frank said nothing, which means that he isn't protesting his innocence like an innocent person would," Percy said. "We should write that down to use against him."_**

 **"** ** _And if I say that I'm innocent?" Jason asked._**

 **"** ** _Only someone who's guilty would say that," Percy said. "We should write that down to use against him."_**

 **"** ** _Okay, I get it, you guys are terrible judges," Jason said._**

"Yeah, don't do one where you pretend to be judges or something," Apollo called out.

The four of them laughed.

"If you he knew…"

 **And so, with Frank waving his sword around, he managed to collect a large bundle of food.**

 **"** ** _Hmm," Percy said. "Frank was asked to collect food, and he does so by forcing everyone to hand it over to him at sword point."_**

 **"** ** _Do you know what that means?" Leo asked._**

 **"** ** _What?"_**

 **"** ** _Frank's the only true Roman here," Jason said._**

"Ooooh!" the Greek campers said to the Romans.

"Oh no," Zeus said. "I just barely got over the last time there was civil war."

 **While Frank was congratulating himself internally for his victory, the door suddenly opened up and Reyna walked in. "What's going on in here?"**

Everyone looked at Reyna.

"I knew I had seen this before," Reyna said.

 ** _Leo nearly had a heart attack. "Oh no! Reyna's on to us! If she founds out…"_**

 **"** ** _She'll tell Annabeth!" Percy said. "Quick! Frank! Abort mission! Abort mission!"_**

"Why is Percy so scared of you Annabeth?" Piper asked. "Do you like, whip him or something?"

"No!"

 **This was unfortunately very difficult for Frank now that he had his sword out and there were lots of witnesses. "Nothing," Frank said, trying to sound normal. "Uh, this is just a food inspection."**

 **Reyna raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't told about anything like that."**

 **"I uh, you must have missed the memo," Frank said.**

"Spoken with the confidence of a true Roman Praetor," someone said sarcastically.

 **"Anyway, I was here about some weird food mess ups here," Reyna said. "Some people are saying their food has been mysteriously vanishing."**

 **"And hence the food inspection," Frank said. "We have reports that um, a certain bacterium called um,** ** _Seamoure butts_** **is responsible for the rapidly dissolving food. I'll just have to send some samples to the lab and get back to those people."**

Several people giggled at the name of the bacterium. They were the ones who got the joke.

 **There was a very long awkward moment in which Frank wasn't sure his story would hold, until a fire had conveniently broken out somewhere and Reyna was called to check.**

 **"** ** _Well, that was close," Percy said._**

 **"** ** _You're telling me," Jason said. He looked around. "Hey, where's Leo?"_**

"Did Leo start that fire?" Annabeth asked. "Because it seems suspicious that he isn't there anymore…."

"Uh guys," Leo whispered on stage. "I think they're onto me."

"Don't worry," Frank said. "We'll remember you as you wanted to be remembered."

"Stop talking like I'm going to die!"

 **Result: Frank managed to collect 24.5 pounds of food.**

"Okay, so this next one is- well, I think I'll just roll the tape," Percy said.

 ** _Task Two: Each of the contestants will have to visit a Camp cabin and convince someone inside that the cabin is currently haunted by ghosts and will then have to perform an exorcism in there to get rid of it._**

 ** _This is of course, a 'refuse you lose' round as well. Italics refer to the people back at the recording headquarters._**

Several people in camp had smiles before the tape even rolled, because quite a few remembered something along these lines.

 ** _"Okay, so explain to me again how this works," Percy said. "No wait, first of all, tell me how you managed to rig the cabins."_**

 ** _"Oh that," Leo said. "You see, someone needed to fix a few things in the Camp's wiring, and of course, being the concerned citizen I am I volunteered and agreed to do it, and at the same time I bugged all the cabins. No- stop looking at me like that, I didn't bug the bathrooms okay, what is wrong with you people? Okay, so then, I put in a bunch of traps that I can remotely activate from here so they might think that the cabin is haunted. Of course, 'convince someone' here has the same guidelines from my last round where I was trying to convince people I was an alien."_**

"You know, there are people who are currently going crazy thinking that people are spying on them," Dionysus said. "And then you guys are actually doing that…"

"And that's the last time that I'll entrust anything to Leo," Chiron said. "Though it explains just why you did it for half the price."

 ** _"Good times, good times," Frank muttered under his breath._**

 ** _Jason held up a hat with slips that detailed which cabin they would get. Only cabins with more than three current residents were chosen, so that limited the choices of course. "So who's up first?"_**

 ** _Percy decided to go first._**

 **Percy sighed. He had been forced to dress up like a Christian bishop and was straddling along towards the Apollo Cabin. Not many of its members were there today, but Will Solace was there.**

"I don't get why they forced Percy to dress up like that," Annabeth said.

"He looks like he lost a bet or something," Piper said.

 **"So… Percy, did you lose a bet or is that a new fashion on Olympus?" Will Solace asked.**

 **"Neither," Percy said, trying to sound as convincing as he could. "I was told that this cabin was haunted and needed someone to exorcise it."**

 **"What?" Will asked. "You serious?"**

 **"Yes," Percy said.**

 **"Since when do you catch ghosts?" Will asked.**

 ** _"Answer him Percy," Jason said. "Be as creative as you can be."_**

 **"Because Will, you know what they say," Percy said, "some people are borne exorcists, while others have exorcisthood thrust upon them."**

"Hey," Piper said. "Annabeth, Percy does remember some of what you teach him."

 ** _"No one says that Percy," Frank said. "And exorcisthood is not a word."_**

 ** _"And that was very unoriginal, Percy, but C minus for the effort," Jason said._**

"A C minus is what you got on your spelling test!" someone shouted.

 **"That isn't a saying Percy," Will said. "And exorcisthood is not actually a word."**

 ** _"Percy, say that Will is wrong and you can hear crying from inside the cabin," Leo said._**

 **"I will let you know that you're wrong," Percy said. "I put a petition to have it added half an hour ago, and that saying was used in** ** _Half-Life 3_** **. Also, I can hear mysterious crying coming from your cabin."**

 ** _Leo punched in a few buttons on his control board. A faucet in the Apollo cabin, normally kept for washing bandages and such began dripping ever so slightly._**

 ** _"Wow," Frank said sarcastically._**

 ** _"Yeah, Leo, you managed to make a faucet leak a little," Jason said. "That is like literally the absolute opposite of spectacular."_**

 ** _"Just watch and learn," Leo said._**

 **Will frowned. Not that he strained his ears, he could hear water dripping from the cabin, though oddly no sobbing. He entered inside and so did Percy.**

 ** _"Percy, see that faucet over there that's leaking? Go over to it and ask it why it's crying," Leo said._**

The audience which had been waiting silently in anticipation for a long time burst into laughter.

 **Percy walked over to the faucet, and, struggling to maintain a straight face, stroked it gently and asked, "Why are you crying?"**

"Look Poseidon, your son is talking to a faucet," Athena said. "That way he looks slightly more ridiculous than he usually does."

 **"Percy… are you actually talking to the leaky faucet?"**

 ** _"Don't stop Percy," Frank said. "Kiss the faucet and say that you'll make everything better."_**

"Frank! Why you wanna embarrass Percy?" Travis asked.

 ** _Jason snickered. "I take back what I said. A leaky faucet isn't that much, but this is gold."_**

 **Percy ignored Will and gently kissed the faucet. "There, there, now, Percy'll make it all better. No need to be so sad."**

"He looks like he cares for that faucet so much," Demeter said.

Aphrodite wiped a tear from her eye. "I'm changing my OTP from Percabeth to Percy and this faucet… I'll call it Fercey!"

"What's an OTP?" Zeus asked, confused.

"Shhh, little brother," Hades said. "Just be glad you don't know what it is."

 **"Is- is this a Child of Poseidon thing?" Will asked. "You can manage to talk to leaky faucets and make them feel better? Because that's the opposite of a useful power."**

Poseidon snorted. "I'll have you know that even that's a better power than what you have. What can you do, shoot a bit straighter and be slightly better at healing?"

Apollo huffed up. "I'll have you know that they can also see the future! And write good poetry!"

Hermes snickered.

 ** _"Turn around to him slowly, put a finger to your lip and tell Will to keep quiet or he'll hurt the tap's feelings," Frank said._**

 **Percy turned to Will and put a finger to his lip and said, "Shh! You'll hurt the faucet's feelings if you keep talking like that."**

"I know Will! What were you doing? Don't you know that faucets have feelings too?" Travis said.

"That's going on Twitter," Conner said. "#FaucetsHaveFeelingsToo."

 **Will had a serious 'what-in-Hades-is-going-on' look on his face. The rest of the Apollo cabin had now joined him in watching what Percy was doing.**

 ** _Leo flipped a switch and the faucet stopped leaking._**

 **"See! I made it all better and it's stopped leaking," Percy said. "And, as we all know, leaky faucets are a hallmark that a place is haunted."**

 **"No it isn't…." Will Solace said weakly.**

 ** _"Okay, now Percy, you're going to be looking for secret messages," Leo said. "There's a UV light in your pocket. Ask them to turn the lights off."_**

 **"Okay, you might not believe that," Percy said. He took out a pretty small UV light torch from his pocket. "But ghosts, as you know, leave messages hidden for us to find. I'm gonna need you guys to turn off all the lights."**

 **Percy spent five minutes combing the room until he found a word: SAVE. The UV light was pretty small so it could only light up one word of the message at a time. "See?" Percy said. "This is obviously a super-duper important message left to us by the ghosts."**

"From experience, let me guess,

 **When the message was pieced together, it read: SAVE 15% OR MORE ON CAR INSURANCE BY SWITCHING TO GEICO.**

"Why must everything have marketing in it?" Piper asked, though no one really heard as the hall had exploded into laughter.

 **There were small marks of what looked like gecko footprints leading away from it.**

 **"Who wrote that there?" Will asked.**

 **"Who knows Will? Who knows?" Percy tried to say mysteriously.**

 ** _"Okay, enough with the jokes," Jason said. "Here's something that should be really scary. Go over to the third bunk from the left saying that you sense the core of the problem there."_**

 **"Wait, wait," Percy said in his weirdest voice. "I can sense… the source of all these problems right over…" He then closed his eyes and wandered around towards the third bunk. "Yes! Right here! But what is it?"**

 ** _Jason flipped a switch._**

 **A compartment in the roof opened up, and from it fell something that cracked on its way down.**

 **And the thing turned out to be a cat carcass.**

 **As you can imagine, everyone screamed.**

People in the audience screamed too.

"Is that real?" was a common sentence echoed around the crowd.

 ** _"Where did you get that?" Jason asked, amazed._**

 ** _"Uh, there was an accident with someone's cat in the Roman Camp," Leo said. "Said I'd get rid of the body, and I hid it there with some incense so it wouldn't smell too bad."_**

"I propose that Leo should be banned from Camp Jupiter forever," Reyna said.

"Oh yeah?" Leo shouted back from the stage. "Then who's going to make your camp more fun?"

"Just what are you trying to say?" Reyna asked.

"Allow me to put this in a way that you can understand," Leo said. "Camp Half-Blood is like Marvel, and your camp is like DC Comics."

"Oh no," Zeus said. "This is going to erupt into a civil war, isn't it?"

"And just when I had brought the two camps together," Hera groaned. "And it's probably going to be a fanboy fight."

"Ugh," Zeus said. "Fanboy and fangirl fights are always the ugliest."

 **The screaming had still continued and finally the body was taken care of by burying it outside.**

 **"That won't solve the problem though," Percy said. "The cabin is now haunted by that cat's ghost, and we need to perform an exorcism."**

 **"O-okay," Will said. He still didn't believe it but thought that just maybe Percy knew what he was doing.**

 ** _"Now this is how you're going to perform it Percy," Frank said. "Ask everyone to gather inside and turn off the lights."_**

 **"Okay, to do this," Percy said. "You'll have to gather in the cabin and close your eyes."**

 **While the members of the Apollo cabin complied, albeit reluctantly, Percy turned off the lights.**

 ** _"Okay, now Percy," Jason said. "Take some paint, and write 'The Apollo Cabin Sux' on the wall, with 'Sucks' spelt with an 'x' and then just run away before they can notice."_**

"Wait," Travis said. "Isn't 'sucks' spelt with an 'x' anyway?"

"I swear," Athena said. "We should have mandatory lessons at Camp Half-Blood!"

 **"Are you kidding?" Percy said as loudly as he dared so the others wouldn't hear him. "They'd definitely get back at me at some point."**

 ** _"Well, you can always lose, Percy," Leo said with a grin. "Your choice."_**

 **"Uh, guys, don't open your eyes until I say so," Percy said. He then painted the message on the wall as best as he could, and then snuck out.**

"Now, the next one is, uh, on Leo again," Frank said. "Well, he usually does the weirdest stuff, so on to him."

 ** _Task One: The contestants will be acting as replacement professors for a special class in a community college. They will have no idea what they are supposed to be teaching, or how, as it will all be decided by the others._**

 ** _As such, this will be a 'refuse you lose round', and also, at the end of the class, the students will be polled to rate their professor. At least two candidates will lose this round, so if no one refuses to do anything, the candidates with the two lowest scores will get a negative point, if one refuses, the one with the lowest score gets a negative point, and if two or more do so than the polling won't matter._**

 **"** ** _I can't believe you managed to get over an eight," Leo said._**

 **"** ** _I just need to make sure that I rely on none of them in case I actually choke on something or need CPR," Jason said._**

"I don't get it," Piper said.

"Oh that," Percy said. "Jason's task was to teach a class CPR. It was hilarious, but we're not showing it right now. Time constraints and all."

 **"** ** _By the way, considering the fact that Percy gave them a lot of wrong knowledge, could we get sued if any of them does something wrong based on what we told them?" Frank asked._**

Zeus snorted. "A real Roman doesn't care about the law! Or being sued in court for that matter!"

"They… don't?" Mars asked.

"Have you actually ever read Roman history?" Zeus asked. "Never mind, that was a stupid question."

 **"** ** _We'll think of that later," Leo said. "Anyway, now the Valdez is up!"_**

 **Leo, of course, was not going to let the opportunity of being a professor slide and was going to milk it for all it was worth. He decided to dress up in a tweed coat, what looked like a bib to Percy, a cane, and ridiculous socks that didn't even match. He looked like he was wearing something kind of like what would happen if Willy Wonka's costume was designed by Katy Perry.**

"And here I thought Percy looked stupid," Annabeth said.

"You couldn't even bother matching your socks?" Piper asked. "Leo, one of them has hearts on it and the other one looks like it hasn't been washed in ten years."

 **On the blackboard, he had written down: DOCTOR PROFESSOR LEO VALDEZ THE THIRD.**

"I thought hubris was _my_ children's weakness," Athena said.

 **"** ** _Professor Leo Valdez the Third?" Percy asked._**

 **"No, no," Leo said to the empty classroom, "you insult me by merely calling me 'professor.' You shall address me by full and proper title, 'Doctor Professor.'"**

"Leo, with a head that big how is it possible that it fits on your small body?" Reyna asked.

 **"** ** _And why did you add, 'the Third' at the end?" Frank asked._**

 **Leo shrugged. "I thought it'd sound cool."**

"I don't think it's possible for three people to have the same dumb name," Travis said.

 **The class came in, and it was about the same size as that of Percy's class.**

 **"Good morning everyone," Leo said, in a very bad and obviously fake French (or it could be German, or Russian, honestly, it was too horrible to tell what he was going for) accent "My name is Doctor Professor Leo Valdez ze Third, and I am so delighted at seeing so many fresh faces gathered before me here today."**

 **"** ** _Great, now you sound exactly how you look like," Percy said._**

"I was going to say something, but Percy pretty much summed it up perfectly," Reyna said.

"Leo, you might be a child of Hephaestus, but that won't protect you from that burn!" Conner said and high-fived his brother.

 ** _"And now it is time for your topic, which is 'The Effect of the Black Death on European Art and Culture.'"_**

 **This was given to Leo because it was serious topic (which everyone knew was really going to tick Leo off) and also because he happened to know nothing about it.**

 **So, Leo wrote the topic on the board.**

 **"** ** _Now say something about it," Percy said._**

 **"Now, the first thing that I'd like to mention about this topic," Leo said, "is that I personally find it racist that it is called the 'Black Death,' and I think several of the African Americans gathered here will agree."**

 **None of the African Americans there agreed, only looked confused.**

"Boo!" the very small number of African American people in the audience said.

"Terrible joke!" Hazel added.

 **"** ** _That's the best that you can say?" Percy asked. "Something mildly racist?"_**

 **"Now, you may know that the Black Death killed approximately forty-three percent of Europe's population," Leo said.**

 **"** ** _I think there's a seventy-nine percent chance that no one believed that," Percy said._**

 **"** ** _I think there's a twenty-four percent that Leo is going to lose this round," Jason said._**

 **"** ** _I should point out that forty-eight percent of statistics in this show are made up," Frank said._**

"Psst, you guys," Dionysus whispered to the four on stage. "We're going to be going past our allotted time soon. Hurry up!"

 **"So, there was a lot of death and suffering, and with so many dead the whole incident obviously left a large impression on people's minds," Leo said.**

 **"** ** _By the way, Leo," Percy said, "you now have to discuss the first artwork. It is right under the desk."_**

 **Leo opened the desk and saw what it was before he almost snorted and cursing the others.**

 **"** ** _Come on," Frank said. "Show it to everyone."_**

 **It was a painting that Leo had made for 'A Picture Worth Zero Words' that had made no sense to anyone. Leo hung it up on the blackboard. "So, this is a work from an unknown artist somewhere."**

 **A student raised her hand. "Professor! Professor!"**

 **Leo turned around, tugged on his coat, and said, "Doctor Professor, please."**

 **The student looked slightly confused, and said, "Doctor Professor, um, I think that you've hung up that painting upside-down."**

Percy paused the image right there.

"Uh, just so you know, that painting was made by Leo," Percy said.

"Then why didn't he hang it right-side up?" Annabeth asked.

"I did hang it right-side up!" Leo said.

"But it doesn't make any sense that way!" Travis replied.

 **"No, this is the correct way," Leo said.**

 **"But it makes more sense the other way!" the student protested, tilting her head and saying the same thing again. Several students tried the same thing and agreed.**

"It does make more sense the other way," Hermes said.

 **"I, for one, know for a fact that this is the right way the painting is supposed to be held," Leo said, turning red slightly.**

 **"** ** _Say that you know that they're wondering how it depicts pain and sorrow," Percy said._**

 **"I bet you're wondering how this painting depicts pain and sorrow," Leo said.**

 **"** ** _Tell them that the author made it so that people would feel pain and sorrow trying to figure out what the painting was supposed to mean," Percy said._**

 **"The author apparently made it so that people would feel pain and sorrow trying to figure out what the painting was supposed to mean," Leo said, gritting his teeth. It was quite some thing to get an artist to insult his own work.**

"You're getting an artist to insult his own work?" Apollo said. "That's painful and artistic in and of itself."

 **"** ** _Kind of like what we experienced," Frank said. "Now in the other drawer, there'll be your second piece of work to discuss."_**

 **Leo opened the drawer and took one good look at what was inside. "Okay Jason, Frank, this is taking it way too far."**

"What is it?" people asked eagerly, as the painting hadn't been shown to them.

 ** _Percy frowned. "What, did you forget me?" He then frowned. "Wait, what was the second picture?"_**

 **"** ** _Something Frank and I put together," Jason said. "We didn't think that you'd like it. Come on Leo, unless you want to lose."_**

 **Leo considered it. He seriously did, but he didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction that they had beaten him, and he didn't want to be punished this time.**

 **Leo put the photo up. It was that picture, from way back in Impractical Oracles, in which Leo was wearing a maid outfit and hugging Percy. Jason had planned to use it as blackmail material later on in life, but then changed his mind and thought he could use it as blackmail material later on anyway since no one of importance was going to see it.**

There was no laughter. Only shocked silence.

"What… is that?" Poseidon asked.

"Is… is that what I think it is?" Annabeth asked.

"I can somehow tell that there is a long story behind this," Hermes said.

 **But even showing the photo to strangers was hard for Leo. Especially since Jason appeared to have edited it, and made Leo's hair neater, tidier, and apparently more feminine all together, and the photo frame showed cherubs and had little hearts on it. Both of them were smiling.**

 ** _Percy was staring at it, speechless._**

 **"** ** _Oh, so Leo's hugging Percy wearing a maid outfit," Frank said. "That's strange. Still better than my fanfiction and my OTP though."_**

Now, the laughter began, and didn't end for another few minutes. Some people were talking, but no one really heard them.

"This photo is sooo wrong and yet I can't take my eyes away from it," Aphrodite said.

"I still don't know what an OTP is," Zeus said.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Travis muttered.

 ** _Percy seemed to have found his voice and turned to Jason. "What were you thinking? And anyway, this is when you're supposed to get Leo, not me! Why do you even have that in your phone, what if Annabeth or Calypso or anyone else saw it? What would I say?"_**

 ** _Jason smirked. "Thanks for giving a great punishment idea, Percy. I'll mail that photo to your mom and Annabeth, and watch you try to explain what it is to both of them."_**

 **Leo turned away from the photo so the whole class could see it. "As you can see, this is not a piece of art from medieval Europe, since they didn't have paintings back then. Apparently my assistant thought it would be funny to put this up here. He's getting fired."**

 **"** ** _Making bad puns now, are we?" Jason asked._**

 **The entire class, of course, enjoyed a good laugh at the picture while Leo's cheeks turned as red as a tomatoes, and his shoes caught fire though he quickly put that out before anyone could notice.**

 **"** ** _Now, say that artwork is all fine and good, but the Black Death inspired a whole lot of other things too, like poetry, music, and even dance," Frank said._**

 **"Now, while it is fine seeing all this artwork-" Leo began.**

 **"What artwork?" somebody asked. "All you've shown us is a picture which looks like an artist had a seizure while painting something and a photograph that isn't even real art."**

 **'He has a point,' Leo thought, but instead said, "Yeah, but we're kind of running out of time here which I need for this last segment. So, as I was saying, the Black Death inspired a whole lot of other things, like poetry, music, and even dance."**

 **"** ** _Say that an example of dance is the Dance of the Dead, shown in many artworks as a bunch of skeletons," Percy said._**

 **"An example is the Dance of the Dead, which you may have heard about, shown in many artworks as a bunch of skeletons," Leo said.**

 **"** ** _Tell them what they don't know is that it is actually based on a dance performed during those times," Jason said._**

 **"But what you may not know is that it is based on a dance performed during those times," Leo said.**

"No it isn't!" Athena said while Mars shouted "Nerd!"

 **"** ** _Now tell them you're going to do a live demonstration of the Dance of the Dead," Percy said._**

 **Leo said, "I will know do a live demonstration of the Dance of the Dead." He knew what was coming next.**

 **"** ** _NOW DANCE!"_**

 **Much like Leo's artwork, we have no words to describe his dancing, expect that it involved a lot of flailing and jumping around.**

"I once saw a patient who had a seizure," Will said. "He looked a whole like that."

 **Seeing it, the student who had protested about there not being any real art in the class walked out.**

 **"** ** _We'll count that as getting a zero from her," Percy said._**

 **Then, someone made a Youtube video on it and you could find it by Googling, 'Crazy Professor Looks Like He's Having a Seizure But Is Actually Dancing.'**

 **A lawsuit would later be filed by Leo stating that no one was allowed to post their content online except them.**

 **It took three years for the lawsuit to be settled.**

 **Leo got a 7.34/10.**

"While that was fun, I think everyone wants to see something one of the others did now," Leo said. "So let's see one of Frank's."

 ** _Task One: If a random person you found in the woods while jogging suddenly asked you to stop and help them? You possibly would, but maybe not if that person was one of our four contestants._**

 ** _Essentially, the task will take place in a forest, where joggers are known to run at a few intervals, and each of the contestants will be trying to build a fire using a set of logs. They have to try and stop whoever is jogging along the way and ask them to help them build a fire, in order to burn something._**

 ** _That 'something' will be covered with a tarp, and none of the contestants know what it is… but they better figure out what to say about it once they uncover it when they talk to the jogger. If they cannot get someone to help them build the fire, then they lose. As always, they can't tell anyone it is being recorded, and will be provided with an earpiece, with the others watching._**

 **Frank stepped up to the plate first this time. His eyes started wandering around the trail, looking for someone to come.**

 **A demigod came, Frank knew he was a child of Dionysus, but didn't know his name, because, come one, he was a child of Dionysus and not exactly who you want to ask for help while burning something, but Frank decided to try anyway.**

 **"Hey!" Frank said.**

 **The guy slowed down to a stop. "What's up?"**

 **"Oh, I was just making a fire to burn something," Frank said. He then went to the tarp to remove it.**

 **Lying under it was a teddy bear. Frank picked it up. "I wanted to burn this. Can you give me a hand?"**

"Frank? Why would you burn a teddy bear?" Hazel asked.

"He's a Roman," Drew said. "They all like harming small stuffed animals."

 **"Why?" the guy asked, who had started laughing.**

 **Unknown to Frank, the others had also inserted a speaker into the teddy bear, and so they could speak into a handset and it would come out of the bear.**

 **"Don't do it," a voice cracked out of the bear.**

 **"Did that thing just talk?" the guy asked.**

 **"Yeah," Frank said. "Which is why I need to bury it. It has been driving me nuts. It keeps singing Katy Perry songs while I try to sleep."**

"Don't be a Katry Perry hater," Apollo said as he began singing so loudly that he was told to shut up so people could hear what was going on in the video.

 **The guy started laughing uncontrollably at that, but he still took a log and tossed it in.**

 **The teddy bear started saying more things. "Please! Help me! I don't want to be burnt! This man has done unspeakable things to me! Even Octavian would shudder at them and call them stuffed animal abuse!"**

"By 'unspeakable things' just what did those guys mean…" Hazel trailed off.

"I think it's best not to think about it," Piper said.

 **"Just what's your name, little man?" the guy asked.**

 **"Our names are- Sheldon, Timothy, and Rudy," the bear said, with each of the names being said by a different member of the three in an attempt to sound creepy, and failing at it, because those are just not scary names.**

"Those are perhaps the worst names for a demonic teddy bear that I've ever heard of," Hades said. "Here, I happen to have several of them in the Fields of Punishment. If you want to buy one, they're only five ninety-nine."

"Stop it, Hades," Zeus said. "This is a time to enjoy comedy, not for you to sell your merchandise."

"Wow, you're rather grumpy today, brother," Hades said. "Perhaps you'd like a teddy bear- or maybe a blanket! And let me just remind everyone that all profits go to buying homes for abandoned teddy bears."

"If Hades is selling stuff, can I advertise my new brand of cereal?" Demeter asked.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but stop bringing money into everything," Hermes said.

 **"That's not true," Frank said. "I have done nothing to that bear."**

 **They continued arranging the logs for the fire.**

 **"Stop!" the teddy bear said. "I know where you live! I will come back to get you! I will find you when you're asleep, and then take your soul with me back to the depths of Tartarus from where I was sired by the darkness itself!" it said. It could've been creepy, but was actually hilarious because you could clearly tell there was some sort of speaker in it. The guy was still laughing, but they made the mound and everything.**

 **Result: Frank passed.**

"I remember that teddy bear," Holly Victor said.

"I do too," Laurel Victor said. "So, is it like a recurring joke in this show?"

"I hope you all enjoyed that," Leo said. "Because the next one is about Frank too."

 ** _Task Three: This task will involve each participant walking over to someone while playing the game Pokemon Go. They will then say that they saw a Pokemon there but that it is gone now, but that it looked a whole like the person whom they're talking to. They will then give them additional clues prompted by the others. If they can't get the other person to take a guess, they lose. If they refuse to say or do what they're told they also lose._**

"Pokemon Go is old already," Travis said.

"Yeah," Conner said.

 ** _"Well, it's too bad you lost Percy," Leo said, not sounding too sorry at all._**

 ** _"Whatever," Percy said. "Who's going up next?"_**

 ** _"I'll go," Frank said._**

 **Frank pulled out his phone and began wandering around. He was looking for the right person to talk to and simultaneously trying to avoid the Ares cabin.**

 **He saw Nico di Angelo somewhere off in the distance struggling with something, so he decided to give it a shot.**

"I remember this," Nico and Will said simultaneously.

 **Nico was picking up what looked like huge stacks of leather jackets (did he really have only those as clothes?) and so Frank decided to be nice and help him… so that Nico might cooperate later on.**

 **"Hey Nico," Frank said. "Let me help you with those."**

 **"Thanks I guess…" Nico muttered.**

 **"Hey, I was here because I was playing Pokemon Go," Frank said.**

 **"I've heard of Pokemon," Nico said. "It wasn't as good as Mythomagic. But I did have a few of their cards too."**

 ** _"Take that back!" Leo said. "Pokemon is better than Mythomagic!"_**

"It is not!" a Roman camper shouted. "And for that matter Magic: The Gathering is much better."

"Nuh-uh," someone from the Greek camp said. "Yu-Gi-Oh! is the best there is!"

Something very close to a civil war nearly broke out as the campers squabbled over it and was only stopped by Zeus flashing lightning to silence all of them.

 **"Yeah, so I was looking for a Pokemon," Frank said. "But it isn't here anymore."**

 **"Is there a reason you're telling me this?"**

 **"Yeah, see the thing is that I don't remember what the Pokemon was called," Frank said. "But I think it kind of looked a lot like you."**

"If it looked like Nico, it was probably a Shuppet," Travis said. "Or a Duskell. Or a Gengar."

 **"I don't really know much about them-" Nico began, clearly trying to attempt to leave.**

 ** _"Okay, so Frank, tell him that you at least remember what color it was: pink," Percy said._**

 **"I do remember what color it looked like, at the very least," Frank said. "It was pink."**

 **"It was pink?"**

 **"Yeah."**

 **"And you're saying that this… reminded you of me? How?"**

"Because Nico looks good in pink!" someone shouted.

 **"Um… it just did," Frank said.**

 ** _"Now tell him that whatever it was liked to sing," Jason said._**

 **"And it seemed to like to sing," Frank said.**

 **Nico turned angry really fast. "What? When did Will tell you that I sing? I'm going to go-"**

 **He didn't say anything more and stormed off towards the Apollo cabin, leaving Frank with no choice but to follow him.**

 ** _"You still haven't gotten a guess yet, so you better keep running," Percy said._**

 **Will Solace was hanging out near the Apollo cabin as usual, and Nico stopped right in front of him, his face very red.**

 **Nico said, "You idiot! Why did you tell half of Camp Jupiter that I-I- sang that one time?" the last few lines were said so softly that even Will with his musically-toned ears couldn't hear them.**

 **"What?" Will asked again.**

 **"That time during truth or dare when you made me sing, why did you tell everyone about it?" Nico said, now a bit louder.**

 ** _"There's a story behind this, isn't there?" Leo asked._**

 ** _"Maybe we'll be able to hear it," Jason said. "Frank, try to get more out of them?"_**

 **"Um, what was this truth or dare thing?" Frank asked.**

 **"Just a bit of a game," Apollo said, looking flustered as well.**

 ** _"Then how come we weren't invited?" Percy asked._**

"Something stupid happened in Camp Half-Blood and I wasn't invited? How?" Travis asked.

 **"Yeah, we don't like to go into the details," Nico said. "But why did you tell him?"**

 **"I didn't," Will said.**

 **"Then how does he know that I sing?" Nico asked.**

 **"Why don't you ask him?" Will asked.**

 ** _"They need to go to couple's therapy."_**

 **"Uh, I just guessed that Nico would have a really soothing voice, you know," Frank said lamely.**

"You need to work on your acting skills, punk," Clarisse said.

 **Both Nico and Will looked at Frank as if he was a total idiot.**

 ** _"Hey! That's the look Annabeth usually gives Percy! And Annabeth's mom usually gives Percy! And that Hades gives Percy!" Leo said._**

"And that Zeus gives Percy. And that Reyna gives Percy. And that Percy's teachers give Percy. And that Dionysus gives Percy. And that Grover gives Percy. And that Luke gave Percy. And that…" Piper trailed off.

 ** _"It's also the look you give yourself when you look into the mirror, right?" Percy asked._**

 **"Like seriously… what man?" Will asked.**

 **"Uh… it just looked like that…" Frank trailed off.**

 ** _"Not even Frank can believe the lies he's telling right now," Jason said. "That's a first."_**

 **"Anyway, the thing was that I was looking for a Pokemon on Pokemon Go," Frank said.**

 **"You mean that new video game?" Will asked. "Dude, at least thirteen campers have came with Pokemon Go-related injuries from walking into stuff. There are more Pokemon Go-related injuries than the usual most common cause of demigod injuries."**

 **"What's that?" Frank asked.**

"I believe it's being eaten by a minotaur," Dionysus said.

"Nah, it's probably peanut allergies," Zeus said.

 **"Tripping over your own shoelaces, duh," both Nico and Will said at the same time.**

"Darn it," Dionysus and Zeus said at the same time.

 ** _"This is getting off topic," Percy said. "Get back on topic, Frank!"_**

 **"So, I was playing it and I saw a Pokemon, but it was gone," Frank said. "And I couldn't remember its name, so I was asking Nico if he knew what I was talking about. It was pink and could sing, and for some reason reminded me of Nico."**

 **"And I told Frank that I had no clue, since I haven't played Pokemon in ages," Nico said.**

 **"Really?" Will sneered. "Because I heard that some people found a corpse while playing Pokemon Go. I assumed that was you, or something you'd be into."**

 **"If you want to see some corpses, I'd be happy to oblige," Nico said with a growl.**

 **"Guys, stop fighting," Frank said. "You guys can't let something small like quips ruin your relationship."**

 ** _Leo started playing sad music._**

 **"See, ups and downs come in life," Frank said. "But you can't let that get in the way of your true feelings for each other, and you can't let it stop you from seeing what's important in life… which is helping me figure out which Pokemon I'm thinking of."**

"That speech went differently in my head," Aphrodite said.

 **"Don't… don't you mean that we care about each other?" Will asked.**

"Yeah, Frank, that was how that was supposed to be," Piper said.

 **"Yeah that too, but first, what Pokemon am I thinking of?"**

 **"Well, if it is pink and sings, could it be Jigglypuff?" Will asked.**

 **"Was it Jigglypuff?" Nico asked.**

 **Frank sighed with relief because this technically counted as a guess, and he said, "Yeah sure guys, that's what I saw. Well, gotta go now!"**

 **"Wait- but don't you want to-" Nico trailed off as Frank ran off into the distance.**

 **Result: Frank passed.**

"Well, I hope that was enjoyable, because we're going back to Leo now," Percy said.

"Psst!" Dionysus said. "We passed our set time limit!"

"We'll wind up quickly!" Leo said.

 ** _Task One: The Wheel of Doom returns, and as usual our contestants have to do whatever it is the wheel lands on, and this time, it has returned, the tasks are scarier than ever and there's no simple one involving taking money this time. The items on the wheel are:_**

 ** _Shave someone's mustache_**

 ** _Get someone to sniff your shoes_**

 ** _Convince someone that you're an alien_**

 ** _Brush someone else's teeth in public_**

 ** _Automatic Negative Point_**

 ** _Literally Steal the Food Out of Someone's Mouth_**

 ** _Give Mrs. O'Leary a Bath_**

 ** _Dress Up As A Spider and Remain in the Athena Cabin (for twelve minutes)_**

 ** _And so, let the games begin! The time limit is forty-five minutes for a task._**

"Dress up as a spider and remain in the Athena cabin? We'd slaughter whoever would try that!" Annabeth said. "Wait a minute…"

 ** _And last was the Valdez himself, who had the misfortune to get 'Convince someone you're an alien' as his task._**

 ** _"Well, that shouldn't be too hard," Frank said. "I'm sure half of Camp already thinks that you're an alien, Leo."_**

 ** _"What?" Percy said, drawing an exaggerated breath and widening his eyes dramatically. "Leo, you're not an alien? My whole life has been a lie!"_**

 ** _Jason pinched Leo's cheek. "All you have to do is take this mask off!"_**

"It's funny because it's true," Travis said.

 ** _While the others laughed, Leo said, "Okay, what counts as convincing someone that I'm an alien? Do they just have to say that they believe me?"_**

 ** _"No," Percy said, grinning as he resolved to make this harder for Leo, "It can't be in a joking or sarcastic way. It should be at least slightly serious."_**

 ** _Leo was then left completely panicking out. This wasn't a task that was suicidal- but it was one that was impossible! How was he going to convince someone that he was an alien? He didn't even know where to start or who he should try. Should he wear a costume? Or a tin foil hat?_**

 **Leo left the hideout equally confused and without any semblance of a plan whatsoever. The clock was ticking, and whatever he was going to do, he was going to have to do it fast.**

 **But the question that came up and up again was, who was gullible enough to fall for it? Leo didn't think that even Travis Stoll would believe him…**

 **And just then Travis Stoll walked on past him, and that was when Leo realized that he might as well try, all the while racking his brains for an idea that would work.**

"Are you in every single one of these things?" Conner asked.

"Just a few," Travis said. "Why? Are you jealous that I'm a recurring character and you aren't?"

 **"So, the pink-haired mechanic returns! What up, homie?" Travis asked.**

 ** _"You know, there was a time when I was sure that making fun of Leo for his pink hair was going to get old," Percy said. "Never have I been so wrong."_**

"Ah yes, Leo's pink hair. How could we forget?"

 **Just then, Leo got a sort of idea and decided to go ahead with it.**

 **"Hey, just a bit of secret, between you and me, did you know that pink is my natural hair color?" Leo asked. "I just dye my hair yellow."**

 ** _"Where's he going with this?"_**

 **Travis looked at Leo with disbelief. "Wait… no one's natural hair color is pink. So if your hair is pink normally…. then there can only be one logical explanation…"**

"Did Leo just actually win?" Hazel asked.

 ** _Frank blinked. "I don't believe it guys. I think Leo just pulled this off."_**

 **"It can only mean that you're an anime character!" Travis said.**

 **Leo was weeping internally.**

 ** _Meanwhile, the others were laughing so hard they had all collapsed._**

"What's anime?" Zeus asked.

"Oh that, it's just-" Apollo stopped mid-sentence when he was punched by Artemis.

"It's best not to think about it father," Artemis said.

 **"No Travis," Leo said, going for a direct approach this time, "the truth is that I'm an alien."**

 **"Pfft," Travis said. "Yeah right."**

 ** _"You're doing really well, Leo," Percy managed to get out._**

 **"No, it's totally true," Leo said. "I'm from a planet called um, Norwegia."**

"Norway is an actual country, you idiot!" someone from the audience shouted out.

 **Travis looked at Leo funnily. "Okay Leo, I'm ready to believe a lot of things, but if you were an alien, what about the rest of the Hephaestus cabin?"**

 **"All the Hephaestus kids are aliens," Leo said.**

"No we're not!" the Hephaestus kids shouted out.

 **"Uh-huh," Travis said, not convinced at all.**

 **"It's where all of our gadgets come from!" Leo said. "Think about it! The Earth doesn't have this kind of technology!"**

 **"Last I checked, aliens don't exist," Travis said. "I mean, everyone knows that crop circles are just Demter kid's playing pranks and UFOs are what mortals see when the god's chariots pass over them."**

 ** _"I'm sorry, but didn't Mars have life on it once?" Percy said. "I mean, before Zeus decided to host his sixteen hundredth birthday party there, and then they got into a huge argument and froze all the water?"_**

 ** _"I don't know what you're talking about, Percy," Jason said, eyeing him strangely._**

"Like seriously what's Percy talking about?" Annabeth asked.

Zeus fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair. "I… I do not know what the young lad is saying."

The other gods nodded, there being a silent agreement never to mention the incident ever again.

 **"But-but," Leo began.**

 **An alarm began beeping from Travis' watch. "Oh look! I need to go get those breath mints now. See ya later buddy!" He then patted Leo on the back and took off.**

"Breath mints?" Reyna asked.

"It's a really long story," Travis said.

 **"Oh no," Leo said.**

 **It took him ten minutes to realize that Travis had stolen his wallet.**

Travis held up Leo's wallet. "I still have it! But you didn't even have any cash in it!"

 **With Leo's time running out, he realized that he was going to have to do something drastic, something extraordinary, if he was to stand a chance of winning. Sure, he might be laughed at, but it was his only hope for victory that he saw.**

 **As so, he burst into the Hades cabin and saw that Nico was there.**

 **"NicoIneedtoborrowyourclothesforawhilesopleasepleasejustgivethemwouldya?" Leo said in a single word without pausing, he didn't have much time left.**

 **"What?" Nico asked.**

 **"I need to borrow your clothes and some other things," Leo said.**

 **"Uh, no," Nico said, getting up. "Dude, you can't just barge in and-"**

 **"No time!" Leo said and pushed Nico aside, took everything he needed, and then ran out.**

"Let's add that to a long list of thefts that Leo Valdez has committed in these episodes," Hermes said.

 **Once he was done tinkering with some spare parts he was going to use as an addition to Festus, he decided to set his plan into motion.**

 **As evening was dawning on Camp Half-Blood, and a good portion of the campers were gathered making preparations for dinner. Suddenly though, there was a weird robotic noise coming out from somewhere and odd lights began flashing.**

 **Out of a clearing, Leo walked out, dressed in what was either a super-cool outfit, or something more hilarious and humiliating than a maid costume depending on who you were. That is to say, Leo thought it was cool while almost everyone else thought it was hilarious.**

 **"Greetings, Earthlings," Leo said in a super fake robotic voice. "I am… uh, Valdazor, come from the planet Pluto."**

 **"Pluto isn't a planet anymore," a kid of Athena said.**

"Nerd!" Mars shouted.

"Wait, I'm not a planet anymore?" Hades asked. "Outrageous!"s

 **"Nerd," Leo said. "And it is due to this grave injustice that I have come from my plane to tell you all that Hades is seriously… well, angry about this and demands that all of you immediately reinstate Pluto as a planet, or suffer the wrath of Hades."**

 ** _"So that's why he took Nico's stuff and dressed up like that," Percy said._**

 ** _"I don't think this will work though," Frank said._**

 ** _"He just needs to get one person to say that they believe him," Jason pointed out._**

 **Everyone started to laugh, but then there were screams. Leo turned around to see a bunch of very menacing looking skeletons.**

 ** _"Well, that should get people's attentions," Percy said._**

 ** _"I don't think he summoned them though," Frank said._**

 **The skeletons surrounded Leo as Nico walked up to him to take revenge for the stolen stuff.**

 **In the end, no one did admit that Leo was an alien.**

 **Result: Leo failed.**

"I'm sure you'll like this one from Leo too," Percy said, ignoring Dionysus who was waving frantically at him to stop the show.

 ** _Task Two: Have you ever met a stranger somewhere and thought, "I've seen that person before. Do I know him?"_**

 ** _Well, none of our four contestants know any of the people on NYU Campus, but they're still there, and the target of this round is that they need to get a stranger to say that they know them. This will be made doubly difficulty by the fact that that the other three are on the roof of another building, and will be writing cues down on cards (kind of like whiteboards with a marker) and showing them to the contestant, and he has to act out on those cues. As always, no telling anyone this is a show and they will be getting an earpiece._**

 ** _Unlike the other chapters, the other contestants are on the roof of that building, again, with microphones and all their equipment, and so scenes on the roof will be in italics for this task._**

 **Next up was Leo. He too, had learned from his experience, and was looking for someone who was so hooked to their electronic device that they would not care what he was saying.**

 **He saw someone who was typing away on a laptop and decided that this was it.**

 **"Hello there," Leo said. The guy looked up at him for a moment, and Leo pretended to look disappointed. "You don't remember me?"**

 **"Huh?" the guy asked, confused. "We've met before?"**

 **Percy held up a sign that said: I Was The President of the English Grammar Club.**

 **"I was the president of the English Grammar Club," Leo said. "You forgot that?"**

 **"I don't think I was ever a part of an English Grammar Club?" the guy said.**

 **Percy held up a sign that said: Now Talk In Crazily Incorrect Grammar.**

 **"You still doesn't remembers me?" Leo asked. "Okay, we be needing to talk about a few things. We need to get it did."**

"That's still better than most of your essays," Chiron said.

 **The guy looked at Leo funny.**

 **Jason held up a sign that said: No, I'm Sure I've Seen You Before**

 **"No, but seriously, I is sure that we've met before," Leo said. "If it wasn't at the English Club, where we used to thunk hard about word stuff, it must have been somewhere else."**

 **The guy looked thoughtful, but unlike Brian didn't seem to be considering that he'd met Leo.**

 **Percy held up a sign that said: Where You The Guy Who Helped Me Give That Kid A Swirly Back in High School?**

"What's a Swirly?" Hermes asked.

"Oh, it's when you take someone's head and put it in a toilet and then flush it," Mars said.

 **"** ** _And you can stop talking oddly," Jason said._**

 **"Where you the guy who helped me give that kid a Swirly back in high school?"**

 **"A Swirly?" the guy asked. "Isn't that when you take someone, put their head in a toilet, and then flush it?"**

 **Leo was about to say, "No, I mean the Swirly that is a sweet cold treat that we gave to people on hot days," so he didn't look like a jerk, but then of course Frank had to hold up a sign before he could say it that said: Yes.**

 **"Yes," Leo said.**

 **"Okay, I have never given anyone one of those before."**

 **Jason held up a sign that said: Then You Must Be From the Talent Show.**

 **"Then you must've been from the talent show," Leo said. "Remember that?"**

 **"I've been to a few talent shows," the guy replied. "Can you be more specific?"**

 **Frank held up a sign that said: My Talent Was Blowing Snot Bubbles.**

There were of course, several loud snickers at this.

"That's a gross talent," Athena said. "And by that I don't mean that it' s large, rather that it's disgusting."

 **"My talent was blowing snot bubbles," Leo said, nearly cracking up himself and knowing that his chances for winning were dwindling very fast.**

 **"Really?" the guy asked, looking disgusted and more than that like he was holding back a laugh.**

 **Frank held up another sign that said: Yes. Huge ones.**

 **"Yeah, really big ones," Leo said.**

 **Percy held up a sign that said: I Even Got Seventh Place!**

 **"It was really great, I got the seventh place trophy, remember that?" Leo asked.**

"I'm amazed they'd even let you in with a talent like that," Athena huffed.

"You do realize that never happened, right?" Hermes said.

 **"** ** _Leo, this guy has been to tons of talent shows," Jason said. "Do you think that he's going to remember who came seventh in one of them?"_**

 **Jason held up a sign that said: There Were Only Six Contestants Though.**

 **"I should point out that there were only six contestants though," Leo said.**

 **The guy shut off his computer and began laughing again.**

"Imagine just minding your own business and this happens to you," Travis said. "Bugger."

 **Frank held up a sign that said: I May Have Lied About My Age to Get the Trophy Though.**

 **"I may have lied about my age to get the trophy though, but that's really neither here nor there," Leo said.**

"Just like Eoin Colfer," Athena said.

"What?" Hermes asked.

"Nothing," Athena said. "You won't get it."

 **Percy held up a sign that read: Were You in the Same Cell As Me When I Had Been Arrested for Taking that Girl's Teddy Bear?**

"Is this show obsessed with teddy bears or something?" Laurel asked.

 **"Were you in that same cell as me when I was arrested for taking that girl's teddy bear?" Leo asked.**

 **"Dude, you gave people Swirlies, and you took a little girl's teddy bear," the guy said.**

 **"Yes, but they were both asking for it in my own defense," Leo said. "So, you do know me, right?"**

 **"No," the guy replied. "And let me tell you, this just all seems crazy and stuff, did someone put you up to this? This whole thing looks like I'm being pranked or something… is there a camera somewhere?"**

 **"** ** _Oh," Frank said, "Congratulations on becoming the first person in this show to notice that it is a prank and not falling for whatever we say gullibly."_**

 **"** ** _Get out Leo," Percy said. "You've nearly blown our cover."_**

 **Result: Leo lost.**

"Thanks guys, but we've really overstayed our time here," Percy said.

Backstage, Dionysus said, "That wasn't bad. You'll clearly be the talk of the crowd for a long, long time. I also think you guys one, though you went way past time. What do you intend to do after this?"

Our four heroes looked at each other and said, "We're moving on to the next arc."

 **A/N: Thanks for reading the longest chapter I've written in this fanfic till date.**

 **Next time, we begin the Fifth Arc, because I'm quite tired of continuing to write these and I do want to write down something new.**

 **Do please review if you like!**


	33. Do You Know the Muffin Man? I

**A/N: Thanks go to Lady of the Court of Dreams (Happy Birthday!), MrAppocolypse (thanks for all the reviews!), TheBookFiend, Guest, ISB, and Jasper13.**

 _Task One: In this task, our contestants will be selling muffins in a bakery shop. This is a 'refuse you lose' round, and at the end, they will be asking for a small donation to a charity, made and described by the others. If they can't get a donation, they lose._

"Okay, first of all, tell me this," Frank said, who had been the first to step up, "What kind of a bakery shop sells _only_ muffins?"

 _"Your kind of bakery shop," Leo said. "Now, Frank, when the customer walks in, no matter what he or she asks, say, 'I need to ask my manager' and walk away to some room before coming back later."_

"No one's here yet and it's been ten minutes," Frank said. "Who wants muffins anyway? We should've opened up a cupcake store. Everyone likes those."

Finally, somebody did come in, a middle-aged woman who seemed to have just gotten off her shift.

"Nice day, isn't it?" she asked, trying to be nice.

"I need to check with my manager first," Frank said and disappeared in a room, leaving the woman speechless.

 _"So, someone asks if it's a nice day and Frank has to ask his manager on what to say in return," Percy said. "Man, that woman must be going crazy."_

 _"Frank, you can come back now," Jason said._

Frank came back.

 _"Say that your boss said that 'Yes, it is a good day.'" Leo said._

"My boss said that yeah, it's a good day," Frank said.

"Alright…" the lady said, very confused. "Are you new here?"

"Kind of," Frank replied.

 _"Now say that your boss also told you to say that there is no dog poop in your chocolate muffins," Jason said._

Frank let out a laugh before gaining his composure. "My manager also stressed that I inform you that our chocolate muffins do not have any dog poop in them."

"I… never asked that," the woman said with a weak chuckle.

 _"Tell her that there were lots of news reports, but they're all false," Percy said._

"Oh nothing, there were lots of reports on the news and all," Frank said. "So we just wanted to assure you."

"Alright…"

 _"Why is she still here? Why would you stay and try to order food at a restaurant that said that?' Percy asked._

 _Leo shrugged. "Taco Bell is still around somehow, right?"_

"So, do you happen to have any vanilla muffins?" the lady asked.

 _"Go talk to your manager," Leo said._

"I do not know," Frank said. "Let me just go talk to my manager to ask."

"Wait- are you telling me you don't even know what kind of merchandi-" the woman trailed off as Frank had disappeared.

 _"Frank is so going to lose this," Leo said. "And it's time he finally loses one!"_

"Wait," Frank said in the storeroom where he was hidden. "Are you guys doing this just so that I"ll lose?"

 _"Yes, Frank, we have made a truce," Jason said._

 _"With you being our common enemy," Percy said._

 _"Now get out there and say that you don't have any vanilla muffins," Leo said. "But you do as a matter of fact have periwinkle flavored ones."_

 _"Is… is that an actual flavor?" Jason asked._

 _"I don't know," Leo said. "Try Googling it."_

"Um, my manager said that vanilla is not a flavor that we have," Frank said. "But we do happen to have periwinkle. It's kind of like vanilla though."

"Uh, could I try a sample?"

 _"Oh no Frank," Percy said. "It's time that you need to go and talk to your manager about that."_

"Let me just talk to my manager real quick about that," Frank said and left the woman standing there again.

 _"Man, that lady must really want a muffin," Leo said. "I mean, if it was me, coming back home after a long, hard shift, and seeing this when I get into a shop. I would've left."_

 _"Now Frank," Percy said. "Act like you can't find your manager and start wandering around the store."_

"I can't find my manager anymore," Frank said and began walking behind the counter.

 _"Shout out his name and start looking in the stupidest of places to find someone," Jason said._

"Phil! Phil! Where are you?" Frank said.

He then opened the fridge and glanced around. And no, it wasn't a large fridge either.

He then checked under a pepper shaker.

He then opened the cash register and flipping through the notes as if he expected the manager to be between them.

He then checked his own pockets. "Phil? You in there?" he asked.

 _"Now just walk outside the store," Percy said._

"Just wait a minute, I'll be back once I've talked to Phil," Frank said and walked outside the store.

 _"Now, outside, on the trash can, you can meet your manager! Now take him inside!" Percy said._

Frank found what the others had left for him. "Okay, you guys are terrible…"

He walked into the store holding a teddy bear wearing the same uniform as he was. And yes, it was the same teddy bear that he tried to bury and that was in the Nike cabin. So yeah, the teddy bear is a recurring character now. It's basically the new maid outfit of this show.

"I found my manager," Frank said. "He was just outside."

The woman chuckled with a sense of hilarity.

 _"I think you can tell from her eyes that she wants to leave," Percy said._

Leo had managed to upgrade the teddy bear with a better sound projector, and now its eyes even turned red while talking.

"Greetings, mortal," came the voice from the teddy bear. "It is I, Phil, the manager of this store."

"Is this kind of like the theme of this store?" the woman asked.

"No!" the bear said. "I am an evil teddy bear. My parents wanted me to join the family business- which was selling newspapers- it's pretty much the only career option where I come from- but I decided to follow my dreams to become a muffin store owner and never looked back. And oh, yeah, this guy sold his soul for me for a nickel, so I own him. What happens to be your query, customer?"

"I… kind of forgot," she replied. "Oh yeah, do you happen to have any periwinkle flavored muffins to sample."

"Indeed we do," Phil said. "Slave, take out the samples right now."

 _"I want you to say yes and give a 'Hail Hydra' salute," Leo said._

"Yes, sir," Frank said. "And Hail Hydra!"

Frank produced the muffins.

"These are actually pretty good," she said. "Okay, can I have a dozen?"

"Certainly," Phil said. "You can pay in cash or credit. Or even…. your eternal soul. But not coin though. We don't accept coins."

"Yeah, I think I'll go with credit," the lady said.

"Before you complete your order though," Frank said, "I would like to tell you about our charity that we've set up. Yeah, if you could spare some change for the charity we're supporting that is-"

 _"To make old people less annoying," Leo said._

"-to make old people less annoying," Frank said.

"What?"

 _"Go on Frank, explain it to her," Percy said._

"Uh, you know, old people… need to be uh, less annoying and stuff," Frank muttered.

"You know what, I'll give you a penny if I can just leave," the woman said.

 _"I don't believe it," Jason said._

 _"How did he not lose?" Percy asked._

 _Leo just stared at the screen, speechless, when he suddenly screamed, "D'Arvit!"_

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

Percy was whistling to himself when a kid who looked about sixteen walked in.

"Hey? So, do you uh, do birthday cakes?" he asked.

 _"Say yes," Leo said._

"Yes," Percy said.

"So what flavors do you have?" he asked.

 _"Well, Percy, you do chocolate, dark forest, vanilla, strawberry, butterscotch, and pineapple," Frank said._

"We have chocolate, dark forest, vanilla, strawberry, butterscotch, and pineapple," Percy said.

"Um, yeah, chocolate would be good," the guy said. "Also, what kinds of muffins do you have?"

 _"The flavors are right there, Percy," Leo said._

"A lot of flavors, they're all listed right here," Percy said.

 _"Tell him that you get six muffins free if you buy six of them," Frank said._

"We even have a special offer today," Percy said. "Six muffins free if you take six."

"On all of them?"

"Yes," Percy said, now seriously wondering where all of this was headed. This was all so… normal. Why hadn't anything stupid or crazy happened yet? And come to think of it, why hadn't Jason said anything.

 _"Okay, Percy," Leo said. "Something crazy's going to happen, but no matter what happens, do not react at all, and do not look back. Just keep looking forwards."_

Suddenly, the guy froze as if he had seen a ghost or something very strange behind Percy.

 _"Percy, don't do anything," Leo said._

Percy though had begun twitching and it was taking a lot of his self-control from not looking backwards.

 _"Well, we don't want you to look backwards, but I think it would be fair to tell you what's happening," Frank said. "Jason, who is currently dressed up as Jason from the Friday the Thirteenth series, is currently trying to pry open a window. As you can imagine, you customer is really freaked out."_

 _"So, Jason is dressed up as Jason?" Leo asked rhetorically. "It's Jasonception!"_

 _"By the way, Leo," Frank said, "if we don't want Percy to look backwards, why did we just tell him something that will mean that he'll pretty much find it impossible to try and not look back?"_

 _"Because it's fun messing with Percy!" Leo said and the two high-fived._

Percy could actually hear the sounds know, of the window being forced open. Jason, behind him, decided to drop his chainsaw in first before lunging himself in.

 _"Percy, think up of an explanation for those sounds," Leo said._

"Oh gee," Percy said. "There have been weird noises coming from the vents ever since that new electrician fixed the lighting."

 _"Percy… how do lights have anything with making noise from the vents?" Frank asked._

Jason, meanwhile, had gone and snuck into a room.

 _"Ask the customer what's wrong," Leo said._

"What's wrong?" Percy asked.

"Uh… behind you…" the guy managed to get out.

 _"Now turn around," Frank said._

Percy turned around. "There's nothing here."

 _"Percy, why'd you forget to close the window?" Leo asked._

"Oh, I must have forgotten to close the window," Percy said and promptly shut said window.

"But… but…" the guy trailed off.

 _"Wow, he's really scared," Frank said._

 _"Not to mention you can tell that he knows what he saw was real, but also that he's afraid to tell anyone about it," Leo said._

 _"Now, it's time that you tell the guy a story," Frank said. "Tell him that there used to be a boy named Joe who used to work at the muffin shop."_

"You know, all of this reminds me of a story somehow," Percy said. "A boy named Joe used to work at this very muffin shop."

 _"He used to like dressing up as Jason from his favorite movie franchise, but then one day he died when a vending machine fell on him," Leo said._

"He used to be such a card, he liked dressing up as Jason from the Friday the Thirteenth series, but then was tragically crushed under a vending machine," Percy said.

 _"Fun fact: eight people die every year from being crushed by vending machines," Frank said. "Out of them, six are insurance appraisers who shake the machines to check if they're unstable enough to kill someone."_

"And here's a fun fact for you," Percy said as Jason came out of the room and began breakdancing behind him, "eight people are killed by vending machines every year. Out of them, six victims are insurance appraisers whose jobs include shaking the machines to check if they're unstable enough to kill someone."

 _"But back about Joe, it sometimes feels as if he's still around somewhere in this very shop," Leo said._

"But I can sometimes feel as if he's still around somewhere in this very shop," Percy said as Jason opened the window and left.

 _"Now talk to him about the charity," Leo said._

"Oh yeah, before I complete your order, we're taking extra for a charity," Percy said.

"What is it?" the guy asked in a tiny voice.

 _"We want to raise money in order to send Michael Bay to a good film school," Leo said. "We think he needs it. And the Transformers need it even more than him."_

"We want to raise money in order to send Michael Bay to a good film school," Percy said. "We think he needs it, and more importantly, the Trasformers need it."

"Nah man, thanks, I've had enough crazy for one day," the guy said.

Result: Percy failed.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! If you liked this, do please show your appreciation. We accept reviews, favorites, and follows. But not coins. Don't send us coins.**

 **We'll be on a short hiatus for a few weeks, I don't think I'll be able to update but we'll see. Thanks for sticking by for so long!**


	34. Do You Know the Muffin Man? II

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait. First things off, in the last chapter, whenever the word 'coin' is seen I actually meant the word 'Bit' followed by 'coin' together which was shortened to just 'coin' for some reason, I guess the site doesn't allow mentioning of the cryptocurrency. Now that's rather odd since some of the jokes were funny just because they mentioned it, but now they're just 'coin' and I don't really support it or anything I just didn't know about it and it was weird that it had been censored and the jokes sort of don't make as much sense anymore. So if you want to you can go ahead and read it again putting the proper term everywhere but I guess it might be too much trouble.  
**

 **That said, thanks for the bucketful of reviews guys. Thanks to Gogeta12345 (it's not that I overtly favor Frank, just the way that I write these usually doesn't end up with him losing), Death. Devourer of Worlds, BILLCIPHER ELOOFLSKHU, ConnorPerson (he was too scared to do anything I guess), thedauntlessamity, Hi, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, ChickenNuggets6767, TheAwesomePercyJacksonFangirl, ISB, Bellatricus (is it funny because Jason from PJO was doing it, or because Jason from Friday the 13th was doing it?), Poppy The Penguin, WillieTheWolf, Verteller (I'll see about that idea), Ctenophore.D, Guest, and LadyBeeBug.  
**

 **I've put in some Christmas stuff, though I know it is a bit late for a Christmas fic.**

 _"Do you know what time it is?" Leo asked._

 _"No, what?" Jason asked. "And you better not say, 'It's Adventure Time!' again."_

 _"It's Christmas," Leo said. "So now it's time for Jason Claus to go around, spreading joy and cheer."_

 _"I have to dress up as Santa, don't I?" Jason asked. "And after I spent so much time dressing up as Jason."_

 _'You don't get points for dressing up as yourself," Percy said._

And so, Jason was standing at the counter, wearing a Santa Claus outfit with the muffin shop decorated similarly.

A kid about twenty walked in. "It's pretty cold outside."

 _"Say that this cold is nothing compared to where you live," Percy said. "And then call him a weakling."_

"This is nothing compared to how things are up on the North Pole," Jason said. "You don't know cold, weakling."

 _"Now say the same thing as if Bane said it," Frank said._

"Oh, I bet you think that the cold is your ally," Jason said. "But you merely adopted the cold; I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't leave the North Pole and know what heat was until I was a grown man, by then it was nothing to me but BURNING!"

The guy chuckled. "So, why is Santa Claus working here? Unemployment hitting you hard?"

 _"Say that it is," Percy said. "And also look at him real serious-like and tell him not to major in Philosophy."_

"Yeah, it is," Jason said. He took a deep breath and tried not to crack up as he looked the guy in the eye and said, "Don't major in Philosophy, kid."

"I am majoring in Philosophy though," the guy said.

 _"Wow, Jason, you just broke this kid's dreams," Frank said. "I hope you're happy."_

"So, what do you want?" Jason asked.

"Do you only sell muffins? Or do you have anything else either?" the guy asked.

 _"Tell him that you have cookies, marshmallows, and gingerbread men too," Percy said._

"No, we have much more than that," Jason said. "We have cookies, you know, marshmallows, and gingerbread men too."

 _"Tell him that your actual gingerbread men back at your workshop enjoy eating gingerbread things," Leo said. "Then call them a bunch of cannibals."_

"You know, there's an interesting thing about gingerbread men. You see, the ones I have back in my magical factory in the North Pole, they eat nothing but gingerbread people," Jason said. "Basically they're all a bunch of cannibals."

"Well, thank you for ruining my childhood," the guy said. "So, you do happen to have cookies though, right?"

 _"Tell him they're in the shape of Christmas Elves," Frank said._

"Yeah, they're in the shape of Christmas Elves," Jason said. "I make 'em my self."

 _"Say that enjoy eating them and imagining they're alive and screaming for mercy while you dip them into boiling hot milk and then chomp on them," Frank said._

"Do you know why I make them like Christmas Elves?" Jason asked. "It's because I enjoy imagining that they're alive and screaming for mercy as I dip them into milk and then eat them little by little."

"Wow, you're really one sadistic Santa Clause, aren't you?" the guy said.

 _"Tell him that you go around telling children that Santa Claus is fake just to get them to cry," Leo said._

 _"We're not going to let him win, are we?" Percy asked._

"I also like telling children that Santa doesn't exist, so that they cry," Jason said. "I say that dressed up as Santa for the irony."

"Yeah, you're a real American Hero buddy," the guy said. "I'll take two dozen of those cookies."

"Yeah, well I'm also taking donation for a charity here, and this is real serious, if you'd like to hear about it for just a second," Jason said.

"Okay," the guy said.

 _"The name of the charity is 'Christmas Elves Are Not People Too'" Percy said._

"The name of the charity is 'Christmas Elves Are Not People Too,'" Jason said. "You know, like all the charities saying so-and-so are people too but with a 'not' in the middle."

 _"You don't say," Leo said._

 _"Tell him that the 1856 UN Human Rights Commission said that Christmas Elves must be treated as equal to humans," Percy said._

"Well, you might know this of course, but the UN Commission of 1856 on Human Rights said that Christmas Elves must be treated as basically the same as humans," Jason said with a straight face somehow.

"Dude, the UN didn't exist at that time," the guy said. "I'm not a History major, but maybe you should've taken a class."

 _"Percy, can't you do anything right?" Frank asked._

 _"Hey, I want to be an Oceanography major," Percy said. "Cut me some slack."_

 _"Jason, tell him that you need to go and overrule it," Leo said._

"Doesn't matter when it was, I need to overrule it," Jason said.

 _"Say that you can't stay in business with all the red tape and labor laws," Frank said._

"I can't stay in business with all the red tape and labor laws," Jason said. "I mean, they've formed their own union, they won't work longer than eight hours a day, they demand overtime and dental, and I just can't keep giving them that and keep up production."

 _"So, you need to remove all of their civil rights," Percy said._

"So, I need to get rid of all of their civil rights," Jason said. "You know, I need to get them to work for nothing, you know, basically this is a bring slavery back campaign sort of thing, but you know what, it's all okay because I'm doing it for the children. So, what do ya say?"

"No man, that's messed up," the guy said and paid for his cookies and before leaving said, "You're a terrible Santa."

"Yeah, well you're going on my naughty list," Jason said.

Result: Jason failed.

* * *

 _"So, Leo, I heard you're excited about your turn," Jason said. "Good thing we got you a little something special."_

 _"What is it?" Leo asked. He had a bad feeling about this… and guessed that what they gave him probably rhymed with 'raid outfit' and he didn't need that._

 _Percy took out a pair of roller skates. "You're going to need to wear these. You'll have to wear them for the entire time."_

 _"But wait, I don't know how to skate," Leo said._

 _"And that explains why this will be funny," Frank said._

 _"Wait, but can I at least have like ten minutes to practice?" Leo asked._

 _"We can give you five," Jason said._

Leo was trying to use the roller skates around the store. "Guys… this is dangerous. You didn't even give me a helmet or knee pads or anything."

 _"Those are for wimps," Percy said._

 _Frank then looked directly at the camera and said, "The following actions that you're about to see are being taken up by a highly untrained and unskilled demigod who is not a professional. Please do not attempt such actions at home. Remember to always remain safe and wear proper safety gear while skating."_

 _"Was… that really necessary?" Jason asked._

 _"Yes, if we want to avoid being sued, you know," Frank said._

"Hey! Then why would you let _me_ go without proper safety gear?" Leo asked. "What if I decided to sue you guys if I get injured?"

 _"It'll look weird to the customers if they see someone in a helmet and stuff," Percy said._

 _"Plus, you can't sue us anyway," Frank said. "Your contract states that you waive your write to file any legal action for injuries incurred during the filming of this show."_

"I knew I should've read that thing before singing first," Leo said. He tried going two steps before falling.

 _"You know, I think we can make a drinking game based on this," Jason said. "See, every time that Leo falls, we take a sip. If he gets bruised, we take two sips, and three sips if he loses or chips a tooth. If he breaks a bone, we take five sips, and if he goes unconscious, we take a whole bottle."_

"I hate all of you so much," Leo said as he struggled to get up.

 _"Come on Leo, you need to master this in five minutes, we're going to open the shop then," Percy said._

"Couldn't we have got rid of the creepy gnomes though?" Leo asked. "I mean, they're supposed to look Christmassy, but we should get rid of them anyway. They're probably going to scare little children."

 _"I could say the same about your face," Percy said. "But we let that in, didn't we?"_

 _"Are you sure Percy's a son of Poseidon?" Jason asked. "Because Leo… you just got BURNED!"_

 _All three of them high-fived._

"This is worse than the maid outfits…" Leo muttered.

Leo finally made his way to the counter that he held on to it like a drowning person would a life raft.

"When is this going to end?" he asked. "When is a customer going to come?"

 _"You could always just quit, you know," Percy said._

"Never!" Leo said.

A customer wasn't long in coming. It was an old guy, maybe in his fifties or so.

"Do you have anything for a diabetic?" he asked.

 _"Sure. We have napkins," Percy said. "Go on, say it."_

"Yeah, we have napkins," Leo said.

 _"And if that doesn't suit you, we have plastic spoons and forks too," Frank added._

"And we have plastic spoons and forks too," Leo said.

The guy looked pretty pissed. "Really? Think you're a real wise-mouth do ya?"

 _"He looks like he's going to punch Leo," Jason said and snickered._

 _"If Leo gets punched, we take ten sips if it is in the face, and eight sips if it's somewhere else," Frank said. "Let's add that to the drinking game."_

"Or do you always talk to your customers like that?" the guy asked.

"Uh, no, sorry sir, I'll just go check with my manager," Leo said.

"Why? Do you somehow not know what you sell in your own store? Why do you even work here? All you millennials- you people have no respect for the workplace. Why, if I were you, I'd figure out all this small stuff before starting to work here," the guy said.

 _"Man, Leo's getting roast. Hey Leo, head to the back room for a second," Frank said. "You know, because you don't have a real manager and all."_

"Uh… please just wait a minute," Leo said and turned around before he remembered that he was wearing skates and fell down.

"You alright there, bucko?" the guy asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Leo said. "Just that someone didn't put a wet floor sign."

The guy shook his head. "Wet floor sign? Do you think in my day we went around with wet floor signs? I'll tell ya, we had the common sense not to go near a wet floor because we could tell. Honestly, you youngin's are way too soft."

Leo, as he couldn't figure out how to use his roller skates, crawled on his knees to the back room.

 _"Hey, he's crawling," Percy said. "Is he allowed to do that?"_

 _"Eh, let's let him do it until he comes back out with what's left of his dignity," Jason said._

Once Leo was in the room, and looked around, he said, "Guys! Come on help here, I don't know what we give to diabetics!"

 _"Why are you asking if we know?" Frank asked. "It's not like any of us actually works here."_

 _"Leo, even if we did know, why would we tell you?" Percy asked._

"Then what do I do?" Leo asked.

 _"One option would be to sit there forever until that guy gets tired and leaves," Jason said._

 _"But then you'll lose," Percy said._

"Then that's not an option," Leo said, trying to sound cool.

 _"So, you're going to play with a man's health, is that it?" Frank asked._

"Well nah but I just can't… hey look a catalogue!" Leo said. "Maybe there's something in here… yeah there is. Thanks for nothing guys."

Leo then went out the room, and tried doing it on his roller skates. He was somewhat more successful this time., even if he was stooped over and looked very strange.

 _"You know, I once tried to get a dog to walk on only two legs," Frank said. "Leo kind of looks like that."_

 _"I can tell from his face that he's in excruciating pain right now," Percy said. "Or maybe he's just scared."_

 _"I say we take twenty sips if Leo wets his pants," Jason said._

"Took you long enough," the guy at the counter said. "What're you take so long for? I swear you took so long I think you grew an inch or two."

"Sorry sir, I went looking for my manager but turns out that he doesn't exist," Leo said. "But the Spicy Ginger Toast and Halloween Cupcakes have low actual sugar in them. I know it's now Halloween, but still…."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever kid just give me half a dozen," the guy said.

"Okay," Leo said.

 _"Now, what should we pick as Leo's charity?" Jason asked._

 _"I think we already did the one where we make old people less annoying," Frank said._

 _"Okay, okay, how about this," Percy said. "Tell him that you're making a charity to save the mosquitoes."_

"Well, here's your order," Leo said.

"About time," the guy said. "I was wondering whether or not I'd be dead before you'd finish."

 _"Why can't this guy be in every episode?" Jason asked._

"We are, however, running a charity," Leo said. "If you'd like to hear about it…"

"No, I don't care," the guy said and took his stuff and was about to leave.

"But wait! It's a 'Save the Mosquitoes' campaign! Don't you know that mosquitoes are an endangered species? It said so in _Lilo & Stitch_! Disney wouldn't lie to us!" Leo said, but the guy was already gone.

Result: Leo failed.

 **A/N: Current score has everyone with a negative point save Frank. Also, it's been over one year since I started this fic, so thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed and favorited/followed for supporting this fanfic, and here's to another year!**


	35. Joker V Joker

**A/N: For the reviews, thanks go to ethanhunter72 (yup, to another year!), ConnorPerson, Anonymous Person, Purple Cow1111111, Annabeth and Percy Jackson (It wasn't written based on experience, but we'll try to be nicer to Leo this arc), HappyTheDragon123, TheBookFiend, thedauntlessamity, Percy J, Casey daughter of the Moon, heeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy, The purple hippocampus, JT AMADEUS1342, ASSASSINEZIO.  
**

 **I've wanted to do a Joker V. Joker challenge for some time.**

 _Task Two: This is a Joker V. Joker challenge, meaning that two contestants will pair up against each other, tournament-style. Two of them will face off and the others will give them their contest. Only the winner doesn't receive a penalty point and the rest do. A tie counts as a loss for both contestants._

 _"So… I think Leo and Percy should first," Jason said._

 _"Sure, but the thing is that Leo might start crying when he loses," Percy said. "I don't think my powers will be able to stop them."_

 _"Funny, because I'm going to burn you so hard- son of Poseidon or not," Leo said._

 _"So, what should we make them do?" Frank asked Jason._

 _Frank and Jason whispered for a few minutes before Jason said, "Okay, your task will be to steal as many shoes as possible."_

 _"Stealing shoes?" Percy asked._

 _"Yeah," Frank said. "And you can't get caught. Both of you'll have ten minutes each."_

Percy stepped up first as he peered around the park, wondering what to do.

 _"Percy," Frank said, "It's already been three minutes. Stand there any longer and you're going to get barnacles."_

 _"Percy, on your left, there's someone who's taking off his shoes," Jason said._

Percy noticed that indeed, a guy was laying out on the grass in the sun and had taken off his shoes. They were only about a foot away from him though.

"I'm going to have to be really sneaky about this," Percy said.

He then tiptoed around the guy until he would be approaching him from an angle that would, hopefully, mean that he was out of his range of vision.

 _"And you can see friends, as the shark moves towards its unsuspecting prey," Leo said._

 _"Or to be more accurate, a killer whale," Jason said._

After that, he went down on his knees and began crawling towards the shoes.

 _"This looks so weird," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, imagine what someone would think if he saw this," Frank said._

Percy finally reached the pair of shoes when the guy craned his head a little and Percy withdrew his hand and turned around.

 _"Well, that was close," Frank said._

Percy then waited and tilted his head when he saw that the guy had gone back to staring at the clouds. He then slowly reached for the shoes and began dragging them away.

 _"I don't believe it," Leo said. "He's getting away with this!"_

Just then, the guy got up a bit, and of course, noticed Percy dragging away his shoes.

"Those are mine, man," the guy said.

"Oh, these are yours?" Percy asked, trying to feign surprise. "I was just, uh, you know, trying to lie down and these shoes kind of got in the way. Sorry."

With that small save, Percy got up and brushed the grass off himself.

 _"You only got two minutes left, Percy," Jason said._

Percy decided that these sorts of desperate times called for desperate measures. He went to a nearby fountain, and used the water to spray a jet of liquid at someone's feet.

 _"He just used his powers, is that allowed?" Leo asked._

 _"I think as long as no one sees them," Jason said._

"Oh no," the man said.

Percy held his breath, waiting for the guy to take his shoes off when he'd get his chance, only for the guy to take them off- but he didn't put them on the sidewalk and instead walked away carrying them in his hands.

Result: Percy got zero shoes.

* * *

Now, Leo was up and about wandering the park area, but much like Percy, unable to find someone who had taken off their shoes.

Leo knew he just had to find a single shoe to beat Percy, but that was turning out to be extremely hard as one; he didn't have a power that was useful in this situation like Percy's; and two, the park had no place where people might take their shoes off and exchange them for something else, like a tennis court. If Leo didn't get any shoes, then that meant that he and Percy were tied, meaning they both lost.

He sat under a tree, looking around and thinking of some way- any way that he could maybe get someone to take off their shoes.

The only thing that really came to mind was to light someone's shoes on fire, but that would be way too dangerous and he would probably get caught, unlike Percy.

It was just as his time was about to run out that he saw a bunch of women gossiping and that they had left their baby strollers around them unattended.

Leo narrowed his eyes.

 _"It looks like Leo's going for those unattended children," Percy said._

 _"Leo, you're a real criminal, you know that right?" Frank said. "Yeah, we should probably call the police."_

Leo ignored them and tried walking there like he was just out on a casual stroll… until he walked close to a baby that was sleeping, and then very gently took a small shoe off and pocketed it.

 _"He did it!" Jason said. "I can't believe he did it!"_

 _"I think one of the mothers saw him though," Frank said. "She looked like she was going to ask something, but didn't."_

Once Leo was far enough, he said, "Like stealing shoes from a baby."

Result: Leo got one shoe. Leo beats Percy in this round.

* * *

 _"Okay, so, we've got to figure out what we want Frank and Jason to do," Leo said to Percy._

 _After a few minutes of talking, Percy said, "So, Frank, Jason, we hear that the two of you are considered very polite people."_

 _"Thanks," Frank said. "What does that have to do with anything?"_

 _"Because no one will think that after this," Leo said._

 _"Both of you will have ten minutes each, like we did," Percy said. "And the goal is to step on people's feet."_

 _"We have to step on people's feet?" Frank asked._

 _"Yes, and you have to do it so that no one says anything," Leo said. "If someone says something about it, you lose. And stepping on the same person more than once doesn't count."_

 _"Also, you can't say sorry or apologize," Percy said smugly._

Jason decided to go first. He was just standing by himself in a lone corner of the park watching people go.

"I don't get it," Jason said. "How do you step on someone's foot and not say sorry? It's like you're messing with the very fabric of the social order."

 _"You could just give up," Frank said._

"Never," Jason said. "I'll just have to step on people's shoes."

Jason was looking for a large crowd, so that it would be possible for him to try and step on someone's shoes without being noticed.

Unfortunately, though he tried several times, he just couldn't find an opening and it looked extremely weird as he kept turning and going back while walking.

After several minutes he did see an opening though, and he with all the agility he could muster, he hopped onto a woman's foot before continuing walking like he didn't know what happened.

 _"Oh, she clearly noticed," Leo said._

 _"She's looking back- she- just walked away," Frank said. "Awww, man."_

Jason then saw someone eating ice cream, and very casually trampled on the guys' foot. He walked away and didn't look back, hoping that he hadn't been noticed.

 _"Look at that guy's face!" Percy said. "That definitely hurt him. How much do you weigh Jason?"_

 _"Yeah, he's really let himself go after this war was over," Leo said. "You need to go back to doing your Camp Jupiter workout- walking around in your armor all the time!"_

 _"Aww, the guy just shook his head and began eating his ice cream again," Frank said._

"Okay, that's it," Jason said. "I'm not going to be doing any more of this."

Result: Jason managed to get step on two people's toes.

* * *

Frank was up, and he had a strategy for the game.

"You see, no one's going to bother telling you off if you're distracted," Frank said. He then took out a pair of binoculars and used it to look like he was bird watching. "And so they'll just see a guy who stepped on someone while bird walking and didn't notice."

 _"Yeah, except for the fact that anyone would notice if they stepped on someone's foot," Percy said._

"Yeah, well, mock me when I win," Frank said confidently.

He spotted someone sitting on a bench whose legs were spread out, so he decided that this was a good opportunity.

As Frank walked away after stepping on his shoe, the guy said, "Hey, I don't know if you noticed, but you stepped on my foot."

 _"Ooohhhh!" all three of them said at once._

"Sorry," Frank said. "I was just, you know, bird watching and didn't notice."

"Yeah, just be careful next time," the guy said.

Result: Frank didn't step on anyone, and so Jason wins.

* * *

 _"And now for the final fight," Leo said. "Jason and I! Unless you two wanna fight for the bronze medal first."_

 _"No," Percy said. "And anyway, we already know what we're going to ask you two to do."_

 _"Yup," Frank said. "You guys are also going to get ten minutes. You need to get people in the park to slap you."_

 _"The one who gets the most slaps wins," Percy said._

 _"Wait, what?" Leo asked._

 _"Okay, I have to say that that is unfair," Jason said. "For one, I have such a beautiful face that no one would ever slap me, while on the hand Leo's face basically screams 'slap me' and that's usually what people hear as subtext whenever he talks. This'll be a cake in the park for him."_

 _"You know Jason, you just might get several from me the more you keep talking like that," Leo said._

 _"I wasn't finished," Frank said. "Only slaps to the face count, not punches or kicks."_

 _"And this is for the championship, so don't disappoint us," Percy said._

Jason stepped up first.

"I'm seriously considering just forfeiting," Jason said. "No one's slapped me in my face in my life. Leo on the other hand probably has lots of practical experience."

 _"You could try dressing up as Jason from Friday the Thirteenth again," Percy said. "People might slap you then, but they might just as well shoot you too."_

Jason therefore decided to go pick a fight. Once he found someone who kind of looked like he worked out a bit (so he wouldn't run if Jason challenged him to a fight) Jason decided to step up.

He went up the guy and gave him a hard shove.

"Watch where you're going," Jason said.

"Oh, sorry man," the guy said.

"Aren't you mad or something?" Jason asked.

"Oh no, bro," the guy said. "Collisions like that happen in this universe, but we need to remember that we're all connected."

The guy hugged Jason and left.

 _"Wow, it's like people literally can't slap Jason," Frank said. "Leo, you've got this in the bag."_

 _"Yeah, we believe in you, Leo," Percy said._

Jason scratched his head, thinking of what to do now. He decided that if he wanted someone to slap him, he would slap someone first.

He found a teenage boy with his head turned down and Jason went and lightly struck him across the sheet.

"Whoa," the guy said and looked up. "Dude- thanks for that. I've been trying to stay awake- I've got this paper to finish. Can you do that again?"

Jason looked very, very, displeased. "You know what, sure buddy," Jason said.

"You know, it kind of tingles, like your hand's electric or something," the guy said.

"I don't know why that would be true," Jason said.

 _"You're letting your powers show, Sparky," Leo said._

 _"I think Sparky's getting flustered," Percy said._

 _"Maybe you should go around wearing a 'slap me' poster slapped onto your back," Leo said._

Jason glanced around some more. "You know what guys… I quit.."

Result: Jason didn't get slapped at all.

* * *

"As always, the Valdez has a plan," Leo said. "I made this before leaving."

 _"You only have three minutes left now," Percy said. "I hope it was worth it."_

 _"And you don't need a plan to win this," Frank said. "Just be yourself."_

And so, Leo started walking around the park with a placard around his neck that said: I LOST A BET. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SLAP ME IN THE FACE.

As you can imagine, he got a lot of weird looks.

 _"No one's slapping him though," Frank said._

 _"Yeah, they're just looking at him weird," Jason said._

 _"Okay to be honest, if I saw a guy like that wandering around through the park," Percy said, "I probably wouldn't slap him."_

 _"Oh wait look, someone's coming to him and they look pretty mad at something!" Frank said. "And yeah! That was right in the face!"_

"Okay I win now," Leo whispered. "I want this to end."

 _"Nah, you'll have to go through the whole time," Percy said._

"I hate you guys," Leo said.

He got smacked in the face three more times before time was up.

Result: Leo Valdez wins the tournament!

 **A/N: And that ends this round! Frank and Leo have only one point each, while Jason and Percy have two each. On a side note, if you saw someone like that walk down the street, would you slap them?**

 **Thanks for reading.**


	36. Makedown Artists I

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, Verteller (I thought it would be weird as a Joker V. Joker and wouldn't work out too well), Qwertywerido (I can think about it), Cassy daughter of the Moon (I want to do different things as I write further...), just-a-normal-fangirl, thedauntlessamity, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, BrokenMockingjay, Idiotnation, ISB, and Cheeselover.  
**

 **I'd like to thank Verteller for the original idea for this chapter and task.**

 _Task Three: While our fearsome foursome may have lots of talents, one area in which they lack any experience whatsoever is makeup (not that that's going to stop them)._

 _They've set up a small stall in a bazaar currently inhabited mostly by monsters. They need to invite a monster for a makeover. If they can't get someone to agree in fifteen minutes, they lose. They then need to do/say whatever the others tell them._

 _At the end, they have to show the monster their job and convince them that they look great. If their customer isn't satisfied, they lose._

First up was Percy.

The stall they had set up was pretty big and contained almost everything that they'd need.

"No one's coming here though," Percy said. He had been standing outside saying, 'Would you like a free makeover?' for five minutes to no avail.

 _"Yeah, I don't blame them," Leo said. "Percy, did you even comb your hair this morning?"_

 _"Or brush your teeth?" Frank asked._

"No," Percy muttered.

 _"Yeah, there's something stuck in your teeth," Jason said._

 _"Who wants a makeover from someone who can't take care of themselves?" Frank asked._

Percy grabbed a nearby mirror and checked his teeth to find nothing.

 _"Made you look," Jason said._

Just then a Cyclops walked in. It looked and sounded female (it was kind of hard to tell with monsters).

"Are you people still doing free makeovers?" she asked.

"Yes ma'am," Percy said. "I assure you that you're in good hands."

 _"Percy, how do you lie with such a straight face?" Frank asked._

 _"Yeah, Percy, we thought your mother raised you better," Jason said._

 _Leo shook his head. "He's practically turning into some kind of criminal."_

"Well, I don't have all the time in the world," the Cyclops said. "But, I haven't been able to take care of my feet like usual nowadays. You know, you're always so busy with everything and it's just all hot outside. I need a pedicure."

"Okay," Percy said.

 _"He has no clue what a pedicure is, does he?" Jason asked._

 _"Percy, a pedicure is when you grab a fish from the ocean and repeatedly slap someone with it until they lose consciousness," Frank said. "Trust me, I know these things."_

The Cyclops then took off her shoe.

 _"O-M-G," Leo said._

 _"Are those… mushrooms growing in between the toes?" Jason asked._

 _"Interesting fact Percy," Frank said. "I think that most of those mushrooms growing there are endangered species, so it's illegal for you to cut them off."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"No, Leo, do I look like a mycologist to you?" Frank asked._

"Oh, yeah… I think they do need some work," Percy said.

"And I have to leave in about fifteen minutes, no need to do too much dear, just get started on the bigger things," she said.

 _"Percy's face is green," Leo said._

 _"Is it possible for children of Poseidon to get seasick?" Jason asked._

 _"Maybe," Frank said. "But anyway, Percy, it's time for you to start."_

Percy walked over to the sink where he would be far enough for the Cyclops to be unable to hear him.

"What do I do guys?" Percy asked.

 _"We think it's funnier if you try to figure that out yourself," Leo said._

Percy looked around the place, wondering where to start.

 _"It's like watching a baby seal trying to figure out how a rocket works," Frank said. "Go on baby seal! We believe in you!"_

Percy figured out that the best thing to do was to try and wash everything off first.

"Right, so ma'am, I'm just gonna wash your feet first," Percy said, using his powers to wash her feet.

 _"That's rude Percy," Frank said. "You need to use your hands."_

Percy's face was expressionless, but when Leo would later pause and rewind the footage and stop it at an exact frame then he would notice the true horror written on Percy's face.

Percy started using his hands to wash the Cyclop's feet.

 _"Percy, I can see that you're trying to warm up to the customer by saying ma'am," Jason said._

 _"Too bad that's going to go against you now," Frank said. "Call her 'mom' instead by accident."_

 _All three of them guffawed._

Percy shook his head.

"You alright there?" the Cyclops said.

"Yes, there's nothing to worry about, mom," Percy said.

 _Percy heard nothing but blank roaring coming from his earpiece._

 _"I can't believe he said it!" someone shouted out._

"Oh, I'm so sorry, that was a mistake," Percy said, trying to look ashamed. It wasn't hard since it was genuine.

"No problem, happens to everyone," the Cylcops said. "I got lost once when I was a but a little girl and lost my momma and went to some random lady and followed her before I realized the truth."

 _Leo switched off the microphone. "Hey guys, I have an idea. Let's ask Percy to cut one of those mushrooms and eat it."_

 _"Dude, he'd never do it," Frank said. "That's an instant loss for Percy."  
_

 _"Exactly," Leo said. "So let's make him do a whole lot of crazy stuff first before we tell him to do it."_

 _"Agreed," Jason said._

 _Leo turned on the microphone. "Hey Percy, go grab a pair of scissors, and just take some of her hair."_

Once Percy was done washing the Cyclop's feet, and thinking about how he could now never do anything with the same hands, he got up to get a pair of scissors and cut off some of the Cyclop's hair.

"What's that for?" she asked.

 _"Tell her that it's nothing personal," Frank said. "But that you like collecting each of your customer's hair."_

"Well, don't take this personally, but," Percy said hesitantly, "I like to collect each one of my customer's hair for ah, record purposes."

 _"Now put the hair into your pocket," Frank said._

Percy put the hair into his pocket.

 _"God, I was sure that she'd hit him or something," Jason said. "Or leave. Who collects their customer's hair?"_

 _"Great job Percy," Frank said. "Now start picking your nose in full view of her and as grossly as you possibly can."_

Percy sighed. What was he going to have to do to win this?

He gulped and moved his index finger, completely KND-style, and then inserted it into his nostril in full view of the customer.

 _"Wow, now that's just disturbing," Leo said._

 _Frank was too busy miming throwing up to say something._

 _"Percy, once you're done, wipe it off on your shirt and go about your business like usual," Jason said._

Percy complied. "So, now that I got rid of that little bugger, I think it's time that we maybe rub some anti-fungal lotion on that foot of yours."

"Sure," the Cyclops said.

Strangely enough, maybe because she was a monster, she seemed to have not been bothered at all by the whole thing.

 _"HOW ARE YOU STILL IN THE SAME ROOM AFTER SEEING ALL THAT?" Frank screamed into the speakers. "Just how?"_

 _"Calm down Frank," Jason said. "You'll give Percy a perforated eardrum."_

Percy went to get the anti-fungicide and began spraying it over her foot.

 _"Percy, I want you to call her mom again," Leo said._

"So, is everything all right mom- I mean, ma'am?" Percy asked. "Sorry, another slip of the tongue."

"Oh that's alright," the Cyclops said. "You're pretty cute after all. I bet your own mother could just… eat you up." She then licked her lips tantalizingly.

 _"Oh no she didn't!" Leo said._

Percy gulped.

"Hurry up would you? I've got to leave soon," the Cylops said.

 _"Okay Percy, with your time now about running out, we have one last task for you," Jason said. "Take out one of those mushrooms and eat it."_

Percy actually started laughing out loud at that… even in front of the Cyclops.

"I'm sorry, I just remembered a funny joke," Percy said. "Okay, I'll just do a few more things and then you're free to go."

Result: Percy failed.

* * *

 _"Percy don't feel bad but…" Leo began as Percy walked back in to HQ. "The thing is, we kind of planned the last one at what was basically the beginning."_

 _"Yeah, we just wanted to see you dance around before we pulled the plug with that," Frank said._

 _"I hate all of you," Percy said. But then he smiled. "But it isn't like I won't get to get back at you, so who's next?"_

 _"That'll be ol' Sparky over here," Leo said and patted Jason on the back. "Unless he's some kind of electric chicken! Hey- is there a new Pokemon like that?"_

 _"No," Frank said._

Jason sat in the middle of the room waiting for someone to show up when a Pegasus walked in.

 _"Look's like you got a client when you were horsing around," Percy said._

 _"Percy, just because you're a son of Poseidon doesn't mean that you can go around making bad horse puns," Frank said._

 _"Sorry Frank… I wouldn't want to… trot on your expectations," Percy said._

 _"That doesn't even make sense! And it isn't even funny!" Frank said._

"So… what do I do?" Jason asked.

The Pegasus rolled its eyes at him and stomped its hoof.

 _"Oh Jason, I think it's trying to communicate to you in Pegasus sign language, which they do by clopping their hooves," Percy said. "You see, one clop means yes, two clops means no, no one has any clue what three clops are supposed to mean, while four clops mean 'Meet me behind the dumpster at six o' clock and remember to bring a waffle because it might rain tonight,' and five clops means that he or she is hungry."_

 _Leo shook his head. "Really Percy?"_

"Whoa there girl," Jason said.

The Pegasus flared its nostrils.

 _"FYI Jason, that's a boy," Percy said. "But no matter how he reacts, keep referring to him as a girl."_

"Whoa there, girl, calm down," Jason said.

The Pegasus looked extra infuriated at this.

 _"What's he saying?" Leo asked Percy._

 _"It doesn't work if I'm looking at them through a TV screen!" Percy said._

"So, if you'll calm down, and just try to tell me what's wrong…" Jason said. "You know, just start behaving like a proper lady should."

The hoarse reared and stomped all of its hooves on the ground hard. One look into its eyes told Jason that it was very close to trying to charge him.

 _"Too bad it can't talk," Frank said._

 _"By the way, do you know why Pegasi can't talk?" Percy asked. "It's because that when they do, their voices tend to get a little… horse!"_

 _"Oh gods Percy," Leo said. "We're sorry about all that we did to you. Just stop making bad puns, please!'_

 _"Another thing, I think something's wrong with its left leg," Frank said._

Jason moved around and noticed that in fact, yes, the Pegasus' left leg seemed to be injured. There was no blood and the Pegasus seemed to be able to move it, so Jason guessed that

"So, you got hurt there or something?" Jason asked.

The Pegasus whinnied.

"Well, sorry, but we don't treat hurt muscles," Jason said. "We're just a makeup group."

 _"Well, Jason,_ we _don't, but_ you _do," Frank said._

"Okay, fine, I'll have a look at it," Jason said. "We have a new form of ah, shock therapy for bruised legs."

 _"Hey Jason, go grab a bucket from somewhere," Percy said._

Jason was confused but managed to find a bucket.

 _"Now say that you can help the Pegasus, but you're going to need some of its milk as payment," Percy said._

 _"I can't help but wonder… would it be worse to say that to a male Pegasus or a female one?" Frank asked._

Jason took a deep breath and said, "Girl, I can help, but I'm going to want some of your milk as payment."

That's the last thing Jason remembered before he regained conscious six hours later with a hoof print on his cheek.

Result: Jason failed.

 **A/N: And that ends our chapter. I know, no one really got a real makeover done, eh, but maybe in the next half.**

 **For that matter, with last time's question, I got two yes and three for no. This time's question is Frank's, is it worse to say that to a male or female Pegasus?**


	37. Makedown Artists II

**A/N: As always, thanks to all the reviewers. Thanks Verteller, thedauntlessamity, MrAppocolypse, Cassy daughter of the moon, Bellatricus, Sage Nicholson (some of these things are based off of the actual show, other things are references or things I make up), Annabeth and Percy Jackson, BrokenMockinjay, poopypoopyballs, WinterWind14, and Guest.  
**

 _Jason massaged his cheek. "You guys are crazy." His voice sounded weird and muffled thanks to the swelling on his cheek._

 _"No one forced you to say it," Leo said. "You could've just agreed not to say it."_

 _"Yeah, you lost anyway," Percy said. "So, out of Leo and Frank, who's next?"_

 _"I'll go first," Leo and Frank said simultaneously._

 _Leo and Frank then turned to each other. "There's only one way to settle this," Frank said._

 _Leo nodded. "I agree."_

 _"We duel!" both of them shouted out._

 _Frank took out his sword, while Leo took out a set of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards._

 _"So… we weren't talking about this kind of a duel?" Leo asked._

 _"No," Frank said._

 _"Well, I suppose you can go first then anyway," Leo said._

 _Frank swelled up and marched out._

 _Leo shouted after him, "After all, ladies first!"_

Frank stood in the shop, waiting for someone to come in. He just hoped that it wouldn't be someone too crazy.

He barely even noticed when someone said, "Hello! Is anyone there?"

Frank turned around and then looked down.

He saw a Scythian Dracaena, except that this one looked a bit younger than the other ones he'd seen.

"Hello? Do you people still do free makeoversss here?" her voice was a bit higher pitched than normal, so Frank guessed that she was a bit younger than the other ones they had seen.

"Yes," Frank said.

"Oh good, because you see, like, Jennifer contacted me like five daysss ago- she's having her sssweet sssixteen in like a week- I mean that's like sssoooo mean, I need like, at least a week before and so then my gal Gwendolyn says that girl, you need to get some work done on yourself. So then I didn't come here first- I went to the place they have right down next to Hadesss Hall but then they suddenly said that they wouldn't take my credit card, and I was sssooo sure that they were just pulling my leg or ssssomething, I mean, there's no way that my card didn't work, ya know? Ssso then I went to this new place where-"

 _"Frank, go ahead and yawn," Percy said. "Like yawn right in her face."_

 _"Don't do it Frank!" Jason said, suddenly wide-eyed and massaging his cheek. "Just give up! You might regret it!"_

 _"Yeah, yawning while your customers are talking isn't a good thing," Leo said. "Do it anyway, Frank!"_

"-sssoo once we managed to get a new pair of shoes I-" she paused as Frank yawned, a big, long one, right to her face. At least he covered his mouth though.

 _"Tell her you're sorry and it's because you were up all night," Percy said._

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Frank said. "I was just up really late last night."

 _"Yeah you were," Jason said. "After all, you were kept up all night because your room mate had diarrhea and was going to the bathroom all night long."_

"Well, you know, it's been a tough night," Frank said. "I mean, I was kept up because my roommate had diarrhea and was using the bathroom all night long."

 _"She looks so grossed out!" Percy said._

 _"I can't believe he actually said that," Leo said._

"I kind of didn't need to know that," she said. "I mean like, we really shouldn't be talking about our personal lives too much."

 _"Hello kettle? This is pot, I'm just calling to tell you that you're black," Leo said._

"So anyway, like I was sssaying," the girl said. "I was like, there with my buddies and the bank manager said that my card wasn't working, and then I went and called his manager, who was thisss really big Hellhound, but he wasn't interested about the customers or doing businesss at all, so I really gave him a piece of my mind and then-"

 _"Yawn right to her face again," Jason said. "And this time don't even bother covering your mouth with your hand."_

 _Percy gasped. "You're yawning… without covering up your mouth? Savages!"_

Frank yawned again, this time fully without even covering his mouth.

The Snake Woman- or Girl, really, seemed rather miffed about it. "Uh, you all right? Or should I come back some other time?"

"Oh no, don't worry, once I'm into the groove, I'll give my hundred and one percent attention," Frank said. "So, uh, what is that you're looking for?"

"Weren't you listening to what I was saying for the past fifteen minutes?" she asked.

 _"You know, it's telling when she's been talking this long and I think I know less about her than when she first started," Percy said._

"So, do you happen to have a sort of sand spa here? I've heard they're great," she said.

 _"Hey, Frank, tell her what Anakin Skywalker thinks about sand," Leo said._

"I don't like sand," Frank said. "It's coarse, and rough, and irritating." He then paused. "And it gets everywhere."

 _"She's looking at Frank like she's wondering what sort of medication he's on," Leo said."I guess she's never seen the movie."  
_

 _"Frank, I think that was worse and more awkward than the actual line in the movie," Percy said. "And that's saying something."_

"What?" she finally managed to get out.

"Don't worry," Frank said. "I uh, think we've got a portable thingy right here, and I'll just have it filled with hot quicksand, I mean, with sand."

 _"I was kind of rooting for that she'd try to bite him," Percy. "I think she's just going to run away at this point instead."_

 _"Yup," Jason said. "Hey, Frank, once she's immobilized in the sand, she'll need about half an hour for it to really work, so we're sending you something so that you can entertain her while it works."_

"Uh, I think you might be getting bored just sitting there," Frank said.

"Oh no, it's like, very cool," she said. "And by that I mean that's it really comforting with all this hot sand all around my two sssnake tails- you know, I can see why real sssnakes do this to keep themselvesss warm."

"So, I've uh, decided to put something up to entertain you," Frank said. "While you wait."

"Eh, no thanksss- I think I'll just take a nap," she said.

Just then, Leo burst in wearing some sort of weird jaguar costume. And yes, it was very, very, badly made.

"Hello there, panda!" Leo shouted at Frank.

Frank and the girl just stared at Leo blankly. Finally, the girl managed to say something.

"Is that guy a furry?" she asked.

"No, we're just here to do a re-enactment of the hit movie, Kung Fu Panda, right here, so that our customers don't get bored," Leo said. "Come on, Frank, turn into a panda already."

"I'm really just okay with taking a nap, you don't have to-"

"Silence! We don't care what the customer wants!" Leo said. "We're going to make you happy whether you like it or not!"

 _"Come on, Frank, what're you waiting for? Turn into a panda already," Jason said._

Frank sighed and turned into a panda. From the speakers, the music to 'Kung-Fu Fighting' blared out as Frank and Leo circled around each other.

"I knew I should've gone to the other store," the Snake Lady said.

It wasn't much of a fight though, as Leo started sobbing and gave up when Frank gave him a small slap on the arm as if it was a life-threatening wound.

And just then, Percy came in on the scene, dressed up like a police officer.

"I'm sorry sir," Percy said. "But you just hit a jaguar, an endangered species. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in." Percy then cuffed Frank, still in his panda form.

"Wait just a minute!" came a voice from outside as Jason barged in, wearing a suit and tie. "I will have you know that I am a lawyer from the Panda Outreach Orderly Protection society, also known as P.O.O.P. for short, and I'm here to defend this panda."

By now, the Scythian Dracaena decided that she had seen enough and left.

"Stop it already!" Frank said. "The customer's already left! And if you're all here, who's recording the footage?"

Result: Frank lost.

* * *

With all of that done, Leo was the only one left standing. The others had all taken losses, so Leo knew that this was his time to shine and show everyone what he was made of.

 _"Leo, you know we're not going to let you win after all this," Frank said. "You should just give up right now."_

A harpy entered the shop. She seemed a bit older than Ella.

 _"Tell her that she looks just like the girl on your waifu pillow," Percy said._

 _Both Jason and Frank guffawed and Percy actually fell out of his chair._

Even Leo cracked up in front of the customer.

"Is something wrong?" the harpy asked.

"No, it's just that well," Leo paused, wondering if he really wanted to go through with this. After all, there was the risk of ending up like Jason. "Well, you look just like the girl on my waifu pillow."

"What's a waifu pillow?" the harpy asked.

"Don't look it up," Leo said.

 _"Tell her that this shop is just a front for you to sell weed," Percy said. "And then ask her if she wants some."_

"Um, well, I don't know if you know this, but this isn't a real makeover shop," Leo said. "This is a front for me to sell weed. Do you want some?"

"No, I just came to get my nails done really quick," she said and held up her perfectly manicured nails.

 _"Did she not listen to what Leo just said?" Frank asked. "Or does she just not care?"_

"Your nails seem fine though," Leo said.

"Oh, yeah, that's the thing though," the harpy said. "I need to go and ruin them- you know, how it is with heroes coming and going, I need something scary. So go on, ruin this manicure for me."

""Kay," Leo said.

 _"I used to think that Leo couldn't do anything without messing it up," Jason said. "And now he's being asked to mess something up. How would this work out?"_

It worked out pretty well for Leo, actually.

Result: Leo passed.

 **A/N: Leo has a single negative point, Frank has two, and Percy and Jason have three negative points each.**

 **It occurs to me that no one got an actual makeover in these two chapters... mainly because it's pretty easy to show a makeover but hard to write about it.**

 **Regarding last time's topic, the votes are four male to two female... I honestly thought it would be worse to say it to a female personally.**

 **Thanks for reading, and do review if you liked!**


	38. Triathletes I

**A/N: Thanks thegamingcobra2, Annbeth and Percy Jackson (that came as a pretty random thought in my head too), BrokenMockingjay (reason I don't do that is I don't think it is that funny to continue doing it and it's been done a lot before, but maybe I'll see), FanBoyFanatic, The new age, xXBeeboXx, Anonymous, Bellatricus, and MafiaMarshMello.**

 _Task Four: In this task, our four contestants will be acting as trainers for a triathlon competition (involving running, cycling, and swimming). They have to do and say as they're told, and at the end, who ever they're training will rate them on a scale from one to ten. The three people to get the lowest scores get a penalty point each. The person with the highest score gets two penalty points… just kidding they go scot-free._

Frank was busy wiping the sweat off his face. He had a bicycle right next to him.

"Don't you think that's it is a little extreme that three people end up getting a penalty point and only one guy wins?" Frank asked.

 _"No Frank, BECAUSE THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!" Jason shouted into the microphone._

"Stop screaming, Jason!" Frank said. "And it is so hot outside. Why can't we do this indoors?"

 _"You want to ride a bicycle indoors?" Leo asked. "Frank, Professor Oak says that that is heresy. You can't do that."_

"Who's Professor Oa-" Frank began before he noticed a middle-aged man walking up towards him.

"Oh hi, I'll be your trainer for today," Frank said.

 _"Say that you need to start with a couple of questions," Percy said._

"I just want to start by asking you a few questions," Frank said.

 _"Ask him what Pot of Greed does in_ Yu-Gi-Oh! _" Percy said._

"What does Pot of Greed do?' Frank asked.

"Excuse me, but what?" the guy asked.

"Well, see the thing is that no one really knows," Frank said. "Just asking."

 _"The next question is, 'What does the fox say?'" Jason said._

"I also wanted to ask, 'What does the fox say?'" Frank said.

"Look kid, it's way too hot to be making old irrelevant Internet references," the guy said. "So let's get started on the training. You see, first of all, I have a question here. I've been told by a lot of people that having a banana is good before getting started for a race for the energy, but the problem is that they tend to be a bit fattening. What's the right deal?"

Frank waited for the others to say something before he realized that they wanted him to actually give some sort of advice.

"Yeah, bananas are totally cool," Frank said.

 _"Frank, you don't sound believable at all," Jason said._

 _"Yeah, I don't think the guy bought it," Percy said._

 _"When you don't know something, it's fine to say that you don't know," Leo said._

"So, any tips for me before we get started?" the guy asked.

 _"Tell him his shirt doesn't go with his shoes, but otherwise it's all right," Leo said._

"Well, personally I wouldn't go with those shoes and that shirt together," Frank said. "They just don't match well."

 _"Now say that as a warm up, the two of you should start with ten thousand push-ups," Percy said. "And start doing push-ups, but each time you do a single one, say one thousand, two thousand, got it?"_

"Well, with all that over, before we begin I think we should start with a basic warm up," Frank said. "Let's do something simple- like ten thousand push-ups."

"Ten thousand? Isn't that a bit-" the guy said as Frank started doing push-ups, going, "One thousand, two thousand, three thousand…" after each one.

"So, you just did ten push-ups," the guy said. "Is there a reason you say that one is a thousand, aside from the fact that it might sound hip?"

 _"Of course there is," Leo said. "You say ten thousand push-ups… so that it's over nine thousand!"_

"Sure, I say that to make sure that it's over nine thousand," Frank said.

"What does that even mean?" the guy asked.

"Well, just forget it, it's an inside joke," Frank said.

"Right, well, see the thing is that while I'm good at the swimming and running bits, it's the cycling part of the race where I usually tank," the guy said.

 _"Tell him that if he's doing the bicycle part of the bit using a tank, then he's cheating," Percy said._

 _"Percy that is a terrible pun," Leo said. "You deserve to get… roasted for that!"_

 _"Yeah, well when I make a joke, it's always electrifying," Jason said._

"Well, I'm sorry to say this," Frank said. "But you're not allowed to use a tank during the cycling part of the race, that's against the rules."

"No, I mean I do badly during the cycling bit," the guy said. "Geez, you kids today don't know anything, do ya?"

 _"Kay Frank, enough with the lame jokes, start showing him some cycling," Percy said. "Put on your helmet and say that it's super important to wear a helmet, because you need to hide how bad your haircut is."_

"Well, then let's get started then," Frank said. "I'm sure if you start showing me how you do things than I can help you improve. Now, first things first of course, safety is important. So you need to wear a helmet and make sure you wear one since you need to hide that terrible haircut."

"Excuse me?" the guy asked.

"No, I wasn't talking to you," Frank said. "I mean, that's what I tell myself so I remember to wear a helmet."

"Eh, don't talk like that," the guy said. "Sure, your haircut is lame, but it isn't that lame."

 _"Aww, BURN!" Leo said._

 _"Leo, you're not the only one who's allowed to say 'BURN!' when these situations come up," Percy said._

 _"Sure I can, because I'm a son of Hephaestus," Leo said. "It's the law. Look it up."_

"I mean, I've seen way worse hairstyles back in my day," the guy said. "You don't need to worry too much."

 _"So Frank, when you get started," Percy said, "tell him that you want to start off by riding your bike backwards and then ride it backwards."_

 _"Percy, you can't ride a bike backwards even if you peddle in reverse," Jason said. "Or are you saying that you want Frank to sit on the bike backwards and then start riding?"_

 _"I know you can't do it," Percy said. "But I want to see Frank try."_

"So, my strategy is that if you want to learn how to ride a bike forwards properly, you should first learn how to ride one backwards," Frank said. He then got on his bike, the normal way, and then used his feet to propel himself backwards, not even using the pedals.

 _"That looks so wrong in so many ways," Leo said._

Result: Frank ended up getting a 4.5/10.

* * *

Next up was Percy, who was going to do a part of the triathlon which involved running instead of swimming since the others said that it would be cheating for him to get swimming.

After only a few minutes Percy's customer arrived- a girl who had blonde hair and a build sort of like Clarisse except she was shorter.

"Okay, hi, I'm the instructor for the running part of the triathlon race," Percy said.

"Right," the girl said and flashed a smile. "So, I mainly got into this whole triathlon business to get back into shape, and the main problem right now is trying to keep in shape and keeping, you know, the ol' diet regular and working."

 _"Percy, see that building over there towards your left?" Leo asked. "Say that you have to see something in there and go inside."_

 _"Why?" Frank asked._

 _"You'll see," Leo said while rubbing his hands together and cackling evilly. "You'll all see."_

"Just excuse me for a second," Percy said. "I'll be right back with you. You can start warming up if you want."

Percy hurried on towards towards the building.

 _"Good, now Percy," Leo said. "Grab every single piece of junk food you can and take it all the way back to her. Then, while talking, eat each of them right in front of her."_

 _"Didn't she say she had trouble keeping her diet or something?" Jason asked._

 _"Exactly," Leo said with a grin._

Percy shook his head. "You guys are way too much."

Percy then walked outside considerably slower than he had come in because he was really weighed down by all the snacks- Leo hadn't been kidding about picking up _every_ single piece of junk food he could find.

 _"Now start off with a candy bar," Leo said. "And make sure you sniff it and eat it as slowly and tantalizingly as possible."_

"Hey, how're the sit-ups going?" Percy asked and then took out a chocolate bar, opened it with his teeth really slowly, and bit into one like he hadn't eaten in several days.

"Good," the girl said, staring at the candy bar.

 _"You can tell that she just wants a bite," Frank said. "This isn't going to end well."_

Once Percy was done with the candy bar, he threw the wrapper on the ground.

 _Leo gasped. "Percy… you're littering? What would Grover say?"_

 _"He doesn't have anywhere else to put it with all the stuff you gave him," Jason said. "What do you want, for him to eat it?"_

 _Leo smiled. "You know, Jason, it's funny how you get these great ideas by accident. But no, for now Percy won't do that. Instead, Percy, hold up another candy bar in front of her face and say that her diet doesn't allow her to eat stuff like this and that she shouldn't eat stuff like this. And then eat it in front of her."_

"So, you've told me you've had trouble keeping your diet or something like that?" Percy asked.

"Yeah, hard mustering the willpower, right?" the girl said.

"Right, for example, you can't eat stuff like this," Percy said, unwrapping the candy bar and waving it in the girl's face before he put it into his mouth.

 _"Now talk about tasty it is and remind her that she can't eat it," Leo said. "Make lots of rude noises on how good it is."_

"Mmm, mmm, mmm," Percy said, making lots of smacking noises. "Man, this stuff sure is good. It's like heaven in wrapper. Make sure you don't eat any of it, no matter how good it is."

"Right," the girl said, a forlorn look on her face.

 _"Percy, that's just torture," Frank said._

 _"Yeah, Percy," Jason said. "You're doing all that to someone who's having trouble keeping their diet? There's a special place in Tartarus for people like you."_

 _Leo gasped. "Jason, too soon!"_

"So, let's get started on what other problems you're having," Percy said.

 _"Come on Percy, while you're talking, keep stuffing your mouth with food," Leo said._

"Well, I have this problem recently in which, you know, once I get off the bicycle it's hard to start running, you know," the girl said.

"Right," Percy said while simultaneously eating a muffin and spraying bits of it everywhere.

 _"Jeez Percy, learn to say it and not spray it!" Leo said._

"I would advise that you sort of, um, well, speed up at the last seconds of the cycling race," Percy said. "That'll help get your legs ready for running."

 _"Percy, that doesn't even sound like real advice," Frank said. "No one's going to buy that."_

"Oh, okay, thanks," the girl said.

 _"I stand corrected."_

"By the way, do you have some sort of eating disorder?" the girl asked. "Just why are you eating all that stuff right now?"

"Oh no, I have a medical condition which necessitates that I eat large amounts of junk food constantly," Percy said.

"I've never heard of that," the girl said.

"That's why it's rare," Percy said. He threw yet another wrapper on the ground, which was forming quite a pile by now. "So let's start actual running."

 _"Percy, show her running, but use your hands instead of your feet," Leo said._

Percy sighed. "I always believe that healthy arms lead to health legs, so this is how I run."

He then did a handstand and got five paces before he fell over.

Result: Percy got 4.2/10.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked!**


	39. Triathlon II

**A/N: Thanks to I believe in nargles too, ConnorPerson, thedauntlessamity, ethanhunter72, Golden Racehorse (yup, Leo's doing swimming), Annabeth and Percy Jackson, Cheeselover, Ctenophore.D (it does seem slightly OOC for Leo to use that word, but I guess it was good), FanBoyFanatic, Cassy daughter of the moon, Trainer Azurite, Guest (thankfully the teddy bear doesn't get mentioned in this chapter), and xXBeeboXx.**

Leo was up next. As expected, he had been trolled and forced to oversee the swimming part of the contest. They apparently thought it was funny, though Leo didn't think it was.

A girl walked up to Leo, and Leo guessed that this was where he was supposed to start.

"So, you're here for swimming lessons?" Leo asked.

"Well, yeah, you're the instructor?" the girl asked.

 _"Leo tell her that she's probably expecting you to give her some tips on actual swimming," Percy said. "And to tell her that she probably expects you to give her tips on how to practice."_

"So, I bet that you want some tips on actual swimming, or on how to practice, right?" Leo asked.

"I guess," the girl said.

 _"Well, you're not going to give her any of that," Jason said. "Instead, you're going to tell her secrets of the trade no one else knows about."_

"Well, none of that," Leo said. "I'm going to instead tell you about secrets of the trade that no one else knows about."

 _"Start by saying that since oil repels water, she should coat herself with it before swimming to help her float," Frank said._

"You know, how oil repels water, right?" Leo asked. "Well, then, before the contest you should just apply oil to yourself so you'll float easier."

"I… I don't think it works like that," she said.

 _"And now you'll review things to make her lighter, so she'll float easier," Jason said._

"But before that, we should review things that'll make you lighter, so you will float easier," Leo said. "Now listen up, because this is important."

 _"Tell her that she should breathe in helium before a race so she floats easier," Jason said._

Leo nearly cracked up at that, but still managed to get out, "Before a race, you should go and inhale some helium- you know, how like some deep-sea divers do? That way you'll be lighter since helium is lighter than normal air?"

The girl was seriously confused… with a look on her face that clearly said, 'Does this guy really work here?' but she said, "But wouldn't my voice sound odd though? Like really high-pitched?"

Leo shook his head. "No, uh, see, the thing is that when you take helium, that's really your normal voice, and air just makes it deeper."

 _"She didn't believe it," Percy said. "You can tell, Leo. So tell her that if she doesn't want to sink, she should build up as much gas as possible… by eating gassy foods."_

Leo did crack up a bit at that, and only very slowly said, "You can also make yourself lighter by eating lots of gassy foods… you know, like beans, so you'll float easier."

The girl smiled and shook her head. "You can't be serious…"

 _"Okay, okay, my turn," Frank said. "So, tell her that to make herself lighter, she can also do it by getting rid of some unnecessary organs. Like her appendix. Or a kidney, since she has two."_

"Another thing that I personally recommend," Leo said, "to make yourself weight less is to get rid of some organs that you might not need, like your appendix, or maybe one of your kidneys."

"No thanks, I need my kidneys," the girl said.

 _"Tell her that she only needs one functioning kidney anyway," Frank said. "And tell her that you can get the best price for her kidney on the black market and you'll only take ten percent of the commission."_

"That's where you're wrong," Leo said. "And for that matter, you only need one functioning kidney." He then lowered his voice. "And uh, if you want I can um, get you the best price for your kidney on the black market- and I'll only take ten percent as commission. It's pretty low compared to what other agents will ask you for."

 _"And it was then, friends," Jason said. "That Leo began his life of crime as an black market organ dealer."_

"No thanks," the girl said.

 _"Now say that too bad, looks like you won't be getting that new IPhone Seven after all," Jason said._

"Well, too bad, and I really wanted that IPhone Seven," Leo said.

"Get Android then," the girl said.

 _"So, now tell her that she should consider getting an operation done," Percy said. "In which they'll inflate a balloon in her stomach, which will help act as a flotation device."_

 _"Don't they actually do a procedure like that?" Jason asked._

 _"Yeah, but that's for weight loss," Frank said._

"Um, then what we can do is insert a balloon into your stomach which will be filled with gas, so it'll help act as a flotation device," Leo said.

"I think they do that to lose weight, not for that though," the girl said.

 _"Look at her up and down and tell her that she could use some of that too," Frank said._

Leo looked her up and down and said, "I hate to tell you this, but you could use some of that too."

 _"She's already fine!" Jason said. "You guys do deserve to go to Tartarus."_

 _"Oh mah gawd, Jason," Frank said, trying to imitate Leo's voice. "Too soon! I'm so offended!"_

Leo turned around where the girl couldn't hear him and whispered, "I don't sound like that, you idiot!"

 _"So tell her there's another procedure that's just come out," Percy said. "In which you can install a small oxygen cylinder in her body to improve her lung capacity."_

"Well, if you're not interested in that," Leo said, "there's this thing where we put a small oxygen cylinder in your body."

"How would you refill that?" the girl asked, giggling.

"Uh, you just do, it's connected to your lungs," Leo said lamely.

 _"Then why call it an oxygen cylinder, doofus?"_

"But that wouldn't work!" the girl said, grinning.

 _"Tell her that there's a plastic surgery procedure which will make her look like a mermaid," Frank said._

"I know this other thing in which they can make you look like a mermaid," Leo said.

 _"But you can't really swim fast, you just look like one," Frank added._

"But you can't really swim faster, you just sort of look like one," Leo said.

"Your ideas are getting more useless over time," the girl said. "And how would I do the other segments then?"

"Yeah," Leo said, blushing. "I guess that is pretty stupid."

Result: Leo got a 4/10.

* * *

Next up was Jason, and he was just sort of standing there. In the gym. No specialization whatsoever.

 _"So Jason," Leo said. "I heard that you were the kind of kid that was always bullied on in school and had no friends and was a total loser?"_

"I think you're talking about yourself, Leo," Jason said.

 _"BURN!" Percy and Frank said._

 _"Yes, well I'm assuming that you know what imaginary friends are?" Leo asked._

"Yeah, so?" Jason asked.

 _"Well, you're going to have one for the entire session," Leo said._

"Wait, so you're telling me I have an imaginary friend right here?" Jason asked.

 _"No, no, you have an imaginary assistant," Percy said. "And make sure to reference him throughout the entirety of the session."_

 _Leo gasped. "Really Percy? Did you just assume that imaginary friend's gender right there?"_

Jason shook his head.

 _"Come one, show us what it's like in Jason's Home For Imaginary Friends," Frank said._

A newbie came up to Jason and said, "Are you the trainer."

"Yes," Jason said.

 _"Now introduce him to your assistant," Leo said._

"And here's my assistant," Jason said, moving his hands in the air towards nothing. "His name is uh, Jeeves."

 _"Dude, Jeeves doesn't even sound like a real name," Percy said._

 _"And what would he have named him then?" Leo asked. "Bob?"_

 _"Of course," Percy said. "Bob is the greatest name in the universe. It is timeless, it is ancient, it is wisdom and greatness manifested, it is BOB."_

"Who?" the guy asked and turned around to look at where Jason was pointing.

"Oh, Jeeves, he's right here," Jason said and pointed in the air again.

The guy looked at Jason as if he was unsure of whether or not Jason was sane.

"So, what do you need?" Jason asked. "Jeeves and I are here to help you- but Jeeves has a habit of not talking too much so don't mind him."

"I was here to start training for fitness," the guy said. "Like I need to get back into shape." He kept a wary eye at whatever Jason was pointing at.

"Okay, we'll get started with the basics then," Jason said. "Now, the running segment is usually, uh, the easiest and where you should probably start off with before you go onto swimming and cycling."

 _"Jason show him how to use a treadmill," Leo said. "But have Jeeves show him how to properly use a treadmill."_

"Okay, let's start you off on a treadmill instead of running outside," Jason said. "Jeeves doesn't like it outside. Now, most people get running on a treadmill wrong, so we'll have Jeeves do it and show you how it's done."

Jason then turned on the treadmill and backed up. "So, you can see Jeeves running right now. Make sure to pay attention to how he swings his arms- that's important. Remember that."

 _"Can you just look at the look on the guy's face?" Percy asked._

 _"That has to be one of the best things ever," Leo said._

"Now, that's enough of that," Jason said.

 _"Now do the same thing with push-ups," Percy said._

"Now, you might not know it, but you need a good bit of upper body strength, so let's see some push-ups," Jason said. "Now, remember, that it's all about the technique, so let's see Jeeves do it."

Jason backed away and began staring at a part of the floor intently. He then took a look at the treadmill, which was still on and said, "Come on Jeeves, you should turn it off once you're done with it." He then went and turned the thing off himself.

The guy glanced around as if he was considering seriously just running away from there.

 _"Ask Jeeves what's happening as if he just got up from there suddenly," Leo said._

"What's that Jeeves?" Jason suddenly asked.

 _"Say that Jeeves wants to go for a drink of water," Percy said. "No- no, don't say it, act like it."_

"What? You want a break? You're thirsty?" Jason asked.

"What's he saying?" the guy asked.

 _"Tell him that he's not even looking at Jeeves," Leo said. "And then redirect him to where Jeeves is."_

"What are you doing man? You're not even looking at him, he's over there," Jason said, waving his hand vaguely in the air."

 _"Dude, I think you just pointed to half the gym," Percy said. "Is Jeeves a giant or something?"_

 _"An invisible giant," Frank said. "I'd say it'd make a good Disney movie, but probably wouldn't."_

 _"Tell him he can have a drink once he finishes this training session," Leo said. "And call him out on how he's been drinking so much he's been running to the bathroom every five minutes."_

"Well guess what, Jeeves," Jason said. "You can't get another water break. You're already running to the bathroom every five minutes. We finish this training session first and you get your drinking and peeing break later."

"Too much information man," the guy said.

 _"Now pretend that Jeeves ran away anyway and run after him," Percy said._

"Oh wait, no you don't Jeeves, no you don't," Jason said. He turned to the guy and said, "I can't believe he ran for it, just wait here while I tell him whose boss."

Jason then ran after the guy at full speed, or to be more accurate at nothing.

Result: Jason got a 5/10.

 **A/N: With everyone except Jason getting a negative point, it means that Percy is the big loser this time.**

 **And if you're wondering... yeah, I know that Frank hasn't gotten punished yet. I kind of planned for him to lose this round but it ended up like this.**

 **Thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked!**


	40. The Fifth Punishment

**A/N: Thank you to DrakonOwl21195, Luna Space, Amaya, BrockenMockingjay, FanBoyFanatic, Greekgodsrox (an hour? You must read at the speed of a jaguar), Bellatricus, Hispanicin, ChilTy, gerky, and Thrawn13.**

 **To everyone saying that the marking for the guys was lenient... yeah, I kind of messed that up and had to reorder who I wanted to win and so it wasn't fully accurate... then again in real life some people are nicer than others.**

Percy had been blindfolded and was being carried somewhere in a truck. No- he hadn't been capture by Gaia's minions or some other weird monsters- that would have been preferable to his current situation. And if he had known in advance what was going to happen, he would've just gone and hid in a hole at the bottom of the sea until the very end of time.

"Where are we going?" Percy asked.

"The land of your nightmares," Leo replied.

The van stopped, and Percy got out to see that he was at the local animal pound.

"Why are we here?" Percy asked. "And what's up with the ambulance?"

"We think you might need one," Jason explained. He then motioned over to a few cages that were being kept on a cart. There were three of them and all of them contained dogs.

"You sir, are going to abandon those dogs," Frank said. "And following that, you're going to say whatever we tell you to in your earpiece on why you're abandoning them."

All three of them gave evil cackles as Percy took the cart into the pound.

And, Percy was surprised to see that there were around fifteen people there… holding up signs which seemed to suggest that they were protesting conditions at the pound.

 _"Surprise, Percy," Jason said. "I'll have you know that the pound staff here are hired actors- but those are real animal rights activists."_

 _"Which is bad because they're going to hate you more than they hate poachers who hunt endangered species after this," Frank said._

Percy shook his head.

 _"Tell the guy at the counter that you want to abandon a few dogs, starting with the small Chihuahua," Leo said._

"Um, I'm here to abandon a few dogs," Percy said, with an eye nervously creeping towards the horde of men and women who seemed to be disgusted at him. "Starting with this Chihuahua here."

The guy working the counter was probably just a fourteen year old trying to save up money for whatever fourteen year olds want these days, and he asked, "Why?"

Now, I think it should be noted here that the Chihuahua in question was extremely cute. Like seriously melt-your-heart-out kind of cute.

 _"Tell him that when you're angry, you use it as a piñata," Leo said. "But the thing is that it has started bleeding too much when you hit it after repeated trauma and now its been staining your carpet."_

Percy wished to be anywhere else in the world right then. "Well, see, when I'm mad and need something to vent my frustration on, I hang it up and use it as a piñata, you know, when the blood comes out I say that it's the candy, but I guess too much of it is coming now and it really stains the carpet you know? I guess I might have hit it so much it's permanently damaged."

There was dead silence. It was so awkward that Percy was sure that it was just the calm before the storm.

 _"Wow Percy, you are a terrible person," Jason said._

 _"I think they might take Jason and use him as a piñata," Leo said._

 _"If so, we're going to go in there and join them, right?" Frank said._

 _"Now pick up the Rottweiler and tell her that you found it as an abandoned puppy, enjoyed torturing it, but now it doesn't cry anymore since it's so used to what you've done," Jason said._

"And I don't want this Rottweiler either," Percy said. "I'm tired of it."

"You didn't even give it a name?" one of the protestors asked.

"Yeah, see the thing is I picked it off the streets as a puppy," Percy said. "But then I started torturing it just so I could you know, enjoy it cry and all, but I think I did it so much that now it's accustomed to it and won't react no matter what I do with it."

Percy could feel the tension in the room.

 _"And now finally pick up the small puppies and say that these cried too much when you tried experimenting on them," Leo said._

"And these puppies, well, I just got then now and I'm going to get rid of them because when I try experimenting on them, they cry too much-" Percy said but didn't get further, as the crowd of protestors surged forwards.

Percy hightailed it out of there while laughter echoed from his earpiece.

 _Leo switched off the microphone. "Do you think we should tell him that those protestors are really also just actors we hired to get mad at him and they won't actually do anything to him?"_

 _"You know, we could," Jason said. "But Percy is the kind of person who enjoys exploring."_

 _"So we should let him figure it out on his own," Frank said._

 _Leo turned to the camera, "No animals were harmed during the making of this punishment."_

 **A/N: With that we cross several milestones... we've finally finished five story arcs and crossed 100k words, making this the second longest thing I've ever written. It'd be great if we'd cross 500 reviews too (wink wink) this time as well.  
**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading up till now. Honestly I was surprised that this has lasted this long... my greatest fear was that I would either run out of ideas or it would stop being funny, and I have to admit there are some chapters that weren't as funny as others. However, with the sixth arc I'm going to try out some different kinds of contests to shake it up a bit.**


	41. Prank By Proxy

**A/N: Hooray! We managed to cross 500 reviews. Thanks ConnorPerson, FanBoyFanatic (you weren't, but thanks for contributing), Thrawn13 (yeah, I know, Percy looked like a real jerk), Greekgodsrex, Annabeth and Percy Jackson (I fixed the Author's Note, that was a mistake, thanks), cghe (thanks for all the effort), MrAppocolypse, writer wisher (the MnM joke is something I saw somewhere on the Internet, so you may have seen it before), Dinklebergsc3, Cassy Daugther of the Moon (yes, those weren't real animal right's activists, though some of them might have been, but they were all actors and knew that Percy was faking), Trainer Azurite (yeah... I agree with all of you on this one, Percy did seem terrible right then and there), and gerky.**

 _Task One:_

 _For this task, the contestants will be posing as cab drivers and pick up passengers. They need to do and say as they are told, and receive a tip at the end. Anyone without a tip loses._

 _That all seems straightforward, except for the part where Jason, Frank, Percy, and Leo will not be participating for this round. No, instead, they've decided to mix up things this time around a little bit by getting other people in the game. And so, they assembled a team of the best people for the job._

 _Or more accurately, seeing as very few people want to embarrass themselves like this, they found whoever was willing to take them up on it. As such, they also needed people who had valid drivers licenses, making the number of competitors for the four positions, well, four people. And so, our four pranksters made a team of the only four people they could find:_

 _Grover, Representing Percy_

 _Nico Di Angelo, Representing Frank_

 _Travis Stoll, Representing Leo_

 _Dakota, Representing Jason_

 _Our guests will join us for but one round before leaving, but their points will go to the contestants that they're representing._

Nico went up first.

"When do you think they'll air this?" Nico asked.

 _"I don't know," Grover said. "I keep asking Percy when he'll air the next episodes for all of us to see, but he keeps saying later."_

 _"I have a different question," Travis said. "Just who are you?"_

 _"I'm Dakota," Dakota said. "I am a Centurion of Camp Jupiter. Jason asked me to come here as a favor."_

"Jason doesn't have many friends, does he?" Nico said.

 _"Hey, and I thought you didn't have your drivers license," Travis said._

 _"Got it recently," Dakota answered, sipping red Kool-Aid._

 _"So, you're called Dakota, you mean like after the two states North Dakota and South Dakota?" Grover asked._

 _"No, no," Travis said. "That's what you need to understand Grover, which is that there is no such thing as North Dakota. It's just a conspiracy created by the government- there's only one state since North and South Dakota settled their differences to become a single Dakota around sixteen years ago, but they show them as different for political purposes."_

"Nice to know you haven't gotten smarter at all-" Nico said before he saw a girl about fourteen approach. "Oh, good morning."

"Good morning, I need to get to the subway station," she said.

"Alright then," Nico said as she sat down in the back seat of the car.

 _"Nico, open up the glove compartment," Dakota said._

Nico opened it to see a huge knife kept in there. Now, it should also be noted that Nico was wearing his scariest-looking Gothic clothes at this point of time and looked very much like someone who would mug people in the darkest alleyways of New York City.

 _"Take it out and start examining it in front of her," Grover said. "And don't say a word or explain what you're doing, just look at it."_

 _"Man, I can see why they do this, this is so much fun," Travis said with a grin._

Nico took the knife and began inspecting it.

The girl, naturally was freaked out to see her driver examining a knife in front of her. And not just a knife, a _huge_ knife.

 _"Now that's enough," Dakota said. "Put it back in and mutter 'I think it's sharp enough for the job' under your breath buy loud enough for her to hear."_

Nico stowed the knife away and said, "I think it's sharp enough for the job." Unfortunately Nico was rather bad at whispering or even pretending to and it came out as a shout.

"Wh-what kind of job?" the girl asked.

 _"Tell her that you work at a hospital part-time," Dakota said._

"Oh nothing, I just work at a hospital part-time," Nico said.

 _"And you use that to cut the veins of people who're donating blood," Travis said._

 _Dakota frowned. "That's not how they take out blood."_

 _"Yeah, but it's stupid, that's kind o' the whole point," Travis said._

"Uh, well, I use it to cut the veins of people who want to donate blood, y'know," Nico said and tried to shrug nonchalantly as if this was normal.

"That can't possible be how they actually do it," the girl said.

 _"Just turn around creepily and say, 'You callin' me a liar?'" Grover said._

Nico paused, sighed, and turned around slowly to say, "You callin' me a liar?"

The girl stared at Nico wide-eyed and shook her head. "No sir!"

 _"I want to see how this works out," Dakota said, taking another sip and becoming more hyperactive the more he drank._

 _"Yeah," Travis said. "I wonder- will she be so scared that she'll just stay inside the cab like a paralyzed zebra when it sees a lion- or is she gonna get out as soon as possible?"_

It was then that the girl noticed something about the car seat she was sitting on- it had some sort of dark stains on it. Dark red stains…

 _"Tell her not to worry about it," Grover said. "Tell her that you think a cat might've given birth in the back seat."_

 _"By the way, those are Kool-Aid stains," Dakota said._

 _The three of them high-fived, glad that they were making this challenge as tough as possible._

 _"You know, I don't know what they'd say if the four of them could see us here,' Travis admitted. "But I do believe that they would be proud."_

"Oh yeah, don't mind that," Nico said while struggling to keep a straight face. "I think a cat gave birth there a while ago."

The girl naturally edged away from the stains.

Nico started driving, and for five minutes nothing weird happened. Of course, the others had to intervene at this point.

 _"Hey Nico, turn on the radio," Travis said._

"Do you mind if I turn on the radio?" Nico asked.

"No," the girl said, a bit more calm.

Nico turned the radio on.

 _Grover turned the microphone off._

 _"See, here's what Nico doesn't know," Travis said while speaking towards the camera. "See, the radio that he has is linked up to another microphone we have here. So the radio broadcast that he's going to hear is going to be from us, and not some other station even if he changes the channel!"_

 _"Why are you explaining this?" Dakota asked._

 _"Aw, c'mon, it makes it easier for the audience to understand," Travis said._

And so Nico turned the radio on. A voice blared out of it saying, "… and this is Jeff with world news here today. Well, all over the world, people went around acting like idiots and being stupid. For more information, you are free to consult a mirror. A study has also said that the main difference between thirty-years-old women and twenty-years-old women is age."

Nico frowned, he recognized that voice.

"And here's Jerry with your local news today," a voice said that Nico was sure belonged to Grover. "A strange series of serial killings have been reported all over New York. It is believed that all are stabbings, and at the moment, police have said that they are suspecting a cab driver who invites people into a car before stabbing them brutally with a huge knife. He is described as a young male wearing a black hoodie with black hair, a light complexion, so if you have any information regarding this-"

At this point the cab had stopped and the girl ran out of cab screaming and never came back.

Nico face-palmed.

 _"I call that a mission well-done," Dakota said._

"Is it possible to turn the difficulty setting on this game down?" Nico asked.

Result: Frank gets a negative point.

* * *

Travis then went up next.

 _"Yo Travis," Nico said. "Do you know those drivers who always wear too much cologne? Well, today you're going to be one of them. There's a bottle in the glove compartment."_

Travis took the bottle out and hesitantly pressed the top for a small whiff of it to come out.

"What is in this stuff?" Travis asked as he began rolling up the window.

 _"Nope, no window Travis," Grover said._

"It smells like the Ares Cabin's Socks and an public toilet had a baby _and_ that baby pooped!" Travis said.

 _"Great, you'll be wearing tons of it," Dakota said._

"Is this cab empty?" someone asked.

Travis turned around to see who it was and froze. So did the prospective customer.

Travis turned back to the wheel, his face turning red and he was sweating now. There was no way that this could happen. There was no way that the others could have possible planned this sort of thing. Or could they….

 _"Surprise!" Grover said. "It looks like Katie Gardner is your customer for today."_

 _"I don't get it," Dakota said. "Why is this is a big deal?"_

 _"They have crushes on each other," Nico explained._

 _"Oh."_

"Is… is that really you Travis?" Katie asked.

 _"Tell her that you're doing this job so that you can finally pay for your hemorrhoids operation," Grover said._

 _Dakota was drinking his Kool-Aid as he choked on it and some of it managed to get out of his nose._

"Yeah, Katie," Travis said. "See, the thing is that I'm doing this part-time for the money so that I can raise it for my, uh, hemorrhoids operation."

 _"I can't believe he said it! I can't really believe he said it!" Dakota said, spilling his drink all over himself._

 _"That has got to be the worst thing to do," Grover said. "Imagine saying that to your crush…"_

"I… kind of didn't need to know that," Katie said. She looked around, but there wasn't another cab in sight. "I mean, get better and all I guess…"

Travis gritted his teeth- was this all still part of the other guy's plan somehow to get rid of any other cabs so Katie would have to come to him? Was Katie somehow in on this?

It seemed unlikely that Katie would ever agree to this, since Travis assumed that she felt the same way about him that he did about her, but you could never really know.

"I can drop you off," Travis said. "I mean, I'll d-drop you off. And for you no charge!"

 _"Ooooohhhh!" the three of them said together causing Travis to become as red as a tomato._

Katie turned pink too and said, "Okay, but that's not necessary. I can pay you know."

 _"Before she gets in start spraying yourself with cologne," Dakota said._

Travis really considered just getting out of the car then and there and walking away so that he could go and hopefully bury his head in the dirt somewhere for the next ten years.

And, he couldn't help but wonder why Katie was even there. His brain just couldn't get beyond that simple little fact and was she in on the whole thing? It didn't look likely, but then how did the others manage to ensure that she'd be here just in time for his segment? Or was it just a coincidence?

With that tiny existential crisis over when Katie asked him what was wrong, Travis then decided that he'd go with this and see where he'd end up.

He took the bottle of cologne out and sprayed himself- bracing himself for the stench that was going to come.

 _"No way man," Grover said. "Come on, a few puffs won't do. Do it like those deodorant commercials."_

Travis took the bottle and really spread himself all over.

Katie pinched her nose. "What's that?"

"It's my cologne," Travis said.

"Travis- it smells like what they spread over plants to kill pests," Katie said.

 _"Your crush just said that you smell like pesticide," Nico said._

 _"But if it was pesticide, how come it hasn't worked on Travis?" Dakota asked and high-fived Grover._

 _"Wow," Nico said. "Just a few minutes ago I was a kind and sympathetic person and a productive member of society… and now after being on this show I've turned into someone who can actually laugh on that joke."_

"Travis, do you really know how to drive?" Katie asked nervously. Knowing Travis' reputation for how he usually did stuff, Katie hoped that he didn't drive the same.

"Sure I do," Travis said while going to open up the door- not simply to look like a gentleman but to actually hold it open long enough for the stench to get out of the car. "You can check my license if you want."

"No, it's okay," Katie said and nervously got in while waving the smell away with her hand.

Travis though was hoping that there would be nothing more to make him miserable.

 _"Hey there why don't you go and check under your seat," Nico said._

Travis' nearly froze as he took out several old photographs- of him as a baby.

 _"I'm sure you'd like to turn around and show them all to Katie," Dakota said._

"Well, it's going to be a long drive," Travis said. "So if you want, you can go ahead and look through these photos while we drive."

Katie flipped through them. "Do you offer these to all your customers?"

 _"Say yes," Grover said._

"Yes," Travis said, his cheeks now a permanent shade of red.

"That must get awkward," Katie said.

 _"I don't think it's as awkward as this ride," Nico said._

Thankfully they seemed to leave Travis in peace for the moment- perhaps because they were afraid that he'd crash the car if they said something given that the taxi was going fast as the traffic wasn't as thick this time.

All of this good luck, was of course, gone the moment that Travis dropped Katie off.

"Would you mind giving a tip?" Travis asked.

 _"Cheapskate!" Nico said. "I do think you promised to take her for free. That's just going against your word there."_

 _"And we didn't even make you say it," Dakota said. "Like seriously- why did you even say that?"_

"Yeah, sure," Katie said.

 _"Ask for a kiss too," Dakota said._

At this, Travis turned around and looked for a spot where he could crawl into the earth where he wouldn't be found ever again.

Katie dropped a few coins.

"And… and good day," Travis said.

Result: Leo gets a negative point.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading! I thought to mix it up a little by having other characters. Don't worry, Jason, Percy, Leo, and Frank will return. Eventually.**


	42. Prank By Proxy II

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews Greekgodsrox, Verteller (I explain it in this chapter), Cassy daughter of the moon (I intend for our original four to return for a few more chapters, but also for some alternate chapters with even more alternate contestants), Thrawn13, ChillTy, UtilitarianShank, FanBoyFanatic (I hope it is), NillieJackson007 (I do like Artemis Fowl. As for whether or not I ship ArtemisxHolly, well to be honest Artemis seemed more like a kid's book to me and didn't have much appeal in the romantic genre sense. I guess I could see them together, but I don't really ship anyone in the Artemis Fowl universe really), gerky (don't worry, they'll be back eventually), BrokenMockingjay, Trainer Azurite, Annabeth and Percy Jackson (I plan to do the girls once and some of the gods once at least too), dapperpines, Guest, and SilverStreaksofStardust.  
**

 _"I don't get one thing," Travis said. "I got the change in the end. How come I lost?"_

 _"The challenge was that you had to get a tip_ and _do everything we say," Nico said. "And you didn't say everything we said."_

 _"And secondly, how did you get Tratie- I mean, Katie, to come over here?" Travis asked._

 _"Tratie?" Dakota asked._

 _"Her name's Katie," Travis said._

 _"Yeah, but that's not what you said first," Grover said._

 _"Yes it is," Travis said unconvincingly.  
_

 _"No wait- Tratie is a combination of… I know! Travis and Katie!" Nico said._

 _"Oh," Grover and Dakota said in unison before bursting into a fit of laughter._

 _"Do you seriously just mash up your two names like celebrities?" Grover asked._

 _"Don't change the topic! How'd you get her to be there?" Travis asked._

 _"Oh nothing," Dakota said as he rose to leave for his turn. "She just happened to come along while you were there."_

 _"That's just impossible!" Travis said._

 _"C'mon Travis, don't put too much strain on your brain, the two of you have a shaky relationship as it is," Nico said. He then chuckled. "Dude, you just showed Katie your baby photographs. I don't think you can every come back from that. I don't think_ anyone _can come back from that."_

Dakota was sitting in the taxi, quietly humming to himself.

 _"Hey, when a customer comes, introduce yourself as South Dakota, only James Bond style," Grover said._

A customer didn't come though until ten minutes later- a rather anxious looking women in her early twenties.

"Are you on duty?" she asked.

"Yeah," Dakota said. "M'name's Dakota." He whipped on a pair of sunglasses and put them on. "South Dakota."

"Great, can you drive to Parfum Palace real fast?" she asked.

"Where is that?" Dakota asked. "Oh never mind, I'll just turn on the navigation."

 _Travis turned off the microphone. "What Dakota doesn't know is that we've hijacked his navigation system and so whatever we say gets sent through that."_

 _"You really can't control yourself from saying that, can you?" Nico asked._

Dakota turned on the navigation system and imputed Parfum Palace onto it.

A voice from the navigation said, "Did you mean Pizza Hut?"

Dakota frowned. That voice sounded familiar… but there was no way that those guys would use the same trick twice, now would they?

"No, Parfum Palace," Dakota said and pressed the 'No' button on the screen.

"I think you mean Pizza Hut," the navigator said. Yeah, that was definitely Nico's voice.

"No, I don't want to go there," Dakota said and pressed the 'No' button on the screen again.

"Yeah, you've gained enough weight as it is," the navigator said. That was Travis. "Inputing coordinates for Parfum Palace. Recalculating… recalculating… estimated arrival time is… five hundred years. Calculate fair is fifteen cents."

"I don't have that much time," the woman said.

 _"Dakota, scream, 'Ain't nobody got time for dat!' and pound the dashboard," Grover said._

"Ain't nobody got time for dat!" Dakota shouted and banged the dashboard.

"Recalculating… recalculating… recalculating…" the navigator kept saying. "Estimated arrival time, twenty-five minutes. Estimated fare, forty-five dollars."

Dakota sighed as his customer got in and they went off with the navigator spewing out directions all the time.

"At the next intersection, go vertically up for five miles," the navigator said.

"You ain't driving a plane," the customer said with a laugh. "What's up with the software?"

 _"Tell her that it was working just fine until you decided to download some more RAM for its CPU," Travis said._

"Nah, it was working fine until I decided to download some more RAM for its CPU," Dakota said.

"Oh," the woman said.

 _"It looks like neither of them got the joke," Grover said._

 _"I didn't either," Nico said. "What's so funny about that?"_

 _"You'd know if you hadn't been raised in the thirties," Travis said._

"I would suggest that you stop here," the navigator said.

"I don't need to stop here," Dakota said.

"There's a park nearby," the navigator said. "Please run outside for ten minutes and then maybe you'll finally lose some calories."

"Is your navigator on 'fat-shaming mode?'" the woman asked.

 _"Dakota, don't answer and just run outside for like ten minutes," Nico said._

Dakota didn't answer and ran out of the cab and began running around, leaving a bewildered customer.

He got back into the car later.

"You seem to be pretty much in shape," the girl said. "Why're you trying to lose weight?"

 _"Say that you need to lose weight because you want to join a circus troupe and you need to be able to fit into a cannon," Grover said._

"Well, yeah, see, I've always wanted to go and join a circus troupe, so I need to lose some weight to make sure that I fit into a cannon," Dakota said.

"Really?" she asked, disbelievingly.

"Yeah, see, it's basic physics, y'know,' Dakota said. "The smaller your weight, the further you go from a cannon."

"Don't they usually pick dwarves for that?" she asked.

 _"Tell her that the politically correct term is 'vertically challenged,'" Grover said._

"Actually, first of all, the PC term for them isn't dwarf, it's vertically challenged, or vertically impaired," Dakota said.

"Vertically challenged? Then what are scrawny people, horizontally challenged?" she asked.

 _"And tell her that none of the dwarfs wanted to go and audition for the sequel to_ The Wolf of Wall Street _and the musical version of_ Snow White and the Seven Dwarves _." Nico said._

"And yeah, see the thing is that most of the dwarves are gone to audition for the sequel to _The Wolf of Wall Street_ and the live-action musical of _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ ," Dakota explained.

"So you've always wanted to be launched out a cannon?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, it's like you're flying… but uh, you're not really flying, you're uh, falling in style," Dakota said.

 _"Someone's watched too much_ Toy Story _," Travis said._

"Uh yeah, hope you didn't mind the small delay. We'll be getting on the road soon enough," Dakota said as the cab began to head out towards their destination.

"At the next intersection, turn left," the navigator said.

Dakota squinted at the screen. "It says here that you're supposed to go right."

"Sometimes you have to go left to turn right," the navigator said.

"That doesn't make any sense," Dakota said.

"Can your navigator hear what we're saying?" the girl asked.

"No don't worry, I can't," the navigator said.

Dakota still took a right on the turn anyway and switched the navigator off so he managed to get to his destination pretty fast while the others squabbled about what they should do to him.

"Well, here you are," Dakota said. He then held up a can and asked, "Tips?"

Dakota got a whole dollar.

Result: Jason passes this round.

* * *

 _"I don't get it," Travis said, whining. "He didn't say what we told him to do, how come Dakota still passes?"_

 _"That only apparently counts if it is something we say into the earpiece," Nico said while flipping through the rule book that Frank had written. "Since we never said that he has to follow what the navigator says, he's technically in the clear. It's really our fault for not telling him to follow it."_

 _"I think Travis's just salty since he had to do all of that and he still lost," Dakota said, high-fiving Grover._

 _"So I guess this is my turn?" Grover asked._

 _"Nah, we have something special planned for you," Travis said, grinning evilly at the word 'special.' "You're going to start later on, at night…."_

Several hours later, Grover was in his best human disguise at the wheel saying, "So… do you think that this is gonna scare me or something? Because just being at night isn't scary."

 _"Oh, you'll find out soon enough," Dakota said._

 _"Yeah!" Travis added._

A guy finally came up to Grover who said that he had to his house which was about forty minutes away, as the navigator (now fully working appropriately) calculated.

"Sure, we'll be right on our way," Grover said. He was actually kind of getting nervous… five minutes into this whole thing and nothing unusual had happened. Nothing at all.

 _"Hey, Grover, you're going to pass by a cemetery on your way real quick, so I think you should stop," Dakota said._

 _"Yeah, yeah, stop there, I think there's someone waiting for you," Travis said._

Grover's heart stopped for a moment- could it be Juniper?

"Why'd you stop?" the guy asked.

Outside, Nico of all people walked out from the cemetery. "Hey there, taxi. Mind if we share a ride?"

Grover had no idea what to make of this.

"Uh, where're you going?" the guy asked. "I'm headed off towards, y'know, downtown, past the bridge."

"Okay with me," Nico said. There was some dirt on his clothes, and he was talking with an odd low voice. "As long as it's you know… away from here..."

Nico got in.

"So, what were you doing in the cemetery buddy? Visiting a friend?" the guy asked.

Nico cast a long look at the cemetery. "I suppose you could say it that way. But the thing is I stayed a bit too long there… way too long…"

 _"Hey, Grover, turn around and tell the guy that Nico's a friend of yours and that you can trust him," Travis said._

"Uh, yeah, hey, you're Nico right?" Grover said suddenly as he turned around. "Yeah, he's one of my regular passengers. I know him."

"Oh yeah, hey, it's you," Nico said. "I know him too, this is Seymour Butts, one of the best taxi drivers around. Be happy to split the fare with ya."

 _Travis snickered. "Wait… the guy didn't get the joke."_

 _"Aww," Dakota said. "How do you not see the joke? It's like lying right there in front of you!"_

"Well yeah, taxis are expensive," the guy said as the car started. "By the way, you got some dirt in your hair and on your coat too."

"Yeah, I may have tripped," Nico said. "And yeah, a cab's really expensive. But the thing is I don't drive anymore. There was a car accident that I was in some time ago…"

"That sounds terrible," the guy said. "So, how long have you known Mr. Butts here?"

 _Travis snickered. "This is so good. Like, I mean, it's like this whole thing writes itself and we don't even need to say anything."_

"Oh, he was in the accident too," Nico said before Grover could reply. "It was really bad, wasn't it Seymour? The blood everywhere… some people said that we wouldn't survive…"

"Yeah," Grover said.

"Well, it's great that both of you survived," the guy said.

"Oh yes," Nico said. "Hey, Seymour, wanna go grab a bite after all of this is done?"

 _"Grover, say yes but ask him what he wants to eat," Dakota said._

"Sure, whatcha wanna get?" Grover asked.

"Oh, anything," Nico said. "I'm not very picky. Just not Italian. I can't deal with spaghetti, it reminds me of worms too much. Worms… crawling around in the dirt… digging into the bodies of people who're buried…"

The guy started glancing between Grover and Nico as he was wondering what was going on.

Nico started getting nervous. "Sorry… it's just the place where we had our accident, well, it's just coming right up. It's on the bridge. I get nervous sometimes when that happens."

 _"Grover," Travis said. "Stop the car on the bridge and then Nico is going to shadow travel the two of you out of there. We wanna see how your customer reacts."_

They approached the bridge and while on it, Grover stopped the car suddenly.

"What happened?" the guy asked.

"I… I remember now," Nico said, sounding very, very, agitated. "We were here, when we hit a car head on… and then I was on the ground…"

 _"Turn off the lights!" Dakota said._

Grover turned the lights in the car off before removing the keys so that they were all in total darkness except for the lights on the bridge.

"What's happening?" the guy asked, sounding afraid.

There was no one near him though as he glanced around since Nico and Grover were back at HQ.

 _"This is so not fair," Grover said. "This means I essentially lose no matter what happens! You took me away from the cab!"_

 _"Yeah, well, do you really think that he's gonna give you a tip?" Travis asked. "Even if we do take you back?"  
_

 _"Oh, look, he's getting out of the car and looks like he saw a ghost," Dakota said._

 _"This still doesn't make sense, this challenge is literally impossible to do like this," Grover said._

 _"Y'know what, okay, if the guy is so scared he leaves his wallet or something behind, we'll count it as a tip," Nico said. "And then you win."_

 _The guy looked terrified and was looking around frantically._

 _"Man, we should start our own show," Travis said. "Where we do nothing but go around scaring people like this! It'd be totally rad! It'd be cooler than what these guys are doing."_

 _The guy didn't leave his wallet behind though as he ran away from the cab, and he didn't drop any change either, so that meant that Grover lost._

Result: Percy gets a negative point.

 **A/N: And so everyone has a negative point except Jason putting him in the lead for now. As always, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this change of characters.**

 **Sadly, I have some bad news, namely that we'll be on hiatus for a month or so. Life gets in the way.**

 **Anyway, next chapter will have our lovable old foursome.**


	43. A Very Pun Parade

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, including Verteller (I suppose the distance was small enough so he wouldn't feel anything), DaughterOfApollo, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, Thrawn13, Yup just another, CallMeQueen (I can't draw well though), Flarecraft11, FanBoyFanatic, Sage Nicholson, gerky, TheBookFiend, and GoldenRacehorse.**

 _Task Two: Our old four players return for this task._

 _Camp Half-Blood is having a small parade for a reason that Leo didn't bother to read or pay any attention to, and Chiron has asked the campers to make floats for the parade. Each of the contestants has to present a float to Chiron that they haven't seen before and which has been made by the three others. In addition to this, they have to do an tell whatever it is that they're told. Refusal to do so will lead to a penalty, and if they can't get Chiron to approve it for the parade, then they also lose._

First up was Leo.

"Alright, Mr. Valdez," Chiron said, tapping a hoof impatiently. "Just where is your float?"

"It's right here," Leo said.

Leo led Chiron to something covered by a huge curtain. Whatever it was was pretty big- almost truck-sized.

"I have to say that your float is much larger than the other camper's," Chiron said.

 _"Hey Leo, say 'That's what she said, but not about my float,'" Percy said._

 _Frank and Jason both guffawed._

Leo's face turned a bright shade of red which he tried repressing as he stuttered to get the sentence out. He then decided that if he was going to say it, he might as well say it in style.

"Well, that's what she said, but it wasn't about my float," Leo said.

"Oh, really, I would've never though of that," Chiron said sarcastically. "You must consider yourself _so_ full of wit, Mr. Valdez."

 _"Getting' roasted by Chiron, huh?" Frank asked._

 _"Say that it was about your fidget spinner collection," Jason said._

"It was about my fidget spinner collection," Leo said.

Chiron frowned. "You mean those small, stupid things? You collect them?"

"Yeah," Leo said.

 _"So now Leo, take off the curtain," Percy said._

"And, now, prepare to be amazed," Leo said as he began pulling the curtain off.

"Well, I am amazed," Chiron said. "Where is your float?"

Leo turned around to see a huge framework that was supporting the curtain as well as a huge raised wooden stage on which there was… nothing.

"Is it invisible or something?" Chiron asked.

"Uh…" Leo said, rendered speechless.

 _"Wow, Leo can't say anything," Frank said. "That doesn't happen a lot."_

 _"By the way Leo, we weren't lazy. We actually made your float for you," Percy said. "Go to the middle of the stage we built."_

Leo moved towards the center of the stage where, once he looked around, still saw nothing.

 _"Look down, and make sure you don't break it by stepping on it," Jason said. "It was expensive."_

Leo looked down wondering just what was going on around here where he noticed something rather small, only slightly larger than a pebble. He then knelt down to get a better look.

"Oh, so this is my float," Leo said to himself. "Hey Chiron, come over here!"

Chiron trotted on over to see what Leo was looking at.

"Why, it's positively minuscule," Chiron said.

The float was actually pretty well made- it had designs of horses and dragons on it and would have looked pretty cool except for the fact that it could've fit in the palm of Leo's hand.

 _"Leo, say, 'That's what she said, but it wasn't about my float' again," Frank said._

Leo shook his head. "Yeah, well that's what she said, but it wasn't about my float."

Chiron looked at Leo as if he was wondering if Leo had suddenly grown a third eye.

Leo however, was waiting for the three others to tell him something else like they had the first time… but all he got back was silence.

 _"Aww, you were expecting us to add something else so it wouldn't look like you were talking about… well, you know what, right?" Frank said._

 _"And instead all you get is awkward silence," Percy said._

"Now, Mr. Valdez, I do have to admire the handiwork on this miniature," Chiron said. "But I'm afraid that it is far too small for us to take on the parade grounds."

 _"Leo, say that it was originally full-sized, but then give the stupidest reasons for why it's small now," Jason said._

"Well, see, the thing is that it was originally pretty big," Leo said. "Like huge, but then I think I might have accidentally hit it with a shrink ray. I might make a movie on it once- I'll call it, 'Honey, I shrank the Float.'"

Chiron sighed. "Mr. Valdez, shrink rays don't exist."

"Oh, or maybe it found one of those cupcakes that were, you know, in Alice in Wonderland and then it got smaller," Leo said.

"Floats can't eat cupcakes," Chiron said.

"Or maybe when I took a photo of it and shrank it on Photoshop, it shrunk in real life as well," Leo said. "I heard that's a new feature they added."

Chiron looked at Leo blankly. "Is this whole thing just some sort of elaborate practical joke… am I wasting my time here?"

 _"One more ridiculous story and then you can proceed," Frank said._

"No, no," Leo said. "I think the Hermes cabin's messing with me. They must've come, taken away my float, and then built a tiny replica as a joke."

"While I think that the Hermes cabin is probably the only one with enough time to play a practical joke like that, I doubt that they have the skill needed to make something of this quality and furthermore, where would they hide something that large?" Chiron asked.

 _"Hey Leo, run over to the camp store so and grab yourself a root beer," Percy said._

"Uh, could you just wait five minutes?" Leo asked. "I have something I need to get at the store."

Leo rushed on over to get the mug of root beer. Alcohol was technically strictly prohibited, but since when had that stopped the Hermes cabin?

 _"Now run back over to Chiron," Frank said. 'Trust me, this part is going to be the best."_

Leo sighed inwardly- it was bad enough with all that happened already. What could be worse?

Chiron was waiting with an impatient look on his face.

 _"Now put the mug of root beer down and put the float in it," Jason said._

Leo was confused but followed.

 _"Now say that it isn't a float anymore, it's a root beer float," Percy said._

Leo groaned. "Well, this isn't a float anymore, it's a root beer float."

"This _was_ a complete waste of time, wasn't it?" Chiron asked. "And you did all of this for a pun?"

"I regret nothing," Leo said.

Result: Leo lost.

* * *

Percy was leading Chiron towards where 'his' float was.

"Now why is it in the Poseidon Cabin again?" Chiron asked.

"I had to put in a cold place," Percy said. He didn't know why, but the others had told him that it needed to be refrigerated.

Percy and Chiron walked into the Poseidon Cabin and Percy shuddered. The inside was a cold as a walk-in freezer and he was dressed for the summer.

"What… is that?" Chiron asked.

Percy saw his float- it was depicting a large number of seahorses and chariots. It was pretty cool, except that for some reason it was made entirely out of something that was yellow.

Chiron frowned and touched the base of the float where the stuff came off. He sniffed it. "What is this?"

 _"It's a float made entirely out of butter," Frank said._

"It's a float made entirely out of butter," Percy said.

"Out of butter?" Chiron asked. "Why?"

 _"Well," Jason said. "People said that your old float wasn't good enough, so you decided to make it butterer than ever."_

 _Leo shook his head. "Seriously? Puns again? You do realize that puns are the lowest form of humor, don't you? The only thing maybe remotely worse are fart jokes."_

"Well, everyone said that the old one that I made wasn't good enough," Percy said. "So I decided to make this new one butterer than ever."

"But you made it out of butter… we can't take this around the place Percy. You might as well have made it out of sand," Chiron said.

 _"You know what to say, don't you Percy…" Leo said._

"I don't like sand," Percy said. "It's coarse, and rough, and irritating… and it gets everywhere."

"That may well be," Chiron said. "But we still can't take this float outside. It'll melt in the summer heat."

 _"Man, no one ever gets that reference," Frank said._

 _"Percy, say that you made another float, but it's made out of your tears and it's kept together using your water powers," Jason said._

"Do you want to see my other float, Chiron?" Percy asked. "I made it out of my tears. I need to use my water powers to hold it together though."

"Now that's even more impractical than this thing," Chiron said.

"But I can put it in a huge glass box and we'll have it air conditioned," Percy said.

Chiron stroked his chin. "Well, I suppose that it could work… you know, just maybe. Alright then Perseus, if you can manage to ensure that it doesn't melt, well then I suppose we can make this a great addition to our parade."

Result: Percy passes

* * *

Next up was Jason and Chiron approached the float, which was currently covered in a huge curtain just like Leo's, which was probably bigger than the actual float.

"So, what is it that you've made?" Chiron asked.

"Well, it's this," Jason said as he took off the curtain and revealed… his float.

"Just what is this supposed to be?" Chiron asked.

At the top there was a huge statue of what looked like a puppet with a giant nose (Jason guessed it was Pinocchio) who was standing near a blank canvas with a paint brush in his hand. Below this were a lot of paintings.

"This is an art exhibit kind of float," Jason said.

"I see," Chiron said. "Why is Pinocchio on the top then?"

 _"Because Pinocchio's one of the greatest artists of all time," Percy said._

"Because he's one of the greatest artists of all time," Jason said.

Chiron frowned. "I believe you mean _Picasso_ Jason."

"Oh, well then I guessed Pinocchio lied to me then," Jason said. "No wonder his nose is so big."

 _"Fun fact, Percy was actually supposed to put Picasso up there but he messed up," Leo said._

 _"Hey! How am I supposed to tell the difference! Both of them sound the same," Percy said._

 _"Now show Chiron all of the paintings," Frank said._

"Now, I think we should see the paintings first," Jason said. He then showed Chiron the first one, which was just Leo's painting way back from 'A Picture Worth Zero Words.' "This was made by Leo."

 _"Hey!" Leo said. "You guys put my painting upside-down again!"_

 _"No we didn't," Frank said. "It makes more sense that way."_

 _"No it doesn't!" Leo said. "That's the wrong way!"_

"This is the latest in abstract art, or so I'm told," Jason said.

"Art keeps getting weirder and weirder," Chiron said.

The next was a portrait of someone picking their nose.

"This is a portrait of someone picking their nose," Jason said. "I like to call it, 'Person Picking His Nose.'"

"Fascinating," Chiron said dryly.

The next canvas was blank.

 _"Tell him that it's a portrait of John Cena," Frank said._

"This is a portrait of John Cena," Jason said.

"Who?" Chiron asked.

"The wrestler," Jason said.

"But it's blank," Chiron said.

"Exactly," Jason said and moved on to the next painting, which was also a blank canvas.

 _"Say that you left the painting blank on purpose so that people can project what they want onto it," Percy said._

"I uh- left this one blank on purpose so that when people, you know project what they want to see onto it," Jason said.

"How is this different from the earlier one?" Chiron asked. "And how is anyone going to tell the difference?"

"Moving on," Jason hastily said, turning to a portrait of what looked like a dolphin with the word 'LIFE' written on it.

 _"That's a porpoise," Percy said. "And I call the painting, 'The Porpoise of Life.'"_

"I call this painting the uh- 'Porpoise of Life,'" Jason said.

"Puns were never very funny even back in my day," Chiron said. "But what's this now?"

"That is a portrait of a guy playing with a fidget spinner," Jason said.

"Well, I suppose if some of the younger campers will like it," Chiron said. "And what's this last thing?"

There was just a small mirror instead of a canvas.

 _"Say that you need to label it, but it will show the heading, 'World's Biggest Idiot,'" Leo said._

"I uh, kind of haven't put the heading up yet, but it will say, 'World's Biggest Idiot' when I do," Jason said.

"Yes, that's just brilliant," Chiron said. "Well, I think I've seen enough. I have a limited number of floats that I can accommodate and unfortunately I don't think that yours is ah, very good."

"What?" Jason said.

"Oh, the effort is ah… appreciated," Chiron said. "Just don't take this rejection, ah, personally."

Result: Jason gets a penalty.

* * *

Frank wasn't sure what it was it was that the others had built, but given the fact that he was an experienced joker, he could only assume that it would involve maid outfits somehow given that it hadn't been mentioned before.

Frank removed the curtain to see that his float was some sort of horror-themed float with small candy skulls (he hoped they were made of candy) littering the bottom and on top there were various teddy bears and sitting at the tip on a plush throne was a teddy bear- the same one from all the times that Frank had seen it. It was wearing a black crown and was holding a stick which had another teddy bear's head impaled on it.

"Well, this is a bit… gruesome," Chiron said. "I do understand that Romans do tend to trudge this sort of a line, but this is a bit too gruesome, don't you think?"

"Uh…" Frank said.

Frank didn't need to say anything though as the king teddy bear turned its head, and from it came the voice, "My slave will tell you nothing. He merely follows my commands, puny centaur. I will showcase my triumph throughout Camp Half-Blood, and all will swear allegiance to me." He then paused. "Or else…"

"Is it supposed to do that?" Chiron asked. "Because I don't really see the point in all of this."

"The point?" the teddy bear said. "The point is that I will rule this entire world. You centaur, you will allow my triumph, or you won't even find sanctuary even in Narnia from whence you came."

Frank face-palmed.

"Well, sadly, this is not what we need," Chiron said. "So, I will have to ah, sadly reject your float."

Result: Frank gets a penalty point.

 **A/N: Percy and Jason have a negative point each, and Frank and Leo have two negative points each. Thanks for reading!  
**


	44. Ask Me No More Questions I

**A/N: Thanks Thrawn13 (if you thought that was long, well, sorry for all the wait up till now), GoldenRacehorse (thanks, I also had a lot of fun writing that chapter), Mickeyo14, Verteller (oh, I didn't know that actually), TheBookFiend, theawesomest5 (yeah, this fanfic has gotten pretty long by now), Annabeth and Percy Jackson (penalty and lose mean the same thing actually. It just means that they don't get a single point, that's it), Bellatricus, FanBoyFanatic, ArtemisOwl910, Guest and the other Guest.**

 **Yeah, it has been a long while since I was away but now I'm back finally. Sorry for the long wait.**

 _Task Three: As we all know, people of all age groups have all sorts of associated problems. Young adults in particular need fine, caring, and patient people to listen to their problems…_

 _Too bad that all they're getting are our four contestants. Each of them is volunteering to become a counselor at a local high school and are so going to be answering questions in front of a panel of judges. Now, most of the questions were written by normal teenagers, but Leo also helped make sure that half of them are questions written by our Jokers. He also assures us that this was all perfectly legal and that nothing needs to be reported to the authorities._

 _As such, this isn't a 'refuse you lose' round. The contestants are free to say their own answers. But, in case the question is of the sort of yes/no, the others will flip a coin to see if the answer is yes or no, and the contestant must answer using that word and justify it later._

 _If they can't get selected by the judges for the next round, they lose. In case they break any of the above rules, they also lose._

Frank made sure that his shirt was tucked in. He didn't think that it would've mattered, but the panel of judges were three teachers and not one of them was below forty so he guessed that they would be pretty old-fashioned.

They explained how the process would go and Frank nodded as the head judge put his hand into a jar filled with white slips. On there were questions, half of which had been written by the others.

"Alrighty then, here we go with the first question. You ready?"

"Yes," Frank said.

"The first question is…" the guy frowned and squinted, "What does the fox say?"

 _"Huh," Leo said. "Did any of you guys write that?"_

 _"Nope," Percy said._

 _"Nope," Jason said._

 _"Why didn't I think of that?" Leo asked._

"Uh…" Frank said for a minute before he said, "Meow?"

 _"Aw come on Jason, do you think foxes meow like a cat?" Leo asked._

 _"And you of all people should know what foxes sound like!" Percy said. "You can literally turn into one!"_

"Uh, that was a weird question," the guy said. "But I don't think foxes make sounds like cats."

"I do," Frank said. "I am a zoology major."

 _"Liar," Percy said._

"Right, right, then, let's move on to another question," a judge said. She took out a slip of paper and said, "Was Abraham Lincoln really a vampire slayer?"

 _"Did any of you guys write that?" Leo asked._

 _"Nope," both Percy and Jason said._

 _"Aww, darn," Leo said. "How is that random teenagers make more funny questions than the four of us combined?"_

 _"Anyway, it's time for a coin flip," Jason said. "Okay Frank, heads is a yes, and tails is a no." He flipped the coin. "Oh, it's heads. Answer yes."_

It was then that Frank realized that there was a huge, smoldering, gaping flaw in this whole idea: that Frank had no clue as to what was really going on back at HQ. The guys back there could be flipping a double headed coin or not even flipping one at all for all he knew and just telling him what they wanted him to say.

Sadly, there was no way that he could possibly correct this at the moment and so his only option was to hope that the other guy's sense of fair play would stop them from cheating like that… okay who was he kidding?

"Yes," Frank said. "Abraham Lincoln, was indeed, a vampire slayer."

"No he wasn't," the judges said in unison.

"Uh, he was," Frank said. "I also major in history, and while it's not like anything that you see in the movie, but it is a little-known fact that he did dabble in what people would call 'hunting vampires'- it was more of a superstitious cult actually of course, because of course vampires don't actually exist.."

 _"You know, Frank's gotten much better at lying," Percy said. "I could swear that that almost sounded genuine."_

 _"Which movie is he talking about?" Jason asked._

 _Percy and Leo both turned to him. "You haven't heard of the movie?_ Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer _?"_

 _"Someone made a movie called that?" Jason asked. "How? Why?"_

"Well, maybe," one judge said sheepishly. He was choosing to maybe play it safe and assume that Frank did in fact, know what he was talking about.

 _"Come on, when's one of our questions going to come up?" Leo asked._

"Here's the next one," the guy said. "There are two kids, one who always tells the truth and another one who always lies. Which one of them should I make my best friend?"

 _"Wait, Frank," Percy said. "Don't answer that yet… that isn't a yes or no question, but it is one that has only two answers to it and so we can use a coin flip to decide on it. Heads is for the kid who tells the truth, and tails will be for the one who tells lies."_

 _Leo flipped the coin. "Landed on tails, Frank."_

"The kid who only tells lies," Frank said. "Let's be honest here, being truthful all the time is actually not that good."

 _"Ah, the irony of that sentence," Percy said._

"And so, when you look for a best friend you want someone who can lie to your face without giving it away," Frank said.

"That sounds like terrible advice to give people," one of the judges said.

"Yeah, but it is true," Frank said. "Plus, most people are going to hate the kid who always lies and so therefore he or she will have no friends and you will therefore be nicer for doing that."

"So, here's another one," the judge said. "My flowers keep dying. What should I do?"

"Water them on alternate days and add Doritos as fertilizer," Frank said. "Trust me, I'm also a horticulture major."

 _"Just what do you want to be when you grow up, Frank?" Leo asked._

 _"And how many fake majors are you taking?" Jason asked._

"Next question," the judge said, clearly getting bored with this. "Alright, this one says, 'I think that my teddy bear is being possessed. What should I do?'"

 _"Frank, you're an expert in this thing," Leo said._

 _"And for that matter, if you look into your bag, you'll find something that we left for you," Percy said._

 _"And by the way, I wrote that question," Jason said._

Now, Frank had no compulsion to open his bag but he decided to check what it was and pulled out that same weird bear that had been plaguing him for far too long.

"Well, you see, I have a similar problem, so I can relate," Frank said, waving the teddy bear around.

The teddy bear, surprisingly, didn't say anything.

"I would advise that the person throw the bear away," Frank said. He didn't know this, but the teddy bear's eyes glowed red as he said this. He then put it back in the bag, and from the teddy bear, came the voice, just barely audible, "I will find you Frank. I will find you..."

"I have to say that these questions are weird," one of the judges said. "We usually get a much richer variety of questions but these seem to be mostly pranks."

"Yeah, but I'm fine answering them," Frank said.

The judge sighed. "But let's hope the next question is a good one." He pulled a scrap of paper out and read, "If I were to eat myself, would I become twice as large, or cease to exist? My friend asked me this and I couldn't find an answer, please answer."

"Yeah, well, neither would happen, you'd have the same mass," Frank said after thinking for a while. "Based on the law of conservation of mass, it wouldn't be possible for any other outcome."

"Right, well, next question," another judge said. "This is a situation that happened to me. I was on the bus and a pack of… Pokemon? Am I pronouncing this right- right, Pokemon cards I was carrying fell out and then the other kids started making fun of me for carrying them around and started singing the Pokemon theme song. I was too embarrassed to tell them that they were mine and so I told them that I had beaten up a kindergartner and took them when he wouldn't hand over his lunch money quietly. But then someone on the bus told the principal what I said and now they've taken the cards away and I have a meeting schedule with him now. What do I do? Now, I know where my cards are hidden so I can sneak into the gym next morning and grab the cards and say that nothing happened or should I not?"

 _"Now this is a real problem," Percy said._

 _"And, given that this technically counts as a yes or no questions," Leo said and flipped a coin. "It landed on no."_

Frank sighed out of relief. Well, this probably meant that they weren't cheating and calling out whatever suited them best (or to be more accurate, what suited him worse).

"Nah, don't do that," Frank said. "Just go and tell people the truth."

 _"This kind of completely contradicts whatever you just said earlier,' Percy said._

"I mean, it's not that they can find a kindergartner who you bullied since you didn't, and perhaps they'll understand," Frank said.

The judges discussed among each other for five minutes before telling Frank that he was in.

Result: Frank passed.

* * *

 _"Okay guys, I want to know something," Frank said. "Were you all really flipping a coin when I was there? Or just calling out whatever you felt like?"_

 _Leo looked shocked. "Really Frank? You would doubt us, your friends? Your amigos? You think that we could ever cheat you?"_

 _"Yes," Frank said._

 _"Wow, he didn't fall for it," Percy said._

 _"And for that matter, how is any one of us going to be sure that the others aren't messing around with him regarding the coin tosses?" Frank asked._

 _"Oh, that's simple, you can be with us for the rest of the rounds and watch us," Jason said._

 _"But then how do I know you guys didn't mess around when it was my turn?" Frank asked. "Show me the footage when I was out there."_

 _"Really, people don't trust people these days," Leo said. "That's rather sad."_

 _"Leo, stop trying to act like you wouldn't do anything wrong," Frank said. "It's about as convincing as a Rottweiler trying to act like a Chihuahua."_

 _"Ah, a Rottweiler who wants to become a Chihuahua," Percy said. "That's a dream that could truly never be. Disney should make a movie on that- I'd watch it."_

Once Frank was somewhat satisfied that the others hadn't cheated, Leo walked out and saw a similar group of old people as judges. They laid down the rules for him, after which they began bombarding him with questions.

"So, someone wants to ask," the judge said, "Everyone keeps telling me that the zombie apocalypse would never happen, but I always worry about it. I heard that there was some weird illness in Los Vegas that was spreading around. Is that true?"

 _"Got tails, that means a no," Frank said._

"Okay, look, you don't need to worry about that," Leo said. "Because… because… well, as we all know, if there is a zombie outbreak in Vegas, it stays in Vegas."

"Yeah, as much as that might sound gnarly to the kids, I don't think that's a very smart answer," a judge said.

 _"Did he just use the word 'gnarly' in a sentence?" Frank asked._

 _"What's a gnarly?" Percy asked._

 _"It's like the word wumbo," Jason said. "You know Percy, I wumbo, you wumbo, he, she, it, wumbo, wumbology- the study of wumbo?"_

"That said, let's get on to another question: Is it possible to make a career out of twerking? I like doing it."

 _"Hey Leo, it landed on heads," Percy said. "That was one of our questions. And for that matter, we put a little something inside your bag. You might wanna check it."_

Leo said, "Yes, it is possible." He reached into his bag to pull out the book that they had made on Leo twerking. "This is one of my personal memoirs detailing me twerking all around the globe. As you can see, twerking is certainly a vibrant and viable career option."

"I'm sorry but what is twerking?"

"This," Leo said, pointing to photos in the book.

"Whatever," the judge said. "Now, on to the next question, 'Why are all pencils number two? Why not some other number?'"

"Because," Leo said. "As we all know, first is the worst, and second is the best."

"That's not even a real answer," the judge said.

"Onto the next question though, some one asks, 'Is it okay to slap your friend in the face with a fish?'"

 _"No it isn't, why would you do that to a fish?" Percy asked._

 _Jason flipped the coin. "Lands on tails- Leo, say no."_

"No, violence is to be discouraged," Leo said.

"The next question is, 'How do I justify a pro-slavery stance? I accidentally said that slavery isn't all that bad in class one day and now I need to justify myself.'"

"You can't," Leo said. "Just admit your mistake."

 _"By the way, Frank how would you justify that?" Percy asked._

 _"Why're you asking me?"_

 _"You're Roman!"_

 _"Yeah, well, you're Greek!"_

"Next question is, 'Is it better to be smart or lucky?'"

 _"Came out as heads, that means we're going with smart," Percy said._

"It's better to be smart, all the time," Leo said. "At least then you can feel that your accomplishments are always your own."

"My friend once asked me if I was food, what would I be. I responded with a burrito. Is this abnormal?" the judge frowned as he read the question as if he was really wondering, 'Kids these days.'

 _"I landed on tails, that's a no," Jason said._

"Nope, it's perfectly normal," Leo said. "As a matter of fact, I too, identify as a burrito. There is nothing wrong in being a burrito."

"What kind of maid outfits are in fashion lately?"

 _"Check the other pocket of your bag," Percy said._

Leo checked the other pocket, and sure enough, there was a large frilly maid outfit there.

"This kind," Leo said, holding it up.

"Why do you carry that around with you?"

"In case I get asked a question like, 'Which maid outfit is in fashion these days,'" Leo explained. "It's easier than having to go and search for the photo on my phone."

 **A/N: In case anyone discovers your maid outfits, well, this is a great excuse to throw them off your scent… except for the fact that it almost never works in real life so don't try it out. In case someone does discover your maid outfits, remind that person that you have photographs of your last anime convention together and you're not afraid to use them. I'd go into the details a bit more, but that's a story for another time. Not that the author has any personal experience in this regard- 'shifty eyes.'**

"The next question is, 'Why did the chicken cross the road?'"

"To… get to the other side?" Leo asked. "Like really, do I need to answer all of these things?"

"Well, what can I say, we do seem to get a lot of these sorts of questions," the judge said. "This one might be good, uh, 'Why do peo-' oh forget it, this is just another annoying one."

The judges began discussing among themselves and then finally said, "Alright, we believe you may have the potential to go on to the next round."

Result: Leo passed.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading. That's all for now folks, and do please review if you liked!**


	45. Ask Me No More Questions II

**A/N: Thanks to ArtemisOwl910, Kthekoolone, Thrawn13, GoldenRacehorse (sorry if I didn't explain it all very well), Guest (I really haven't thought about ti. I just assume that it exists some time after),  
**

 _"Oh, here comes the burrito right now," Percy said as Leo walked in._

 _"Oh yeah, what do you identify as?" Leo asked._

 _"Maple syrup," Percy said._

 _"A taco," Jason said._

 _"French fries," Frank said. "And Percy, you can't identify as maple syrup, it isn't technically a food. It's something you put on food."_

 _"Shut up Frank," Percy said. "I am who I am."_

 _"Leaving that, who's next here?" Leo asked. "Percy or Jason?"_

 _"I'll go," Jason said and made a peace sign as he left._

Jason had decided to wear his glasses for this given that people who wear glasses always look smarter.

And so, the question round began.

The first question, ironically, being, "I don't need to wear my glasses all the time, but people say that they make me look smarter. Is that true?"

 _"Huh, let's see," Leo said. "Lands on heads, say yes, Jason."_

"Yes," Jason said. "I mean- it is something that most people don't want to say and isn't always true. But wearing glasses does that. Case in point." He shifted his glasses.

"That's not very good advice," one of the judges said. "Not really what we're trying to promote here."

"It was just the truth," Jason muttered, but not loudly enough so that the judges could hear.

 _"Well it sure ain't working for you," Percy said._

"And here's the next question," the judge said. "'I think my roommate keeps cleaning the toilet using my toothbrush. How do I get to know if he's doing it without asking him directly?'"

Jason scratched his chin for a moment. Now _that_ was a question that gave far too little information and at the same time far too much at the very same time. But how to answer it?

"Hmm, I guess the way that I'd play it is that if you're really that concerned and don't want your roommate to know about this, and you don't feel like asking him, then just get a new toothbrush and hide it somewhere only you know," Jason said. "Or you could try to go and brush your teeth somewhere outside your apartment."

"That isn't the sort of answer we're looking for," the judge said.

"Yeah, but there isn't much info in that question for me to answer," Jason said. "One option would be to just confront the guy- or gal, and tell him or her to stop but the asker says that he doesn't want to ask about it so I'm guessing that's not an option and it would be pretty hard to discover if he is doing it unless you were to put a camera in the bathroom or something and that's just not something you wanna do."

 _"Why are you two looking at me like that?" Leo asked. "I will just say this again- I have not bugged anyone's bathroom. Ever!"_

 _No one seemed to really believe him._

"Well, then, here's the next question- no, it's just someone asking 'What does the fox say?' again- there are strangely enough a lot of those," the judge said. "Oh, here's one: 'I've been cleaning the toilet with my roommate's toothbrush and I think that he's beginning to suspect what I'm doing. What should I do?'"

"Uh, just tell him the truth," Jason said.

 _"You can't handle the truth!" Leo said._

"You know, we're usually here all ready for 'the truth is everything' and all just like it," the judge said. "But this seems like something where one should keep quiet. I mean, do you really want to admit that, even if it is true?"

Jason shrugged.

"Here's another one," the judge said. "'Should I add milk to my cereal first or put milk in the bowl first?'"

 _"Wait- let me flip a coin," Percy said. "Okay, tails. Add the milk first."_

 _"No one adds the milk first," Frank said._

 _"I do," Leo said._

 _"I meant nobody who doesn't identify themselves as a burrito," Frank said._

"Why?"

"Uh… because…." Jason said, unsure of what to say. "Um, if you add the milk first it ensures that your cereal's still crunchy. No one likes mushy cereal."

No one seemed impressed by this answer.

"So, someone wants to ask, 'Who would win a fight? A lion or a tiger?'"

 _"I've always wondered that," Leo said. "Hey Frank, we should go find a tiger and make you turn into a lion and fight it."_

 _"Right, right," Percy said. "And then we'll make him turn into a tiger and then fight a lion."_

 _"Or," Leo said. "We could clone Frank and then make one turn into a tiger and the other turn into a lion and then we'll have them fight. You know, Frank's pretty smart so we have to rule that out too."_

 _"Are the two of you going to flip a coin or do I have to do it?" Frank asked._

 _"Well, it isn't gonna flip itself now is it cupcake?" Leo asked._

 _"What makes you think that I would fight a lion and/or tiger?" Frank said._

 _Percy suddenly got a brainwave. "I know, we can have that be his punishment!"_

 _"Percy, that qualifies as animal cruelty," Frank said. "And I know that you can't steal a tiger. Grover won't help you do that. Plus, in case you guys have forgotten, I've never been punished before. So you can keep dreaming about that."_

 _"Yeah he hasn't lost even once," Leo and Percy both said sourly._

 _"I bet he's cheating," Leo said._

 _"Nah, you guys just need to git gud n00bs," Frank said._

"Um… are you going to give an answer?" the judge asked.

"Uh, yeah, let me think," Jason said.

Problem was that he couldn't say anything until he was told yes or no by the other three, and they were really taking their time on this one with them continuously discussing something not even vaguely related to what they were doing.

 _"Okay, the coin lands on tails so I guess the tiger," Frank said._

"Oh, on a lot of reflection I'd guess it would be the tiger," Jason said. He was honestly seriously wondering what this question was even doing in the pile- sure there were a lot of stupid questions in there but this wasn't really a question about teen life just a hypothetical one. "I'd say that because tigers on average are larger and weigh more."

He didn't actually know if this was true or not, but he assumed that neither would any of the judges.

He wasn't wrong in that regard.

"This one seems a tad more relevant, 'I have an odd habit of trying to eat staplers. Is that weird?'"

 _"Okay, I put in that one," Leo said. "And it lands on tails- say no Jason!"_

"No," Jason said. "I mean, I once tried it when I was two, and that is of course unhealthy, but y'know, eh?" He shrugged.

 _"That was the best you could do?" Frank said. "Watching this is just watching you shrug half the time Jason. Even Leo did better."_

 _"Yeah," Leo said. "Wait-what do you mean by 'even Leo?'"_

 _"Nothing, little burrito," Frank said. "Hey, here's another idea for our when you get punished- we'll make you dress up as a burrito. And then we'll make you eat a burrito. It would look so stupid."_

"And here's one, 'So I'm pretty good friends with someone for a long time, but he's gotten really annoying lately and I don't exactly want to end our friendship but I don't see how it can continue like this either. What should I do?'"

 _"Ah, sadly Jason won't be able to answer that effectively," Leo said. "Because of course, he doesn't know what it's like to have a best friend, as he has always had me. Of course, it may apply to me, but don't worry Jason- I like you just as you are."_

"Well, this is a bit hard," Jason said. "I mean- people change all the time, so maybe he is a different person now. But if you don't want to completely break ties with him then what you can do is go and widen your circle of friends. Spend less time with him, but don't cut him out completely though. It may be that you might never be friends ever again like you were once, but it doesn't mean that you can't have some of it left over."

"Here's a bit of a long one, 'So, a few months ago with three of my friends, I started a web series in which we made some pranks on some other people and then recorded them and we did a lot of weird stuff and I think some people enjoyed it. It was really fun, and whoever lost the most challenges had to go through a punishment- and it was really funny as an experience overall. The only problem is that I'm the guy who records the show, and we also showed it to some of our friends, but the thing is that somehow footage of it leaked away and now I believe the FBI and the NSA are on our tails because we shot video in some inappropriate circumstances- basically I believe I somehow managed to accidentally film some sort of secretive spy mission and they want to take all of my footage but I refused, and now I'm afraid that the CIA or someone else will come and arrest all of us. What should I do?'"

Something of that seemed to sound off to Jason, but then the door of the room burst open and a bunch of people in uniform with guns and masks on surrounded them.

"CIA!" they shouted. "All of you are under arrest!"

"What? On what charges?" the judge asked, wondering what one earth was going on.

"Oh wait," the guy said. "Sorry, wrong room. Please continue."

And then they left.

 _"How'd you like that Jason?" Leo asked. "It was Frank's idea, and Frank's question for that matter."_

"Well, I've heard enough," the judge said, looking quite ruffled. "I'm sorry, but I don't think that your answers are exactly what we need."

Result: Jason failed.

* * *

 _"Okay, I have one question," Jason said. "Who were those people with the guns?"_

 _"Oh, they were some of the campers," Frank said. "You'll see their names in the closing credits."_

 _"Which closing credits?" Jason asked._

 _"For when we finally go ahead and host this as a show," Leo said._

 _"And if you're done arguing, I'll be going next now," Percy said._

Percy felt nervous. This kind of felt more like a test than a real challenge- and if he had learned anything it was that tests could smell fear.

"Well, it's been a crazy day," the judge said. "But let's start with this question, 'I really like reading about Greek and Roman mythology and I want to go ahead and study about it in college. But everyone tells me that both of these things are useless in the real word. Are they right?'"

 _"And, ironically, it lands on heads, meaning yes," Frank said._

"Yeah, sadly they kind of are," Percy said. "Yeah, don't get me wrong, the Greek and Roman stories are great to read about but do you really want to go ahead and make a career on them? I mean, with college costing so much it'll probably just mean that you're stuck in a low paying job at Starbucks while you try to chip away at your huge student loan amount. So no, it doesn't have any use in real life."

 _"Unless you're a demigod," Leo said._

 _"And wow Percy, way to go and ruin someone's aspirations," Jason said._

"That was rather crude," the judge said.

"I like to be to the point," Percy said.

 _"See, the thing is that it's weird since Percy is like the last person you'd want to take advice from," Jason said._

 _"Yeah," Frank said. "No, I mean, his choices are usually just, do everything for your friends or something. But Leo's probably worse at this."_

 _"Hey," Leo said. "I got selected and Jason didn't. I think that is enough to prove that I am not the worst out of the four of us at this game."_

"Another question is, 'I want to go to college but it'll mean going into a lotta debt. But my friends tell me that sooner or later there's going to be a program to wipe out everyone's student loan debt eventually. Should I believe them?'"

 _"Right, a yes or no question, let's flip a coin," Leo said. "I'm getting a no."_

 _"By the way, why are we getting asked these questions?" Frank asked. "I was expecting some sort of stupid teen angst questions or something like that but whey are we being asked to comment on government policy?"_

"No," Percy said. "I don't think so that they'll ever give out a blanket amnesty for the loans, and even if they do, we don't know when it'll be or if you individually will be covered. And you'd be miserable if you didn't get a job during that time if it doesn't pan out."

"A very realistic- but I think an appropriate answer to that," the judge said. "The next question is, 'Why is the ocean so salty?'"

 _"Awww, come on, no fair," Leo said. "That isn't right- even Percy'll know that!"_

To their surprise though, Percy didn't reply immediately.

 _"Oh, I think he doesn't know it," Leo said._

 _"If I'm not wrong, the only knowledge that Percy has regarding marine life is by watching_ Spongebob Squarepants _," Frank said._

"Uh, well, you see it get salty because it has fish," Percy said. "And fish, uh, pee and that's salty so all of that accumulates and it makes it salty."

"That is just plain wrong," the judge said. "Sorry. But then again, that really isn't a question that you'd actually be asked. Here's another one, 'A few years ago, I was at a party and one of my friends wanted me to get him a drink. I went to go get it, but you see, at the time, I had a really bad cold and then I sneezed and some of the snot or whatever got into the drinks. I was going to throw it away, but then he came and took the drink and I didn't know what to say and he drank it! What should I do- I mean, I feel so guilty about all of this and I don't know how to tell him.'"

"Uh…" Percy said. "Well, in that case you could choose just not to tell him. I mean, it sounds like something that he'd get upset about, and ignorance is bliss and all-"

 _"Yeah, Percy really knows that," Leo said and the three of them guffawed._

"-so that means that it'll hurt him more if he knows."

"I see," the judge said. "Now, there's another one, 'I liked the Star Wars prequels better than the sequels. Should I tell anyone?'"

"No, go see a therapist," Percy said. "Next question."

 _"Hey! I wrote that!" Jason said._

 _"Go see a therapist then," Leo said._

"'I was doing a test once and then I didn't know the answer to a question. Someone I know saw that I hadn't answered the question and then told me the answer which I wrote down. Now, I got a perfect score thanks to that that one time, and due to that I was shifted into honors. I don't think I would have if I hadn't gotten a perfect score at that time. Now it's been three years since then, and I feel like I hadn't earned it. I've done well in the honors class, but I still feel really bad about the whole thing.'"

"Uh, I guess in that case the best thing again would be to keep quiet," Percy said. "I mean, it doesn't hurt anyone right now, and he'll eventually live with it. It would just be a can of worms to open up right now."

"Huh… are you sure?" the judge asked. "It's one thing regarding the drink but something regarding an academic matter?"

"No one'll know, so I guess in this case it doesn't matter," Percy said.

"Alright then, 'I lent money to a pal of mine a few months back and he returned it, but the thing is that I forgot how much I gave him and I think he's honest enough to give back the whole thing, but I'm not really sure. What should I do?'"

"Well, if you don't know, you really shouldn't bother doubting, I guess," Percy said. "Let it go."

 _And of course, Leo started singing, "Let it go! Let it go! Can't hold it back anymore…"_

""Is it true that chocolate milk comes from chocolate cows?'"

 _"I flipped a coin and it landed on head- say yes Percy!"_

"Yes," Percy said. "As a matter of fact, chocolate milk can come from any cow. They just add chocolate or flavoring to it later. So technically, yes, that is true."

"'Which is better, Marvel or DC?'" the guy asked.

 _"I'm getting tails- DC Percy," Leo said._

"DC," Percy said.

"What?" the judge asked. "How can you like them over Marvel? I'm sorry, but this interview is over. Send the next contestant in."

 _The other three just couldn't stop giggling._

 _"Wait, this makes me better than Percy," Leo said. "Take that, Frank!"_

 **A/N: With all that, all four of our jokers are tied at two negative points each.  
**


	46. See this pen? I want you to sell me it I

**A/N: And now on to the final act. Thanks to Blooblu (do you identify as just blue?), goldenlynx16, Fiction is the Truth, PaL14, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, Guest, Thrawn13, and GoldenRacehorse.  
**

 _Task Four: In this task, our jokers will be running an auction, with the catch being that neither they nor any of the bidders will have any clue as to what is actually inside the boxes that they are selling._

 _Each of them will then describe what it is that they're trying to sell using vague clues from the others. This is a 'refuse you lose' round and depending on who raises the lowest money, at the minimum two people will be getting a penalty point._

* * *

 _The four of them were huddled at their hideout. This was it, this was the big moment. The next thing that was gong to happen would determine who would be the one getting punished._

 _Needless to say, the stakes were high._

 _"I say it's time that Frank gets to be the big loser," Leo said._

 _"That's if you guys can beat me," Frank said. "Which clearly you can't. I'm just too good."_

 _"Pact to make sure that Frank loses?" Percy asked._

 _"Deal," Leo and Jason said._

 _"Now that is just unfair," Frank said._

 _"Yeah, well, no one cares what you think, Frank," Leo said. "I need to go and check up on some things before we start."_

 _Once Leo was out of hearing range of the other three, Frank said, "Pact to make sure that Leo loses?"_

 _"Deal," Percy and Jason said._

They had drawn lots, and that meant that Percy was first.

The room was about as big as your average classroom and there was a small podium on which Percy would stand which also had a stage and set of stairs. There was a wooden box which had everything that would be up for sale that day. The people that were there were mixed, most of them were middle aged, and a few of them were dressed up in formal suits but most were wearing casual clothing. Percy himself worse a suit and approached the podium.

 _"Now, Percy," Leo said. "You have three things to sell today. Explain that to everyone present but hold up four fingers while doing so."_

"So, there are gonna be three things that we're selling this auction from this crate," Percy said, holding up four fingers.

 _"I don't think anyone noticed," Jason said. "Let's make him do it again."_

 _"Do it again, Percy," Frank said._

"I repeat, we have three things for sale," Percy said, again holding up exactly four fingers.

This managed to get some mild smiles, but not much more than that.

 _"Well, I was hoping for a bit more," Leo said. "But oh well, you can't get everything you want in life."_

"Right, so let me explain the rules here," Percy said. "As you all may know, this is a mystery auction and there are three items in this box here. I won't tell you what they are as I don't know, but I will be giving out hints regarding them."

 _"Now, the first item's bidding starts at ten dollars," Leo said._

"Now, the first item's bidding starts at ten dollars," Percy said.

 _"Percy," Frank said. "Now point to the camera and say, 'Coincidentally, that's how much money my friend Greg who works for security owes me.'"_

Percy then pointed towards the camera and said, "You know what, ten dollars is also how much money my friend Greg who's watching us through the cameras right now."

 _"Shout at Greg and ask for your money back," Frank said._

"Hey Greg!" Percy said. "I know you can hear me! Give me my money back!"

Several people looked at the camera, looking bemused.

 _"And alsot mention that you know he's been eating your pudding every single day," Jason said._

"And that's not all," Percy said. "I know it's you who's been stealin' ma' puddin' every last day. Greg? Do you hear me? You can't hide from the truth." Percy then turned to the crowd and said, "Sorry about that folks. Just needed to give Greg a talking to."

"It happens," one guy said who had a broad smile on his face.

"Right, so onto the item up for sale," Percy said. "It starts out at ten dollars."

 _"Say that again and hold up only nine fingers," Leo said._

"Like I said, it costs ten dollars," Percy said while holding up nine fingers.

 _"Okay, on describing the item, say that it weighs about as much as your head," Leo said._

"Uh… so regarding the hints about what we're selling," Percy said. "First of all, it weighs about as much as my head."

There was confused muttering. "That doesn't tell me anything," one lady said.

 _"Add that your head doesn't weigh that much, since your teachers said your brain was always… smallish," Leo said._

"Well, I think it's necessary to add an additional bit of information here," Percy said. "My teachers have always told me that my brain isn't very big, so my head really doesn't weigh as much as a normal person's, I guess."

"Was it your Maths teacher?" someone asked.

"Yes," Percy said. "But she was really mean. Like torturing people in the afterlife sort of mean." There were some amused smiles. "So, uh, are there any bids?"

Now there was quiet from all around the room.

 _"And now, the second hint," Frank said. "Tell them that it could potentially be used as a murder weapon."_

"Well, if no one's bidding I just suppose that I'll give another hint out," Percy said. "Uh, it can also be used a murder weapon, in case anyone's interested in that."

"But anything can be used as a murder weapon," someone said from the back row. "Well, almost anything. I've been a cop for thirty years and I've learned that."

 _"Say that it isn't as lethal as a knife," Jason said, "but slightly more lethal than a smartphone."_

"Well, if I were to rate its lethality, I'd say it isn't as deadly as a knife," Percy said, "but more deadly than your average smartphone. So, any bids?"

Again, no one started.

 _"Tough crowd, Percy," Leo said. "But you're gonna be at this until someone bids."_

 _"So, the third clue is that it is about eighty old," Leo said._

"Well, it is a bit of an antique, around eighty years old," Percy said.

 _"Now look at your hands and say, 'I don't have that many fingers,'" Jason said._

Percy looked down at his hands and very loudly said, "I don't have that many fingers."

"Ten dollars," someone said.

"Twelve."

"Sixteen."

It went on like this until, astoundingly to Percy, it was sold for eighty dollars.

 _"Wow, Percy's good," Jason said._

"Yeah, so let's see what it was," Percy said, and held up an old looking vase with a few flowers on it. "Yeah, let's go ahead and give that away."

 _"And now for the second round," Frank said, "tell everyone that the next item is something shaped like a pancake."_

"Well, without wasting further time, let's talk about the next item on the list," Percy said. "It is shaped like a pancake."

 _"Except you won't want to eat these," Jason said._

"Except you won't want to eat these," Percy said.

 _"Just like you won't want to eat the food in our cafeteria," Frank said._

"And for that matter, you don't want to eat the food in our cafeteria either," Percy said.

This invited a few chuckles.

 _"And you wouldn't have to eat at the cafeteria if Greg stopped stealing your food," Frank said. "Now Percy, go ahead and rant at Greg while looking at the camera."_

"Of course, I wouldn't need to know that if _somebody_ didn't keep stealing my food everyday," Percy said and then glared at the camera. "You know, _somebody_ who also owes me ten bucks and I know you're watching right now Greg! My mom packed me blue waffles today, and you better not have eaten any- who am I kidding you're probably munching on them right now aren't you?" Percy said.

 _"Wow Percy, that was really from the heart," Jason said. "As if you've been angry at someone stealing your food before."_

Someone in the audience raised his hand.

"Yes?" Percy asked.

"Well, how do you get blue waffles?" the guy asked.

"Oh, some sort of food coloring," Percy said.

"Isn't that… uh, bad for you? I mean, that must have some sort of preservative or something wrong with it, right?" the guy asked.

"Nah, I've been eating blue food all my life and I turned out fine," Percy said.

 _"Uh, Percy?" Leo said. "You hold up three fingers when you say the word four. That isn't all right."_

 _"Coming to that again, say that there are four of them that you're seeling right now," Frank said. "But raise up five fingers."_

"That said, item two has four of these identical things," Percy said, holding up five fingers.

 _"I have a problem with this," Leo said. "Technically the thumb doesn't count as a finger… should we allow this?"_

 _"Bidding starts at three hundred dollars," Jason said._

"Bidding starts at three hundred dollars," Percy said. There were some surprised looks at that. "Any bids?"

"Yup," one guy said.

With that, another wave of bidding occurred till the price went up to four hundred dollars and Percy handed over item number two, which were four car tires over to the guy.

"And now for our third item," Percy said, this time holding up three fingers on his own so that the others couldn't ask him to do otherwise and so that not everyone would think that he couldn't count.

 _"The third thing starts with the letter V," Frank said._

"The third and final item that we're selling today starts with the letter V," Percy said.

 _"Bidding starts at eight hundred dollars," Jason said._

"Bidding starts at eight hundred dollars," Percy said.

No offers.

 _"Say that it can be used to make a lot of noise," Jason said._

"It can also be used to make a lot of noise," Percy said. "So any bidders?"

There still weren't any bids.

The door opened then and then someone who looked really angry walked in. "Yeah, well it isn't the only thing that makes a lot of noise," the guy said. He looked about Percy's age but was a bit more overweight.

"Uh… and you are?" Percy asked.

"Who am I?" the guy asked loudly. "You really wanna ask that after you've been insulting me all this time in the room. I've been watchin' you from the cameras buddy, and you should just know that Greg don't take that all lying down."

"Uh… Greg?" Percy asked.

"Yeah, and I'll just have you all know," 'Greg' said to the whole crowd. "This guy's been badmouthin' me all the time, and I've had enough of this and all yo' crap Percy."

 _"Who is this guy?" Leo asked._

 _"Dunno," Jason said._

 _"Uh, Percy, we didn't hire this guy," Frank said. "I haven't seen him before."_

Percy of course, didn't believe any of this, and naturally assumed that this was really something just set up by the others. He doubted this for a moment until he realized that this had to be a joke- of course because, he had never seen this guy before.

"Y'know, you just gave me ten bucks," the guy said. "But that don't change the fact that I let you crash in my house for the past six months. How come ya never mention that, eh? Or what about the fact that for some reason apparently, you've been using my toothbrush?"

There were several disgusted looks from the audience who looked at Percy who replied, "He's lying!"

"That's it pal, right now, it's just you an' me," Greg said and then moved to tackle Percy.

Except that Percy moved out of the way only for Greg to pull a switchblade knife out of his pocket.

 _"Percy!" Leo said. "ABORT! ABORT MISSION!"_

Percy got out of there as fast as he could, using the door that Greg had decided to come in by. Eventually Greg was thrown out- it turned out that he was a bit of a crazy person around the place anyway and the others hadn't been kidding when they said that it had been spontaneous.

"Sorry for that folks," Percy said. "I mean, that was your classic Greg. We all have a coworker like Greg in our lives."

 _Frank and Jason both stared at Leo._

 _"What?" Leo asked. "Hey, I didn't meant to eat all the marshmallows, alright, it's just that they were so soft and melted right in my mouth that I couldn't help myself."_

"So, again, any bids starting at eight hundred dollars?" Percy asked.

He got one buyer- that was it and it didn't start a bidding frenzy war this time.

Result: Percy made a hundred and seventy dollars above what was needed.

* * *

 _"Wow, who would've thought that there was actually someone named Greg working there, huh?' Leo asked with a smile which Percy returned with a glare right at him._

 _"Strangest part is of course, Percy can't really do anything without blowing his cover completely," Frank said._

While all agreed that it was a bit unfortunate that that had to happen, they went on with the game anyway and this time Frank stepped up to the plate.

It was a new day, and the crowd was made up on new people, but the mixture seemed about the same as that when Percy had been there. Frank thought he saw one regular who had been at both of them, but that was all.

"Okay, I'm going to explain the rules," Frank said and laid down the rules again.

 _"The first item is a painting," Jason said._

"Our first item is a painting," Frank said.

 _"Spoiler alert: don't say this but the painting is the same one that Leo made," Percy said._

 _"And of course, that means that bidding will start at twenty million dollars for such a fine piece of art," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, Zimbabwe dollars," Jason said._

 _"Hey! You just stole Frank's line!" Leo said. "Not fair! Make up your own jokes Jason!"_

 _"Bidding starts at eighty dollars," Percy said._

"Bidding starts at eighty dollars," Frank said.

"Eighty!" one woman said and raised her hand.

 _"Not fair! That was way too fast!" Percy said._

When the bidding was done with, the painting had been sold for one hundred-and-twenty dollars. And no, it wasn't Leo's, it was someone else's.

 _"Frank always gets lucky somehow," Jason said._

 _"We need to step up our game," Percy said._

 _"Okay, now we're on to item number two," Leo said, taking a look on his clipboard on what it was. "The first hint is that- okay, first ask everyone if they've seen the movie Sharknado before."_

"Uh, before I give out the first hint, how many of you have seen the movie Sharknado before?" Frank asked.

About half a dozen hands went up in the air.

 _"Ah, I see that there are a few fortunate souls who haven't seen it," Leo said. "But no matter. Frank, tell them that the first hint is that they should imagine the movie Sharknado, but with horses in it instead."_

Frank scratched his head and said, "Well, the first hint for this item is that well, just imagine Sharknado, but with horses in it instead."

There were several confused looks from the audience. The people were muttering to each other and chatting loudly.

"Uh, and-" Frank tried saying something but the people talking were way too loud.

 _"Hey Frank," Percy said, "I want you to go up to the desk and bang your hammer like a gavel and scream 'Order in the court!'"_

Frank grabbed his auction hammer and wacked it on the desk of a couple of times before screaming, "Order in the court!"

The people actually did quiet down a bit.

 _"Bidding starts at twenty dollars," Leo said._

"Bidding starts at twenty dollars," Frank said. Normally, he would be able to make a pretty good guess at what he was selling based on the description and the price, but he was at a loss to what it could be.

There were no bids.

 _"Your second clue is that it is meant for kids less than five years of age," Percy said._

"The product in question is made for kids less than five years of age," Frank said.

 _"Now hold up six fingers," Percy said and snickered._

Frank shook his head and held up six fingers and repeated, "Less than five years of age."

 _"You know, I thought that that would stop being funny eventually," Jason said. "I was wrong."_

 _"Okay, with no bids, let's go on to the next hint," Percy said. "It makes some noise when you use it."_

"It also makes some noise when you use it," Frank said. "Any bids?"

There was nothing. Again.

 _"Repeat that the thing costs twenty bucks," Jason said. "And then hold up twenty fingers. Like, first hold up all ten of your fingers, look at them and say that you don't have enough, then take off your shoes and try raising both your feet as well."_

 _"This is gonna be good," Leo said._

"Okay, okay, again, it costs twenty dollars to bid," Frank said and then held up ten fingers. "Wait… I don't have enough fingers."

He then began untying his shoelaces and took off his shoes and then raised one leg high in the air and both his hands. "Wait… that's only fifteen."

"Uh… we know what twenty is, you don't have to-" a guy said as Frank finally decided to lie down on his back and raise his arms and legs together.

 _Sounds of laughter could be heard back at HQ._

 _"The next hint is that it's very fragile," Percy said. "And add, 'like my self-esteem' at the end."_

Frank got up and put on his shoes and socks and said, "The next hint is that the item in question is very fragile," Frank said and then paused. "Much like my self-esteem."

With that, it was finally sold for forty bucks.

Of course, Frank was wondering as to what it was, and it turned out to be a music box, but with a merry-go-round as part of the decoration, which must've been the 'horse tornado' that the others were talking about.

 _"Okay, on to the last one," Percy said. "This thing is pretty big."_

"Well, this next item, and the last one, number three, is pretty big," Frank said.

"How big? That doesn't tell us anything."

 _"Tell him that it's about as big as something that's big," Percy said._

"It's about as big as something that's big," Frank said.

"That tells us even less!"

 _"Say it's about as big as your paycheck from this job," Leo said._

"About as big as my paycheck from this job," Frank said.

 _"Times ten."_

"Times ten," Frank said.

 _"Second hint it is that it's based on a fantasy cliché," Jason said._

"The second is that it is based on a fantasy cliché," Frank said.

 _"Bidding starts at three hundred dollars," Leo said._

"Bidding starts at three hundred dollars," Frank said.

 _"No one's going to bid on this," Percy said._

"Three hundred!"

"Three hundred and twenty!"

 _"Dang it!"_

It was sold for four hundred-and-ten dollars. It was a huge paper dragon.

Result: Frank made one hundred-and-seventy dollars above what was asked.


	47. See this pen? I want you to sell me it 2

**A/N: Thanks to my reviewers Cassy daughter of the moon (yeah, I've been getting it a lot that nothing seems to happen to Frank and it's turned into an inside joke even with me), FieryGirl101, Guest, Bunearybunny (lots of people do request me for things like 'kiss a random person' but the thing is that I don't see the four ever doing something along those lines so it's rather difficult to write. As for a random monster attacking, yeah, you're right, that should've happened to poor Percy by this time), GoldenRacehorse, maid outfit (ah, wonderful username), Ron Potter, and Annabeth and Percy Jackson.  
**

 _"You're up now Jason," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, but we made a special costume just for you," Percy said. "So put it on first."  
_

 _"Costume? Costume? You guys didn't wear anything funny!" Jason protested._

 _"Yeah, well, sucks to be you," Frank said._

 _"Yeah, Jason, you should be appreciating the extra effort we put towards making you a costume," Percy said. "I mean, even though you didn't put any effort into making one for us, we all pitched in just so that you'd look extra stupid in front of a large group of people."_

 _Leo shook his head. "Some people just don't appreciate all the effort you put in for them…"_

 _"What am I wearing? It better not be a giant baby outfit again…" Jason said. "Or a maid outfit…."_

 _Leo grinned. "No, it isn't any of those, but the thing is that we want you to remain in character with the costume for as long as you're selling things."_

As always a group of people were gathered in a small room. There were about forty of them and like the people before them they had been expecting nothing save for a slightly weirder auction than normal.

Poor them.

What walked out to greet them was Jason, dressed up as Thor and carrying a large hammer which Jason proceeded to bang on the wooden table. "Alright, mortals, it's time to Ragnarok and Roll. Today, I, Thor, stand before you, in order to auction off these treasures carried all the way from Asgard, for the glory of Odin!"

 _Sounds of barely restrained laughter could be heard in Jason's earpiece._

 _"We don't even need to script this- he'll just do it all by himself!" Percy said._

 _"Are you kidding me Perce? We're definitely chipping in to this," Leo said._

 _"Don't call me Perce."_

 _"How about your other nickname then- Persissy?"_

Jason could hear what vaguely sounded like noises of someone drowning coming from his earpiece, but he had bigger fish to fry.

However, it was clear that the people in the audience hadn't been expecting something quite like this and they were chatting constantly which made it hard for them to hear Jason.

 _"Jason, scream, 'By the hammer of Thor I command you to be silent!' and smash that hammer on the wooden desk," France said._

Jason sighed. Not for the first time, he was wondering just how it was that he and his friends got into these kinds of situations. "Alright then, quiet down mortals- by the hammer of Thor I command you to be silent!"

He then banged his hammer on the table, and just at that moment the lights turned off. But they came back on within a few seconds.

There was silence now.

"Right, so I stand before you here to auction off these rare treasures," Jason said. "Now, the rules stand as such: I will be here to auction off three items. Neither I nor you know what they are, but I have been given clues as to what they are. If no one bids, then I will offer more clues until either someone does or I've run out of them and we do not sell the item. So without further ado, let us begin with the auction."

 _"Okay, Jason, the first item is something would be great to travel on if it was big enough to ride," Leo said._

"The first glorious item in our selection is something that would be great to travel on if it were big enough to ride," Jason said.

 _"Betting starts at twenty dollars," Percy said._

"You may begin your offers at twenty dol-lars," Jason said, trying to stretch the last word out a bit.

There was some more general murmuring but no consensus and no concrete offers for that matter.

 _"Whack your hammer again!"_

Jason struck his hammer against the podium for the lights to flicker again as he said, "Silence!"

"So…" someone from the audience said, "do the lights usually do that? Or should I go ahead and call the Ghostbusters?"

 _"Why… why didn't I think of that line?" Leo asked. "That was great!"_

"No, fear not," Jason said. "It is merely the effect of my hammer." He banged his hammer again for the same effect to occur, but it was delayed by like five seconds this time.

 _"Leo, you're slow, give me the button that makes the lights flicker," Frank said._

 _"Never! I made the button and I'm keeping it!" Leo said._

 _Jason heard the vague sounds of scuffling as the three of them seemed to be arguing over the button._

"That's cool," the guy said. "Where can I get one of those?"

"Sadly, there is only one of Mjolnir," Jason said.

 _"Jason, you pronounced that wrong," Leo said. "It's pronounced me-yol-nur, not myoel-neer."_

 _Frank shook his head. "You'd make a terrible Thor, Jason. We are all severely disappointed."_

"That's not how you pronounce it though," the guy said. "It's actual-"

"Yes, yes, I'm well aware," Jason said. "But you mortals keep saying it wrong like that so I say it wrong too. And we don't have any more. But we do have small Pikachu key chains though if you're interested. Now, back to the auction, are there any bids?"

A hand went up for twenty dollars. And then another bid came in, followed by yet another one, until the item was sold for fifty dollars.

It turned out that it was a small parakeet, which seemed to be very happy with its new owner.

 _"Now, the second item is very small and made of cardboard," Percy said._

"Now, our second item is very small and made of something that you mortals call cardboard," Jason said.

A lady at the back raised her hand as if she wanted to ask a question.

 _"Jason, point to that lady who's raising her hand and say, 'Does that fair maiden over yonder have a question?'" Frank said._

 _"She's at least eighty years old!" Percy said. "That's just gross on so many levels."_

 _"And that's what makes it funny," Frank said._

Jason shook his head and mentally prayed that Aphrodite wasn't going to smite him for betraying Piper like this… though it technically wasn't a betrayal and just a (sort of?) compliment but anywho, it all worried him somehow. He was already worried plenty on that front and considered backing out

"Does… does that fair maiden over yonder have a question for the mighty Thor?" Jason asked.

"When does Bingo start?" she asked.

 _"Bingo doesn't start in another five hours lady," Leo said._

"Uh… five hours," Jason said. "It starts here but you're around five hours early."

"Oh, I'll just wait then," she said and then fell asleep in her chair.

 _"Bidding starts at forty bucks," Percy said._

"Ah, yes, bidding starts at forty dollars," Jason said.

And the bids came in and it sold for sixty dollars. Turned out to be a rather old baseball card.

"Does… does anyone want to wake up the sleeping lady there?" Jason asked. "We can't just leave her like that."

"Don't worry," someone sitting next to her said. "I'm sure she'll be pretty low-key for the while…"

 _"Jason! Scream 'Loki! Where!' and start banging your hammer on that podium like crazy!" Frank said._

"Loki! Where is my half-brother?" Jason asked and began smacking his table against the wooden podium hard.

The lights just didn't flick on and off this time- brief sparks came out from the sides of the ventilation shafts for a minute.

"No, no, the phrase, _low_ and _key_ ," the guy said. "Geez, you don't need to take your job so seriously man. There's something known as being too into character…"

Surprisingly, the whole commotion hadn't fazed the old lady at all, and she was still sleeping peacefully.

 _"On contrite, there's nothing know as taking your job too seriously," Leo said. "I, for example, take it upon myself to lighten up the lives of everyone around me through my classy wit."_

 _"Well, you shouldn't give up on that, 'cuz you're not really good at it," Percy said._

 _"Now, onto the third item," Frank said._

"Well, with that over, let's move on with the final item on our list," Jason said.

 _"It's something that is large and is basically the opposite of a boat," Percy said._

"It's something large and is technically speaking the opposite of a boat," Jason said.

"What?" came a voice from the crowd.

 _"Tell them to imagine a ship, and then reverse the concept," Leo said._

"Imagine a ship, and then reverse the concept," Jason said. He had to admit that he was pretty fuzzy on what the thing in question was too.

There were confused stares but not much more.

 _"Bidding starts at four hundred dollars," Frank said._

"Bidding starts at four hundred dollars," Jason said.

There was some discussion but not a single bid.

 _"Okay, add that it's a piece of furniture normally found in a house," Frank said._

"It's also something that you normally find in a house," Jason said.

"Can't you tell us a bit more? Four hundred dollar's a lot."

"Forgive me, mortal, but even the mighty Thor knows not what the item in question is," Jason said.

"400!"

"420!"

"450!"

It ended up being sold for five hundred-and-twenty dollars. And it turned out to be a bathtub.

"Well then, mortals, it appears that this auction is over," Jason said.

 _"Tell them that half of the proceeds go towards raising the children of orphaned Frost Giants," Percy said._

"I will have you know that half of the profits from this auction go towards the children of orphaned Frost Giants," Jason said.

 _"Laugh and say that you're kidding- you and your father killed all the Frost Giants centuries ago. There are no orphans," Leo said._

Jason chuckled and said, "I'm just jesting. The Allfather Odin and I killed all of them centuries ago."

 _"Even the children," Frank said. "And the pregnant ones."_

"Even the children," Jason said. "And the pregnant ones."

Result: Jason made one hundred-and-seventy dollars above his target. All the people in the audience now also think that he's a huge jerk thanks to his last joke.

* * *

 _"And here comes the mighty Thor, having defeated the vicious Jabberwocky and freeing Narnia," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, the mighty Thor does not need tips on being a superhero from Aqualad, El Diablo, and Mulan," Jason said._

 _"Aqualad? I'm at least Aquaman now," Percy said and puffed his chest._

 _Leo turned to Percy and said in a deep voice, "I hear you can talk to fish."_

 _"Mulan? Why do the others get to be superheroes and you make me a Disney Princess?" Frank asked._

 _"Shut up Mulan," Leo said._

 _"Shut up Tinkerbell," Frank said._

 _"Doesn't matter, all of you are still lame compared to the mighty Thor!" Jason said. "Now, Leo, are you going?"_

 _"Yes," Leo said._

Leo walked into the room. The old lady from before was still sleeping peacefully, but Leo decided to ignore her and instead focus his attention on everyone else. It was a mixed crowd like with the other three with people who looked like they came from everywhere.

 _"Leo, while you're explaining the rules of the auction, say 'asparagus' in-between every word," Frank said._

"So asparagus everyone asparagus I asparagus just asparagus wanted asparagus to asparagus say asparagus good asparagus morning asparagus and asparagus let asparagus me asparagus tell asparagus you asparagus the asparagus rules asparagus of asparagus this asparagus auction asparagus. We asparagus have asparagus three asparagus items asparagus for asparagus sale asparagus. Neither asparagus I asparagus nor asparagus you asparagus know asparagus the asparagus contents asparagus of asparagus the asparagus items asparagus. I asparagus will asparagus give asparagus you asparagus clues asparagus after asparagus I'll asparagus let asparagus each asparagus of asparagus you asparagus bid asparagus on asparagus the asparagus item asparagus until asparagus all asparagus three asparagus items asparagus are asparagus sold asparagus," Leo said.

 _"Wow," Frank said. "I think no one got that. Say it again but normally."_

Leo took several deep breaths before repeating the lines normally.

 _"Now, the first item on your list is something that you wear," Percy said._

"The first item is something that you'd wear," Leo said.

 _"And we have twelve of them," Jason said. "Bidding starts at two hundred dollars."_

"There are twelve of them, all included within item one of course," Leo said. "Bidding starts at two hundred dollars."

Leo got no response for now.

 _"It's a fashion accessory which is a coat, and it helps you float," Percy said._

"It's a fashion accessory which is a coat that helps you float," Leo said.

"Do you mean life jackets?" someone asked.

"I… I honestly don't know for sure what is item one myself. I only know what I tell you guys," Leo said. "Bidding starts at two hundred dollars."

There was a single offer for two hundred dollars and no one bothered to bid more than that. The item turned out to be, indeed, twelve life jackets.

 _"You're off to a rocky start, Leo," Jason said._

 _"I just realized something though," Frank said. "Even if Leo gets less than us, that means that in order for there to be two losers at least, that means that all of us get a negative point and then there's a tie with no overall loser for this whole arc. And if he wins, all three of us are losers. There's literally no downside for Leo here."_

 _"Okay, Leo," Percy said. "Here's item number two coming up. There are two hundred of them, and they are also things you wear."_

Leo said, "Item number two is also something that you wear, and there are two hundred of them."

 _"Bidding starts at a hundred and fifty dollars," Frank said._

"Bidding starts at a hundred and fifty dollars," Leo said.

No bids.

 _"They're basically gloves for your feet," Jason said._

"They're basically gloves for your feet," Leo said.

"You mean socks? I ain't paying that much for two hundred pairs of socks."

There were murmurs of assent.

 _"Uh… he was right about it being socks," Percy said. "I… I can't think of anything else!"_

 _"Neither can I," Jason said._

 _"Hey Leo, if you can think of another way, you're free to come up with it on your own," Frank said._

Leo, however, just stared out at the crowd, looking lost.

 _"Alright, Leo, no bids," Percy said. "No problem, just play it off and say that you're going to the next item."_

 _"Does… does this count as minus one hundred-and-fifty for Leo?" Jason asked._

 _"No, it's still just a zero actually," Frank said. "According to the rules at least."_

 _"And onto the third and final item," Percy said. "It's basically a wristwatch but it doesn't have a clock on it."_

"Well, with no bids it looks like we'll have to move on to our third and final item," Leo said. "The third item is essentially a wristwatch but it doesn't have a clock on it."

 _"Bidding starts at eight hundred dollars," Leo said._

"Bidding starts at eight hundred dollars," Leo said. Now he was pretty sure that there wouldn't be any bids, given the atmosphere up till now, especially for something that began so high.

 _"It's also made of actual gold," Percy said._

"The item in question is also made of gold," Leo said.

This raised a few eyebrows, and even did get one bid. One bid that was then rivaled by another for nine hundred dollars.

And then it was sold. It turned out to be an old decorative golden bracelet.

Result: Leo got one hundred dollars above his required goal.

End result, everyone gets a negative point as Leo got the lowest score and the three others have tied for the amount of money they made.

 **A/N: As everyone has three negative points, we are moving on towards a sudden death round to determine the winner- and far more importantly than that, the loser or losers. Stay tuned folks. And thanks for reading.**


	48. Sudden Death Round: Friend of Farmers

**A/N: So sorry for the long wait guys. I had exams and with my computer totaled there was no way to complete this or any other of my fanfics. So thanks to Guest, Fiction is the Truth, Bunearybunny, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, two other Guests, MrAppocoloypse, artemisisawesome, maidcrossdresser (the maid outfit was taking over this fanfic and turning into an overused cliche, but hey, yeah, I could bring it back), a-half-blood-with-attitude (out of curiosity, how many times in your life and when do you get to see a maid outfit?), and another Guest.  
**

 **Now, to answer your questions, a lot of you want another Let's Show Everyone and I'd do one too but the thing is I'd like more material to be done and to work with while I make another one. So sit tight on that.**

 **And as for the idea of having them use their powers, yeah, I'll also be working on that and you might see that sooner than another Let's Play and maybe something with the Gods or the girls too.**

 _Imagine this scenario. One day you're just walking down a road and it's a fine day out when you come across a field. And on this field toils but a single farmer, who pauses from his work to look at you. He wipes the sweat from his brow and asks if you could lend a hand to help him for but a moment…_

 _And now imagine that that farmer is Jason, Percy, Frank, or Leo. Given that despite four rounds of stupidity a victor is yet to be awarded, this is a task to decide who wins, and much more importantly, who loses this entire round._

 _The rules are simple enough. Each of the four will be pretending to be working on a plot of land a small distance from Camp Jupiter. A sign has been put out asking for volunteers for 'community service' and one person will arrive for each of the contestants. Not only must the say and do as they are told, they must also convince the volunteer to help them in whatever task the others have set up._

 _Failure to do so results in a penalty. And whoever stands at the end of all of this wins._

 _And another thing- the difficulty level on this task has been set higher than normal, for each of the jokers knows that they need to get the other one out._

Frank sighed. "These overalls make me look stupid."

 _"I wouldn't blame the overalls," Leo said. "Plus, I bet you look great. The sun keeps making this weird angle with the camera and there's a glare- oh wait, I fixed it."_

 _"And you need to play the part, Frank," Percy said. "That's really important."_

Frank saw that there was a camper, maybe about fourteen jogging towards him, in full battle armor as was the habit of all Camp Jupiter members.

"You needed help with something?" the guy asked.

"Yes," Frank said. "I'm glad you came."

 _"There's a paper bag in the left corner of the fields," Jason said. "Go and pick it up."_

Frank peered inside the bag and then sighed. There was no way he was winning this, but depending on what the guys planned, this could get uncomfortable in a number of different ways.

 _"Take it out and tell him that you want him to wear it," Percy said._

And so, Frank took out a maid outfit. It was slightly less frillier than the other ones, but to compensate had more ribbons. "First off, I'm going to need you to wear this."

The guy didn't even say anything- he just turned around and left.

 _Leo had to turn off the microphone so that Frank wouldn't sustain permanent hearing loss given how loudly the three of them were laughing._

Frank however, was just kind of glad that the plan hadn't been to make _him_ wear the outfit. If that happened, he would've probably refused given that he was going to lose anyway… but to think that he might have been forced to wear it for nothing. "By the way, I have a question- in case he actually agreed to it, what were you guys gonna do?"

 _When they had finally calmed down Leo switched the microphone back on. "Oh that, we had no plan. We didn't think anyone was going to do it."_

Result: Frank fails.

* * *

Next up was Jason, and he busy trying to (or at least pretending to try to) a small hole for planting… something. Okay, he hadn't made up his cover very well.

Soon enough there was another camper who bounded up to him. Jason got up and said, "What brings you here?"

"You said that you needed a volunteer?" the guy asked.

"Yes," Jason said.

 _"So first up tell the guy that he needs to friend you on Facebook," Percy said._

"Okay, first step is you're gonna need to friend me on Facebook," Jason said.

"Why? I thought this was all about farming or something like that…."

 _"But it is about farming."_

"But it is about farming," Jason said.

 _"Virtual farming that is."_

"Virtual farming that is," Jason said.

 _"Tell him that you want him to friend you so that he can send stuff to your Farmville account," Percy said._

"The real reason that I need you to friend me is so that you can send stuff to my Farmville account," Jason said.

 _"Tell him how you really need it," Leo said._

"And see the thing is that I really need it," Jason said. "See, one of my friends is competing with me and there's no way that I can top him given with the speed with what I'm advancing so I really need help… but the thing is that I kind of don't have any friends."

 _"Now tell him that he needs to make several accounts, you know, like five or ten," Leo said._

"And the thing is that I kind of need to correct myself, you know, you're going to need to make like five or ten of them," Jason said. "One isn't enough- just make a few fake accounts and then friend me."

"Dude, that's a big waste of time," the guy said. "And I thought you needed help with real farming?"

"I do," Jason said. "You know, farming gold and other video game items. In that way."

 _"By the way, he's going to need to play for like four hours a day too so that he can properly help you," Frank said._

"And by the way, you're going to need to play for about four hours a day so that you can build up your account and that helps build up my account faster too," Jason said.

"I don't have time for that," the guy said.

"But come on, the other guy has like twenty people helping him," Jason said. "And I really need this victory."

 _"Tell him the other guy's a jerk and that you need to show him up," Leo said._

"And he's a really big jerk, and I need to show him up at least this time," Jason said.

"Really? What'd he do?"

 _"Jason, make up stupid stuff to be mad about," Percy said._

"You see, in kindergarten, he brought cupcakes for everyone except me on his birthday," Jason said.

"Dude, that was in kindergarten. You've got to let that go," the guy said.

 _"Make something even stupider," Percy said._

"Yeah, but do you know what happened recently?" Jason asked. "I was at his house and he, uh… well, I asked for a glass of water with an ice cube in it and he gave me a glass with two ice cubes… what kind of psychopath does that huh?"

"Maybe he just forgot and put another ice cube in," the guy said.

"Oh no," Jason said. "You could tell that he did it on purpose. He did it because he knew it would annoy me."

"And what's this guy's name?"

 _"It is Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen," Percy said._

"Uh, it's Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen," Jason said.

 _"The third," Percy added._

"His name is Suity Welbenharmermenjakob?" the guy asked.

"No, no, Smitty Werben-jager-man-jensen," Jason said slowly.

"Right, Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen," the guy repeated.

"The third," Jason added.

"See, that name sounds fake," the guy said. "And the thing is, I don't think that anyone can make the mistake of naming their son that name three times."

"But it is true," Jason said.

 _"And remember, he's number one," Leo said._

"And the thing is that he's always number one," Jason said. "And what does that make me? Number two. Or three. Or four, you know, you get the idea, he always wins and I always lose. Come on, I need this win."

"Okay, look, I'm not going to make a huge number of fake accounts or spend a few hours trying to help you win every day, but I can friend you on one account and maybe do some things to help you once in a while," the guy said.

"Uh, right, can you give me a minute?" Jason asked and then sprinted a few steps away and pretended to inspect something in the dirt. "Hey guys, does this count as a win?" he whispered.

 _"We wanted five to ten accounts," Frank said. "But if you can get him to make three, we'll give you the win."_

"What? But that might be impossible!" Jason hissed.

 _"Yeah well, if it were any other round we'd give the win to you," Leo said. "But not this round buddy."_

Jason walked back up to the guy and said, "Sorry, can you at least be three people?"

The guy shook his head. "Don't worry, you've got one follower with you at least. Maybe you could ask someone else?"

Result: Jason lost.

* * *

And now next up was the Valdez himself, and by the way, out of all four of them, he looked the weirdest dressed up in overalls.

But soon enough of course, a kid about twelve years old walked up to him. He wasn't even in his parade armor- meaning that he was probably a new camper.

"Hey there, someone needed some help, right, is that you?" the kid asked.

"Why yes," Leo said.

"So what's your problem mister?" the kid asked.

 _"Well, start by saying that you were growing stuff in your weed patch over there," Jason said._

"Uh, see kid, I was growing stuff in my weed patch over there," Leo said and pointed in some vague direction.

"You have a patch where you grow weeds? Why?" the kid asked.

"Oh wait you don't think I meant marijuan- I mean, yeah, it's really my carrot patch over there but so many weeds come up and I'm not able to pull them all out so you know, I call it my weed patch," Leo said.

"So you need to get it deweeded?" the kid asked.

"That's not a word, and no," Leo said.

 _"No, you need help in order to dig a huge hole," Jason said._

"I need help in digging a hole right here," Leo said.

"Oh yeah, sure, I love digging holes," the kid said. "How big is it supposed to be?"

 _"Tell him that you don't know the exact measurements," Jason said._

 _"But," Frank said, "you do know that it should be big enough to bury a human body in there."_

"Well I don't know the exact measurements, in like, you know, feet or pounds or whatever, but it should be just about big enough to fit a human body in it," Leo said.

 _"And it should also be pretty deep, you know, so that the body would never be found," Frank said._

"And deep enough so that the body would never be found," Leo said.

 _"Yeah, you've read in the news about how bodies are found in shallow graves, so you want to go deep enough so that the grave isn't found," Frank said._

"Yeah, I've seen in the news and all about you know, they find a corpse in a shallow grave, so you know, approximately deep enough so that it'd never be found," Leo said nervously.

"Huh, that's a really odd way of telling someone how big a hole should be," the kid said. "But from what I know, you're looking for a hole about seven feet long, three feet wide, and at least six feet deep."

 _"Do I really want to ask him how he knows that?" Percy asked._

"Uh, out of pure curiosity… how do you know that?" Leo asked. "Like… any prior involvement in the business?"

"Nah, I just took the average person's, or I mean, a large person's measurements and thought that six feet should be deep enough," the kid said. "By the way, just was it that you need it for? And why were you telling me the story of your weed patch before?"

 _"Because the two of them are related," Jason said._

"Because the two of them are related," Leo said.

"How?" the kid asked.

 _"Well, Leo, you're on your own here. Make something up," Percy said._

"Uh, see, I uh, already pulled all the weeds out and I just want to bury them so they decompose and make ah, fertilizer, so you know, the soil's fertile and all," Leo said.

"Huh," the kid said. "Then why not just burn it? I thought you can create fire with your hands."

"Yeah, I can, but you know, air pollution," Leo said. "Yeah, that's right, air pollution. We can't let that happen. We'll just shred the weeds and dump them in the hole. And the thing is that I could do it by myself but it would go a whole lot faster if someone helped me."

"Uh, I guess I could," the kid said and picked up a shovel.

 _"I don't believe it! I don't believe it! This can't be happening again!" Frank said. "There's no way that Leo's managed to convince someone to do something that's probably criminal another time!"_

 _"Well, it looks like he did it," Percy said, shaking his head. "Looks like we didn't make this hard enough."_

 _"No, this was hard, that's kid's just stupid for bothering to still go through with this, like how much less subtle does it need to be?" Frank asked. "Do you want a signboard there that says- 'Hey, this guy is clearly a mobster or something?'"_

Result: Leo passed this round!

* * *

And last up was Percy himself.

"Man, I can't believe that Leo go through somehow," Percy said.

 _"Aww yeah, that means that Jason and Frank are already losers," Leo said._

 _"That might be true, but Percy's gonna be joining us," Frank said with a grin. "We didn't make this one easy."_

Soon enough, a girl about thirteen walked up an as usual, asked if Percy needed help with the farm.

"Yeah," Percy said. "I could use some help."

 _"Percy, say you need to spray something over your field to make your plants grow better," Jason said._

"I need your help in spraying something over my fields which'll help my plants grow better," Percy said.

 _"Now walk over there where there's a dark blue box and take whatever's inside it and show it to the girl," Frank said._

Percy walked over to the box. It was pretty big, almost as big as he was, and he opened the lid and sighed.

 _"Now, you need to sprinkle that over the fields," Frank said._

Now, you should probably take a break from reading this and think about what it was that could be in the black box.

Yup, take a good moment and think about it.

Yeah, just think about it some more.

Well, whatever it was that you thought of, it was probably wrong, because it was a bag of Cool Ranch flavored Doritos.

"I need to break these into small little pieces and sprinkle them over the fields," Percy said.

"You fertilize your fields using Doritos?" the girl asked.

"Not just any sort of Doritos," Percy said. "The Cool Ranch flavor only. You see, this is sort of my secret recipe for making plants grow well. It has special properties that help the soil uh, replenish nutrients and stuff."

"Wait, those have salt in them, right?" the girl asked. "I mean, they do have a lot of salt. Why would you put that into your fields?"

"What's wrong in putting salt in your fields, I mea-" at that Percy paused as he remembered a story about salt and fields, and he thought it was about Odysseus but he couldn't exactly remember what it was. "Well, yeah, normally putting salt is bad but if you put Doritos there are substances that neutralize its effects."

"I don't think that's how it works," the girl said. "And aren't these public fields? Like, are you really allowed to go ahead and do something like that without permission?"

"Sure I am," Percy said.

 _"By the way, Percy, you aren't," Leo said. "So if Reyna asks anything, none of us were here."_

"But like look, my grandmother was Ceres, and I know a lot about gardening," the girl said.

 _"Oh, what were the odds of that?"_

"And this sounds like a terrible idea," she said. "Sorry, but if you want to go and ruin your fields like that you'll have to do it yourself."

Result: Percy failed.

 **A/N: And so our sole victor standing is Leo, and the other three will be punished in the next chapter. Thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked!**


	49. The Sixth Punishment

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, a-halfblood-with-attitude, 64Felicity, ZenZenSilver, Sage Nicholson, and Guest.**

 **To answer the question on who loses, well, it usually isn't random as I have to plan out the details of the pranks and how they win/lose beforehand. But usually it isn't on purpose and by the time I get to the fourth round I'm not actually actively trying to do anything, but what I do is see if in every task it would've been likely for that person to win, and usually that leaves only a few possibilities at the end. But yes, I do manipulate things at the end.**

 **I think I should try doing it totally random once- I'll flip a coin with each person and if it lands on heads they win, if tails, they lose. Only thing is it might make some of the things less dramatic.**

The worst part of it, Frank, Jason, and Percy had decided was the wait.

Oh yeah, they knew that they were going to get punished, and the one doing it would be Leo. The only thing was that while they were waiting for the punishment, there was little to do but worry. And that was bad.

"I just wish'd he'd get it over with," Frank said as they were sitting in the truck they were in slowly made its way towards their destination.

"Yeah, the last few weeks have been pretty brutal," Percy said.

Now, according to the rules Leo had four weeks since the end of the rounds to formulate the punishment- he couldn't very well extend it until forever- but he had waited until the last day for it.

The truck stopped and from the driver's seat came Leo's voice: "Come on boys, we're finally here!"

The three of them walked outside. They were somewhere in the middle of what looked like a forest. And there didn't seem to be any people around.

"So what do we have to do again?" Jason asked.

"Aww, come on now," Leo said. "Half of the fun's in not knowing."

"Yeah, for you," Frank said. He then paused as he sniffed the air. "What is that?"

"Oh that?" Leo asked. "That just happens to be one of my latest creations. I call it Leogloop, a product that's extremely smelly, hard to get out of your clothes, sticky, green, gross, and I'm pretty sure is non-toxic to humans. And the good news is that you guys get to take a bath in it!"

The other three walked towards the edge of a small cliff where, twenty feet below, there was a large pool that Leo had made filled with the icky, green substance.

"By the way, how sure is pretty sure?" Jason asked.

"Don't be a wuss Jason," Leo said. "And the thing is, I know that the three of you conspired against me during the penultimate round. And so for your treachery, I've decided that while you guys planned to back stab me, it is only fitting and poetic and yada yada whatever that you guys also back stab each other. So the deal here is that not all of you have to go and jump in that goo, only two of you. The one lucky person who doesn't have to jump will instead be accompanying me while we laugh at the other two."

"And this is real?" Percy asked. "Like, you're really going to let one of us go?"

"Oh yes," Leo said. "But only after I completely embarrass you all and force you to work against each other. So this is how it goes, all of you will be standing three paces away from the edge of the cliff. For every bad answer that you guys give, I'll make you walk one step. And I'll also be saying, 'Walk the plank, maties!' occasionally in between."

"Please don't," Jason said.

"You don't get to tell me what to do!" Leo said. "now, get in position and the first question is, I want each of you to tell me an embarrassing story about one of the others. Whoever tells the most funny story wins."

The three of them glanced at each other. "Seriously? That's how you're gonna start out this?" Percy asked.

"Yes Percy," Leo said and laughed. "Go on and betray each other!"

The three of them looked at each other apologetically and then at the huge pool of goo that they were facing. Ugh, they could still smell it all the way from there.

"Okay, okay," Percy said. "Frank once walked into the girl's bathroom in third grade by mistake!"

"I told you that was an accident!" Frank howled.

"Yeah, in his defense he had just had his eyes checked and couldn't really see the signs properly," Percy said.

"Interesting," Leo said. "Do the other two gentlemen have something to add?"

"I saved Percy once," Jason said. "That's right, while we were underwater, Percy wasn't able to Kymopoleia underwater and I was the one who saved him…"

"Hey, that was private!" Percy said.

"Good, good," Leo said. "Let the hate flow through you. Now, Frank, anything good you wanna share with us?"

Frank scratched his chin. "Okay, Jason still believes in the tooth fairy. Or at least he did until two months back."

Leo scratched his chin. "I think Percy's was the best, though they were all embarrassing. Everyone except Percy take one step forward."

"It smells even worse," Frank said.

"Now, my next question is, 'Who is my most favorite Avenger?'" Leo asked.

"The Human Torch…. is what I was going to say but he's not an Avenger," Percy said.

"It's the Hulk," Jason said. "He's just like you want to be, isn't he?"

"No, no, it's Iron Man," Frank said.

Percy, after some thought, went with, "Ant Man."

"Actually, all of you are wrong," Leo said. "My favorite Avenger is actually for that matter, Doctor Strange. But out of your three guesses I'd go with the Hulk the most, so everyone besides Jason takes a step forward."

Jason and Percy were on even footing now, and Frank was one step away from the edge of the cliff.

"Now, I want to know something else," Leo said. "Everyone has to tell me, that from the two others, who they like the best and why."

"You know, I'm just not going through with that Leo," Percy said.

"Neither am I," Jason said.

"Okay, I like Percy better," Frank said.

"Traitor!" Jason and Percy cried out.

"Hey, I'm the one losing here," Frank said. "So yeah, I think Percy's better because Jason's kind of uh, stuck up."

"Right, well, that goes to Frank as no one else answered," Leo said. "Percy, Jason, take a step forward."

All of them were one step away from the edge of the cliff.

"Next question then," Leo said. "All of you have to tell me why I'm the best friend in the whole world and why I'm so awesome. Best speech wins."

"Uh, you're so great because you're so funny Leo," Jason said. "And seriously, where'd we be without all of your inventions?"

"Yeah, and who doesn't admire the way you spontaneously burst into flames?" Percy asked.

"Okay, I'll be honest here, I got nothing," Frank said. "Yeah, I just can't say something like that with a straight face, Leo."

"Understood, Frank, understood," Leo said. "So, I think Jason had that and Percy and Frank should each take a step forward."

Percy and Frank were now standing at the edge and Jason was one step behind them. The next round, it was guaranteed that someone was going into the goo.

"Okay, next question," Leo said. "What would you give me as a birthday gift?"

"Money," Frank said. "Sorry, but that's probably the truth."

"A sombrero," Percy said. "You'd look good in a sombrero."

"A…. uh, matchbox?" Jason said/asked.

Leo shook his head. "The sad part is that Frank actually won that, so go on Percy, you're jumping off this time."

Percy braced himself and jumped into the pool. He came out of it and was covered in green, sticky, slime. "This is so gross!" He then attempted to clean himself in a nearby stream, but that goo seemed to be pretty resilient.

Once the other three were done laughing, Leo noticed that it was down to Frank and Jason. Whoever won this next one would not need to go and jump.

"So, tell me… what do you guys think that girl said to Percy? You know, back when we all were supposed to be Oracles that one time and he was dressed like a Jedi? I don't know and he's not telling us. Go on. Guess."

"Uh…" Frank said. "I thought it was something about wanting to be a girl, maybe she was saying that he'd make a cute girl or something along those lines?"

"Yeah, or maybe she was saying that she knows a good sex change doctor," Jason said.

"Oh," Leo said. "Yeah, I'll go with Jason, that one is better."

"No, no," Frank said and then dived for the pool of goo. He came out of it and then morphed into a goldfish and dived into a stream, then went out, and then changed back into a human. "It's still stuck on me! How is that possible?"

"You don't think I anticipated that?" Leo asked and high-fived Jason. And the two of them walked away, leaving Frank and Percy as they were and for them to walk back home as the two of them got in the truck.

 **A/N: That ends this round. I want to ask- would it have been better if Jason was betrayed at the end and Leo pushes him into the goo too? I mean, they betrayed Leo once so it could be a sort of revenge but then I thought I'd have Leo be a man of his word.**

 **And to all of the people who were angry that Frank didn't get punished ever- y'all happy now?**

 **And that reminds me, thanks for your support first of all and secondly the next chapter will be my 50th and I want to make it a special occasion and I'll be doing something that's been requested several times for the next chapter. It'll be up on 9th December so do keep an eye out for it. As always, thanks for reading, and do please review if you liked.**


	50. 50th Chapter Special

**A/N: Thanks as always to reviewers Guest, Verteller (that would've kind of been illegal- Leo wasn't getting punished after all, I mean, it would've been funny yeah, but the thing is that kind of goes against everything I've written before), Guest, 64Felicity, Sage Nicholson, Thrawn13 (well given that this is a parody, yeah, I'd guess that most people would say it was funny as against to being sad/romantic, but it's nice to see how many people do like it), Annabeth and Percy Jackson (that was what I was thinking as well, had it been Frank or Percy left on the cliff maybe Leo would've pushed them in but Jason is kind of a special case being good friends with Leo and all), Panemat (we'll see), and a-halfblood-with-attitude.  
**

 **Overall, I guess it might have been funnier if Jason was pushed, but y'know, like I said maybe Leo was more incline to let Jason go.**

 **So I'd just like to say a few things. Thanks for sticking by me through writing this fanfic- this is by far the most popular fanfic that I've ever written. In total this has over 91,000 views as of right now. My second most popular story has around 35,000 which is less than half of this despite being longer. And to be honest there were times during which I didn't feel like I could do it- or I felt like would either get bored, or wouldn't want to write more, or maybe I'd lose my readers. But none of those have happened and here we are standing at 50 chapters. Now, I know that all of those views aren't of unique visitors and the thing is that given with 50 chapters that's a bit less than 2,000 viewers so I'm going to assume a little over 1,000 frequent readers are there for this fanfic. Which again, is something that I had never imagined.**

 **And so, to celebrate, I made this a fanfic based on something a lot of people have demanded, and I decided to super-size it and make much longer than a normal chapter. So you guys don't have to wait for the conclusion- I know how much you guys hate waiting!  
**

Some things just never change. Some people never do either for that matter.

Now, it wouldn't exactly be either fair or accurate for that matter to say that Poseidon, Hades, and Zeus hadn't changed at all in the last couple of thousand years. But they still fought like crazy, and the topics of their fights hadn't changed by a bit.

So after a few hours of this, Poseidon grew bored until he had an idea.

"So, brothers, if you really want to 'get down' as the mortals call it, why don't we?" he asked.

"You want to fight? Actually fight?" Zeus and Hades asked.

"Oh, no, I wasn't thinking about real combat- we'd end up leveling half the earth, I meant a game," Poseidon said. "You know that one that our children were playing… you know, playing pranks on each other?"

"You mean the ones _your_ children were playing," Hades said. "Clearly mine do not have time for such trivial pursuits."

"In other words, your children weren't- how do the mortals say it?- 'cool enough' to join them," Zeus said and yawned. "But what are you saying, that we should join in on them?"

"Not join them," Poseidon said. "A similar game. There are three of us, so each of us can name a round and a game. Whoever wins all three will be considered the best of us."

Hades scratched his chin. "Like this it'll all just end up in a tie. There are three of us, and we'd all chose contests that only we'd win. It would just end in a stalemate. There's no guarantee that we'll pick contests that are truly fair and unbiased."

"We can swear on the Styx for that," Poseidon said. There was a twinkle in his eyes.

"Oh yes, of course, because we all know how seriously the two of you take an oath on the Styx," Hades muttered. "But I do reserve the right to withdraw in case it ever seems like the two of you are rigging it."

"Fine, fine," Zeus said. "But before we do this… don't you think we should make it a little bit… interesting?"

"What do you mean?" Poseidon asked.

"I meant that there should be a prize involved for the victor," Zeus said. "Just to motivate ourselves."

"You mean aside from bragging rights of calling himself 'Greatest Olympian Deity?'" Hades asked.

"Yes, something asides from that," Zeus said. "But what…"

"You're going about this the wrong way," a voice said. The three of them turned to see that the throne room wasn't completely empty and there was Athena sitting there.

"Have you been eavesdropping on us?" Poseidon asked.

"Eavesdropping? Eavesdropping? I could hear you halfway across Mt. Olympus, if that's what you're asking. I've been here for the past forty minutes, but none of you seem to have noticed," Athena said. She was shuffling through some papers in her hand. "And for that matter, I was saying that the point of the game you're playing isn't to win, it's to not lose. Whoever loses should get punished, according to the other three people who are playing."

"You seem to have gotten your maths wrong," Hades said. "There would only be two people punishing the third."

"Oh no, I want in," Athena said. "I want in on this contest."

"Why? You think it's a brilliant idea?" Poseidon asked.

"No, it's extremely stupid, but at the same time if you're having a contest to see who's the 'Greatest Olympian Deity' and it happens to be a battle of wits, then I want in," Athena said. "So make it four rounds instead of three. And as a rule, before we get to start, we should make sure that everyone else has to approve of our idea for the contest."

"I don't know," Poseidon said. "Just why should we let you join us?"

"Oh, what's wrong? Are you scared about that time that I beat you in a contest?" Athena asked.

"Scared? No. And it's weird how you keep lording that over me when you lost a contest to Aphrodite," Poseidon said.

"That was rigged!" Athena snapped. "And no cheating this time! I think we can all agree on that?"

"Fine, fine," Hades said.

And Zeus agreed. "But instead of a punishment I have another idea for a reward… whoever wins gets to spend a day with their demigod children. No normal restrictions."

"Seriously?" Poseidon said. "You're normally the one who completely forbids us to have anything to do with our children barring certain days."

"And I'm the one saying whoever wins can spend an entire day with them," Zeus said.

"Well, I'm going to win then," Poseidon said.

"Well, this is going to take some time," Zeus realized. "Some weeks at the very least for us to come up with things and then gather around to execute them. Until then, let's start brainstorming ideas."

* * *

It wasn't as if the four gods didn't have any ideas for the game. It was just that the selection process for each of their ideas meant that whatever prank they thought of had to be rubber-stamped by the other three, and given that none of them really trusted each other, it was kind of getting hard for them to agree on one.

The first person's challenge to be accepted by the others was Athena's.

 _Athena's Task: Apollo is currently residing at Camp Jupiter in mortal form as his punishment. Now, while there are many mysteries in the world, Apollo's poems have to be on there. The name of the game is this: In mortal form, each of the gods have to approach Apollo and get him to recite a poem for them. And they then need to explain to Apollo what it means. If Apollo doesn't agree that they have deciphered one of his poem's meaning, they lose. And of course, there's no revealing their identities to Apollo._

Given that Athena had thought up of this task, she was going first.

"If we're going to do this, shouldn't we have some sort of video camera?" Poseidon asked.

"Eh, no, I just brought that pool I have that lets me see anywhere," Hades said.

"Huh, I forgot you had that," Zeus said. "But how do we communicate with each other?"

"Did you all forget that we can use telepathy?" Athena asked.

"Huh… so why don't we use it more often then?" Poseidon asked no one in particular.

Anyway, Apollo was busy eating when he noticed a girl slide over to the other corner of his table. His friends were busy at the moment, but the girl said, "Hey, Apollo, right?"

"Yeah," Apollo said.

"I was wondering… have you thought up of any new poetry today?" she asked.

"I don't usually do requests," Apollo said. "But now that I've come to think about, there is one haiku that I've made a while back. It goes like this:"

 **Grass frowns steadfastly**

 **Earth cries untouchable lake**

 **Dreams but chaos**

 _"Is… is that supposed to be in English?" Hades asked as he squinted at the pool._

 _"Just look at Athena's face," Poseidon said. "She has virtually no clue as to what that's supposed to mean."_

"Oh," Athena said. "That's uh, very nice then."

"You don't need to pretend to like it," Apollo said. "I've been told my poetry is terrible."

"Oh, no it isn't," Athena said and tried smiling.

 _"It cannot be clearer that that smile is forced," Zeus said._

"As a matter of fact, I think I know what it means," Athena said. "It's ah, a poem about how the grass and earth are sad because of um, environmental pollution and humans destroying the environment and it affects the lakes as well who dream of a world without chaos."

Apollo shook his head. "I'm afraid that you've only seen the superficial side of my haiku, girl. There is far deeper mystery that must be probed which you must contemplate."

 _"Oh, she soooo wants to transform back to Athena and smack the living daylights out of him," Poseidon muttered to himself._

The result? Athena lost her own challenge.

Now, Apollo didn't see that girl ever again, which made him wonder exactly who she was. But while he was out doing some random tasks for camp, a boy with sharp blue eyes walked up to him.

"Nice day, isn't it?" the boy said. "Makes you almost want to… write a poem."

 _"Oh, very subtle, Poseidon," Athena said._

 _"You're one to talk, you just walked up to him and asked for a poem," Hades said._

"Alright, so what do you want?" Apollo asked.

"Have you thought of any new poem yet? I've heard yours are great," the boy said.

Apollo frowned. "Well, there is another haiku that I've been working on:"

 **Purchase looks sluggish**

 **oscillates, tortuous earth**

 **tomorrow, vacant.**

 _"It isn't just me, right?" Hades said. "His haikus really do make no sense at all to you all as well?"_

"Huh, well it looks like the haiku is about shopping," Poseidon said. "But the earth is vacant so… y'know, I think it's about a farmer who can't buy stuff because his harvest isn't good."

"That's a good guess," Apollo said. "But sadly, a guess only. Come back when you've truly understood what I mean to say through my poetry."

The result? Poseidon loses this round as well.

Now, Apollo was used to people telling him to quit making poems, he received quite a few death threats regarding the matter regularly, but the thing was that for some reason he had had two people come up to him and ask him for poems. Now that was weird.

And even weirder was the fact that he had never seen those people before and they just seemed to vanish after.

He had a few crazy theories regarding it- maybe they were actually gods of Olympus come to visit him. Well, if that was true, they better be thinking of how to free him and help him with all that had happened and not be playing some stupid pointless game among themselves.

And the weirdest part was that they always seemed to drop by just when no one else was around.

Like this next time that happened the very next day when he was trying paint something.

"So, do you have any poem ideas for today?" the boy asked.

Apollo glanced at him. Yup, he had definitely not seen this kid ever before. But whatever, you know, he wasn't going to disappoint one of his fans, no matter how weird they were.

"So, I've thought of this one:"

 **Today is the day**

 **OK is how it will go**

 **En route to my heart**

 _"This seems to make sense a little," Poseidon said._

 _"Yeah, but he keeps saying that there's a deeper meaning to all of his poems," Hades said._

"Uh," Zeus said as he thought of a response, "it seems that the poem is about the hope that someone will love you today?"

Apollo shook his head. "Don't take the words to mean literally what they mean…"

 _"That's what words are supposed to be for, you idiot!" Hades screamed._

Result? Zeus loses too.

And so finally up was Hades, but at this point he had basically given up on ever deciphering anything from Apollo's haikus.

Apollo however was getting rather paranoid. He had now come up with another theory- he was slowly going insane and imagining that people like his haikus! It was the only way to explain everything that was going on!

And so, when he was by a stream after having done his business and walked away to see a small kid asking him for a poem he said, "Be gone specter! I know you're not real!"

The kid pinched him and it hurt. Guess he was wrong. "Oh well, then, I suppose I could make yet another haiku:"

 **Thinks though thinking ground**

 **Hillside purchases coolly**

 **Arrogant air grasps.**

Hades didn't even try anything, he just walked away.

"Wait! Aren't you going to tell me how you liked it?" Apollo asked. He received no reply at all.

Result? Hades lost.

And for that matter, so did everyone else.

"Man, was this terrible," Zeus said back at the throne room.

"Yeah, but it was all Athena's idea after all," Poseidon said.

"I don't even think that there was any deeper meaning," Athena said. "He was just spouting whatever nonsense came to his head."

"Well that ends this round," Hades said. "And that's Athena's turn over, so now we have to wait for someone else to come up with something."

And so the other three kept tossing around ideas until they finally agreed on something that they could do. And this one came from Hades.

 _Hades' Task: Given that Halloween is around the corner, this is what the task will involve. Each of the gods must go in mortal form and in a costume to visit one of their children and ask them to guess what they're dressed up as. Their children have to answer it correctly for them to win. As always, no cheating or hinting on who they really are. And as an additional twist, the costumes that they will be wearing will be decided by the other three._

Since this was Hades' idea, he was going first.

They had all placed their ideas for costumes in a small glass bowl filled with paper slips and there were about twenty in total. Hades put his hand into the bowl and drew out a small slip that said: Strawberry Shortcake

"What? That's a girl's costume!" Hades said.

"Yeah, so you're gonna need to turn into one," Poseidon said. "I mean, after all, we're all gods here, we can handle a little shapeshifting."

"By the way," Athena said. "I didn't put that costume idea in… so which one of you three watches Strawberry Shortcake?"

"Uh, I uh, mean, no, well, it's a sort of uh," Poseidon said. "Anyway, coming to the point, how many guesses do the kids get? Three? Four?"

"Three seems reasonable," Zeus said.

"Alright, I'll be going then," Hades said.

Nico was busy scurrying around. Okay, so it was Halloween, and so everyone just had to kind of assumed that it was his holiday and all. Now, don't get Nico wrong, he like helping out with the festivities but it could just get boring pretty quickly.

And so he had decided to take a stroll to take a break when someone behind him said,

"Hello there."

He whipped around. Nico couldn't believe it- someone had managed to sneak up on him?

And it was a girl. Maybe about seven years old.

Now, there's normally nothing frightening about a little girl… but Nico was getting the creepiest of vibes from this one. Like that girl from that movie, _The Ring_.

Well, she wasn't dressed like that, she was dressed in something pink with a strawberry cushion on top and a bow as well. It didn't look frightening, but Nico couldn't shake off the feeling that there was something wrong about the whole thing. Starting with the fact that there was no one else in the vicinity and that she had somehow managed to sneak up on someone like him, who was used to sulking in the shadows.

And the thing was that she looked upset. Not that he could see much of her face, her hat seemed to shield so far much more of her face in shadow than was normal.

"Uh, what's wrong little girl?" Nico asked, his voice being a bit higher-pitched than usual. He tried not letting on how weirded out he was by the whole thing.

"Oh, it's just been terrible," the girl pouted. "None of my friends can guess what I'm dressed up as, and I worked _sooo_ hard for it. Can you tell me what I'm dressed up as?"

"Uh, a Barbie Doll?" Nico wildly guessed. He wasn't really used to the idea of costumes or the newer things that people were wearing.

The girl didn't say anything- she didn't even smile- as if her features were frozen on her face or something. Creepy. "How about another guess?"

Nico suddenly had the feeling that this wasn't a request- no, she was _demanding_ that he guess again. And so he tried to calm down and get a good look at her costume. Hmm, a pink skirt, and there was that strawberry cushion on her hat. He thought he had heard of it somewhere.

He glanced around- he didn't see any of the other campers around. And strangely enough the night was silent- no bird cries or animal sounds. But then Nico began to feel better adjusted to the atmosphere, as he felt like he had been in such a place before.

"It started with Strawberry, right?" Nico asked. "I think one of the other girls had the same costume- Strawberry Shortcake!"

The girl burst into a smile, but that didn't make Nico calm down any more. "Oh, you're right. Thank you!" She then bounded off into the woods.

"Wait!" Nico called out after her. But when he ran towards where she had been, she was gone.

As if she had just melted into the shadows.

Now, Nico spent some time searching for her and asked around about her, but didn't see her again. No one seemed to know her at all. And Will seemed to find it funny that he was so terrified of a small girl.

And come to think of it, Nico realized, he didn't think that she ever meant him harm. Huh. It was weird how somehow, deep down, he knew that.

Back at Mt. Olympus, Hades was smiling. "One point for the God of Death."

"Goddess," Poseidon corrected after taking a picture of Hades. "That is definitely going in our family photo album. You make such an adorable little sister."

The next second, Hades had transformed back and was wrestling with Poseidon for the phone.

"Calm down, calm down," Athena said. But you could tell she wasn't very happy that Hades had managed to succeed.

Once Hades had deleted the image, Poseidon decided it was his turn to take a swing at it and took out a piece of paper that said: Zeus.

"What? I have dress up as Zeus?" Poseidon said. "Okay, who's idea was this?"

"As the mortals say, 'well duh?'" Zeus said.

"Of course it was you," Poseidon said. "And this should be easy dressing up as you given how I've spent five thousand years imitating you behind your back."

"Yeah well- wait what?" Zeus demanded. Poseidon then began saying, in a very high-pitched and whiny voice,

"Oh look everyone, I'm Zeus, I'm so cool and so awesome and I have a lighting bolt that does like +60,000 damage when I hold it and I go ahead and basically hook up with whoever I want and-" Poseidon stopped and got out of there before Zeus could get angrier.

Percy Jackson couldn't believe that he was this tired given that the Halloween party had just started. He sat down in a chair and just watched everyone else as someone tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

Percy turned around. It was a guy about fifteen dressed in a white toga and wearing a laurel wreath on his head. "Hey there. Enjoying the party?"

"Yeah," Percy said. "I guess. You?"

"Well, it's been nice," the guy said. "But you know what? How about we have a game here… can you guess who I'm dressed up as?"

Percy glanced at the guy and noticed that he was holding something made of tin foil in his left hand- a lightning bolt. "That's easy man- you're Zeus."

 _"Well, it must be very obvious if even that child can tell," Athena said._

 _Zeus snorted. "Yeah, well, he isn't a very good Zeus in my opinion. I'm far more handsome to begin with…"_

"Well, hey, you're right," the guy said while smiling. Now…. where had Percy seen that kind of a smile before? "Now, I'd sure love to stick around Perseus, but I have to go."

"That's not how this works," Percy said as he noticed his friends in the other corner of the room. "You're supposed to guess what I am dressed up as t-"

He looked back at the sofa and noticed that the guy was gone. And he wasn't there anywhere else in the party. And why had he called him 'Perseus'- did Percy know that guy?

Back at Mt. Olympus, Poseidon had a wide grin on his face. "Well, it looks like I win."

Neither Zeus nor Athena were very pleased at this new development. "Well, I think I'll go next," Athena said and she drew a slip that said: Loki (the Marvel one).

"Well it could've been worse," she said to herself.

Annabeth hesitantly took a sip of the punch. You could never be too careful with the punch at a Halloween party. Never mind the obvious risk of it being spiked with alcohol or some other drug, there was always the fact that there were pranksters like Travis and Connor Stoll on the loose always mixing up stuff like ketchup in everything.

The party… was turning out to be not so great. It was getting crowded and rowdy and she could tell that Percy seemed to be tired of it too. The punch seemed fine, but she had hardly had a little taste. She wasn't entirely sure if it was safe to drink and whether or not she should bring some for Hazel, Piper and-

"If you're wondering about the punch, it looks great to me," a voice beside her said. She turned to see a woman with black hair falling to her shoulders take a glass of the punch and drink the entire thing. "See? Perfectly safe."

Now, it was these sorts of things that made Annabeth even more suspicious about the punch rather than the opposite.

And now that she looked more carefully, it seemed to be a man… or wait was it really a woman? It was a bit hard to tell… and she didn't want to offend whoever it was.

But she hadn't seen this person before- which was odd given how she knew almost everyone in both camps and she was sure she would have spotted someone who was transgender (at least she thought this person was transgender) before.

"Well, while we're here, why don't you try guessing who I am?" the person asked as he/she pulled out what looked like a curved staff.

"I'm not really in the mood for guessing games," Annabeth said. The person's voice definitely sounded feminine, so she guessed that she was a 'she.'

"Ah, but what if it's more than just a game?" he/she asked. "After all…there might be something in it for you, if not now then later."

"You're Loki I guess," Annabeth said, not even bothering to look up as she inspected the punch more carefully and decided to take a larger sip. "But I don't really- hey where'd she go?"

Annabeth looked around- she wasn't there anymore and that hadn't exactly been someone who would have been easy to miss.

Back on Mt. Olympus, Zeus was rummaging through the slips when he pulled one out.

"What is this supposed to be?" Zeus asked. It said: Kool-Aid on it.

"That's a drink," Hades said.

"But it's also the name of that cartoon, no?' Poseidon said. "The big red jug?"

Zeus shook his head. "I'm beginning to regret this already…" he muttered under his breath.

Jason looked out the window. The sun had set a few hours ago and despite it being Halloween, truth be told, he was waiting for when he could go home. It had been an exhausting day as he, Nico, Percy, and the others had helped put up the party in the first place and by now he was pretty tired. Not to mention that Piper wasn't here tonight- she had somewhere to go to with her dad. Not that he was complaining- it was great that she was finally getting some bonding time, but it did leave him alone.

And it kind of got him thinking about his own father. What exactly was Zeus doing today? It felt like their relationship was strained, sure he had saved the earth, but it always seemed like Zeus was trying to put on a tough guy act and just didn't want to show any emotion.

"Can I bother you for a minute?" a voice called out next to him. Jason turned to see a guy who was dressed up as a giant jug with a smiley face on it.

"Um, yes?" Jason asked.

"Well, nice party that you've organized here," the guy said.

"Thanks," Jason said and the frowned. "Do I know you from somewhere? You look familiar."

"Nope, never met before, you know, we're total strangers here and I've never seen you before but they were all saying you organized the party and I guess you're Jason because you know I hear all about Jason all the time," the guy said a little too quickly. "But hey, if you have some time, wanna guess what I'm dressed up as?"

"A punch bowl?" Jason asked. It was the first thing that came to his mind.

"Not exactly, I'm more of a specific character," the guy said.

Jason scratched his chin. He was sure he knew the answer to this… but honestly just couldn't put his finger on it. "Wait, you're that jug right, the um…. Mr. Kool-Aid?"

The guy smiled. "Why yes, you're right. And by the way, is that your friend Nico coming to talk to you?" He pointed out the window.

"Yeah, but wait how do you know Nico and me-" Jason said but then turned around to see that the guy was gone. But Jason didn't spend too much time worrying about him.

Because just then Nico came by him. He seemed out of breath. "The freakiest thing just happened to me. There was this lost little girl in the woods and the thing is…"

Jason listened to what Nico was saying, and the thing was that he couldn't get what the fuss was about. Now, he understood that if Nico of all people was acting frightened by something, there was probably something frightening going on, but nothing quite seemed to have happened.

"Did you see her? A little girl who was asking people what she was dressed like?" Nico asked.

"No," Jason said. "I mean, there was this guy who was asking about his costume… and it's funny 'cuz I also got the feeling that all he wanted was for me to guess his costume. I mean, it was a bit weird."

Now, Jason and Nico decided to investigate further but would uncover nothing else despite their best efforts and they decided to let it go.

Back on Mt. Olympus however, the gods were uncertain of what to do now.

"Well, that was fun," Zeus said. "But much like Athena's task, this has led us nowhere as we each have a single point in our favor now. We need a different type of task… we'll speak of it the next day however."

 _Poseidon's Task: The contestants will be sitting by a lake in mortal form trying to fish when another fisherman/fisherwoman sits by them and fishes up something. Now, it'll be designed so that the other person will get a lot of fish, but what the contestant will get will be something made by the other three and planted onto his or her hook. What the person then needs to do is try and convince the other person to trade it for a fish. If they can't, they lose._

In the spirit of how everything had went up till that point, Poseidon went first as this was his idea.

The others were currently beneath the lake that they were at.

 _"None of us are water gods," Zeus muttered. "This is stupid."_

 _"Why didn't you think of that before agreeing to this?" Hades asked. "Anyway, this isn't so bad…"_

 _"No it's worse," Athena said."You do realize that we are quite literally sitting in fish and human-" she shuddered and didn't say anything further. But she'd need a bath later.  
_

So Poseidon sat down near the lake and sent out his reel when somebody else came.

"Oh, hello," Poseidon said.

"Hey," the guy, maybe in his fifties, said.

Aside from that it was pretty quiet until ten minutes later when the other guy got a fish. And then got another one. And another one. And yet another one.

"Wow, all the luck's with you today," Poseidon commented.

"Yeah, it's weird I've never caught this many so quickly today," the guy said.

"Yeah, the gods of fishing must be with you or something, am I right?" Poseidon said. "I mean, I can't get anything."

 _"Gods of fishing?" Athena asked._

"Maybe," the guy said.

Just then Poseidon felt a tug on his line. Okay- this meant that the others were giving him something to haul in. "Wait, wait, I've also got something!"

Poseidon made a big show about reeling it in, and out came a soggy old boot. It was ugly gray and kind of looked like someone had puked on it and the water hadn't washed all the stains away. Poseidon hoped it wasn't an actual person's boot- someone who had died and Hades decided to give it to him.

"It's a boot," Poseidon said.

 _"Have fun trading," Hades said._

"Say, would you mind if I asked you something?" Poseidon asked the guy.

"What?"

"Let's say that you and me have a trade," Poseidon said. "You know… my boot for a fish?"

The guy chuckled. "As tempting as that offer sounds… I'm kind of gonna have to say no."

"Aw come on," Poseidon said. "You see, I was always gonna say that I caught a fish while fishing here and I made this whole sort of promise to my friends and I kind of need one fish, but you know, I don't want to ask you for one for nothing, and hey, I did fish up this boot in the end."

"Seems sort of like cheatin' on what you told him," the guy said.

 _"Yeah, how is that not cheating?" Athena asked. "He shouldn't be allowed to put that sob story in there…"_

"No, but I did catch something and I traded it for a fish so it seems about the same as catching a fish, right?" Poseidon said.

"Not really but tell you what… okay I'll trade you one for it," the guy said.

 _"No! No! I picked that boot off the River Styx- how is he just accepting it?" Hades asked._

"Well, but I'd appreciate if you throw out the boot for me rather than trade for it," the guy said.

"Alright, alright then," Poseidon said.

The result? Poseidon wins.

The next person to bat was Athena. A kid, maybe about five years old came near the spot she was fishing and Athena gave him a warm smile.

"My mommy says don't talk to strangers," the kid replied.

 _Poseidon's laughter could be heard which drowned out the laughs of the other two beneath the waves.  
_

The kid was getting extremely lucky with the fish though and Athena was getting bored when she felt a tug on her line and pulled out something… which was a beat-up bicycle. It wasn't very big, and actually caused her fishing line to snap so she brought it in by hand.

 _"Was that also from the Styx?" Zeus asked._

 _"Yup," Hades said._

 _"Come on, that's gross," Poseidon complained._

 _"Gross? Gross? We're sitting here at the bottom of a lake and people probably dump their effluent pipe waste in here! We are literally swimming in-" Hades said._

"Whoa," the boy said. "You managed to get a bike from the water!"

"Well, if you want you can have it," Athena said. "Just give me one of your fish."

The boy looked at his fish closely and then finally said, "Agreed!"

Result? Athena also won this round.

Next up was Zeus. He was just sitting there by the water gently humming to himself as a father-son duo was fishing next to him.

Now, as was usual the two of them were getting extremely lucky somehow and had a lot of fish piled up right next to them.

It was only after half an hour that Zeus finally felt a tug and reeled it in to get…. a wedding dress.

"This is also from the River Styx isn't it?" Zeus asked.

 _"Yeah, see, the way I see it is that I can give you guys weird stuff and also clean up the Styx at the same time," Hades said. "It's a win-win situation and kills two birds with one stone."_

 _Zeus replied back with his telepathy. "And none of you others want to be the ones to choose the items?"_

 _Poseidon shrugged. "We had to live with Hades choosing, and now so do you."_

"Hey there," Zeus said. "I see that the two of you gentlemen have a rather surplus of fish… and I do not have any but I managed to fish this wedding dress out of the water. Would you perhaps care to trade for a fish?"

The two of them burst out laughing.

"Ho-who threw a wedding dress into the water?" the son asked.

"Okay, it's weird, buddy, but I don't think that we'll be needing something like that," the father said.

"Really? It looks like your boy's coming of age soon. Given the rising cost of weddings, you could save on a dress for your daughter-in-law," Zeus said.

The kid laughed before saying, "I'm just sixteen right now man."

 _"He'd be married with two children back in my day," Hades said._

"Nonetheless, I mean, you have so many fish, certainly you can deal with losing out on just one," Zeus said. "And in exchange, even if you don't want this dress you could always sell it."

"I don't know, no one wants to buy… something like that usually…" the father said. "Sorry fella, but we're going to be getting out of this one."

 _"They just refused the god of the sky for a deal," Poseidon said._

 _"But remember Zeus, you promised- we all did- that we wouldn't go ahead and punish any mortals from this contest…" Hades said. "Not that I hold you to your promise or anything…"_

Zeus however, simply calmly got up and left. "You think me so petty as to strike against mortals for something as simple as this? No, you merely got lucky brother to win this round. I will take the next one."

 _"How surprisingly mature of you," Hades said._

Hades was up next and was staring into the water when a guy in his thirties walked near to where he was. Hades waved hello but that was about all the interaction they did.

The guy, just like the others, got extremely lucky with fishing and soon found himself with a pile of fish at his feet.

Hades on the other hand just had to look out onto the water and sit glumly when his line suddenly felt a tug and he began reeling it in.

And boy was it big… and it was an actual fish. Stuffed animal, that is, a fish stuffed animal about the size of a small bike. It was bright and orange and kind of looked like one from that movie… what was it, _Finding Nemo_?

 _"That's something that's not from the River Styx," Poseidon said. "That's all from me."_

"Look what I fished up," Hades remarked.

"What is that thing?" the guy asked.

"Oh, this, I've heard that there are schools of these things swimming below the lake," Hades said.

The guy laughed. "Yeah, in other words someone threw it out. Why would someone dump something like that into a lake though?"

"Don't know," Hades said. "Hey tell you what, you seem to have a large pile of fish there ready for ya, and I just have this plush doll. Wanna trade for one of your fish?"

"A trade?" the guy asked.

"Yeah, this entire stuffed animal for a single fish," Hades said.

"I don't know man," the guy said.

"C'mon, what're you even gonna do with all them fish?" Hades asked.

"What am I gonna do with a huge stuffed animal?" the guy asked.

 _"Point taken," Poseidon said. "By the way, that stuffed animal is mine so if you lose it and trade it away I'm charging you for it."_

"So, whaddaya say?" Hades asked.

"Sorry man, but no," the guy said. "I'll keep my fish, and you can... keep yours I guess."

The result? Hades lost.

At the end of this round, Poseidon and Athena were in the lead with Hades and Zeus lagging behind by a point each.

Now this worried Zeus. There was only one round left, and the thing was that even if he won, the only thing that would happen would be that he would either tie with Athena or Poseidon, or he would be beaten by one of them.

As such though, he supposed a tie was way better than completely losing, so he waited before announcing which task he wanted. He tried to plan it carefully so that he would have the advantage. But it was turning out to be extremely difficult, any plan that was too much in his favor was rejected by the others. And he couldn't think of one worthy enough- he was the King of Gods, and his task should definitely be difficult…

 _Zeus' Task: Each of the contestants will present a letter to a stranger, in mortal form of course, and it will be a letter designed for their children. However, it will be written by the three others. And the contestant needs to be able to get the other person to say that the letter is fine for being sent. If they can't, they get a negative point. And the contestant will have never seen that letter before._

 _And given that no one writes letters anymore, rather than that, that has been changed to being an e-mail. (Amended by Athena.)  
_

Well, Zeus, having been the one who thought of the task, was the first up.

He was just sitting in a diner and noticed that there was one guy who looked like he wasn't doing anything, so he decided to approach him.

"Hey there, you see I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time, you see, I'm writing this really important e-mail and I need to make sure it's just right, so could you just proofread it for me?" Zeus asked.

"Okay, sure," the guy said and began reading the letter:

 **Dear Jason,**

 **This is your father writing. Now, I know that times are bad for you and so I should probably start at the beginning.**

Now, Zeus found it weird that the letter was addressed to Jason given that they had made no real plan to address them to their actual children… just their children in general. Or even hypothetical made-up children.

 _"By the way, brother," Hades said. "We decided that we could've tried to make something crazy and ridiculous…. but then we realized that nothing could be crazier than the truth so we put that instead."_

 **As you know, neither you nor your sister are my legitimate children, for the time that I was seeing your mother I was already married.**

"Okay, so this is a pretty serious letter," the guy said. "And you were cheating on your wife?"

"Uh, well you know how it is," Zeus said. "I mean, me and my wife we've been married a long times, and sometimes I just can't help it."

 **And as you've also probably figured out by now, your mother wasn't the first women that I had cheated on with. And yes, there were lots of other women.**

"Oh," the guy said. "Yeah… are you sure this bit's necessary...?"

"I just you know, wanted to be as honest as possible," Zeus said.

 **And for that matter some men as well.**

"Have you considered getting yourself tested?" the guy asked. "For you know…"

"Yeah, yes I have," Zeus said.

"Yeah, not judging or anything, I'm just saying you should," the guy said.

 _"Oh, I'd love to see that," Hades said. "Zeus walks into a doctor's clinic and begins describing his 'history' to the doctor..."_

 **And I've never been really good with relationships really. I never had a good one with my dad, and I know I'm a terrible husband and father, I think that's clear enough, but I've never been a very good brother either.**

 _"That's right!" Poseidon and Hades said simultaneously._

 **But I don't think that's a very good excuse for abandoning your mother after your older sister was born, and then coming back again and then when you were born basically leaving your mom and then she had a mental breakdown and even though I never decided to take you in and left you both to fend for yourselves and didn't give a single penny of child support know that I still cared for you. And your sister.**

"Yeah, I'm gonna start judging you now, I think," the man said.

"Well, mistakes have been made, I'll agree with you on that," Zeus said.

 **And to top it all off I haven't really met with you when you would have needed me, but I just want you to know, that you may be no Hercules, but you are definitely one of my favorite children.**

"It's kind of unreasonable to expect your kid to be like Hercules, don't you think?" the guy asked. "Especially with you being a father like that… I mean no offense really, but what were you doing all this time?"

"Oh, I was uh, in the Air Force," Zeus said. "I was being sent all across the globe on various missions. Now, I would've like to visit a few times, but you know, with the schedule we had it was nearly impossible and I wasn't even sure initially where he was."

"And are you still married to the same wife?" the guy asked.

"Yeah, we've just been married this side of forever," Zeus said.

 **So don't think that I never loved you any less, Jason. And now with all of that over, I need to get to the point of my letter. You see, several years of alcoholism have done severe damage to my liver and now the doctors say that I'll need a transplant soon and I'm not exactly eligible for a donor being alcoholic, but given that I only need a small fraction of a liver I thought I'd ask you. Rest assured that you don't need to hand over to me your entire liver, just a small part of it. Do reply to me when you're ready for the operation.**

 **With Love,**

 **Your Father**

"So allow me to get this straight," the guy said. "Not only did you father him from another woman, not support him in any way, but now the only time you're contacting him is when you need an organ to be transplanted?"

"About right," Zeus said.

"Man, you are one crazy person," the guy said.

"Well in my defense my father was much worse," Zeus said.

"I have trouble believing that," the guy said.

 _"Oh, you better believe it," Hades said._

"Anyway, what do you think, I mean, is it ready for me to hit 'send?'" Zeus asked.

"Well, I think you're going to get a 'no' for a reply but you know, yeah, I guess with what you've done this is the best you can do so you might as well send it," the guy said.

"Why thank you," Zeus said with a large smile on his face.

Result? Zeus wins a point!

Next up was Athena and she was seated in a college campus and was pretending to look at something on her laptop. She then spotted another student who didn't seem to be too busy and asked him, "Hey, I was writing an e-mail… it's a pretty important e-mail and I'd like for someone else to you know, just have a look at it and see if it's okay to send."

"Alright," the guy said. "So what does it say…"

 **Dear Annabeth,**

Athena sighed. So this was going to be about one of her actual children?

 **I just recently got the news that you didn't get into Princeton. And let me just start by telling you how disappointed I am.**

"You seem pretty mad," the guy said.

 **First of all, when you born, let me tell you that I was surprised that you had blonde hair. As a matter of fact, I had trouble believing that you were actually my daughter when you were born. I still don't believe that you are though for that matter.**

"Wait a minute…" the guy said. "You doubt that you're the mother?"

"Yes, well, you see, I don't have blonde hair and she did and so that kind of raised a few alarm bells," Athena said.

"Did her dad have blonde hair?" the guy asked.

"Well, no," Athena said.

"And you're sure he's the father?" the guy asked. "I mean… I can get someone saying that they're not sure that they're the father but how are you snot sure that she's your daughter or not?"

"I think she might have been switched in the hospital or something," Athena said.

"Oh," the guy asked. "But I mean, the hair thing isn't really indicative… I mean maybe someone on your side of the family or his side had blonde hair or I don't know… but I mean if you were so sure that the hospital switched her you could just get a DNA test or something like that… but why wouldn't you raise up a point like that at the hospital?"

"Well, I was kind of disoriented after child birth and all you know," Athena said.

 **And I suppose all of that really explains why I never really liked you at all. And after the divorce I never even fought for custody of you and just left you with your father to take care of. And we know given your father that this was a pretty big mistake given that he tried to pawn you right back on off to me but I blatantly refused.**

"I'm not sure you should use the word 'pawn' here, I mean, it makes it look like you thought of your daughter as an it," the guy said. "And you didn't even ask for custody?"

"Well, no, I was busy with my doctoral thesis at the time and I couldn't really you know, handle it," Athena said.

 **But that's just the start of the disappointment train for me, isn't it? So your father remarried and well I was fine with that but then you went around complaining all the time about how your stepmother was bad and your other siblings didn't like you… you know what I found when I went to see you? A very supportive stepmother and family… I don't get what you were whining about. And truly the worst part was your ridiculous aversion to spiders.**

"Did it perhaps occur to you that she was right about her stepmother and maybe she was just pretending to be nice then?" the guy asked.

"I doubted it, she seemed like a good woman," Athena said.

"And lots of kids are scared of spiders I mean, is that really something you need to mention?"

"Yeah, well, she was completely terrified of them and told people how whenever people left there were spiders crawling all over her and of course that wasn't actually happening," Athena said.

"It looks like she was delusional or something," the guy said. "Did you ever have her checked by a doctor?"

"No," Athena said. "No, I bet she was just doing it for attention."

 **And then after that you went ahead and hooked up with a boy that you very well know whom I disapprove of and yet you still haven't broken up with him. I don't even understand what you see in him.**

 **And now, the cherry on the cake, you've gone and been rejected from not only Princeton, but any other university of note. And with that, your list of failures seems to have finally completed and the train of disappointment has finally stopped at 'I don't even care anymore' station.**

 **So I'd just like to let you know that this will be one of the last things you'll hear from me for a very long time.**

 **Your Mother**

"Okay, so you have a problem with her boyfriend?" the guy asked.

"Look, I know what it sounds like but that boy is really not for her," Athena said. "And I've slowly gotten used to it, but the university rejections really rattled me."

"You know it doesn't really matter right?" the guy asked.

"Well it did to me," Athena said. "And I work in academia so I know that's not entirely true… so what do you think? Is it ready to send now?"

"No," the guy said. "I mean, no offense lady but this is one of the most cruel and terrible letters I've seen, I mean, there is no way that you should send it. It is just bad, to be honest and I think you need to really assess your priorities in life too…"

The result? Athena doesn't get a point from this.

Up next was Hades who was sure that this round was also going to end up going terribly wrong. He found a woman who was alone and didn't seem to be doing anything so he asked her to look over his e-mail which went like this:

 **Dear Bianca,**

Oh no, Hades thought. This was about Bianca. There was no way in Hades that this could end well. At least it wasn't to Hitler though…

 **The first thing that I need to tell you, sweetie, is that I tried to get that doll house that you wanted but the thing was that I can't give it to you.**

Well, at least this starts off normal, Hades thought.

 **But it isn't as if I couldn't find one. I did find one, but the thing is that I needed to make sure that it was completely safe for my little girl so I tried playing in it and accidentally broke it and they're out of any more. So sorry there.**

Well, that was normal while it lasted, Hades thought.

"Wait, what do you mean when you say that you had to make sure it was safe? It was just a dollhouse," the woman said.

"Well, you know, you can never be too safe with kids," Hades said. "So, yeah, I had to you know, try it out first..."

 **But to make it all better, I went and got you a pack of crayons. I can only hope that you won't start eating them again like last time.**

"She eats crayons?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, the yellow ones are her favorite," Hades said.

 **I also hope that your brother is doing well. And once again I'd like to apologize for leaving the two of you in that hotel in Vegas.**

"You left them in a hotel in Vegas?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, see, the thing was that it's a long story but it was kind of necessary," Hades said. "I mean I picked them up again right after… well I mean at least it felt like 'right after' to them but you know what I mean…"

"No, I kind of don't."

 **And another thing, that dog of yours that died, you know, the puppy you always loved so much it was like you guys were practically siblings… well it didn't exactly run away, Beatrice. I kind of forgot to feed it while you and your mother were away on vacation and I didn't want to tell you that.**

"Ignoring the dog here for a second did you just forget your daughter's name?" she asked.

"Oh, no, it must have been autocorrect," Hades said. "You know how that is."

 **But the main reason that I'm writing this is to tell you that your mother and I are no longer going to stay together. I love someone else. And for that matter, I actually always have because I've actually been married to someone else this whole time. Of course your mother knew about this, but thing is that we assumed that I would eventually leave my wife but I've kind of changed my mind in that regard…**

"Wait what?" the woman said. "That went from zero to a hundred real fast. Why are you sending this through e-mail?"

"Someone needs to tell her," Hades said.

"Yeah, but why through e-mail?" she asked. "I mean, if it were me, I'd want to be told this in person… and that's what you should do you know, invite your daughter somewhere nice for ice cream, and then very slowly explain it to her. How old is she?"

"Fourteen ye-months," Hades said, as he realized that no one who was fourteen years old would still eat crayons.

"Fourteen months? She can't read then!"

"No, no sorry, I mean four years old, yeah, not fourteen," Hades said.

 _"First you forget her name, then her age," Poseidon said. "You're not exactly being a shining beacon for parenting, Hades."_

 **And also as a side note it turns out that I won't be able to make it home for Christmas, so you know, I'm sending you and your brother to live with your aunt.**

"You really need to tell these things to her in person though," she said.

"Really? But I just remembered I can't go home and I can't relay this all until I do," Hades said.

"Well, I think it's best then to wait until you do get a chance to speak with her directly," she said. "Rather than sending an e-mail."

"So you don't think it's ready to send?"

"No."

The result? Hades lost this round.

And the last contestant up was Poseidon. Now, Poseidon wasn't overly worried because now no matter what happened, he would either win or tie with Zeus and Athena.

But boy did he want to win.

"Hello there- wanna stop for a moment and- no? Okay then," Poseidon said. He was having trouble finding someone to read over his letter.

Until he found some lost-looking guy who seemed to be willing to stop for ten minutes and read over what Poseidon had been give.

 **Dear Percy,**

 **I know you've often asked me the story of what happened to you when you were seven years old. You don't seem to remember much of what happened.**

 **Well, as you very well remember… or actually don't remember after your mother and your siblings were killed by that serial killer I decided to raise you in a secluded way and that may have resulted in you becoming socially awkward and I didn't send you to school until much later.**

"You didn't send him to school?" the guy asked.

"Yeah, when he was around seven that's when I felt it was okay for him to be out of my sight," Poseidon said.

 **And so when it was finally your first day of school you went there and then your stupid friends somehow had an idea to sneak out of school and away from the path which for some reason you followed. It was then that you came upon a boat and because you were trying to prove that you were brave you decided to go and touch the boat and before I could get there some men took you on the boat and away. I tried following it but couldn't.**

"Wait, your son was kidnapped?" the guy asked.

"It'll all be explained if you'll just read on," Poseidon said.

 **I tried calling the police but the only other person who had seen the boat was a psychiatric patient in a hospital… or at least she was but she was discharged and unable to remember anything for a long time. The police couldn't get anything out of her and gave up but I decided to take it up on myself and with her help set out to find you.**

 **As for what happened to you during this time you were kept along with other kidnapped children and tried to make an escape one time but failed but then I managed to get to you in time and take you home. Sadly you were far too traumatized to remember any of the story later on, but given that you've been having nightmares and are older I thought it was better that you hear it from me.**

 **Yours Truly,**

 **Your Father**

"Hmm," the guy said. "Wait a minute- isn't this the same exact plot of _Finding Nemo_? I mean you've changed a few things but…"

 _"I didn't think anyone would realize," Hades said, surprised._

 _"Neither did I," Athena said._

"No, I mean, if you want to morph it so it looks kind of like that that's another thing…" Poseidon said. "Do you think it's ready to send?"

"I think it's better if you'd say something like this in person," the guy said.

"Don't worry, I will eventually," Poseidon said. "But until I go back I know that he needs some sort of closure so I think this will help him and put his mind at ease for now. See, I can't go and visit him for a few weeks."

"Well, yeah, I guess it's good to send then," the guy said.

The result? Poseidon got a point for this round.

And back at Mt. Olympus, Poseidon was grinning. He was the winner.

"Of course though I knew I was going to win," Poseidon said. "I mean I have all the qualities of a winner… I'm smart, resourceful, just generally awesome…"

Athena rolled her eyes.

"… and for that matter I've forgotten my best quality- humility," Poseidon said.

"You were just lucky," Hades hissed.

"Yes! I demand a rematch!" Zeus said.

"No rematches for a while," Poseidon said. "The reigning champion needs a break. And for that matter, I'd like to say that while I'm going to go and give Perseus and Tyson a visit… I think that we all should. Sure, it was not in the original agreement we came to, but if I am there visiting my children for a day I think you all should come with me."

"Why would I want to spend a day with your children and you on top that?" Athena asked.

"What I meant was that you should visit your children," Poseidon said. "I mean, it was supposed to be the prize for the winner… but being crowned the best Olympian deity is really enough of a reward in and of itself. So we should pay each of our children a visit though… I know that Zeus here doesn't like us meddling with mortals, but we can make an exception for one day, right?"

"That is your prize, not ours," Zeus said.

"Oh come on," Poseidon said. "You guys can all come and hang out with your kids. It'll be fun! And we can set up a date when we'll all go together… how about mortal New Year?"

"Fine, fine, I'll allow it," Zeus said, though he was secretly pleased.

 **A/N: And that friends ends this chapter. We will return with our normal, regular, demigods later on. As for a chapter regarding when the gods visit their children I'll have to see when I can fit that in.**

 **Now, for some interesting facts... those Haikus that Apollo read out are from the Neopets Haiku Generator, in other words they are all computer generated so don't bother looking for meaning in them. Even though some of them do seem to have meaning.**

 **Also for that matter, that mirror that Hades has is something that I read about in mythology, he basically had a magical mirror/pond where he could spy on anyone in the overworld. It was how he spied on Persephone in the beginning, and it's never been mentioned by Rick Riordan but I decided to add it.**

 **Also, I decided to do a little experiment and removed the horizontal rules from this story or at least most of them. I thought having close to sixteen of them would look untidy and I'd just try and do it without them. So tell me how you liked that and I might stop using them entirely.**

 **Thanks for reading guys.**


	51. Joker V Joker: Secret Santas

**A/N: Nice to see you all again. Thank you Artemi7, Thrawn13 (to everyone saying why that wasn't as over-the-top hilarious, simply put, those are gods we're talking about. I usually try to keep my characters, well, in character, but sometimes as you may have seen they end up OOC, but these tricks are, for the most part, stuff that I could genuinely imagine the four demigods doing, but the Olympians? No, they wouldn't engage in that. Which is also why there was no 'refuse you lose' round, because none of them could handle being given orders from the others), Verteller (well, he meant none were directly involved), ConnorPerson, Guest, WinterWind14, a-halfblood-with-attitude (I also like the horizontal lines, I'm re-introducing them, thing was that I would need about sixteen on one page for the last chapter and I didn't think that would look neat), Annabeth and Percy Jackson, SolangeloismyOTP, Luna (things I'd like to do, but I'll have to wait and see).**

 **Now, I have been accused of favoritism enough that I decided that you now what, I'll make the results random. So in this arc, everything, including the line-ups, and who wins, will be random and beyond my control. Of course, that's assuming that random number generators are truly random, which is something I think isn't true at all, but you know...**

It was kind of hard for Percy and Frank to explain to everyone as to why they smelled so bad, and so the story they came up with was that they were walking around in the woods when a skunk came. People usually didn't stick around long enough to hear any more of the story and just usually nodded understandably before dashing off.

Aside from that, the two of them had no other real problems save for the fact that for some reason, Percy's hair was dyed greenish-yellow and was falling off.

"What did you put in that stuff?" Percy asked Leo one day.

Leo shrugged. "Hey, my hair began falling off too when you guys dyed it pink! So stop complaining."

As such, Percy had now fallen on wearing a hat whenever he went around to hide the patches of hair that had fallen off.

But, such were the times, and times change, and soon enough, time for the next arc had started.

Of course, they had to wait until Percy and Frank began smelling somewhat normal before they could do this.

 _Task One: In this task, which is a Joker Vs. Joker Challenge, two contestants will go up to a person and say that the two of them had exchanged presents, and they want to know who gave the worst present out of the two of them. The 'winner' or the person whose gift is judged to be the worst will move on to the next round in a tournament fashion._

 _The original idea was to let the other two non-participants choose the gifts in question, but then this was changed to allow each of them to choose what horrible gift they were giving to each other by themselves. Only the winner of the tournament will escape having received a penalty point.  
_

Round one started off with Jason and Percy. They were each holding boxes and they found someone in the park who looked like he wasn't busy.

"Hey, can we talk to you for a minute?" Percy asked.

The guy took off his headphones and said, "Uh, what?"

"Uh, nothing, just uh, Merry Christmas," Jason said. "And happy holidays. D'ya know what, my friend and I have this Christmas tradition going- I'll try to keep this short- we each try to get each other the worst gift possible, there are some rules y'know, we don't repeat gifts and we can't give each other nothing, and we ask someone to see who wins."

"Wow," the guy said. "That's seriously messed up. I mean, that is so not in the spirit of Christmas at all."

"Yeah, it sort a weird tradition," Percy said. "It all started off in first grade, when I got him a shoe string and he got me a wad of gum for Christmas- we sort of made it a challenge after that."

"Okay, I guess I'm in," the guy said.

 _"Wow that guy turned really fast," Leo said._

 _"So what did you guys get each other?" Frank asked._

"So, this is the present that Percy over here gave me," Jason said, unwrapping it. "Let's see… oh, it's a pack of microwavable popcorn."

"And it expired five years ago," Percy pointed out.

 _"Which dumpster did you drag that out of?" Leo asked._

"Right, so an expired pack of popcorn, right," Jason said.

"That's gonna be hard to beat," the guy said.

"Well, I tried," Jason said.

Percy opened his box to see that his present was… a bucket. One that had small holes at the bottom, and was therefore, useless for storing water.

"Wow," the guy said.

 _"Okay, okay, now what you guys should do is explain why your present was the worst, and why you actually loved what you got," Frank said._

"Okay, but I got the worse present, right?" Jason asked. "I mean, I actually like what Percy gave me. I can microwavable popcorn all day."

"No, no he can't, he's lying," Percy said. "He doesn't even own a microwave, that's why I got it for him. I'm being that inconsiderate of his feelings."

 _"Wow Percy, that makes you a really nasty person," Leo said. "I like it!"_

"And the thing is I can always borrow a microwave," Jason said. "And you know how it is right, when you ask somebody for a favor, they end up liking you better? So now this'll give me the opportunity to be better friends with someone when I ask to use their microwave. Plus I occasionally enjoy eating microwavable popcorn uncooked, y'know, just the uncooked kernels. And on top of that, everyone knows that food tastes better when its past its expiry date."

The guy laughed. "That is not true."

"Oh, no, it is," Jason said. "I think it's true, and the reason that they have expiry dates in the first place is because they want to hoard all the good stuff for themselves- you know, that's why they make sure that shops can't sell stuff beyond their expiry dates so they can keep it all for themselves, it's a big conspiracy theory, I tell you."

 _"You know, Jason, now that you've said all of that, we're going to make you microwave that packet and eat it," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, definitely," Frank said._

"No, no, I mean, my present was bad, don't listen to him," Percy said. "You should never eat expired food."

"I've got to agree with him on that one," the guy said.

"Yeah, but I like my present," Percy said. "I just love this bucket, even if it does have holes at the bottom, because you know what, if I want to carry water from one place to another it might be heavy but it automatically becomes lighter over time. I mean, it's like magic!"

 _"Percy, much like that bucket, your argument does not hold water," Frank said._

"And see, look, it means that I have to take more trips to fill up water, which is good exercise," Percy said.

"Yeah, but think about it this way, even expired popcorn can be used as packing material," Jason said. "Face it, I'm a terrible gift-giver, and Percy gave me a great gift."

"Packing material?" the guy asked.

"Yeah, you know how they put those small Styrofoam popcorn-like things in boxes, right?" Jason asked. "You can use popcorn instead."

 _"No you can't."_

"I don't think you can," the guy said.

"And see, even if I don't eat it, I can always give it to the birds or a dog, right?" Jason said.

"Yeah, but this bucket has holes in it, but I can patch that up pretty easily," Percy said. "And I could fill it up with soil and plant something in it."

"Uh, yeah, you're right actually, you could grow something in that," the guy said.

"See, Jason is the one who gave me a good gift," Percy said.

"But the soil would still leak out a bit," Jason said. "But popcorn- I mean I still it's a delicacy, you know, especially since it's expired. It's just like wine- it gets better the more you age it."

"Okay, I'm gonna have to go with… uh, I think, your name was Jason, right? Your gift was more terrible I think," the guy said.

"Yes, yes!" Jason said and turned to other people in the park. "I'm terrible at giving presents! Woohoo!"

Result: Percy loses this round and Jason will move on to the finals.

* * *

Next up were Frank and Leo who were clutching their presents, looking for someone to ask.

 _"Hey Percy, these guys are taking a whole lot of time," Jason said. "So in the meanwhile, I decided to make some popcorn. You want some?"_

 _"Only if you eat it first," Percy said, looking at the bowl warily._

 _Jason chuckled. "This isn't the same one you gave me… promise. I kept the one you gave me to make you eat it in case you lose this round as punishment."_

 _"Right, then take a bite first then," Percy said._

"Oh, hey look, that guy looks depressed and is just sitting there with his dog," Leo said.

"Yeah, kind of reminds me of you," Frank said. "Let's go visit him."

"Uh, hey, can we have like five minutes," Frank asked the guy.

"Uh, why?" the guy asked.

"Well, my friend and I have this Christmas contest to see who can give each other the worst gift possible," Leo said.

"That sounds dumb," the guy said.

"Yeah, well, we want you to be the judge, y'know, your decision is final and all," Frank said.

"Well, I guess I have like five- maybe ten minutes, tops," the guy said.

"Right, so let's see why my best friend Leo got for me," Frank said and began opening his box.

 _"Is it that painting that he made?" Percy wondered. "Because that would quite genuinely be the worst present ever."_

Well, it wasn't a painting, Frank opened the box to see a cage in which there was a small, crumpled up piece of paper in it.

"Uh, what is this supposed to be exactly?" Frank asked.

"Oh, that's a pet rock," Leo said. "Y'know, they were in fashion a lot earlier, so I decided to make an origami pet rock and paint it grey so it would add a modern twist to it."

"An origami…. rock?" the guy asked.

"Yeah, but it turns out I couldn't find a way to make a rock using origami so I just crumpled a piece of paper a bit,' Leo said. "Yeah, you don't need to tell me, I'm really lazy and that was a lousy gift."

"Uh, well, do we have some sort of points system here?" the guy asked. "Like, I'm wondering, what is it that I'm supposed to be grading you guys based on? That gift is technically homemade, so I guess that's bonus points to it for that…"

"Well, I mean, there's no scorecard," Leo said. "You just need to score it based on how you feel about it… and let's be honest here, man, my gift was terrible and thoughtless and seriously speaking if you were given it right now, I'd think you wouldn't want to be friends with me at all, isn't that right?"

 _"I love this challenge," Percy said. "Because there's no way to win without losing…."_

"Of course not," Frank said. "I'll have you know that I really like this gift. I've always wanted a pet, but you know what, my, uh, apartment won't let me keep pets like a dog with me so I think this would be great. And the fact that it's homemade, just like you said, will remind me of my friendship with Leo every single day that I look at it. If you ask me, this isn't a terrible gift at all, but one that I'll keep and admire for ages to come."

 _"He's gonna throw that in the trash can five minutes after this is over, isn't he?" Jason asked Percy._

 _"Make it three minutes," Percy said._

"Right, well let's see what thoughtful gift you got me," Leo said and opened his box to see that there was a piece of paper with a link to a Youtube video on it. "Uh, what is this?"

"Oh, I made a music video for you," Frank said. "I put it on Youtube for you to see, but I should warn you that it's a terrible video."

Frank took out his phone and began playing the video. It started with Frank standing in his bedroom with his hair messed up and part of it made into braids.

"So, this is lil' Frank, y'all," Frank in the video said and began saying, "Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang,…." over and over for at least three minutes. And there was no music at all in the background, just Frank dancing (or to be slightly more accurate, angrily flailing around) while he kept saying that.

 _Now, thing was that with the angles the cameras were placed, Jason and Percy really couldn't get a good luck at what was playing, but they got a good gist of it._

 _"I don't see how that's a bad present," Percy said. "Frank, I'd pay to see that."_

"I… I hated this song," the guy said.

"Yeah, see, the thing is that _I'm_ the one who got the worst present," Frank said. "Everyone hates that song, and I know Leo really hates it, and I made it even worse. I mean, what kind of friend am I? I didn't even actually get you anything."

"Oh, come on Frank," Leo said. "This is video is amazingly hilarious. I'll laugh at it all day long."

 _"Wow, the first statement in this challenge that I think is true," Jason said._

"And anyway, this means that this a piece of art from my best bud, Frank. I can't possibly hate this," Leo said.

"Well yeah, I did think it was kind of funny," the guy said.

"Yeah, and let's be honest here, though everyone says so, nobody likes homemade gifts," Leo said. "It just means you're too cheap to buy one, you know, like I was with Frank's gift. So let's be honest here, my gift was far worse."

"Well, when I really get to think about it," the guy said and scratched his chin, looking at the two things. "I'd have to go with the pet paper rock, that really seems to be the worst out of the two of them."

Leo fist-pumped the air. This mean that he won.

Result: Leo moves on to the next round while Frank loses.

* * *

It was Leo versus Jason for the final round. Both of them were given a day to think up their next presents and then it was on.

They both shuddered in the cold- Leo couldn't exactly start a fire here and Jason wasn't too used to it anyway.

 _Percy and Frank were back at HQ, sipping hot cocoa and not eating the popcorn that Jason had left for them._

"Hey, that lady over there looks free," Leo said.

"Uh, would you have two minutes?" Jason asked.

"Um, what is it?" she asked the two boys.

"Uh, my friend and I here have a contest every year to see who can give each other the worst gift, so you know, uh, we need an uninterested third party to judge who wins," Jason said.

"That's… a very weird idea," she said.

"We won't take too much of your time," Leo said. "And your decision is final, y'know, so are you okay with this?"

"Alrighty then," she said.

"Right, let's see what I got," Jason said and opened his box to reveal a large, black, lump of coal.

 _"Well, someone was a naughty boy this year," Percy said._

 _"Yeah, can't say that Jason doesn't deserve that," Frank said._

"Yeah, see, look what I got him," Leo said. "It's a literal lump of coal! How could anyone possibly be more inconsiderate than that-"

"You know what, I just want to thank you Leo," Jason said. "Thank you for this… interesting specimen for my rock collection. I was just looking for this sort of bituminite to add to my gallery. This really helps."

 _"Bituminite isn't a word," Frank said. "But you're lying like a master."_

"So, yeah, I really love this," Jason said. "Hey, uh Leo, see what I got for you."

Leo opened up his box- which was pretty big and the moment he saw the black fabric on top it was enough for him to know what it was before he even took it out.

He took it out. Yup, it was a maid outfit. Thankfully with less frills and ribbons than the others, but embarrassing nonetheless.

 _"Man, some coal and a maid outfit?" Percy said. "You guys are really lame at thinking of new stuff to give away. I had way better ideas…. you know, like how about something original… like a baby alligator or something."_

 _"I'd actually like a baby alligator," Frank said._

 _"No you wouldn't- not once it gets big," Percy said._

Leo was clearly struggling to get the words that he had to say out of his mouth, like he'd rather be anywhere than there at that moment. "I-I uh, absolutely love this Jason. I think this is my size and will fit me perfectly. I completely and truly enjoy dressing up like this. Thank you."

 _Frank and Percy could not stop laughing._

 _"It's killing him," Percy said. "He can't keep this up."_

Leo's face had turned a dark shade of red but he was continuing, "I uh, am a bit embarrassed Jason- you're not supposed to put me out like this in front of strangers…"

"Oh, that's alright, I don't judge," the woman said.

"Yeah, so I just wanted to repeat how much I loved this," Leo said.

"And I bet you look pretty cute in it, too," the woman said.

Leo winced, he wished Frank and Percy wouldn't laugh so loud into the microphone- it hurt. Quite a bit.

"But I think that Leo's present was far better," Jason said. "After all, this is a perfect piece for my collection-"

"- no it isn't I just got it as a joke and I totally love wearing maid outfits all the time," Leo interrupted.

 _"Yeah, Leo, we have that on recording and you can bet we're going to broadcast that all over Camp," Frank said._

"Well, I'll be honest here, the lump of coal seems like it's the gift I wouldn't want at all," she said.

And so, Leo wins this whole tournament. Everyone else gets a negative point.

 **A/N: And that's all for now. By the way, last time I tried Joker V. Joker I'm aware it didn't turn out to well... your thoughts on it this time?**


	52. Joker V Joker: Masterchef Demigod

**A/N: So thanks everyone for the whole reviews. Nice to know that this turned out better than last time.  
**

 **Thanks go to Bunearybunny, Purplecow111, Sage Nicholson (well they couldn't given that wasn't part of the challenge, but y'know, that's what punishments are for), Annabeth and Percy Jackson, Verteller, Thrawn13, Artemi7 (well I kind of have to write a chapter with all of them hanging out from the last chapter I wrote of them so I'll see when I can get that done), 64Felicity, ConnorPerson (I've heard of RWBY but I don't know much about it... hope you feel better now), a-halfblood-with-attitude, writer wisher, Alice Forshadow (there's a sort of unspoken rule among all of them that they don't mess with each other's love lives too much like that, and I don't find that very realistic to write with, so sorry, that's probably never going to happen), and New-Zealands-Version-Of-Pluto.**

 _Task Two: In the spirit of the last Joker v. Joker challenge, we bring you yet another one. With similar rules, instead this time our contestants will be competing to see who can make the worst meal for each other. Added rules are:_

 _1._ _Nothing that involves poop, pee, or anything unsanitary is to be allowed or anything that the other person would be allergic to or would be a reasonable danger to eat. All ingredients should be normal things._

 _2._ _You must eat what the other person gave you, otherwise you're disqualified. Of course, it has to be a reasonable amount for this to be there._

 _3._ _Puking after eating something or after it counts as a loss._

 _As is usual, this will continue in a tournament like fashion until but a single victor remains._

Leo and Percy were both up first, and Leo for some reason had decided to wear a chef's uniform.

"You look stupid," Percy said.

"Yes, Percy, but at the very least I only _look_ stupid," Leo said. "You on the other hand…"

"Well, I'm no expert in baking," Percy said. "But I've always thought of having my own cereal brand. Y'know, after the saving the world all this time I felt like I could always make it take off, right, I'd call them 'Percy-Os' and the line would be 'Percy-Os- they're Percy-licious!' which I'd say in the commercials."

Leo snickered. "Okay, Percy, out of curiosity, are Percy-Os supposed to taste like humans, or like fish?"

"Neither," Percy said. "That line isn't meant to be taken literally…. it just lets people know that they're tasty."

 _"If you guys could, y'know, get this started, it would be great," Jason said._

 _"Yeah," Frank said. "And come to think about it… it occurs to me that even if we wanted to make good stuff for each other, we'd probably fail at it."_

Now, given that this challenge required a table for people to sit at and for them to be able to eat what each other had made, they were currently in a college cafeteria.

"I don't see anyone who looks free though," Leo said.

"No one is free in a cafeteria, Leo," Percy said. "Oh hey-look, what about that dude?"

Some guy wearing shades indoor was looking where to sit and Percy waved at him.

"This place taken?" the guy asked.

"No, but if you don't mind, could you help us sort out something?" Leo asked. "You see, my friend Percy and I have this sort of 'revers Masterchef' competition between ourselves. It works like this, we try to make the worst thing possible for each other, and then we have to try what the other made. So then we get each other to eat whatever messed up thing it is that we came up with, and the guy who makes the worst one wins."

"That sounds really messed up," the guy said.

"Yeah, we get that a lot," Percy said. "But it's hard finding a judge, so do you mind? It'll only take about ten minutes."

"Alright then I guess," the guy said. "But how do I know which one of yours is worst if I don't get to try each of them?"

"Based on our facial expressions as we eat each of them," Leo said. "Just try based on that, because a part of the game is that we have to finish whatever the other person brought."

"Yeah, wasting food is bad," Percy said. "So on that note Leo, here is what I brought for you today…" Percy took out a lunchbox and a fork. "I just know you're gonna hate this…"

He opened the lunchbox and inside was a banana. A single banana, but it was covered almost entirely with ketchup.

 _"I think I threw up a little just looking at that," Frank said._

 _"I don't want to look at it," Jason said._

"Bon appetit," Percy said.

"Wow," the guy said. "If I were you I'd seriously just give up right now, because I don't think that anything can possibly be worse than that."

Leo nodded. "Oh Percy, you do give me quite a bit of a challenge. But, it's nothing the Valdez can't handle."

However, it was definitely clear from his face that he was hating this almost as much as he hated having to say he loved the maid outfit last task, but he gritted himself and took a bite.

 _"Oohh, he really did it!" Frank said._

 _"I can't watch," Jason said. "It's just too gross, I just can't…"_

Leo looked like he wanted to puke, but then he swallowed. "Best thing I've ever had, Percy, thanks! The ketchup really completes this, y'know, and " He then patted Percy on the back. Very hard. Like he was trying to strangle Percy or something.

He then took another bite and seemed to think about quitting. But then he remembered everything that he had been through to get to this point. Was this really worse than having to dress up as a maid all those times? Was this really worse than that time his hair had been dyed pink?

And so he decided to man up and take another bite and another. He coughed and grabbed a water bottle.

"Oh, I can really see you're having trouble," Percy said. "You know, there's no shame in quitting, Leo. You can give up."

"What're you talking about?" Leo asked. "This is the best thing I've ever tasted. Look man, I don't know what you're judging this on, but let me tell you, this is actually pretty good."

 _"I think if you zoom in on his eyes, you can see him crying," Frank said._

 _"It's like being forced to eat your Brussesl Sprouts except a hundred times grosser," Jason said._

"Yeah, you don't look like it man," the guy said. "You look pretty miserable. You sure you don't wanna throw in the towl?"

"No," Leo said. "Of course not."

 _"You know, I don't think it would be so bad if all he had to do was dip it in ketchup and then eat it," Frank said. "But Percy went ahead and dumped ketchup all over it. You know, I always hate it even when that happens with my fries, I want the ketchup separate. I don't want it pre-poured all over them."_

Leo actually managed to finish half, looked like he was retching, but then controlled himself and then finished the rest of it.

 _"Wow. He actually did it," Frank said. "I'm not even mad, that's amazing in a weird way."_

 _"Yeah," Jason said._

"Well that was great, uh, Percy," Leo said, while shooting Percy a look that screamed that he wanted to burn him to ashes and would probably try even if Percy was a son of Neptune.

"Nah, I'm sure it was bad," Percy said.

"Yeah, I almost lost my appetite looking at your reaction," the guy said.

"No, that's normal," Percy said. "People usually lose their appetite after looking at Leo's face."

"Right, but my man, Percy, have I got something for you," Leo said with a wicked grin and took out his own lunchbox. "It's my turn to give you something that's absolutely horrendous."

Leo opened it up to show Percy a bunch of small, green things and then Leo pulled out a small box of yogurt. "A combination much worse than what you gave me, Percy, asparagus and yogurt."

 _"Don't some people like that?" Frank asked, confused._

 _"You've never tried it, have you?" Jason asked. "You'd understand if you did…"_

"Well, I just want to say that I don't know what you were thinking, Leo," Percy said. "I mean, this seems much more like a normal thing to bring to eat, it's almost gourmet and there's lots of veggies. I don't know how you think that this could possibly be as bad as what I gave you."

Leo just smiled. "That's 'cuz you haven't tried it yet. Remember Percy, if you don't finish it, you lose!"

"Yeah, like I can't finish something like this," Percy said. He'd never had asparagus before, but he was assuming that it couldn't possibly be too bad.

He was also pretty happy that Leo hadn't dumped it all over the asparagus like he had done with the ketchup, so that meant that he could dip it in at his own leisure.

So, guessing that there was no time like the present, he took one and dipped it in the yogurt, and spilt some of it on the way to his mouth but didn't mind too much as he took a bite.

And it was then that he had realized that he had done something wrong. These two things were not meant to be mixed together. He chewed more and began to cough. No, this was wrong, it just was.

"Nice- this was nice," Percy said weekly after finishing one. He didn't think he had it in him to finish the rest. He had eaten one, and there were seven left in the lunchbox.

Percy put in his hand and managed to stomach another one, and then knew that he was at his limit. There was no way that he could take another, let alone take six.

He hesitantly picked up the third one and ate it- this time he gagged and just knew that he couldn't take more.

"I'm sorry, I can't finish this," Percy said. "You win, Leo…" He then ran towards the bathroom.

"Looks like Percy's gonna toss the lunch monkey," Leo said smugly but then winced as he remembered the banana with ketchup.

* * *

Next up were Frank and Jason.

"So, let's go and rope someone in," Jason said.

It was a bit hard- most people sat with their friends of course, but they managed to find a girl who seemed a bit less busy than most and they explained the rules to her and she eventually agreed.

"This is some weird contest the two of you have," she said.

"Yeah, yeah, anyway, Jason, this is what I've made for you," Frank said and took out a lunchbox. "Go on, see what's inside."

Jason opened up the lunchbox. "What is this exactly?" He picked it up, it seemed to be a chocolate bowl with a flower on top.

"Oh, that's made of chocolate outside," Frank said. "But I put a special surprise on the inside for you… go on and take a bite."

 _"Ugh," Percy said, still recovering from the asparagus and yogurt. "Where… in what part of Tartarus did you get the recipe for that?"_

 _Leo shrugged. "Apparently some people think its good, but I used a different brand of yogurt I was sure that you'd be unlikely to like. And you're one to talk- bananas and ketchup? Who makes something like that?"_

Jason wasn't sure just what it was in the chocolate, but he knew that he wouldn't get his answer just looking at it and then tore a piece off. Something white and sticky oozed out from the chocolate- liquid white chocolate perhaps? It all seemed very normal to Jason, which immediately raised alarm bells in Jason's mind. There was no way that this was just a normal sweet- otherwise Frank wouldn't have given it to him.

Jason took a bite of it and then almost immediately retched. It took every single bit of his self control to not spit it out- doing that would be grounds for immediate disqualification.

"What is in this?" Jason asked.

"Oh, it's chocolate stuffed with mayonnaise," Frank said.

 _"And I thought pineapple on pizza was bad," Leo said._

"What?" the girl asked. "There's no way those two can be good together…"

"On the contrary," Jason tried to say bravely, "I have to say that the two of them go very well together. The ah, creamy mayonnaise really complements the texture of the chocolate."

However, Jason decided that he could try a plan- he'd eat the chocolate first and the mayonnaise separately. He could try this if he tried to separate them hard enough.

So what he did was take a bit off the roof of the… whatever it was called, and then put it in his mouth only to gag again. He had assumed the mayonnaise would have settled at the bottom leaving only chocolate on top- but no, it appeared that Frank had also filled the inside of the chocolate walls with mayonnaise too. Jason had no clue as to why Frank would go to such lengths…

Frank seemed to have figured out Jason game. "Didn't anticipate that I'd also fill the chocolate with mayonnaise, too, did you Jason? Because I saw you eating them separately in my head so I decided to go the extra mile and counter it…"

 _"You know, in many ways, this whole thing we do has ruined a lot for me," Leo said. "Including teddy bears. But now it's ruined food for me too…"_

 _"You're one to talk," Percy said. "I can't ever eat popcorn ever again- I keep thinking that Jason somehow managed to replace it with the one that I gave him!"_

"Wow, you look really grossed out," the girl said. "I'm kind of glad that I didn't eat my lunch before this- are you going to puke or something?"

"No, no," Jason said. "This is great. It's absolutely wonderful, y'know, I just…" He then stopped talking and took another bite, trying to pretend that he actually liked what he was eating. He wasn't very convincing, but managed to finish every single bite of it.

"And now it's my turn to show you what I made for you," Jason said.

He took a lunchbox of his own and opened it to show something… very messy and yellow.

"What is that?" Frank asked, the smile now completely wiped from his face.

"That, my friend, is a raw onion, over which I've put cheese," Jason said. "Liquid cheese of course."

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Frank said. "So, you got a spoon or anything? Or do I have to eat it with my fingers?"

Jason pulled out a thin stick. "Here, onion-on-a-stick."

Frank took it and immediately dribbled some of it on the table. This was getting messy, and Frank just knew that deep down, he would end up with all of it over his face. "Look, can I wipe off the excess cheese or something? It's going to completely ruin my outfit. And my face."

 _"Yeah, Frank, the thing is, with the outfit that you're wearing, anything is an improvement," Leo said._

"No," Jason said. "Try eating all of it."

Frank sighed and took a bite. It just tasted… so wrong. He didn't like onions normally anyway, and as he kept biting into it, it was beginning to make him cry. And given that the judging was supposed to be based on facial expressions, this was a bad thing.

After a very messy five minutes Frank had managed to finish off what Jason had given him, and with it all over him.

"Right, so this was pretty good," Frank said, while wiping away a tear and smearing his face with even more cheese. "So, who do you think made the worst one out of the two of us."

"Yeah, who?" Jason asked.

"Uh, this is kind of putting me on the spot here," the girl said. "But I'd have to go with the chocolate and mayonnaise thing, those two just don't fit together…"

And with that, Frank won, and he left to clean himself up. He got some odd looks from other people, but not many more than what Leo had got for the chef outfit.

* * *

 _"So it looks like my plan failed," Jason said. "I put an onion in there thinking, you know, Frank would cry and this would cause him to lose, but apparently I was outsmarted."_

 _"Yeah," Percy said._

 _"By the way, Percy, want some popcorn?" Jason asked._

Frank and Leo were the only two people left, and they were looking for someone to be their judge in the cafeteria. But even with the huge crowds milling about, it was hard to find someone who was alone and had time to talk to them.

Eventually though they managed to rope someone in and Leo explained the rules of the contest to him.

"So, you guys are eating stuff like mud pies or worm shakes or something?" the guy asked.

"No, no, we only use normal ingredients," Leo said.

"Well, this is a weird bonding activity for a couple," the guy said.

 _Percy snorted. "Yeah? Leo and Frank? The two of them are my OTP."_

 _Jason said, "Hey, Leo, respond and tell him that you two aren't dating… yet."_

 _"Jason, this isn't even that kind of challenge, Leo doesn't have to listen to a word you say," Percy pointed out._

 _"Yeah, but I can still do this," Jason said. "Hey Leo- if you don't say that, you're a chicken!"_

Frank and Leo both chose to ignore the other two even as they kept making 'bok-bok' noises into the microphone.

"No, no we're just friends," Frank said. "This is something we do just out of fun. So come one, will you judge? Because whatever you say is final."

"I guess," the guy said.

"Right, so let me start then," Leo said. "Uh, here's what I got for you."

Frank opened Leo's lunchbox to see there were a few scoops of what looked like strawberry ice cream in there.

And this immediately made him suspicious.

There was now way that was normal ice cream.

"What is this?" Frank asked apprehensively.

"Try it and see," Leo said with a wicked grin.

Frank took a spoon and then took a bite.

He had thought that the onion and cheese tasted bad.

Boy was he wrong.

"What did you add to this?" Frank asked. He wanted nothing more than to run to the nearest water fountain and wash his tongue with copious amounts of water.

"Oh, you know, normal stuff you put in ice cream…" Leo said. "And I may have added a bit of vinegar to it. Or to be more accurate added almost nothing but vinegar to it."

Frank almost wanted to puke.

 _"And now you've ruined ice cream for us," Percy said. "Geez Leo, what are you going to leave in our lives for us to enjoy?"_

"That sounds awful," the guy said.

"No, no," Frank said quickly. "It's actually quite tasty I…" He took another bite and pretended to smile even though it caused him to gag a little in the middle. And another. And another. Until he was all done. "All in all, a nice meal, Leo."

Frank then took out what he had made for Leo, but it wasn't in a lunchbox. Instead Frank took out one of those Styrofoam cups that you usually put soda in.

"I made a smoothie for you," Frank said.

Leo may not have known what it was in that smoothie, but he knew that he was not going to like it.

He got a straw and took one sip.

That's all it took before he spat it out. "What is this? What is this abomination?" He had given up on all pretense of pretending that it was good.

"Oh, a strawberry smoothie," Frank said. "Except I added a bit of mustard to it. And I think a bit of prune juice as well."

"And I thought pineapples and pizza was bad," the guy said.

Leo tried taking another sip, and another, but by the time he was halfway done, he just got up. "Okay that's it, I give up, I'm not taking another drop of that. I've already won one, you can have this round."

Result: Frank wins the entire round and everyone else gets a penalty point.

 **A/N: The overall result puts Frank and Leo in the lead with one penalty point each and Percy and Jason lag far behind with two negative points each.**

 **Thanks for reading. After seeing how much you guys liked last chapter I decided to do another challenge- but I hope it didn't seem too much like it was just a copy of last chapter. I might try something different again next chapter.**

 **Thanks for reading guys!**


	53. Wait A Table I

**A/N: Okay guys, thanks for your support as always, we've crossed 700+ reviews in number and that is a big deal for me.  
**

 **So, I want to thank all of you as always and answer a few questions. Bunearybunny (yeah, sorry about that, there probably won't be more chapters like that), Verteller (I actually have never heard of that before, which means that none of the Jokers know about it either. They only know stuff I know, except for Leo who knows the meaning of life but refuses to tell me), 64Felicity, Annabeth and Percy Jackson (some of them were Gross Foods from Neopets, yeah, if you've ever played the site you'll know there are a lot of them), Sage Nicholson (again, the chocolate and mayo is from Neopets, and if you'll ask them, the team that runs Neopets has said that they get most of the ideas on Gross Food based on the staff refrigerator they have in their office, if you'll believe them), Thrawn13 (Poseidon and Neptune are essentially the same so I mentioned him like that, plus he's literally called 'The Son of Neptune' in well, you know, _The Son of Neptune_ so I thought it'd be alright. And the thing with them winning is again, decided by an RNG. As a matter of fact the order in which they are taking up this challenge is also decided by an RNG. So if Percy loses more than normal, yes, that's the RNG being mean to him), Oceanpaw (I will admit to never having tried it, but I'm guessing based on other people's reactions that it isn't that good. If you like it though, fine with you), and gerky.  
**

 _Task Three: For this task, the contestants will be working as waiters in a restaurant. They will be assigned a table and this is a 'refuse you lose' round and I'm assuming everyone knows what that means by now. What they are expecting is a tip, and if you can't get a tip, you lose, and the two contestants with the lowest tips amounts (or zero) get a penalty point each._

First up at the plate was Jason.

 _"Ah yeah," Leo said. "I always remember back in school- they all said we'd get to do nothing better than serve food to other people. Remember that Jason?"_

"Leo, you're forgetting that that never happened," Jason whispered as quietly as he could.

 _"Oh yeah, stupid Mist," Leo said. "Then again, at least I was told that no one besides McDonalds would be hiring. Okay I'm pretty sure of that in that someone said it to me, but I'm not sure if you were there too."_

The restaurant was not exactly a very fancy one. It seemed more like a casual dining place than anything else, and by now there weren't more than a few tables filled.

 _"Okay, so see the table with the two guys there, you're up," Leo said._

"Hey there," Jason said. "My name is Jason and I'll be your server for today. You guys ready to order?"

"Yeah," one of them said.

 _"Hey Jason, grab a chair and sit with them," Percy said. "You know, like you're also sitting with them at the table, and then take their order."_

Jason grabbed a chair and sat down along with them. "So what're you having?"

The two of them stared at Jason oddly- this certainly wasn't normal behavior, and so Jason felt like he had to justify this.

"Oh, sorry, but I can't really stand for too long or my uh, arthritis acts up," Jason said and began rubbing his knees.

 _All three others guffawed._

 _"Are you feeling old again, Jason?" Frank asked. "Because I think there are some kids in the restaurant who you can tell to get off your lawn."_

 _"No, but you're telling me you couldn't think of a better explanation than arthritis?" Leo asked._

"Uh, okay," one of the guys said. "So I'll have a strawberry smoothie and uh-"

 _"While they're giving their orders, like, don't look at them at all," Leo said. "Just turn your head around- no wait, turn your chair around so your back's facing them and just start nodding to whatever they say."_

"Uh, yeah, just excuse me for a minute," Jason said and then turned his chair around so he was facing in the opposite direction. "Yeah, so what were you saying now?"

"Uh, one strawberry smoothie-" the guy said yet again.

 _"Ask him if he wants strawberries in it," Frank said._

"Right, one strawberry smoothie- you'll want strawberries in that, right?" Jason asked.

The other guy said, "Yeah, yeah, I think having strawberries in a strawberry smoothie would be a good idea."

 _"Just look at the looks they're giving each other," Leo said. "Hey Jason, I'm telling you this because you can't actually see them the way you're facing, but I think you should know that they both think that you're crazy or something."_

"And I'll also take a salad, and my friend here'll have some soup and a-" the guy added.

 _Percy on the other hand wasn't even listening to the conversation. He was instead flipping through a copy of the restaurant's menu that was lying around and was looking for something that he could use._

 _"Hey, Jason, once they're done with their order, ask them if they want fries with that," Percy said._

 _"Why?" Frank asked._

 _Percy grinned. "You'll see."_

"Right, I think I've got everything," Jason said once he had written it all down. "Would you like some fries with that?"

"Uh, y'know, I think I might," the answer came.

 _Percy snorted before he even began talking. "Hey- Jason, the restaurant doesn't serve fries. How'd you forget about that?"_

 _Percy then high-fived both Frank and Leo._

"Oh, my apologies," Jason said. "It seems that ah- we don't as a matter of fact serve fries. I'll have what you need in about fifteen minutes."

The two guys looked at each other, and you could clearly tell that they were confused.

Meanwhile, Jason was unsure of what he should be doing in the meantime. There didn't seem to be, at that very moment, any other customers who needed his help- they were being handled by other servers. Who were actual waiters unlike him.

He mainly just fiddled with his thumbs.

 _"This is boring," Leo said. "Let's get him to do something."_

 _"Why?" Frank asked. "What's the point? If the customers aren't watching then it probably won't even affect the tip he gets."_

 _"That's the difference between you and me, Frank," Leo said. "I know that all of you mainly go along with all of this because you want to feel victorious and laugh at the humiliation of other people… but I have far purer motives. I don't do this for the high of winning- I do this for the LOLs Frank. And that's why we should do this, for the LOLs."_

 _"I can't take you seriously if you actually say the word 'LOL' you know," Frank said._

 _"But hey, Jason," Percy said. "You know how the dishwashers must be busy washing dishes and not looking behind them? Just walk up to one and tell them that you've managed to slip in whatever they wanted into the customer's drink and that they should send you the money in cash in an unmarked briefcase."_

 _"You do know you're going to get all of us arrested one day, right?" Frank asked Percy._

 _"And after you do that, be like 'Oh, I don't know you at all. Forget about everything I just said.'" Leo added to Percy's idea._

Jason sighed. Well, at the very least this wasn't going to impact his overall performance.

He saw one guy bent over trying to get something off a plate and Jason walked up to him and whispered, "It's done- I slipped whatever it is that you gave me into his drink. I don't want to know what it is- but remember to pay me in full- all cash, and in an unmarked briefcase."

Now, to Jason's good fortune, it appeared that the guy didn't hear him, turned around and asked, "What?"

Before any of the others could ask him to repeat what he had said, Jason replied, "Oh sorry, I thought you were somebody else. Never mind."

 _"Aww… that was disappointing," Leo said. "Hey Jason! Let's-"_

Whatever Leo wanted Jason to do next was cut off as the smoothies and salad arrived.

 _"Hey Jason," Frank said. "When you go give it to them… give it to the wrong table. Like, but at a table which is near them so they can see your mistake."_

 _Percy laughed._

 _"And I mean before you do that, like really bring the tray near them," Frank said. "You know, make it look like you're giving it to them, but then at the last second just like turn and give it to another table. Like I mean, almost literally wave it around in front of their faces."_

 _"That's happened to me before," Percy mused. "Do you think that maybe there are other people in the world and they're just playing this game too and we don't know of it?"_

Jason however, had no time for Percy's weird philosophical ruminations and so approached the table, and like he had been instructed, made it look as if he was going there. It was only when he was next to the table and about to set it down that he suddenly turned around and went to another table.

 _"Great, now realize your mistake," Frank said. "But not before almost putting it at that table."_

Jason approached the other table but was immediately told by them that this wasn't what they had ordered and Jason pretended to be embarrassed and handed the order to the right people.

To his credit, he managed to maintain a straight face and apologize very believingly up till the very end. But, if you were to take the footage of this and then analyze it frame by frame, then you could see the cringe on his face very nicely.

Funnily enough it didn't seem to affect the customer's moods too much.

And Jason was back with the soup as well without much incidence.

 _"Oh, okay, you know the 'fly in the soup' joke and the 'he's doing the backstroke' thing?" Frank asked._

 _"Yeah, it's super old and the fact that you even thought of that makes you super lame," Leo said._

 _"Yeah, well, Jason's the one who's about to look lame," Frank said. "Hey Jason, ask them to ask you why there's a fly in the soup. And then make that joke, but it'll be as forced as possible."_

"Hey- there's this new joke I heard," Jason said. "This is a bit out of the things I normally say… but you know, ask me what a fly's doing in your soup."

"Uh… what is a fly doing in my soup?" the guy asked.

"I believe it's the backstroke," Jason said. Now, he tried smiling a little but the truth is that part of him died the moment he said those lines, and it got so awkward that none of the other guys decided to even mention doing something else for the rest of the deal and left Jason alone.

In the end, Jason did get a tip. A tip of $8.

* * *

Percy decided to go up next. Today, much like when Jason had been there, the restaurant had been mostly empty.

 _"Hey Percy… we have a surprise for you…" Frank said._

Percy was not pleased, a 'surprise' was never a good thing. At all.

It was then that he heard something… something very loud pull up near the restaurant. And it was then that the door opened.

Percy didn't believe what he was seeing the first time. He didn't believe it the second time either.

There was a huge guy- big enough to make professional bodybuilders run for their mommies. And it was someone that Percy had seen before- oddly enough in a dining establishment much like this one.

"Ares?" Percy asked as the God of War took a seat.

 _"Okay," Frank said. "I'm gonna be honest here- I kind of left him a message saying that if he wanted an opportunity to mess with you he could be here… but I never thought that he'd actually show up."_

 _"Yeah," Leo said. "Y'know, I've kind of asked quite a few gods to see if they'd like to make an appearance on this show, but this is the first time one of them actually did. Like, not even one of the minor ones came."_

"Uh… why aren't you Mars?" Percy asked.

"Okay, I know you're a little dumb so I'll go slow here," Ares said. "You see, if I were Mars, well, Mars has no beef with you and more importantly Mars isn't the kind of god to suddenly disappear from his duties just to mess with someone. Me on the other hand- again, on a normal day I wouldn't either, but things have been a bit slow lately. So if I was Mars, I wouldn't even be here punk."

'And what a shame that would be,' Percy thought to himself and the said, "You know what, I'm quitting. This is it."

"Quitting? Quitting what?" Ares asked.

"Uh you know, the game," Percy said.

"Oh, so that's what this is," Ares said. "I assumed when I saw you were a waiter that you either lost a bet or needed the dough. So this is one of your stupid games you play around with."

"Yeah," Percy said, pointing to the ear that he had his earpiece in. "By the way, I'm guessing Frank says hi."

"Whatever," Ares said. "And you're quitting? This is on camera?"

"Yeah," Percy said. "Because the goal of this round is to get a tip. And I know the only thing you carry around are drachmas and the last thing you paid that lady way back when was a show of your knife, so y'know, if I've already lost, I'm just throwing in the towel."

"Wait," Ares said with a malicious grin. "How about if I make you a promise that if you go through with this, I'll give you actual, hard cash? Think about it for a second…"

"I don't know…" Percy said. "What do you want anyway? It's not like you want to eat anything…"

"Just because I don't have to doesn't mean I don't want to," Ares said.

"Yeah, but this restaurant is kind of the wrong place if you wanted something really good," Percy said.

"Now, I may not know much about being a waiter," Ares said. "But I can very safely assume that right now you're being a pretty terrible one and should be fired."

Percy shrugged. "So, what's you order?"

"What's your order…" Ares said.

"What's your order, _sir_ ," Percy coughed out. He really wanted to punch Ares' face, and this had nothing to do with the aura that Ares always gave out all the time.

Ares laughed. "Okay, this might just be worth it. What's worth eating around this place?"

"…. I've heard the water's pretty good," Percy muttered.

 _"Come on guys," Leo said. "Why are we just standing around here? This is a big moment- shouldn't we be forcing Percy to do something?"_

 _"It kind of loses its appeal when he already knows who we are and what we're doing," Jason said. "And what if we say something that really makes him mad and he nukes us or something? I mean, Mars wouldn't but I don't know much about Ares…"_

 _"Uh, he wouldn't nuke us, he's kind of used to banter," Frank said. "And I think Percy's managing to mess up things pretty nicely anyway…"_

"By the way, tell your crew that I can hear what they're saying," Ares said. "A good bonus to being a god is having great hearing."

"I guess it is," Percy said. "So, in all seriousness I'd suggest the ice cream-"

"Ice cream?" Ares asked. "Do I look like the tooth fairy to you?"

"Actually I would be under the impression that the tooth fairy would disapprove of eating ice cream as it harms your tee-" Percy said.

"Runt, get me the best steak you have," Ares said. "I'd also order you to kill it fresh with your bare hands, but I'm assuming you're too much of a sissy to do that. Now don't keep me waiting…"

Percy went back to the kitchen and relayed Ares' order. He was pretty sure that Ares still wasn't going to tip him for this in the end.

But lo and behold, Ares actually seemed to enjoy what had been made for him. Reasonably at least.

And for the tip? Percy got $16.

 **A/N: Thanks for reading. I'd like to ask you guys a question- in the original show, a big draw of it is seeing the guys laugh back at HQ when a challenge is going. Now, I do mention it, but it's hard to capture with writing, and I can only really think of a few synonyms for 'they laughed' before it gets boring. And I'm guessing most of you either imagine the guys laughing when there's something funny anyway, or you don't care for me to mention it like after every single joke. What's your take on it?**

 **And before anyone asks, yes, the tip amounts have also been generated by the almighty RNG from between 2-20 dollars which I thought would be a reasonable range. So I'm in control of not who wins, but only the lines really.**


	54. Wait A Table II

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews as always and I'm going to try and answer any questions you guys posted.**

 **Thanks to Verteller (yes, I know those exist and they're very easy but even they become exhaustive at one point and I don't know if I want to open up a thesaurus every time I want to write), Bunearybunny (okay, Ares was kind of a gamble from my side), procrastinatingmushroomfangirl, DreamToBeADemigod (hope you didn't scare your dog too much), Sage Nicholson (I can try that but then i have to write the characters drinking first), Guest (a pertemis friendship chapter? I mean I wouldn't ship the two of them, but as a friendship chapter, just maybe. But I haven't even put any gods in here as of yet except for Ares and Artemis is kind of busy so it might be really OOC for her to visit Percy, but maybe it could be a random encounter), master, Thrawn13 (yeah, I know of course you guys must be assuming it but at the same time it's necessary to write it to drive the point home I think at least), MrAppocolypse (sadly I wrote this chapter before I read your review, I mean, I read it before but then forgot about it, so uh, yeah but that was actually a good idea), 64Felicity, Annabeth and Percy Jackson, flamedragon12, Guest (yeah, you see, I also think that if Ares was completely in character he would've walked away and left Percy with nothing, but the problem is that I sort of made a deal with myself that I would let the RNG dictate the outcome for this entire story arc just to see how it would turn out and part of the limit for this story was that the RNG is set to 2-20 so I couldn't have Percy walk out of the challenge which would've been logical or have Ares give him nothing), and a-halfblood-with-attitude.  
**

Now, the next person who decided to go up was Leo.

And the thing is, the moment that he saw the table he was given he knew that he was gonna have a hard time.

For one, this table was crowded. There were a total of eight people sitting there- three woman and five men, which was way more than what Percy and Jason had gotten. Furthermore, they all had a weird look about them… and Leo immediately assumed that they were huge jerks especially given how the other staff seemed to steer clear of them and look at Leo sympathetically he was beginning to think this was true.

Oh, well, Leo thought. Nothing to it but to do it.

The first thing he noticed was that one of them was sleeping in his chair, and secondly that there was a women who was munching on a packet of chips. Leo knew that he wouldn't remember their names, but decided to ask anyway out of politeness.

He had been right. Just a few seconds and he already didn't know who was who.

 _"Leo, remind her that there's no outside food allowed," Percy said._

"Um, excuse me miss, but there's no outside food allowed," Leo said.

The woman kept munching on the chips and from what it looked like she had heard Leo but didn't bother putting the food away.

 _All three of the others were laughing._

 _"Wow, Leo, it's like you have no authority at all," Percy said._

 _"Yeah, but then again, Leo asking someone to obey the rules is kind of, well, you know, odd," Frank said. "I mean, I know if Leo came up to me and told me to obey the rules, I'd just ignore him too."_

 _"Hey Leo, say it again," Jason said._

"Uh, excuse me again, but I think I just said that there's no outside food allowed," Leo said. "I'm going to need you to put that away…"

"Are you our waiter?" one of them asked.

"Uh, yes," Leo said.

The woman still hadn't stopped in case you were wondering.

 _"Leo, say it again," Frank said._

At this point Leo was getting embarrassed at having said it so many times and so he cleared his throat and said, "I'm sorry, but no outside food or drinks are allowed."

The woman didn't stop, but another woman with dark blue highlights piped up, "Uh, well, my friend here was just a little hungry and needed something to keep her mind off of things, if you don't mind."

"Okay I guess," Leo said, not wanting to press the matter further. "So, I will be your server for tonight, my name is Leo."

Immediately, all of them began talking at once.

The woman who was munching on her chips began saying, "I'll have a taco, a plate of fries, a bowl of ice cream, and a salad. And make it quick please."

The woman with blue highlights whispered something to the man sitting next to her- maybe they were a couple? "I'll just have some fries and my friend here would like a strawberry smoothie."

The tallest man there asked, "Can I get my bill separate from the others? I only want to pay for _my_ share of the food."

"Uh, wait, wait," Leo said as he reached for a notepad. He hadn't thought that he'd actually have to use it.

 _"You know, this is looking like one of those challenges where we don't even have to do anything," Percy said. "Like, Leo'll just mess this up by himself."_

 _"Oh Percy," Frank said. "When have we ever encountered a situation that we couldn't make worse?"_

Leo hastily scribbled everything down. He looked at the guy who had been sleeping and he was still dozing off.

"I wouldn't bother him if I were you. He can get really cranky when he wakes up."

 _"Leo, go and find like a feather or something and rub it under that guy's nose," Jason said._

"Uh, well, I think it's a bit of a shame if he came all the way here and didn't even bother to order anything," Leo said. "I'll go fetch something to try and wake him up."

Leo couldn't find a feather, of course, but he found a feather duster in about five minutes and then used it to try and wake the guy up.

No response. None at all. The guy kept on snoring away.

 _"Now that is a deep sleeper," Frank said._

 _"Yeah, it sort of reminds me of one of the roommates I had once who was a_ really _heavy sleeper," Percy said. "He fell asleep at a party once and then we drew on his face."_

Oh well, at least he wasn't annoying Leo like the others.

"It's been five minutes! Where's the food?" the woman who was now finished with her chips hollered.

"My friend would like to know if your smoothies have raisins in them, he doesn't like raisins," the woman with the blue highlights said.

"By the way, how long are the noodles in the spaghetti? Because if they're too short then they remind me of worms and I don't like that," another man asked who had been looking at Leo with a stern expression.

"Uh, I'll be with your order quickly, sorry for the delay," Leo said. "The smoothies do not have raisins in them." Leo sincerely hoped that what he was saying was true. "And the noodles are long enough, I think, that they will not remind anyone of worms."

Leo then huddled back towards the kitchen and with there being so many people, he was called on to get an order almost every other minute. And boy was it exhausting, especially with him having no experience with this sort of thing and accidentally spilling stuff.

"Whoops! Sorry!" Leo apologized for the third time as he dropped a bit of the smoothie onto the table and tried as fast as possible to clean it up.

The guy who for some reason wasn't talking at all took the smoothie and didn't look directly at Leo for some reason.

 _"Is he really that socially awkward?" Percy wondered._

 _"Or does he not like waiters?" Jason added._

 _"No, no," Frank said. "He clearly just doesn't want to talk to Leo. Let's be honest here, Leo is very off-putting and people do usually tend to try and avoid him. This really isn't anything different from what normally happens to Leo I guess."_

"Uh, my friend would like an order of fries," the woman with the blue highlights said to Leo. "And I'd like a strawberry smoothie too."

"Okay," Leo said.

"And another order for me," the woman who had been snacking on the chips earlier said. "Come to think of it, just get one more of everything that I just ordered. And the spaghetti looks nice, so get me one of those too."

The guy who didn't talk much spat out his smoothie and then nudged the woman with blue highlights and pointed towards his smoothie.

"Uh, my friend would like to point out that he asked for a smoothie without raisins in it, and this one has raisins," the woman with blue highlights said as she noticed the raisins in the smoothie.

'Then why doesn't your friend just say that himself?' Leo wanted to scream but kept confined to his head.

 _"Then why doesn't your friend just say that himself?" Percy shouted and shook the screen._

 _"Yeah, and Leo, you're being a terrible waiter when someone specifically told you not to put raisins in it… what if he was allergic or something?" Jason asked. "Did you ever stop to consider that? No, you only think about yourself."_

"Alright, it must have been a mistake," Leo said. "There are a lot of strawberry smoothies being ordered around here and your order might've gotten mixed up."

"You can put raisins in my smoothie though. Come to think of it, put double the number of raisins in my smoothie."

"Does the cake have nuts in it? I don't like nuts."

"That sounds good, get me a piece of cake too."

"Excuse me, I just want to make sure that my stuff is being billed differently from the others."

"Make that two orders of fries, actually."

"My friend would like another refill for his soda."

"Do you think we should maybe wake him up by now?"

"Okay, alright," Leo said, trying to keep track of what everyone was saying. Of course, he was supposed to write it down, but being dyslexic he had never been good at that. As such, he doubted whether or not even Frank could read what he had written.

Come to think of it, not even Leo could read what he had written properly. It all looked like a bunch of squiggles even to him.

 _"Hey, before going, just start talking to the food," Frank said. "Like, have conversations with a fry or something."_

As it can be imagined, the customers stared at Leo oddly as he bent over to the smoothie with raisins to take it away but then began whispering, "Don't worry if he didn't want you- we all know you're a wonderful smoothie and one day you'll find the person just right for you."

Leo then went over to a plate of fries and said, "Hope you have a nice _Fri-_ day."

 _"That joke..." Percy got out between hysterical chuckles. "...was so bad...like really so bad..."_

Leo then left to go relay their orders.

 _"Hey Leo," Percy said. "When you're going behind them, I want you to make funny faces behind their backs."_

"Wait… what counts as a 'funny face?'" Leo asked.

 _"Do you remember that time when Percy bit into that apple and found out it wasn't an apple but was plastic? Make faces like he did," Jason said._

 _"Why do we have to bring that up all the time?" Percy asked._

And so Leo began making weird faces behind their backs. Thankfully none of them turned around to look at him, but another waiter did see Leo and stared at him oddly wondering what he was doing.

 _"You know Leo, if you were actually working here you'd probably be fired by now," Frank said. "And that's given that we haven't really even asked you to do that much."_

The next ten minutes were a whirlwind of activity for Leo as he went and forgot most of the orders and/or mixed them up as he brought them to the table. And the thing was that these guys were never satisfied.

"Excuse me! I wanted my cake without nuts in it, and this one has nuts in it!"

 _"Again Leo, what about allergies?" Percy asked. "You know, you could really harm someone like that."_

"Um, my fries and shake haven't arrived yet!"

"You know, I think these spaghetti noodles are a bit too long actually, but no problem. Oh, what she's having looks good- get me one of those."

"My friend would like a slice of chocolate cake, and I'd have some butterscotch please."

"Right, right," Leo said through gritted teeth. His notepad looked like someone had just painted all over it with black ink.

 _"Wow, Leo looks pretty close to breaking," Percy said._

 _"Yeah," Jason said. "He looks like a guy who's just about to scream 'I quit' and leave."_

 _"Oh, I've always wanted to see someone do that, y'know, have a full meltdown in public," Frank said. "Hey Leo, why don't you quit?"_

 _"We can't ask him to do that," Percy said. "C'mon Frank, you're the one who made up these rules, we can't ask him to go ahead and literally quit the challenge."_

 _"Oh right," Frank said._

As Leo walked away he noticed that the guy who had the woman with blue highlights tell all his orders whisper something to her, which meant that he could talk, he just wasn't talking to Leo for some reason.

Leo's performance was deteriorating exponentially with time. He was now dropping and/or spilling stuff more often than not.

And the thing was that these people just weren't leaving. And they wouldn't stop demanding things every two minutes.

"Can I have another round of everything I just ordered again?"

"My friend wants to know what are your options in wine? This list seems a bit limited, is that all there really is?"

"I'd like some mashed potatoes, but can you just make it so that they're not too smooth, because like then they'd look like ice cream and I don't like looking at ice cream because I'm lactose intolerant."

"Yeah, that sounds good, get some ice cream for me too."

"My friend also wants to know whether or not you serve pecan pie. Come to think of it, I'd like some too."

And this went on forever and ever in an agonizing circle.

Leo sighed. This was just like summer school.

Until finally, at long last, everything appeared to finally be done.

"So, about the bill… and I'd like mine separate please!"

And it was then that Leo brought the bill over, but somehow, when he placed it on the table a bit too loud, the guy who had still been snoozing woke up at the sound.

That's right, the guy who up till now had slept through everything suddenly woke up at the sound of Leo slamming the bill too loudly.

"You guys haven't started ordering without me, right?" he asked wearily as he took everything in.

"Of course not," all of them chimed in.

"Yeah, that would be just rude," the woman with the blue highlights said and quickly shoved the bill out of sight and winked at Leo,

"Get me a shake and some pasta."

"My friend would like something light, you know, so make that two sets of fries."

"Please do make sure to keep my bill separate from the others- I only want to pay my share."

"Strawberry smoothie. Extra raisins please."

 _"Wow," Frank said. "And poor Leo thought that it was all over."_

 _"I think his sneakers caught on fire for like a second there," Percy said._

All of it was over this next time and Leo managed to get $14 as tip.

* * *

Now the last one up was Frank. And for his part of the challenge, for some reason they had changed the restaurant. Frank had no clue why that was, and all the others told him was that it was necessary for his new role.

That could not mean anything good.

Frank's table had a lone middle-aged man sitting near it.

"Hello, Ill be your server for today," Frank said.

Nothing weird happened which was something quite weird for everything that had gone up till here.

 _"Tell him that there's a new experiment you're doing," Jason said._

"There's a new experiment we're doing here, would you like to hear about it?" Frank asked.

 _"Tell him that this restaurant trains animals as waiters," Percy said._

And it was then that Frank finally realized why they had changed venue to a restaurant that was zoo-themed. And he knew what was going to happen. "This restaurant is trying to train animals as waiters as part of the gimmick," Frank said.

 _"One of which is a panda," Leo said. "Ask him if he's okay with a panda bringing him his food."_

"One of which is a panda," Frank said. "You okay if maybe the panda brings you your food."

"Aren't they threatened and isnt' that illegal?" the guy asked.

"Yes," Frank said.

 _"It's actually an animatronic," Jason said._

"It's actually just an animatronic," Frank said.

"Well, I don't see why not then," the guy said.

And what followed, was, of course, Frank going behind doors and turning into a panda and walking out with a tray balanced precariously in his hands.

 _"Wow, that is actually adorable," Jason said. "You know, we could make this an actual idea. I bet people would pay loads of money for something like this."_

The guy seemed surprised at how real-looking the panda was.

That was all that Frank had to do really, and he got a tip of $11.

 **A/N: Jason and Frank got the lowest tips, and both get a negative point each. Cumulative scores are Leo in the lead with only one negative point, Percy and Frank with two negative points, and trailing behind is Jason with three negative points.**

 **So, thanks for reading everyone. And if anyone thought there were similarities between those eight people and another certain group of seven people at a diner fanfic, well, maybe I borrowed a little bit.**

 **Anyway, about the 'they laughed' debate I took in all your views and I think I'll limit it a little but still want to project it from time to time.**


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